BQB and the Meaning of Life – Part 17 – Darn Tootin


Good God, do I have to spoon feed this to you people every day?  Read it!

Read Parts 1-5

Read Parts 6-13

Read Part 14    Part 15

Part 16

“I had all these devices plugged into the same outlet,”  Vicky said.  “And I like my jelly donuts warm so I nuked it for a few seconds.  The next thing I know, a damn hurricane blows into my house, passes through the microwave, and into my jelly donut.”

“Wow,”  I said. 

“You don’t believe me, do you?”  Vicky asked.

“You have no idea how much I believe you,”  I answered.  “Then what happened?”

“The jelly donut grew to about six feet tall,”  Vicky said.  “And it was there, looking all big and delicious so…this is so

According to Dr. Goetleib, crapping out a concentrated hurricane once eaten in the form of a jelly donut is a lesser known condition.

According to Dr. Goetleib, crapping out a concentrated hurricane once eaten in the form of a jelly donut is a lesser known condition.

embarrassing.  I ate the whole thing.”

“We all lose control now and then,”  I said.

“I don’t want to get into the specifics, but let’s just say that hurricane wanted out!”  Vicky said.

“I have a hunch where it came out,” I said.

“Darn tootin’!”  Vicky said. 

Her face turned red. 

“No pun intended.”

“And that’s how you died?”  I asked.

“Right on the crapper,”  Vicky said.  “Just like Elvis.”

“I’m sure that was very traumatic,”  I said.

My mind was racing.  I wanted to tell her about my similar story, how I died on the toilet after passing concentrated lighting I ate in the form of a cherry toaster pastry.  Alas, my bad experience with Blandie had left me too afraid of sharing personal details about myself with the opposite sex.

“So I wake up,”  Vicky continued.  “And I’m dressed like a flapper and I’m standing in a 1930’s speakeasy.”

My head was about to explode.

“Nixon was there,”  Vicky said.  “And the Big Bopper and Gahndi.  Oh, and speaking of Elvis, he was there too!”

“Cleopatra?”  I asked.

“No,”  Vicky said.  “I didn’t see her.  But the waitress was a deceased female celebrity from my generation who died too soon.  It was really nice to see her again.”

“Interesting,”  I said.

“And Steve Jobs was there,”  Vicky said.  “He was assigned to be my spiritual adviser.  He told me that as a computer expert, he believed my video games showed great promise and I never should have quit.”

I just sat there in stunned silence.

“And then, get this,”  Vicky said.  “Steve tells me that I’m getting a second chance,  that I need to find the meaning of life and if I do, I’ll get a brief moment of contentment.”

“Just a brief moment?”  I asked.

“Yes,” Vicky said.  “According to Steve, humans are very selfish.  We’re never happy.  We always want more.  A brief moment of contentment is all we can ever hope for before our internal desires kick in again.”

“Heavy stuff,”  I said.

“Tell me about it,”  Vicky said.  “I’m just happy to be alive again.”

Suddenly, it dawned on me how I was sent back to the land of the living.

“Dumb question,”  I said.  “But that waitress…she uh…she didn’t kiss you, did she?”

“No,”  Vicky said.  “I don’t swing that way.”

“Oh,”  I said.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

“But I totally got to make out with Elvis!”

Will the nerds ever make it to Pango Tango?  Keep reading BQB and the Meaning of life (because someone has to).

Copyright Bookshelf Q. Battler (2015)  All Rights Reserved.

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3 thoughts on “BQB and the Meaning of Life – Part 17 – Darn Tootin

  1. sledpress says:

    Strangely, I eschew jelly donuts, toaster pastries and all such confections, but I could swear I must have eaten one of those once.

  2. […] VGRF had a similar experience with a Lightning Infused Jelly Donut. […]

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