Monthly Archives: April 2020

BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Coffy (1973)

Oh, young Pam Grier, where have you been all my life?

BQB’s corona movie marathon continues.

Like most Gen Xers I was first introduced to an older Pam Grier in Tarantino’s 1990s followup to Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown.

Pam was no slouch then but damn, in the 70s? Holy crap on rye, hold the mayo, 3.5 readers. I am no left with no choice to go through her entire movie catalog.

Coffy is a nurse by day and by night, a bad ass vigilante mama. At the start of the film, Coffy has tracked down a drug kingpin and a pusher and, while posing as a prostitute willing to do anything for a fix, gets the upper hand and cooks these fools, thus securing revenge for her little sister, who these bad hombres got hooked on heroin.

Its all over. She’s managed to get off scot free, no repercussions for taking the law into her own hands and for awhile it looks like she’ll have to figure out how to live a normal life again while what she has done eats away at her conscience.

She’s dating city councilman Howard, who comes across as a man who wants to help the little guy, though she suspects he might be corrupt.  Meanwhile, she pines for Carter, a straight arrow cop.

When Walter is attacked by corrupt cops who fear he will turn them in, Coffy uses her vigilante skills to go down the rabbit hole of posing as a prostitute, deep undercover in the seedy criminal underworld, taking out a pimp and his associates, working her way up the food chain until she finally takes out all those responsible for the attack on Carter and naturally, she’ll have to make some hard choices along the way.

On the surface this sounds like a great plot for a film, but unfortunately, like many 70s flicks, it suffers from a lot of choppiness. But it makes up for it with heart and well, if I’m being honest, titties. Coffy’s gratuitous titties are the true stars of the show, and she uses them to lull many a criminal into a false sense of security right before she gives them the old deep-six.

Its funny that Tarantino built his career on bringing 70s filmmaking style to the 90s, seeing as how even by the 90s, a lot of these cheesy 70s flick weren’t up to industry snuff, but if you get get past the bad dialogue and at times, scenes that look like they were made by student fllm makers, you can have fun watching Coffy as she delivers expletive laden soliloquies, explaining to each crook what they done wrong just before she blasts them.

Did I mention there are boobies?

STATUS: Shelfworthy.

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First Draft of Toilet Shocker Complete

I finished my first draft of Toilet Shocker, the sequel to Toilet Gator.

I began writing Toilet Gator in early 2017 and it is currently with my editor, keeping my fingers crossed that it will be out this year.

I began writing Toilet Shocker last July, and just finished the Epilogue today. It comes in at over a whopping 200,000 words, which I understand is a ridiculous length, and perhaps I do need to think in the future about scaling back my plots, the multitude of characters and all the moving pieces.

Anyway, it was nice to get the first draft done. Even so, there’s still a lot of work to do in polishing it up, but you can’t build a house without the foundation.

How to describe the plot?  In Toilet Gator, there were two supporting characters, Moses and Felix, ex-Marines who opened a gun shop in South Florida. The hero, Police Chief Cole Walker, enlists them and their arsenal of weaponry in defeating the toilet gator.

After toilet gator was complete, my mind started to wander to the multitude of other aquatic creatures that could attack people on the toilet, and electric eels seemed pretty funny. Better yet, what if a mad man somehow figured out a way to get his eels to hold its targets hostage, biting their butts and promising to deliver a deadly electric shock if the eels’ operator does not get his way?

I know. I probably could have put this time and effort into writing a serious work. Actually, I couldn’t. Give me the most serious World War II story to work on and I swear, it will be full of fart jokes by page 10.

Anyway, Moses and Felix become the heroes of this story, for, as it turns out, someone in their old special ops unit wants revenge, and has unleashed his eels on the butts of his former marines, now private citizens, threatening to shock them unless he gets want he wants.

I smell Oscar.

toilet shocker demo

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Risky Business (1983)

Sometimes you just have to say fuck it, 3.5 readers.

Those cool dude sunglasses. That blazer and black shirt over a pair of jeans. That cigarette dangling from the lip. It’s so rare that a young actor’s first big role becomes his most iconic role, but all these years later, any good Tom Cruise impressionist will adopt that costume as part of their act.

