Monthly Archives: November 2015

Losers Seeking Redemption

I’ve conducted an analysis of every story idea I’ve ever had and there’s one key theme:

Losers seeking redemption.

3.5 READERS: But BQB, every story is about a loser seeking redemption.

Not really.  It depends on how low of a loser we’re talking about.  Mine are pretty low.

Luke Skywalker may have been a poor farm boy, but he could have told Obi Wan to stick his light saber where the sun don’t shine and taken over his Aunt and Uncle’s farm, rejecting the Jedi life altogether had he wanted to. He could have lived a comfortable life.  He didn’t do anything wrong or dumb or stupid that he needed to make up for in order to feel like his life had meaning.

Rick Grimes isn’t a loser.  He’s just a dude driven to extremes by a harsh new world. But he didn’t do anything he needed to make up for.  Sure, his wife and friend got it on but that was after they thought he was dead (for five minutes) and if anything that reflects badly on them not him.

So most stories are about characters facing difficult decisions but they aren’t starting out as losers.  All of my heroes start out as losers and the objective seems to be a way for them to not be losers anymore.

Hate to say it, but I’m a loser seeking redemption.

Are you a loser seeking redemption?  I wish you the best of luck on your path, loser.

 

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Pop Culture Mysteries vs. Undesiredverse

I’m committed to writing novels in both worlds within the next year, but I’m curious to find out which you 3.5 readers enjoy more?

Introducing the Undesiredversadex

STANDBY FOR A TRANSMISSION FROM THE MIGHTY POTENTATE

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ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY POTENTATE!

Greetings pitiful 3.5 human readers.

You are all directed to take a peak at undesiredversadex.com and make Bookshelf Q. Battler aware of your thoughts and/or criticisms. I have decreed that no one shall be vaporized for offering their comments, opinions, etc.

That is all.

END OF TRANSMISSION.  POTENTATE OUT.

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What up, nerds?

Yeah.  I got nothing today.  I hate the Yeti.  The one post a day for a year challenge continues to go strong!

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 15 Interview – Peter Meredith – Finding Your True Passion

Happy Sunday, 3.5 readers.

BQB here with another reblog of #31ZombieAuthors. This time it’s Peter Meredith, author of Apocalypse: The Undead World series.

This interview will be inspiring for anyone who’s searching for their true place in the world. Peter discusses how he tried a number of different jobs before he finally embraced his love of the written word and made a go of it as a writer.

What makes you happy, 3.5 readers? Maybe it’s time to find a way to make a living off your passion.

Bookshelf Battle

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FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

Amazon

Website       Facebook

51Hxq5kK0WL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_ My guest today is Peter Meredith, author of The Undead Worldseries. The tale begins when efforts to cure cancer go horribly wrong, and survivors are forced to do whatever they can to survive in a world crawling with zombies.

A multi-genre author, some of Peter’s other works include: The Trilogy of Void, The Hidden Lands Series, The Sacrificial Daughter, A Perfect America and Sprite.

Hello Peter. Good to speak with you.

NOTE: BOLD=BQB; ITALICS=PETER

Q.  Peter, I’ve tried a number of jobs in my life. I’ve been the assistant to the assistant to the Vice President of Corporate Assistance at Beige Corp, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and accessories. I started up a website that boasts upwards of 3.5 readers and now, as luck would have it, I’ve just been named Deputy Mayor of…

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 14 Interview – Kate L. Mary – Nerds vs. Hunks

Happy Saturday needs, geeks, dweebs and other readers totaling 3.5!

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with another #31ZombieAuthors reblog. This time it’s Kate L. Mary, author of the Broken World series, who inspired nerds the world over with her assertion that women find nerds preferable to hunks.

I’m not sure if it’s true but she makes a good case. At any rate, I stopped doing sit ups and focused more on my action figure collection, but then again, I was already doing that anyway.

Enjoy!

Bookshelf Battle

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FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

Amazon          Website

Facebook         Twitter

Today’s guest is Kate L. Mary, author of the Broken World series.  Follow protagonist Vivian Thomas on the road in the midst of zombie mayhem as she and her DD’s convince a duo of redneck brothers to give her a ride to California so she can locate the daughter she gave up for adoption.

