Monthly Archives: February 2022

Feb 19 2022
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Shop Buddy Cover

Hey 3.5 readers. Well, it’s here. The cover for my upcoming novel, Shop Buddy. It’s about a recent college grad who can’t find the job he wants, so he gets by working for an online shopping service. One of his customers puts in strange orders – rope, chains, knives, a chainsaw and so on. He and his ex-girlfriend who also works for the service (in fact, she’s his boss) get suspicious and unravel the mystery of what said strange customer is up to.

SIDENOTE – I went grocery shopping for the first time in I can’t even remember yesterday and I have to say, I need to go do my actual shopping more because online shopping/delivery just isn’t cutting it.

My complaints about online shopping (which mostly get worked into the novel in one way or another)

A) How is it possible in today’s information age that the website says the store has something and then the shopper gets me and tells me they don’t have it? Supply chain issues aside, every item has a barcode right? So can’t some tech genius hook those barcodes up to the site and when the last one is bought, make it say OUT OF STOCK when you order it? Ah, but there’s the rub. That thing was probably the thing you wanted the most and if you knew they didn’t have it, you wouldn’t have placed the order in the first place. If they made things go out of stock on the website they’d get less orders.

B) Every so often, I get a result that makes me question my faith in humanity. In the book, the main character ruins a child’s birthday party. Charged with shopping for and delivering a birthday cake, the company’s wonky algorithm tells him to buy and deliver a box set of Oingo Boingo’s greatest hits. This becomes a running joke throughout the story i.e. customer asks for a jar of pickles, algorithm tells the shopper to buy a velvet painting of Einstein fighting a velociraptor, customer asks for cat food, algorithm tells the shopper to buy an autographed photo of Abe Vigoda.

I haven’t received anything on the level of Oingo Boingo’s greatest hits or an Abe Vigoda autograph (I’d actually like an Abe Vigoda autograph) instead of what I ordered but there have definitely been times when I ordered, say, an apple, and got something where I just put it on the counter and scrutinized it, saying to myself “How…why…what…how on earth did they see “apple” and think I wanted THAT?”

Pre pandemic, I think these delivery services worked better because the shopper would actually come into your house, put the stuff on the counter for you, and review any discrepancies to your face. Now, they just do a gangland style drive-by where they whip all the bags at your front door while NWA classic hits blare on their speakers. By the time you open the bag and realized they got you a macroni statute of Bette Midler (cue Seinfeld) instead of your tub of egg salad, they’re half way down the block. If they actually had to look you in the eye, they woudn’t make such bizarre subsitutions.

I will say this of yesterday’s in person shopping experience:

A) Often shoppers would text me and say they’re out of this they’re out of that and I’d wonder if they really are out of something or if this is just a lazy shopper. Sometimes I’d curse the inflationary times we live in when my shopper texts me, “They were all out of cookies” and I’m like, “Damn it! It’s like we lost a war!” (Fun fact we actually lost 2 major wars in ten years but that shouldn’t prevent me from getting cookies. It’s not like I’m the Secretary of Defense after all. That guy should be sans cookies for losing wars.)

B) When you’re in store, you see stuff you wouldnt think to look for on the site. Maybe this is good because you’re getting more stuff or then again maybe you are spending more then you would. Then again that extra you are spending would just go to a tip to a guy who is just going to toss the bags at your front porch in an early 1990s style Boyz in the Hood esque drive by. “Break yoself and take yo potato salad, fool!”

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Feb 15 2022
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Self Publishing

Disco Werewolf

I wrote most of a book called Disco Werewolf. I still have it. I had a cover made for it though that was back in a day when I had an addiction to ordering covers before I knew I was ready to hit the publish button.

The synopsis is it’s the 70s and by day, Mitch is a picked on nerd. By night, he lets his werewolf freak flag fly on the disco floor ( he hails from a family of werewolves who traditionally prefer to keep their lycanthropy hidden).

He has a love interest trying to become a journalist who is trying to determine Disco Werewolf’s true identity. There’s a werewolf hunter and also a demon taking the persona of a disco dancer who wants to be DW’s agent but secretly, needs his dancing skills to unlock…some sort of evil Maguffin.

This is where it gets tricky. I wrote tons of pages for this but what I’m learning is books really need to be quick and snappy. Too many villains. Too many characters. I’m trying to figure out how to consolidate it into one plot. Make it simple. He’s a werewolf. He disco dances. Who is the villain and why does he challenge him?