Funny, I had never seen this one before and of course, the corona lockdown is giving me time to check out a lot of flicks I otherwise had never gotten around too.  Now that I’ve seen it I think – Top Gun, Mission Impossible, a lot of other big movies that I’m forgetting about at the moment, Cruise has done it all but this seems to be his greatest film.

It’s the early 1980s and straight laced high school senior Joel is such a good doobie. He’s an A student, a member of every club and he’s been diligently applying to big name colleges.

His world changes when his parents trust him enough to be on his own when they go on vacation. At first, it’s a chance for a young man to get his first taste of freedom. Joel raids his parents’ liquor cabinet and slides across the hardwood floor in his socks while cranking up Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock n’ Roll, a famous scene if there ever was one.

Naturally, Barry also invites friends Miles and Barry to come over and hang out. Barry (Bronson Pinchot of Cousin Balky from Perfect Strangers fame) is similarly straight laced while Miles (Curtis Armstrong of Booger from Revenge of the Nerds fame) has managed to find the balance that we all need in life – i.e. somehow he has found the ability to be chill and not worry while still bringing in those great grades that will get him into Harvard.

Long story short, Miles pranks Joel by inviting a prostitute to Joel’s home. Said prostitute turns out to be a man in woman’s clothing (or, according to 2020 rules, a woman!) but Joel, not being into that sort of thing, thanks his visitor for his (in 1980) or her (in 2020) time and sends said person on their way.

Before she leaves, she turns Joel on to a friend who would be more to Joel’s liking – Lana played by Rebecca DeMornay.

Joel goes gaga for Lana and from here, he spirals down a rabbit hole of seediness and depravity, trying to keep his straight laced high school career going while also delving head first into debauchery.

Throw in the convenient destruction of his dad’s car (in 1980s teenager comedies, destroying your father’s car was literally the equivalent to the end of the world) and Joel needs money.  Coincidentally, Lana needs a place for her and her friends to peddle their wares after a falling out with their pimp, Guido (a young Joe Pantoliano with hair.)

Joel’s parents’ house gets turned into a brothel, Joel becomes a teenage pimp and the rest is history.

For a film that’s silly and unlikely at times (I don’t think anyone in suburbia could be this brazen about running a prostitution scheme without ending up in the clink), there are some deeper themes.

The three that come to mind are:

1) How your choices in high school really do impact the rest of your life, which seems absurd as everyone is so young and these kids don’t know squat about the world, but a bad grade on a test here or not joining a club or something can throw years of work right into the trash and prevent entry into a top college – this whole process is parodied well and

2) Trust – Joel’s parents trust him not to wreck the house or do anything bad while they’re gone and this weighs heavily on him. Joel trusts Lana and the line is often blurred because its hard to tell whether she’s rolling the kid or if she genuinely likes him.  Somehow, we all have to learn to trust people even though this means you put your life into the hands of another who could burn you and

3) Taking risks (risky business) i.e. if you don’t take a risk, you won’t gain anything.  Conversely, if you don’t take risks, you won’t lose anything, but will you gain anything worth losing?

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. A lot of actors in their youthful prime here. Tom, obviosuly, but also DeMornay.  Booger and Balky didn’t go on to super stardom but they weren’t slouches either.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)

The bad news is the coronavirus is causing worldwide devastation.

The good news is I’m catching up on my movie watching.

BQB here with yet another classic movie review.

Ever since I saw Escape from New York (and more recently, They Live) I have become a fan of John Carpenter films. This is ironic, because though his Halloween is the film that started the slasher movie craze, the original Halloween doesn’t seem like it really holds up when it comes to plot, at least IMO, but at any rate, They Live, Escape from NY and this film are all good.

The plot? Ethan Bishop (Austin Stoker), working his first night out as a newly minted police lieutenant, is recruited to stand watch over a rundown police precinct in a crime ridden neighborhood during the building’s last night of operation. The precinct is slated to be closed permanently the next morning, so Lt. Bishop is the only cop on scene.

Mr. Lawson, a father who loses his young daughter to a terrifyingly violent street gang, fights back, only to be marked for death. He seeks shelter at the station and the gang, seeing the precinct is poorly defended, begin to lay siege.

Bishop’s only backup includes secretary Leigh (Laurie Zimmer, playing against old fashioned female stereotypes as she looks quite comfortable wielding a six shooter), and convicts Napoleon Hill and Wells (Darwin Joston and Tony Burton, who later went on to play Rocky’s trainer, Duke, following the passing of Mickey.)