A stay-at-home mother and Air Force wife, Kate and her family have lived in Georgia, Mississippi, South Carolina, California and Oklahoma.

Her Amazon author page states:

“Kate prefers nerdy, non-traditional heroes who can make you laugh to hunky pieces of man-meat…”

So in other words, there’s a distinct chance I might be able to convince her to become the Bookshelf Battle Blog’s 4.5th reader.

Hello Kate.  Thanks for taking my call on the space phone.

NOTE: BQB=BOLD; KATE=ITALICS

Q.   Let’s talk about the…

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Undesiredverse Question – Men and Women

In Chapter 15 of Undesiredverse: Wanted , we meet Zumani, Roman’s ex-wife or current owner, depending on whether you ask Roman or Zumani.

Zumani is a belladonna, a member of a species of hot supermodel type purple space babes.  Assassination is the number one industry on Belladon (I’m changing the name from Belandria’s Dawn), given that these ladies are able to so easily dupe idiotic men with their…assets.

As we learn in this chapter, a year prior to the events of this story, a cultural misunderstanding occurred.  Zumani asked Roman if he’d like to “tie the knot.”  Roman, an Earth human, took that to mean “get married.”  He loved her so sure, why not.

But “tie the knot” means something very different in Zumani’s culture.  She took Roman’s assent as an invitation to literally tie a damn rope around his neck and drag him to a priestess who performed a ceremony and declared Roman to be Zumani’s slave.

And thus we learn the lowly state of men on Belladon.  There aren’t any natural born males on Belladon.  The belladonnas just kidnap other worldly males and force them into servitude.  Men have no rights at all.

Throughout the story, Zumani never calls Roman by his name.  She just calls him, “property.”

As our story unfolds, Zumani becomes one of the many ne’er-do-wells on the hunt for Roman, hoping that by capturing him, she’ll be able to restore her honor.  After all, a good Belladonna never loses her “property.”

To me, this is funny.  SPOILER ALERT – I only expect Zumani to make one more appearance in “Wanted” but if people become interested enough to see the story continue into a series, I forsee further awkward situations.

Maybe Roman will try to buy himself from Zumani.  Maybe Zumani will protect Roman because, “Hey!  You can’t kill my slave!  He’s mine!”  Or maybe, just maybe, Zumani will learn to have one of those so-called “equal” relationships with our hero.  Ehh.  Doubtful.

My question for you, 3.5 readers is, why is this funny?  Let’s face it.  Reverse the situation.  A race of dudes that enslave women.  That’s like a twisted horror film.  But an alien chick chasing a dude around the cosmos because she believes she owns him…that’s kinda funny.

At least I think it’s funny.  Maybe you don’t.  If it isn’t funny tell me why.

 

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Undesiredverse Question – Is Age Just a Number?

For the 3.5 readers paying attention, there was a big reveal in Chapter 20 of Undesiredverse: Wanted.

In earlier chapters, we saw Roman, our hero:

  • Punch a dude in the face in a rave club
  • Flirt with a space hooker
  • Fight a duel with an old friend
  • Take on 6 henchmen at once
  • Kiss yet another space hooker (I’m worried he might have a thing for space hookers)
  • Hang in the air from a hook attached to a ship piloted by Alien Jones
  • Fight a robot controlled by a highly evolved and super evil artificial intelligence on top of a ship as Alien Jones flies it all over the place.
  • Dive through the air without a parachute to save an alleged space hooker (though it kind of looks like she’s not a space hooker)

All the work of a young man, wouldn’t you say?  (I know.  There are too many space hookers in this story)

Ahh, but there’s the rub.  In Chapter 20, we learn that Roman is 65 years old.  In the future, humans start taking a drug called Rejuvatrix at age 25, which allows them to retain a healthy, 25-year old looking body for the next 275 years, a 300 year life span in total.

