3.5 readers, my twisted short, When Superheroes Quit, is totes free this week, so be sure to grab a copy and find out what happens to Horrendous City when The Righteous Champion quits being a superhero to focus on his budding pop music career.
Bookshelf Battle
The only site where new bestsellers are forced to do battle for space on a nerd's bookshelf.
Monthly Archives: October 2020
Movie Review – The Postcard Killings (2020)
A serial killer run amuck! An American forced to work with Europeans!
BQB here with a review of “The Postcard Killings.”
I liked this one. In a year where there hasn’t been much in the way of new releases, this was a good mystery. Plus, as a fan of The Walking Dead, it was good to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan not just in a lead role, but in a role that’s a real person and not a cartoon character come to life.
Morgan plays Jacob Kanon, an American cop who arrives in London when his daughter in son-in-law are murdered during their honeymoon vacation. Unwilling to wait while the Brits discover whodunnit, he throws himself into the fray, quickly learning that similar murders have occurred all throughout Europe, brutal killings in which the victims are posed in positions similar to famous works of art.
Along the way he works with journalist Dessie Lombard (Cush Jumbo) and his ex-wife (Famke Janssen) to crack the case.
I suppose I can’t say much more without revealing the plot but overall, it’s a good mystery.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy.
Movie Review – Vampires vs. The Bronx (2020)
Gentrification really sucks, 3.5 readers.
BQB here with a review of this Netflix horror/comedy.
This movie was a fun, silly surprise, reminding me of all those 1980s horror films of yesteryear where plucky kids would band together to fight monsters because their out of touch, unable to believe in the unbelievable parents won’t lift a finger. Though it takes place in modern times, it feels inspired by The Goonies, the Monster Squad or what have you.
Here, the vamps come in the form of a real estate company, buying up every house and store in the Bronx and replacing them with trendy, foofoo chic crap – i.e. condos, artisan butter stores and so on. To comic effect, one bodega owner tries to get in on the action, attempting to peddle kale and oat milk to the influx of wealthy yuppies.
Enter heroes Miguel, Luis and Bobby who discover that this real estate scheme is just a front for the vamps to hide their coffins under the neighborhood’s collective nose, so the bloodsuckers can feast on the locals. They might do something to stop it if Miguel’s mother will ever stop yelling at him out the window about how he needs to change his underwear while he’s trying to chat up some girls.
Humor and shenanigans ensue as the kids go on a quest to bring the vamps down, while inept adults occasionally help or hinder their progress.
And yes, I suppose the overall point of the movie is to compare white purchasing and “gentrification” of minority neighborhoods to vampirism but I’ll let you 3.5 readers get into the politics of it all.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy
Movie Review – Hubie Halloween (2020)
Well, I suppose I had to watch it sooner or later.
BQB with a review of Adam Sandler’s latest Netflix movie, “Hubie Halloween.”
I wish I could remember who said this so I could give them credit, and I’m going to be paraphrasing here, but I remember one time a reviewer likened Adam Sandler to a drug dealer in that both provide products that the public consumes and yet both never stop to think if they should. Ouch.
However, as Sandler movies go, this isn’t his worst, and if you’re looking for a film that will put you in the Halloween spirit without being too scary, this will work.
Sandler returns to his Waterboyish demeanor as Hubie Dubois, the constantly dumped on and made fun of town doofus in Salem, MA, which you history buffs may recall was the home of the Salem Witch trials in the 1600s and thus has been the locale of many a Halloween based movie.
Hubie is a man child, having never really grown up. He works in a deli and in his free time, he holds himself out as a self-appointed town volunteer, involving himself in this or that cause on the auspices of being a good citizen but ultimately, you the viewer quickly realize that this guy is so awkward and lonely that he basically volunteers for a reason just to come into contact with people.
His favorite time of year is Halloween and as the town’s self-appointed “Halloween monitor” he spends his days in October snitching on kids who are purchasing absurd amounts of eggs and toilet paper, lecturing school kids on Halloween safety and dodging all the various objects that townsfolk throw at him while riding his biycyle.
Long story short, someone is kidnapping townsfolk on Halloween night and it is up to Hubie and his trusty Swiss Army thermos full of soup to solve the case. Along the way, he’ll have to dodge bullies like Ray Liotta, Time Meadows and Maya Rudolph, collaborate with police officer Kevin James, and win the love of his high school crush (Julie Bowen who I recognized but wasn’t sure from what until I looked it up and realize she played Sandler’s love interest in Happy Gilmore and has still got it!)
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure who this movie is for. Sandler still practices that old school style of unwoke comedy though you can sort of tell it was run through a filter where various suits probably told him “You can’t do this or that or this or that and here’s as far as we’ll let you go.”
As someone who was alive during Sandler’s early heyday, I appreciate his style, though Im not sure many today still do…or then again maybe they do as this movie is ranked in the Netflix’s top ten as of late (at least, last I checked).
It does have some swears and some adult jokes, yet overall it is silly and childish so I can’t see adults loving it – it is Halloween based so you’d think it would be for the kids yet due to the aforementioned swearing and adult jokes, I’m not sure you’d want your young kids to watch it either. I believe it is PG 13 which seems about right.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy.