Many characters and plot points will have to be cut. Maybe if it’s successful they could come about in a sequel.

I really love the cover though.

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Feb 14 2022
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TV

Sopranos Silverado Commercial

Sigh…for a brief, fleeting moment I thought they were bringing the Sopranos back with crime boss Meadow at the helm…but it was just a commercial for electric trucks (which Tony would have never driven. Boo hiss.)

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Feb 13 2022
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Movies

Movie Review – Spiderman – No Way Home (2021)

I finally got to see it, 3.5 readers and it is the best Spiderman movie ever made.

BQB here with a review of the latest film about our friendly neighborhood webslinger.

Don’t get me wrong. All the Spidey films have heart and the first two installments of the Tobey Maguire version really did bring superhero films into the modern era. Without them, I doubt you’d have the Avengerfest of today. The Andrew Garfield films were fun though I think maybe they just came too close on the heels of the Tobey films and the world wasn’t ready for a reboot just yet.

The past two Tom Holland films were epic, owing in large part to the Avengers-verse that Marvel has created. When a rich, backstory filled structure has been built, it isn’t that hard for a new Spidey to come in and sling his way into the 2020s with great gusto.

Following Mysterio’s big reveal that Spiderman is Peter Parker in the last film, the anonymity jig is up for Peter (Holland), and his partners in crime, girlfriend MJ (Zendaya) and BFF Ned (Jacob Batalon). Their lives are ruined under intense public scrutiny as the wall crawler and anyone who assisted him is raked over the coals by media blabbermouth J. Jonah Jameson (JK Simmons).

When Pete seeks the assistance of Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), the great wizard agrees to help with a spell that will make everyone forget that Pete is Spidey, but Pete’s own blabbermouth during the incantation causes the spell to go awry and well, the rest is movie making history.

Magic makes worlds collide and those older Spiderman movies? Turns out they weren’t just movies. They were alternate worlds. The multi-verse is real, with infinite versions of you, me, Spiderman and his foes.

Truly a Herculean effort that required cooperation between different studios and different actors of various incarnations of the franchise. Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Electro, The Lizard, and Sandman team up to unleash chaos in our current world and it’s up to Team 3-Pete, Holland, Garfield and Maguire (three Spideys, no waiting) to save the day while Willem Defoe, Alfred Molina, Jamie Foxx, Thomas Haden Church, and Rhys Ivans reprise their villainous roles. Marisa Tomei and Jon Favreau return as Aunt May and Happy Hogan.

At almost 2 and a half hours, it’s the longest Spiderman movie ever made, though there’s so much going on you’d hardly notice it. It’s quite ambitious with a lot of moving parts, my only criticism is it feels like there might be a few plot holes but honestly, I couldn’t tell you if these are really plot holes of if it’s just something I didn’t quite get on a first viewing with everything moving so quickly.

It’s definitely a movie we all needed, what with the pandemic scaring movie buffs out of theaters, closing theaters, and causing Hollywood to shut down or delay production of big time flicks. Personally, this is the longest I’ve gone without checking out a superhero movie, because a) I literally was unable to buy a ticket at my local theater for the first month because every time I tried they were all sold out online and b) alas, my local theater closed down because it couldn’t stay afloat in the pandemic, which means I just won’t be able to see movies as much as I used to. Is that a good or bad thing? I don’t know.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy, and proof that people will go to the movie theater if a film is awesome enough. Hang in there Hollywood, keep making those blockbusters and try to help theaters stay alive any way you can.

SIDENOTE: 40, 30 and 20 something Spidermen all on one screen. Where has the time gone? Memories, like the corners of my webbed up mind…

DOUBLE SIDENOTE: Kudos to this movie for thinking of a new way to rehash old(er) characters. The problem all superhero reboots and sequels suffer from is we’ve already seen the story before. We don’t need to see Pete get bitten by the radioactive spider again. We don’t need to see Norman Osborne go nuts and become G-Gob. Sure, younger actors can take on these characters but it usually just feels like a rehash of something that has already been done. With the spell gone awry plot device, we can immediately return to our old Spidey baddy faves without having to re-tell the stories we already know.