Unlikely allies, the convicts, stuck in the station’s cells due to a prison transfer gone awry, realize they need to help Bishop because the gang plans to execute anyone inside the building, no questions asked. Bishop, no fan of law breakers, realizes he’ll have to trust the baddies because he can’t take the gang on by himself.

It’s a short film, only 90 minutes long and it cuts to the chase quickly.  An early scene where Lawson’s daughter is killed is horribly gruesome and something that shocked me as I don’t think you’d see a scene like that in a movie today.

Sidenote – the 1970s were kind of a wild west time period for film. The 1950s and 1960s mostly gave us films that were glorified stage plays, heavily scripted and nothing that you wouldn’t take your family to see if it were showing on Broadway. Filmmakers rebelled against the old norms in the 70s, sometimes bringing us cinema gold but often going way too far. By the 1980s, the movie rating system reigned a lot of it in.

Anyway, when you see the ice cream truck, you might want to just fast forward it a little while. I wish I had. Just assume Mr. Lawson has been wronged.  No need to see why.

STATUS: Shelfworthy. I think it was available on tubi or some such nonsense.  There is a 2005 remake which I remember as being decent but I don’t remember enough about it to make a comparison.

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Movie Review – The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)

BQB’s classic movie marathon, as inspired by the coronavirus, continues, 3.5 readers.

Before the 2009 remake, there was the original. Both are good and now, after seeing the original, I can see how the remake stayed somewhat true to the source material while updating for the modern age.  Yeeh, hard to believe the remake was 11 years ago.

Anyway.

I have a hunch that Quentin Tarantino must have been a fan of this movie, for, just as in Reservoir Dogs, it too features a band of gun wielding crooks who have to deal with their own wild card.

Here, the crooks are led by Mr. Blue (Robert Shaw) an ex-British military man who became a soldier of fortune in Africa before turning to a life of crime. His comrades are Misters Green, Grey, and Brown.  Grey, played by a young Hector Elizondo, is the wild card who doesn’t follow orders well.

Together, the bad hombres take control of the subway train, Pelham 123. They strand it in a tunnel and radio in to the NYC dispatch center, giving a deadline of 1 hour for the city to cough up a million dollars. Failure to comply will lead to the madmen killing one hostage for every minute that payment is overdue.

Before he became a grumpy old man in the 1990s, Walter Matthau was a grumpy middle aged man who played Lt. Garber, the transit police man who leads the investigation and communicates with Mr. Blue.

There’s a lot of over the top “New Yorkishness” here. A lot of subway workers yelling and shouting at each other as they’re trying to figure out what’s going on, and the actors really lean into those New York accents.

If you’re PC, definitely keep some smelling salts handy as there are many things that don’t hold up today. One worker openly complains about not being able to swear in the presence of a newly hired female coworker keeps him from doing his job effectively. A black police officer hiding near the track worries he might get shot by accident by his fellow officers because, quote, “I’m hard to see in the dark.”

Meanwhile, Matthau, possibly the film’s worst offender, while escorting a group of Japanese subway workers on a tour, openly calls them dummies and monkies, making fun of their limited English speaking abilities. He is surprised when he learns a police inspector he has been communicating with over the radio for the entire film is black (the only assumption being that Garber didn’t think a black man would be so competent), jokes that his Italian coworker works for the Mafia on the weekends, and at several points in the movie, notes that an undercover officer who has blended in among the passengers would be “useless” if it turns out the officer is a “dame.”

To the film’s credit, I think a lot of these things that wouldn’t fly then, didn’t necessarily fly back then either, except that back then, movies were at least to point out that prejudices were wrong by showing characters engage in them only to get their comeuppance later.  For example, Matthau is embarrassed upon realizing that the Japanese subway workers could understand him all along and were just being gracious in not responding to his insults. Meanwhile, he looks like a dick when he underestimates the police inspector, and the look on his face makes us think that perhaps even he realizes he was being a dick.

Back on the train, wild card Mr. Grey calls a passenger an “N-word” and this is a turning point in the film where we realize Grey is nuts and is going to be a problem for his fellow crooks. Mr. Blue, a cold hearted, calculating criminal who is so cold that he is prepared to shoot passengers in the head as just a cost of doing business won’t stand for racial intolerance and realize Mr. Grey was a bad hire at this moment.