Movie Review – Ava (2020)
Jessica Chastain as a lady assassin. What could go wrong?
Well…it’s not that this movie is all bad, but it could have been a lot better.
There’s star power. Colin Farrell. Geena Davis. John Malkovich. Common.
But alas, the plot is rather thin.
Chastain plays Ava, a woman who, years ago, had a falling out with her family and ran away to join the army and later, become a hitwoman for hire, beholden to a mysterious agency, Malkovich playing Duke, her handler.
The reasoning for the running away from her fam – well, it sucks but in the grand scheme of things, everyone probably has a story or two to tell about the time they came of age and realized that their parents and/or siblings weren’t the heroes they thought they were when they were young. I won’t spoil it but as backstories go, it seems more like a story that would make a young person want to get a job at Walmart and get a crappy apartment just to get some personal space and not the kind of story where you’d become an assassin but whatever.
The story fluctuates between the main plot of Ava vs her agency, i.e. she has begun to question whether it is right to be an assassin and thus the agency wants to take her out before she grows a conscience. It would probably be good if it focused on this, but it delves into sideplots – i.e. Ava returns to her hometown and squabbles with her mother (Geena Davis, once a great beauty and I think it would have been better if she’d grown old gracefully rather than try to cling to youth with plastic surgery but to the flim’s credit this is poked fun at) and her sister, who is now betrothed to Ava’s old boyfriend, played by Common. In a third subplot, Ava takes on the underground gambling operation that Common’s character owes money to.
There are parts where the acting falls a little flat, but I don’t want to call out the offending actors. Not that it matters. Only 3.5 people read this blog anyway.
My feeling is with a better script this movie could have been a lot better but instead it serves as sort of a showcase for the talents of a lot of actors and perhaps a stepping stone for Chastain to enter into the badass female character genre.
But I’ll be honest, if it weren’t for COVID shutting down theaters, I probably wouldn’t have wasted much time with this.
STATUS: Moderately shelf-worthy.
GET A FREE BOOK – FOR FREE!!!
FREE is better than paying, 3.5 readers.
No, really. It’s fine. I didn’t want to get paid. Making money is for losers. I just want to put a smile on your face with a free book.
So go on. Grab a copy of my new book, Freefall (A FREE BOOK WITH FREE IN THE TITLE) for FREE!
That’s right. It is FREE for the next 5 days.
Buy My New Book – Freefall
Hey 3.5 readers.
Seriously, isn’t that a great cover?
The latest installment of BQB’s Twisted Shorts is now available on Amazon.
The blurb:
When amateur skydiver Larry Rutledge takes his first jump out of a perfectly good airplane only to find his primary and backup ripcords have been sabotaged, he’ll have five minutes and 13,500 feet to figure out how to save his life…if he can. If there’s any time leftover, will he be able to solve the mystery and identify the parachute saboteur? Will it even matter if he doesn’t survive?
A tale of money, an illicit affair, thrills and suspense awaits you in this, the fifth installment of BQB’s Twisted Shorts. Do you like “The Twilight Zone?” Do you like “The Outer Limits?” Do you like “Black Mirror?” Well, BQB doesn’t have the budget to make shows as awesome as those, but his self-published journey toward creating an episodic anthology has begun.
Community Table Read
Hey 3.5 readers.
Remember Community? Such a funny show.
Late 2000s/early 2010s, Big Bang Theory and Community vied to be the big nerd shows that celebrate nerdery. Big Bang was formulaic while Community was edgier.
I enjoyed it and can’t believe how time has passed since. Anyway, the cast got together for a YouTube table read of the episode Cooperative Polygraphy.
Freefall Cover
Hey 3.5 readers.
My next installment of BQB’s Twisted Shorts is about an average schmuck who goes skydiving for the first time, only to find his primary and backup cords aren’t working.
With 5 minutes before he hits the pavement, he needs to figure out how to save himself, if he can. Also, foul play is suspected, so will he be able to figure out who sabotaged his parachute and why?
Here it is. The cover for BQB’s Twisted Shorts – Volume 1 – Issue 5 – Freefall.
I think this is the best of the 5 covers. The other 5 were great but this, wow, I mean, if you’re browsing through a bookshelf and see this cover, you want to open it up and find out what happens to this guy, don’t you?
The No One Reads My Blog Song
No one reads my blog!
Oh, no one reads my blog uh uh og.
No one reads my blog!
Oh no one reads my blog uh uh og.
Why won’t anyone read my blog?
Why does anyone do anything?
Why won’t anyone read my blog?
If you have to ask then you know why!
Oh my blog is read by only 3.5 people,
and that is a very generous estimate.
Really when I blog I am shouting into the vast vacuum of outer space.
My blog is so poorly read that the mob could have hidden Jimmy Hoffa on my site and no one would know!
Oh my blog! No one reads it!
But maybe they will some day.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have 3.5 readers.
So at least I have that anyway.
Bookshelf Battle 