A Guide to the Bookshelf Battleverse – Part 4 – The Aliens




Approximately a year after the Bookshelf Battle Blog went online, it was noticed by the Mighty Potentate, the Supreme Overlord of a Planet the Name of Which is None of Your Business.

A maniacal dictator who solves every problem (from intergalactic war to his chicken wings not being delivered on time) with threats of vaporization, the Potent One is a big fan of scripted media, so much so that he despises all forms of reality television, writing it off as “just a bunch of cameras mindlessly following vapid, talentless quasi-celebrities around as they do nothing of any importance whatsoever.”

Prone to having visions of the future which so far have all proven accurate, His Potentositude prognosticated that Bookshelf Q. Battler will one day write a novel so elegantly crafted that it will cause humanity to abandon reality TV altogether, thus preventing it from spreading throughout the cosmos once humans inevitably invent space travel.



Alien Jones, aka “The Esteemed Brainy One” has been dispatched by the Mighty Potentate on a mission to help BQB’s blog get off the ground by authoring an “Ask the Alien” column.  Humans are invited to ask Alien Jones a question and if those humans are writers, he’ll plug their books/blogs in his answer.  He’s helped numerous authors promote their work thus far.

The Mighty Potenate sees the purpose of Alien Jones’ column as threefold – 1) Help promote BQB’s blog 2) Help promote other authors so that humans have more entertainment choices besides reality TV and 3) educate humans, who are currently considered one of the dumbest species in the universe, second only to the dreaded Moloklaxons, the so-called a-holes of the universe who die off in large numbers every year due to open mouth rain related drownings.

Mr. Jones, who, as you can see above, is sexless, is not a male or a female, but allows himself to be referred to as a male as our primitive Earth languages don’t have the ability to properly refer to a sentient being that is asexual.

Also, his name is not Jones, however, he uses this alias as you wouldn’t be able to pronounce his actual moniker without great strain on your tongue and vocal chords.

Privately, Alien Jones has doubts about the Mighty Potentate’s decision to designate BQB as “the Chosen One.”  He’ll never admit that publicly because he doesn’t want to be vaporized.

Constantly busy, assisting BQB is one of AJ’s many duties.  He is also a diplomat, warrior, scientist, space explorer, and chief advisor to the Mighty Potentate (which more or less requires him to say “yes” or be vaporized.)

Alien Jones’ government mandated life mate is Alien Rosencrantz.  There’s not really much romance there, rather, the Mighty Potentate has created one giant buddy system, as all of his alien subjects are the product of a laboratory based cloning process.

Thus, replacing an alien is incredibly expensive, so aliens are required to look out for their life mates.  Failure to do so results in vaporization, which ironically, leads to the need of a replacement alien clone.

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One thought on “A Guide to the Bookshelf Battleverse – Part 4 – The Aliens

  1. […] Part 4 – The Aliens – The Mighty Potentate who has declared that Earth’s fate rests on BQB’s writing career (sorry, Earth) and Alien Jones, the being dispatched by the Potent One to watch BQB’s back. […]

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