I get both points about the racial content in movies debate. I get the one side where it might be best to remove it all. I get the other side where we are asked to take things in context. At any rate, there are a lot of things in this movie that are jarring to modern ears and eyes.

Seinfeld fans will be happy to see a young Jerry Stiller as Matthau’s partner and Stiller’s wife, Doris Roberts, plays the wife of “The Mayor.” We never get the Mayor’s name (played by Lee Wallace) but he is a parody of politicians, worried more about picking the option that will get him the most votes and not about doing the right thing.

Inflation really is a bitch. The crooks rob a train for 1 million dollars, each taking $250,000 a piece. Even today, $250,000 is nothing to sneeze at, but is it worth robbing a train, risking that you might be shot by police or end up in jail?  Probably not, though I guess in the 1970s it was a vast fortune.  The whole thing made me think of the “one million dollars” joke from Austin Powers.

Central to the plot is the mystery of how the bad guys expect to get away when they are underground, surrounded by police and the only way out is to get off at a station, where they will be bound to be caught.

STATUS: Shelfworthy.

 

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Movie Review – Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)

You’ve seen director Taika Waititi take off in films such as Thor:Ragnarok and Jojo Rabbit, now see the movie that took him to the next level just a few years ago in Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

Old couple Bella (Rema Te Wiata) and Hec (Sam Neill of Jurassic Park fame) take in Ricky (Julian Dennison of Deadpool 2 fame), the least popular kid in the New Zealand foster care system. Ricky has a habit of being uncontrollable and has a habit of running away from his assigned families.

Something about this family is different. Hec is grumpy and doesn’t hide the fact that he doesn’t want the kid living on the couple’s farm. Bella is sweet and kind, nurturing Ricky to the point where he loses the desire to run.

Alas, all this changes when Bella passes away unexpectedly.   Upon learning that his social worker, Paula, is coming to collect him (she thinks the boy would be better off with a couple and Hec, no fan of Ricky, doesn’t protest) Ricky, true to form, runs off into the forest.

Hec ventures after him, only to break his leg, rendering him immobilized for weeks. Ricky takes care of the man he comes to call Uncle, but also true to form, the media makes a mountain out of a molehill, ginning up a false narrative of how Hec has kidnapped the boy and run off into the woods with him with all manner of evil intentions under the sun.

I wasn’t a fan of the ending. Not to give it away, but it doesn’t seem fair what happens to Hec, but then again, life is not fair. I think the underlying point of the tale is when the media and government team up in believing a false story, they rarely, if ever, are willing to admit they got it wrong and won’t stop until they get their scapegoat, that being Hec, here. Dennison is funny as Ricky, though at times, Ricky is a little jerk who fans the flames against Hec when he doesn’t get his way, and sometimes one wonders why Hec doesn’t just drop the kid off at the nearest sign of civilization and then run.

Sam Neill is great in this role and personally, I think this is the best thing he’s done since Jurassic Park. I’m sure he’s done a lot of great stuff but generally, he always plays the same stern, grumpy, leave me alone type character and that pays off here as he plays opposite a very annoying kid.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Available on Hulu.

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Movie Review – Extraction (2020)

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here, taking a break from my classic movie marathon to watch a new one, that being Netflix’s “Extraction” starring Chris Hemsworth, which dropped today.

Hemsworth stars as Tyler Rake, a drunk, drugged up merc with a deathwish as in he doesn’t care if he lives or dies and given his druthers, acts like he’d prefer the latter.

When the son of a Mumbai, India gangster is kidnapped, Tyler is recruited to save young Ovi. To do so, he’ll face legions of enemies as well as double, triple and quadruple crosses.

A lot of great action scenes, gun battles, fist fights, explosions and what have you. Box office blockbuster quality brought straight to streaming in HD.

It was interesting to see Hemsworth playing someone other than a superhero. He stepped out of his comfort zone to play a flawed, tragic hero.

Honestly, during this corona stink fest, it comes at a time when we haven’t caught a good new flick in what, like over a month now? So it was welcome.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Romancing the Stone (1984) and The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

My corona movie marathon continues, 3.5 readers.  Still focusing on the 1980s and this time, it is a two for one special.

