Tag Archives: books

Have you read my book yet?

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

Do you want to write like me?  Well, you can’t.  The only way you could conceivably ever be able to write like me would be to invent a time machine and arrange for Ernest Hemingway to bang Jane Austen and somehow become the resulting love child.

No time machine?  Well, sorry, you’re screwed, but that’s ok, I’ll still give you some of my best ideas for the low, low, incredibly low price of 99 cents.  My prices are insane and I’m practically giving my writing prompts away.

You know, 3.5 readers, I’m not trying to guilt you but I do have expenses here at BQB HQ.  I have to keep the moat stocked with toilet gators to keep zombies and solicitors at bay.  I have to keep my yeti cage electrified.  I need to scrape the barnacles off my feet.  Seriously.  This place is hemorrhaging money.

So help me by putting your finger in my financial dyke and buy your copy today.  If you can’t afford 99 cents then take stock of your life choices and stop drinking and get a job so that you can afford a copy of my fine book.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.

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Help Me Get Over 500 Facebook Page Likes!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

My Facebook page is currently at 387 likes.  Can you help me get it over 500?  All you have to do is visit and like it.  Then you’ll have my posts in your feed and then you’ll have an excuse to ignore your Cousin Larry’s post about his lunch because you’ll be too busy reading my stuff.

https://www.facebook.com/bookshelfqbattler/

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My Prices Are Insane!

I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!  Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:

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My book is free!

No strings attached.  Download it for free on Amazon.  Read it.  Don’t read it.  You don’t have to do anything other than get a free book:

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Get My Book for Free!!!

Hey 3.5 cheapskates.

World renowned self-published author Bookshelf Q. Battler here with some good news.

First, I’ve renewed “BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts” for another term with KDP select, which is great news for Amazon as I know they have really been counting on all those extra cents I have been bringing in for them.  Jeff Bezos can finally afford to put some crème in his coffee and it’s all thanks to me.

Second, there’s good news for you 3.5 skinflints because now, you can read my book for free.

Look, I get it.  You’re all poor.  Really poor.  But that’s cool because now you don’t need money to enjoy my book.  You can get it for free right now and all this weekend right into Tuesday.

So what are you waiting for?  Go grab my book today and you’ll be able to write like me, BQB:

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How the West Was Zombed – Cover Contest – New Poll

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

I’m stuck.  Having a hard time picking a winner for my How the West Was Zombed book cover contest.

It’s down to two.  There’s the first with the cowboy in the trenchcoat, a shadow of the cowboy looking down over the shadow of a cowboy riding a werewolf, chasing a train and fighting zombies.  I like it because this designer actually attempted what I was looking for and it reminds me of a Louis L’Amour novel cover.  They all usually feature a solid color on the front and then a drawing of a cowboy doing some cowboy shit in the center.

The second one seems pretty standard, a bit of a tribute to Clint Eastwood.  I put two different versions, blue shirt vs. black shirt.  He wears a black shirt in the story but the blue shirt seems to pop more on the cover.

I think I like the first more but my gut tells me the thumbnail of the second would pop more in the Amazon store and sadly that’s usually what matters most.

What do all 3.5 of you think?

https://99designs.com/contests/poll/d5bp3j

 

 

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Toilet Gator Second Draft Production Begins

3.5 readers, I am so excited to tell you that I have begun the long, hard slog toward finishing a second draft of my beloved novel, “Toilet Gator,” which really and truly is the best novel ever written about toilets, gators, or toilet gators.

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My goodness, 3.5 readers.  Isn’t that a wonderful cover?  Anyway, this is the first time I have begun a second novel draft.  It seems like it will be a long, arduous process.  The novel is approximately 140,000 words and so far I have rewritten 7,000 of them.  It is nice to be able to start solving problems I saw as I wrote the first draft but felt it would just slow me down to fix them, so now the time to fix them has come.

I hope when this book comes out, you will all support it and tell your friends, because if Toilet Gator is a success, then I can really bank some cash on the sequel, Son of Toilet Gator:

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You don’t even want to see what the cover of Book 3 will look like.

3.5 readers, I’ll be honest.  I’m no spring chicken and the older I get, the more I just want to stop and smell the daisies, then lie down in the dirt and wawit for the moss to grow over me.

So, if this blog makes you happy, and you think that being able to read wonderful books like Toilet Gator and Son of Toilet Gator would bring joy to your life, then please, do what you can to support my little enterprise here.

Read this fine blog.  Tell your friends.  Help get me some traffic.  If I can make money off this, then I can put more time into entertaining you, my beloved 3.5 readers, who I would never want to see be eaten by a toilet gator.

Do watch out for toilet gators, 3.5 readers.  They’re everywhere and in greater numbers than you’d think.  Frankly, I have taken my life into my hands by publishing their secret, so much so that I get scared every time I sit on the throne to poop now, and not just because I’m a burrito fan.

Stay tuned, 3.5 readers.

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Vote for Your Favorite Cover – How the West Was Zombed

Hey 3.5 readers.

How the West Was Zombed was my first finished book draft, the one that started it all.

Finally, I’m getting it a cover.

So, vote for your favorite.

https://99designs.com/contests/poll/e821zg

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Someone in England Bought My Book

Do I have to fill out twenty forms to be able to accept the 29 British cents or is that Amazon’s problem and I’m accepting money from Amazon, an American company?

I dunno.  I don’t want to be accused of being a British spy for accepting 29 British cents just because some guy in Liverpool wanted to check out my writing prompts. Lord knows I have always vowed to report redcoats wherever I see them and I have never allowed the King to quarter troops in my domicile.  Also, I never drink tea and have urged all of my neighbors to throw their tea into the nearest harbor.  I even burned all my Beatles albums…except for Hey Jude because if you can listen to that song and not cry you are a heartless bastard.

Surely, someone out there has had your book bought by a British person…what do you do?

(Also, thank British person for buying my book.  If anyone else wants to buy it, they can do so here.)

Bookshelf Q battlers for Amazon

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