TRIPLE SIDENOTE: I know the Academy hates comic book movies but I wonder, given the fact this film put butts into theater seats in record numbers at a time when theaters are closing and people are avoiding social gatherings might not have merited some Oscar consideration. If theaters do go the way of the Dodo, I truly fear we will see a stark decline in the quality of moviemaking overall and we need films like this to save the industry.

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Feb 12 2022
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TV

I Miss Al Bundy

Funny how the internet works.

I watched an old Married with Children clip the other day and before I knew it, I was down the Married with Children rabbit hole, watching enough clips to choke a horse. It reminded me of my childhood, when we Gen X kids would gather around the TV Sunday nights and watch Married with Children, The Simpsons, and In Living Color, then recite all the jokes to each other on the playground at school.

Hmm. In retrospect, the adults probably should have changed the channel on us to keep our minds from being warped but hey, I did alright. Not everyone gets to operate their own blog read by 3.5 readers, after all.

At the time, this show was considered the lowest form of comedy. Maybe it is but I’m sorry. It’s funny. And now that I’m older, I get it even more.

To the uninitiated, Al Bundy (Ed O’Neil) in his youth, once scored four touchdowns in a single game playing football Polk High. As he states in one episode, he was about to go pro…then met wife Peg (Katey Segal), got married, had kids and um…that’s it. Football dreams are long gone and he’s been selling shoes ever since.

Al despises selling women’s shoes, as well as the overweight female customers who falsely accuse him of being incompetent because he can’t squeeze their giant feet into the tiny, fashionable shoes they want rather than the large, sensible shoes that they need. Wife and kids treat him like a human ATM machine.

Meanwhile, Peg is the world’s worst wife and proud of it, such that she openly teaches other women in the neighborhood how to get away without working, either at a job or at keeping a nice home or taking care of the kids. Al can’t remember the last time he had a decent meal because Peg refuses to cook. Jokes about a woman being a lazy housewife fly today but the irony is Al’s main complaint is he actually does want his wife to work, be it in the home, or in a job to bring extra money to the family, anything.

Kids Kelly and Bud are the worst. Bud (David Faustino) is a nerdy horn dog who repels girls but is constantly scheming to get them. Kelly (Christina Applegate, me and every other Gen X kid had a crush on her) is a ditzy trollop. Jokes about women being ditzy trollops would never fly today either.

Rounding out the show is Al’s foil Marcy First Rhodes and Later D’arcy. The show begins with Marcy and Steve (Amanda Bearse and David Garrison) as newlyweds who believe their young love will conquer all and veteran married couple Al and Peg show them the ropes. Peg teaches Marcy how to avoid housework like the plague while Al teaches Steve how to hide out at the nudey bar to avoid family responsibilities.

Later, Garrison leaves the show and is replaced by Marcy’s new husband, Jefferson (Ted McGinley in a meta joke before there were meta jokes about how Ted McGinley built a career on being the guy who replaces characters on sitcoms whenever an actor leaves the show.)

Like most shows, this one evolves over time. You might be surprised to know Peg’s hair is surprisingly relaxed in the first few seasons and she doesnt get her token red beehive until a few seasons in. Bud and Kelly look like tiny tots in the first few seasons. And while Steve had his moments, I always preferred Jefferson. The middle to late seasons are the best, IMO, with Al starting NO MA’AM (The National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood) i.e. a group of Al’s beer swilling friends who pledge to take over the world and stop the spread of feminism but they usually just end up drinking beer at the nudey bar. Occasionally, one of their schemes takes off only to be foiled by ultra feminist Marcy going undercover as a man in disguise (usually just a fake mustache).

I’ll admit, sometimes I look back at a few of these episodes and cringe. Perhaps there are some things that we as a society decided shouldn’t be joke fodder. Then again, the show was pretty equal in its offensiveness. They say the best comedians find humor and everything and therefore the funniest shows are the ones where nothing is taboo and no subject is off the table.

The show does get zany and at times, unlikely. For example, there’s an episode where little green aliens break into Al’s bedroom and steal his smelly socks to use the stench to power their spaceship. People are so literal today they would never suspend disbelief long enough to go along with such tomfoolery.

There are jokes that don’t even quite make sense if you think about them too long. For example, Peg constantly wants to have sex with Al, who finds it gross and avoids a horny Peg at all costs. In reality, most married men would love it if their wives wanted to dance the wild mambo all the time well into middle age but I get the joke…which is the overall joke of the series. Al truly believes if he hadn’t gotten married and had children, he’d be living a fantastic life, rich successful, any woman he wanted and thus the idea of getting it on with the same woman again and again until he dies grosses him out.