Watching The War of the Roses the other day reminded me of the other two collaborations between Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, those being the world traveling treasure hunter movies Romancing the Stone and the Jewel of the Nile.

I don’t know the whole story behind how these flicks were made, but I always thought maybe they were Hollywood trying to capitalize on the popularity of Indiana Jones.  While they don’t have Indy’s chutzpah, they’re still pretty good.

Turner plays Joan Wilder, a shy, awkward novelist who lives out the adventures in her mind by putting them down on paper. In Romancing the Stone, her brother in law, on the trail of a valuable jewel in Columbia, mails Joan a map to prevent it from falling into the hands of the vast assortment of evildoers who are hot on his trail.

The bro-in-law is murdered by the baddies while Joan’s sister is kidnapped and Joan is left with no choice but to leave her comfortable apartment in NYC to go traipsing about the Columbian countryside, eventually hoping to meet up with the villains so she can trade the map for her sister.

Along the way, she meets American adventurer Jack Colton, a ne’er-do-well who is always out to make a buck.  He agrees to escort Joan and keep her safe for a fee, but eventually has to choose between love for her and greed, i.e. maybe he could just go after the treasure himself and run.

In the sequel, The Jewel of the Nile, Jack and Joan have been a couple for six months since the end of the last flick.  Their romance grows stale as Joan grows tired of sailing the world on Jack’s yacht, purchased with the “stone” funds.

Fate intervenes when the one-named Omar barges into Joan’s book signing in Paris and gives her the chance of a life time.  Joan, feeling like her romance novels are trivial and she needs to start writing serious non-fiction pieces, jumps at the chance to visit the Nile and write a biography about this leader who claims he has united the various Nile tribes under a banner of peace and prosperity, thanks to his acquisition of the titular jewel, believed by local custom to give its owner great power.

Jack and Joan split but when a band of rebels hires Jack to track down the jewel and swipe it from Omar (they claim the leader isn’t what he seems and that he is not the reformer he claims to be but is actually a ruthless dictator) he jumps at the chance to get a new treasure and perhaps reunite with Joan.

Both films have a lot of action and some memorable scenes.  In the first film, there’s a memorable part where one villain is fed to another villain’s pet alligators.  In the second film, Jack and Joan go on a land base chase in a jet.  Jack can’t fly it, but he can drive it so that’s fun.

Danny DeVito appears in both films as comic relief Ralph, a slimeball who is always in pursuit of the couple, trying to swipe whatever treasure they’re after.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Both are available on Hulu. There are some occasional racial stereotypes that flew in the 1980s that won’t fly today that will make you wince.

Both films are solid and I wonder why they never made a third, though the second wraps up the character arcs nicely.  Indy was the only one who made treasure hunting movies a blast and ultimately, I think the luster fell from treasure hunting flicks by the end of the 1990s, as people started to look at the idea of treasure hunting not as a chance to venture forth into the unknown and come out richer for it and more like white people robbing third worlders of their wealth.  It would be like a foreign adventurer coming to America, pointing to Fort Knox and saying, “I found all this gold so it’s mine!”

So, if you can ignore all that, these movies are a good time.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Tango and Cash (1989)

It’s so bad it’s good, 3.5 readers.

My corona movie marathon continues, focusing a lot on the 1980s as of late, and boy is this movie bad yet delicious, like an exquisite stinky cheese, you know it’s not good for you at all.  It’ll taste good going down, but it’ll leave your breath smelly later.

Ray Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Gabe Cash (Kurt Russell) are rivals on the LAPD, constantly vying for the position of Tinsel Town’s most popular police officer.  Cash is brash and carefree while Tango is slick, sophisticated, cool and rich.  Cash throws on whatever was left in his hamper, while Tango dresses sharp, like an investment banker.

The super thin plot?  Perennial movie villain Jack Palance is tired of these two coppers shutting down his various evil interests. He fears that outright killing the duo will put a police target on his back, so his next best idea is to frame them for a crime they didn’t commit, tarnishing them in the eyes of the city and leaving no one giving a crap what happens to them.

From there it’s a mad cap romp, from T and C breaking out of the joint to taking on Palance’s goons with the help of a high tech battle vehicle.