  • Plot wise, it makes things interesting.  There are older, wiser humans but you might debate whether or not they are because they still look 25.
  • But then again, perhaps “maturity” is a relative term.  In theory, most people don’t really want to slow down.  They just do because their bodies are telling them to.  In other words, your 65 year old grandpa would probably fist fight a robot on top of a space ship and kiss space hookers if he wasn’t sleepy all the time.
  • An extended adolescence is created.  0-100 is considered youth.  100-200 is middle age.  200-300 means you’re elderly.  But again, to confuse things, from 25-300, you look like you’re 25.
  • By the time we figure life out, we’re too old to do jack about it.  It amazes me that we expect people to choose their life’s path at 18, an age when they have no idea who they are, what they are capable of, what they’re good at and not good at, and most importantly, what would make them happy?  We need Rejuvatrix so we can all take a century to just go out and find ourselves.
  • For the 3.5 people reading the story, did it change your view of Roman to learn that he’s 65?  He certainly doesn’t act like today’s 65 year old.  In fact, when Alien Jones showed him a picture of what I (Eduardo Ricardo aka BQB) will look like when I turn 65 (a future event for me, or a past event for future Jones, if you sit down to do the math)…Roman freaks out at an image of what a 65 year old looked like in the early part of the 21st century.

 

 

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Jessica Jones

I’ve seen the first two episodes on Netflix.  Enjoying it so far.  Very noir.  Very cool.  Stylish but also with super heroes.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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PSA: Lightning Infused Toaster Pastry Toilet Death

Hello 3.5 readers.

I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler, a World Renowned Poindexter, Reviewer of Books, Movies and Assorted Cultural Happenings, and a Champion Yeti Fighter.

But today, as we prepare to give birth to our Thanksgiving food babies and slowly ease ourselves out of our tryptophan coma (preferably in reverse order so you don’t have to clean your sheets), I’d like to talk about a cause that’s near and dear to my heart:

Lightning Infused Toaster Pastry Toilet Death.

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Right now, as we’re kicking back and enjoying seconds and thirds of pie and karate chopping each other over the limited amount of technological gadgets at our local stores, let’s take a moment to remember those less fortunate, the people who aren’t here to take part in festive holiday frivolity because…

…they’re dead.  Yes.  They’re friggin’ dead.  They were powerless against the allure of a giant, lightning infused toaster pastry so they ate it then died on the can whilst trying to expel a trapped lightning bolt from their nether regions.

Every year, 942 million Americans die on the toilet while trying to eliminate a pesky lightning bolt.  What?  Those figures are suspect because at present there’s only roughly 321 million Americans.

Well sir or madam as the case may be, if you want to quibble with the fine folks at the Fake Institute for Bogus Research’s findings on Lightning Infused Toaster Pastry Toilet Death then you’re free to do so, but personally, I think you’re being just a tad insensitive.

To date, I am the only known survivor or LITPTD.  And that’s only because I met William Shakespeare in the afterlife and he told me that God gave me a second chance so that I can search for the meaning of life.

Come to think of it, I do need to finish that story and let you all know how it worked out.

3.5 readers: But Bookshelf Q. Battler, what can WE do against the LITPTD scourge?

I’m sad to say, not much, 3.5 readers.  You see, the so-called, quote unquote “medical professionals” don’t recognize LITPTD as a real condition.  Most inflicted people just shoot the bolt out their butt and then croak and then the EMTs who arrive just assume the deceased had a brain spasm due to over zealous pushing.

In fact, had I not returned from the dead to alert you fine 3.5 readers of this affliction, I don’t anyone would ever be aware.  Who knows just how many individuals have died in the throws of a lightning infused toaster pastry expulsion only to have it mislabeled as a random butt straining death by incompetent medical professionals?

I’m here.  LITPTD is real.  Get used to it.  Oh, and also, steer clear of it.  Far away from it.  Seriously, if you know someone who has eaten a lightning infused toaster pastry, get out of the house and drive to the next state over.

Thank you 3.5 readers.  Enjoy your weekend and remember, stay away from lightning infused toaster pastries.  Sure they taste good going in, but they’re make a terrible mess on the way out.

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