Ironically, the show has rare sweet moments where Al admits he probably couldn’t have done better than Peg and is lucky to have her, defends her honor and so on.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. I wish comedies of today would take more risks like this one did. You’ll probably never see anything like this on TV ever again and I suppose we can debate about whether or not htis is a good thing. I don’t think it is. In my bingwatching session I’ve laughed more at something on TV than I have in a long time.

To the show’s credit, it was, if I’m not mistaken, the first sitcom to suggest that maybe family is not all it’s cracked up to be. To be sure, the Bundy’s love each other in their own messed up way, but while I don’t think it necessarily celebrated it, the show was trying to, for good or ill, make light of the reality that the 1950s perfect family shown on TV where Mom fetched Dad’s slippers and Wally and the Beaver shot marbles are over. Roseanne would go on to tow the dysfunctional sitcom family line but it all started with the Bundys.

SIDENOTE: I remember as a kid being surprised to learn that Ed O’Neil was a serious actor before this, having played hard-boiled detectives like Popeye Doyle prior to this show. While the show made him famous, it led to him being typecast, including a scene where he plays a military prosecutor in the Vietnam flick Flight of the Intruder being cut out of the movie because test audiences laughed thinking of Al Bundy. Ed would go on to get his hard boiled detective cred back in movies like The Bone Collector and while he does comedy in Modern Family, he’s more of a serious character in that. He doesn’t get enough credit as an actor who can play someone as silly as Al yet play it straight in serious roles as well.

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Feb 12 2022
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TV

TV Review – The Book of Boba Fett – Chapter 7

Wowie zowie, 3.5 readers! Talk about a fantastic season finale!

BQB here with a review.

I stand corrected. I have been complaining that the B of BF stunk with a lot of blah blah blahing and not enough action but it turns out the show was just throwing us breadcrumbs that really pay off in a major way in this episode.

Even so, Mando and Grogu remain the dynamic duo of this universe, though the Boba-ster did get his moment, though he really is at his best when his helmet is on and he is blasting his enemies rather than talking to them.

It was a fight to the finish on the streets of Mos Eisley, with Boba “I turned over a new leaf” Fett and Mando taking on the Pike Syndicate and stopping their evil spice trade for good. Remember kids, space drugs are bad, mmkay?

Sidenote – not to give away a spoiler but that thing Boba did at the end, why didn’t he just do it at the beginning? So the show could happen I suppose.

There was even legit character development. All of the little bit players got a moment that showed us who they are.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Rogue One was great. Solo, I think, was better than the bad rep it got. The saga sequels had their moments but by and large were unintelligible with the plot being an afterthought. The Mandos, be it Mando who is a true believer of Mando-ism or Boba, a cynic who just likes their armor, are carrying the Star Wars franchise on their beskar protected backs.

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Feb 06 2022
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Movies

Movie Review – Home Team (2022)

Go team, 3.5 readers.

BQB here with a review of this family friendly Netflix comedy.

Based on a true story, this film stars Kevin James as Sean Payton, a New Orleans Saints football coach who, after being suspended for a year in the wake of the bounty scandal (players offered cash prizes for injuring other players on purpose) reconnects with his estranged son by coaching his junior high school football team.

Connor’s (the aforementioned son’s) team is the worst in the league, regularly causing the scoreboard to be shut down out of pity because it just doesn’t seem right when the opposing teams score so high when they barely get on the board. When Payton, just initially sitting on the sidelines as a Dad, offers a bit of advice that leads to their (literally) very first touchdown ever, the kids celebrate wildly.

Payton is recruited by Coach Troy (Taylor Lautner of Twilight fame) to be an assistant, though as a pro NFL coach, he runs it all, pushing the kids to be their best, but having to figure out how to straddle the line between winning and remembering these are only 12 year olds who can only be pushed so far and all the pressure takes away the fun.

This is an Adam Sandler produced film, with his wife Jackie starring as Payton’s ex and a Sandler son starring as a hotel clerk who drives Payton nuts. Sandler has apparently found a home on Netflix as his brand of comedy, once edgy in the 1990s, has become family friendly fare today.