It’s obnoxious.  It’s silly.  There’s really no point to it.  The lines are epic level cheesy.  It is kind of interesting that Sly was able to convincingly act in a role of a character who was intelligent but otherwise, this movie is not your vegetables.  It is your big, sugary bowl of ice cream.  It’ll be great going down.  You’ll be sick in the morning.

Points to the movie that it is self aware. Stallone makes fun of himself, makes fun of his Rambo character, etc.

STATUS: Shelfworthy.  Bonus points because I forgot Teri Hatcher was in this movie.  She didn’t really hit it big until Lois and Clark and not gonna lie, she was high on my 1990s fap list.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The War of the Roses (1989)

How do you get someone who wants to leave to stay, 3.5 readers?

And how do you get someone who wants to stay to go?

BQB here with a review of yet another 1980s movie as my corona movie marathon continues.

The film is narrated by Attorney Gavin d’Amato, played by Danny DeVito.  The story begins with Gavin meeting with a client who is determined to divorce his wife.  Gavin tells the cautionary tale of his old friends, Oliver and Barbara Rose and their petty, destructive and violent divorce that ruined it all.

Oliver (Michael Douglas) and Barbara (Kathleen Turner) were young once, and they truly loved each other.  Though largely an incredibly dark comedy, it’s also an epic piece, as Gavin goes back and forth between the recent past as well as the course of twenty years, providing tidbits of the couple’s courtship, marriage, early life, having children and finally, their success that turned to unbridled hatred.

Thus is the crux.  Relationships begin with the tenderest of love and they end with the cruelest of anger.  As time goes on and age closes one door after another, the resentments build.  Unhappy partners begin thinking about what they could have done had they not betrothed themselves to this person who no longer makes them happy.  Each truly believes his/herself to be the wronged party and they seek to get even through the legal system, hoping to take it all and leave the other with nothing.

Both have good cases.  Oliver is the Harvard trained lawyer who made all the money. Barbara is the wife who stood by his side, taking care of home and family, focusing on every little detail so that Oliver could put all of his focus on his career, a career that Barbara never had because she was so busy taking care of him.

Ultimately, “the war” comes down to the couple’s magnificent house.  Oliver paid for it.  Barbara took care of it.

Gavin, Oliver’s co-worker who represents him in the divorce, finds a loophole that states that as long as both parties live separate lives while residing in the same house (i.e. they live in the same house but have little to no contact, like a couple of detached roomates) then neither party can lay claim to push the other out and thus, Oliver can’t be forced out.

Great legal advice but realistically, not so much.  While the first half of the movie drags a bit, the last half of the film where the couple trashes their house to bits all in an effort to hurt each other is where the dark comedy gold lies.  You’ll laugh.  You’ll cry.  You might cry a bit more.

I don’t think I’m giving much away but offering Gavin’s parting words up front.  He advises his client, the one he’d been narrating the story to all along, to be generous to his wife.

Perhaps that’s something we all need to keep in mind.  Again, relationships begin with love and typically, they end in hate.  Indeed, you might have been wronged.  Sometimes when there’s cheating, abuse, alcoholism or what have you, it’s easier to draw that clear cut line where you say that person’s an a-hole and they need to be out of your life for good.  The harder situation is where a couple just grows apart, as the Roses did, and for whatever reason, one spouse just wakes up one day and decides they don’t love the other.

Hard as it is, no amount of revenge can get you back the years you spent on someone that you could have spent on someone else.  Be generous enough to bring the matter to an amicable close, though maybe don’t be a chump and leave yourself homeless and penniless either.

Sidenote: Danny DeVito directs and he did a great job here.  I googled his directing credits and didn’t realize he had directed so much and some big name films like Hoffa, though I think this was the best.

Also fun fact this is the third big 1980s movie starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.  They had also starred together in the Indian Jones-esque Romancing the Stone and Jewel of the Nile.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Moral of the story?  If someone doesn’t want to stay, you should suck it up and let them go.  However, if someone refuses to leave, then you probably should.

PS – Obviously, it’s named after the War of the Roses, the series of battles in old British history waged over the course of many years.  One can assume both sides of countrymen once loved on another, then war broke out.  They fought viciously over turf and destroyed so much that any victory surely rang hollow.  War is a lot like a non-amicable divorce, 3.5 readers.

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