STATUS: Shelf worthy. Typical sports film where an outsider comes in to shake a team of losers up and turn them into winners. My main criticism is the film kind of glosses over whether Payton was responsible for the bounty scandal, if he got a raw deal, or something in between. It goes into how he was embarrassed by it but it never answers the question of if he was unfairly accused and thus outraged or if he was fairly accused and thus learned his lesson. There is a brief moment where he says he was in charge so he has to take responsibility so I guess there’s that. If he’s responsible, should he get a tribute film? I don’t know…but if you’re looking for a mildly funny movie to watch with the fam, you could do worse than this.

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Feb 06 2022
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TV

TV Review – Murderville (2022)

Murderville? Try Stinkville, am I right?

BQB here with a review of Netflix’s new improvised comedy series.

Maybe this one just flew over my head. I’m two episodes in and while it is mildly entertaining, it’s one of those shows I might put on while I’m vacuuming the house, just to occupy my brain so I don’t get bored by the housework but don’t get so intrigued by the show that I put the vac down and start watching. Ultimately, if you want background noise while you suck up dirt, this is the show for you.

Critics love it but maybe I’m just a bumpkin with bad taste.

The premise is that Will Arnett stars as broken down, stereotypical tough guy TV detective Terry Seattle. Every episode, he must solve a murder with the assistance of a celebrity trainee. Thus far, I’ve seen two episodes, the first with trainee/late night TV host Conan O’Brien and the second with football star Marshawn Lynch. Marshawn apparently loves guest starring on sitcoms ever since that episode of Brooklyn 99 where he was a terrible witness because when a prison bus flipped over and exploded behind him, he was too focused on the music in his earbuds and the burrito he was eating to notice or care.

Murderville’s hook is that it is semi-improvised. Will and all other cast members have been given scripts. The celebrity guest trainee goes in cold. They play themselves as a police trainee and must come up with their dialogue on the fly. I assume this means that the cast has to improvise on the spot if the trainee says something that doesn’t jive with the rehearsed lines of the script.

While fun to see the celebs act silly, I feel comedy as a general art form has been dead for many years, everyone so afraid to offend. This show is just one in a long line of wannabe comedies that straddle the lines of humor but never quite get there.

STATUS:Borderline shelfworthy.

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Feb 05 2022
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TV

Dexter: New Blood – Season Finale Review

Tell your dark passengers to look away if you don’t want SPOILERS, 3.5 readers.

I REPEAT: SPOILERS! BIG ONES!

OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Is everyone here who wants to be here? Is everyone here OK with SPOILERS?

Alright. Here goes.

Dexter is dead. No, seriously. The Dex man is no more. Shot by son Harrison who realized his old man, much like a rabid dog, had to be put down before he bites another innocent person.

I didn’t see it coming. It felt like Showtime had put too much effort and money into this project to not get a few more seasons out of it. There were some brief, fleeting hints that Dexter and Harrison might lam it to LA, perhaps they’d become a dynamic duo of father and son vigilante killers, dismembering the trash in a new city each season.

But alas, the D-Man is dead. We see he has a red wound in his chest, dead center where his heart is. I mean, the dude drove his boat into an oncoming hurricane in the finale of the original series and still somehow made it out alive so anything is possible and perhaps given enough money and the right script, Dexter could be magically resurrected but even the showrunners are saying in interviews that nope, Dexter is officially dead. He will not be brought back to life and they realize their sin in the original finality was leaving things too open so they made sure to close those doors with great certainty this go around.

If this limited series does indeed mark the official end of Dexter Morgan, then I’d say it certainly brings more closure than the original. Dex aka Jim Linday’s girlfriend Chief Bishop (Julia Jones) collaborates with Angel Batista (David Zayas) the one cop on the original show with a heart of gold. Batista loved ex wife Laguerta but assumed she was loco when she arrested Dexter on Bay Harbor Butcher charges. He finally gets clued into the fact that Maria was right all along, though we’ll never see the devastation he’ll go through when he realizes his old good friends Dex and Deb Morgan had done despicable things behind his back and even killed his ex only to keep lying to him and pretending to be his friend. Perhaps it would be too much to see him go through that pain. In any event, the look on Zayas’ face when Angel sees a recent photo of an alive Dexter reveals all the pain we need to know about.

In Dexter’s final moments, all the innocents who got caught up in his carnage pass through his mind and this was always the hard part of the show. What made us initially root for Dexter was that he had a code – he only killed bad people. However, it was inevitable that good would be caught in the crossfire, be they framed and conveniently murdered by D’s crazy gf (Sgt Doakes) or killed by his sister as part of a cover up (Laguerta) or killed by the serial killer he took to long to kill (Rita) or driven mad (Deb) or again killed by the serial killer he took too long to kill (Lundy.)

I’ll admit, when Dexter started to push Harrison toward a life of serial killing (only bad guys) it made me think the character never learned anything. Hasn’t he learned Harry was wrong to turn him into a murderous vigilante? Wouldn’t psychiatric treatment, even institutionalization, though a bad life, be better than killing? Doesn’t he realize its impossible to do all that killing without killing or otherwise destroying innocents? Why would he put Harrison through that?

In the end, Dexter has learned. He can’t go on like this, but he can’t stop, and if he lives, he’ll bring his son down so he urges the lad to help him end it.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Disappointed there won’t be new seasons, unless Harrison takes his show on the road, perhaps with Dexter filling in the Harry imaginary advisor role but I’m not sure a Harrison the serial killer show would be as interesting as Dexter. If they wanted to drag it on a few seasons it would have been interesting to see his old Miami colleagues go after him but otherwise, this was a good end.

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Feb 04 2022
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TV

The Book of Boba Fett – Episode 6

Dun dun da dun dun dun…hah!

Why does it always sound like the guy singing that “hah!” in the theme song is having a hernia?

BQB here with a review.

I can’t help but notice the two best episodes of The Book of Boba Fett had very little to do with this new fangled “I want out of bounty hunting” version of Boba Fett. They transferred all of his bad ass stoicism to The Mandalorian and now Mando gets all the cool episodes.

BTW, these past two episodes were visually stunning, filled with gratuitous fan service (cameos by R2, CGI Luke, Cad Bane and Ahsoka from the cartoons) but more importantly, graced by plotlines that make me think Disney might finally be getting the hang of building a post-Empire universe…maybe. We’re not there quite yet but it’s looking good.

Here, Mando tries to visit his teensy weensy BFF Grogu or the Artist Formerly Known as Baby Yodo. G-Spot is knee deep into his Jedi training from a CGI’d up Young Master Luke, and as Ahsoka warns Mando, Jedis can be badass space monks or they can be part of a family but they can’t be both. (Sidenote – why did this scene make me wish I’d abandoned my extended family and become my own personal version of a kickass space monk years ago? Is this orange tentacled babe (Rosario Dawson) right? You can be awesome or you can have a family but you can’t have both? Hmm.

Moving on, CGI Luke was cool yet not overly convincing last season. They have it done better this time around though I noticed much of the action occurs with the camera zoomed out of Luke so perhaps a body double did the far away action scenes?

SIDENOTE: As CGI rendering continues to make old actors young, or rather, rebuilds their youthful bodies anew, are actors/actresses getting worried? As this tech improves, what’s to stop the studios from just giving all the human talent the boot and creating movies featuring CGI humans rendered entirely from scratch? Maybe someday some zit faced teenager will render an entire Oscar worthy film on his laptop. (Come to think of it, most of today’s “Oscar worthy” films look like they were rendered on a zit faced teenager’s laptop but I don’t mean that in a good way.

Cameo from Timothy Olyphant was fun.

Finally, the plot centers around Mando and others coming together to help Boba Fett fight off the Pikes, i.e. a syndicate of alien spice runners. Double sidenote – In Star Wars, “spice” is totes code for drugs, but since it’s a kids show, if your kids ask you what spice is, you can tell them all the aliens are just fighting over a yummy food topping. (Honestly, you adults who want to retain your innocence can feel free to assume they are fighting over a yummy food topping and what? You already thought they were fighting over a yummy food topping? Oh um…hey! What’s that over there? Squirrel!)

My main question is if The Fettmeister is against the drug (er yummy topping) trade…but he also wants to solidify his position as Tatooine’s top crime boss, um…what other crimes will he be ok with? Because seriously, if he wants to be a crime boss and he’s not cool with spice (oregano or otherwise) then what crimes will he support? Murder? Extortion? Space whores? I knew it. He’s totally pimping out space whores.

Or maybe not. It is a Disney Plus show, after all, so don’t think about the space crime lord’s space crime too much. (It’s space whores.)

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