Tag Archives: writing


I’m Crazy BQB and my book prices are INSANE!!!

Get this free book and don’t forget, it’s FREE!

“But BQB,” you say. “I’m trying to save money because gas prices are higher than a clone made from a mix of the DNA of Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg and Woody Harrelson.”

Good for you! Then you shouldn’t be spending money on books. You should be getting this free book instead:

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I’m Number 1! I’m Number 1!

My short story, “The Phone Did It” about one man’s cell phone that commits crimes in his name while he sleeps, is the number 1 free technothriller on Amazon today.

Ha! Eat your heart out, Dan Brown!

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Eight Years of this Exceptional Blog

Memories, like the corners of my mind…I can’t finish that song. I don’t want to infuriate Babs Streisand copyright lawyer.

Eight years ago in March I started this exceptional blog and eight years later, I have acquired upwards of 3.5 readers. How do I do it? Beats me.

2021 and as it turns out, 2022 thus far have been sad in the life of BQB. However, I am confronting a lot of my mistakes and problems and ultimately, hoping for five minutes of peace and contentment before I reach the end of my life’s journey, hopefully longer yet.

Anyway, here are some thoughts as I look back at eight years of bloggery:

#1 – The coolest thing I did on this blog was #31zombieauthors. Feel free to search this site for that hashtag if you like. Each day in Halloween of 2015 I posted a different interview of an author of zombie fiction and was surprised to actually score a few decent sized names in zombie lore and/or self publishing.

#2 – I self published my first book on Amazon in 2017. I self published a second one in 2018 but took it off because it didn’t really go anywhere (it was intended as a series I never got around to continuing.

#3 – Terrible as the pandemic was, especially at its height, I managed to use the time for a lot of writing. I self published 7 short stories and a collection of those stories, bringing my overall Amazon catalog to 9 books.

#4 – I’m due to self publish Shop Buddy this year and I think I might be able to self publish one book every third of the year i.e. by May 1, Sept 1 and Jan 1 2023.

#5 – I used to get a lot more comments and readers chiming in but that stopped. It might have been because my blog was new in the early years but I used to put my work into it whereas I eventually realized I don’t have enough time for everything, so I turned my attention to self publishing and less on blogging. I did blog once a day in 2015 which helped build the blog up, even though it only has 3.5 readers.

Anyway, thank you for being my 3.5 readers. Travel down the road and back a-geeters? Your hearts are true, you’re my pals and my confidants.

SIDENOTE: My main regret for this fine blog? In the beginning, I just wanted to get into blogging so I came up with a random idea to snap a pic of some action figures on my bookshelf. My idea was that I was going to post book reviews and post the books I reviewed in the midst of action figures doing funny things on said bookshelf.

But that was too much work. For a long time I did character posts, writing columns as silly characters.

Now it is pretty just me and my movie reviews. Things evolve I suppose.

Oh, my regret. Yeah, I’d pick a name other than Bookshelf Q. Battler. I knew nothing of self publishing when I first started blogging, but once I blogged about writing, I dove down the rabbit hole, learning all about people who have successfully built their own book publishing businesses and I wanted in. So if I’d known that from the start, I’d pick a cool name like Lance Hardrock or something. I’ve noticed writers with even ridiculous nom de plumes get more respect if their fake names are at least names. Meanwhile half my Amazon reviews are like, “Fuck you! You’re an inanimate object!” I mean they obviously arent that bad but it feels like there’s a weird psychological thing where people are cool posting smack about a dude named after an inanimate object whereas people are like “I cant hurt Dirk Rippedpecs’ feelings!”

In short I wish I’d known up front that this would eventually morph into a blog about my self publishing endeavors and movie reviews. I would have picked a cooler name up front.

I suppose it’s not too late to become Lance Hardrock. I only have 3.5 readers but then again, that’s better than the 0 readers I began with.

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Shop Buddy – First Draft Done!

Hey 3.5 readers.

I have an announcement. Today, I finished the first draft of Shop Buddy, a mystery/comedy that took me, eh I’d say about a year to write, though I took long breaks here and there.

The plot? Steve is a recent philosophy major and graduate of a notoriously bad college. Unemployed and unemployable, he takes a job with Shop Buddy, a website/app where people shop for goods and deliver them straight to the customer’s door. When he screws up an order big time (the customer wanted a birthday cake but the app told him to bring her a box set of Oingo Boingo’s greatest hits) he is demoted, and forced to work with his ex-girlfriend Kendra, another recent college grad who is finding it difficult to find a real job, which isn’t fair, because she did all the right things you’re supposed to do.

Amidst this backdrop, Steve gets a bizarre order from a strange old man. Knives. Chainsaws. Rubber gloves. Ropes. Chains. What is the old timer up to? Could he be The Fairmont Falls Lady Snatcher, a vile abducter of women that the media won’t stop talking about? Kendra says yes. Steve says no. Will these two unravel the mystery? Will they rekindle their lost love and most important…will they ever find real jobs?

It’s very satisfying to finish a first draft. And while it has my naughty brand of humor, I kept all eff bombs out of it so I’d say, it’s rated PG 13 at best. I think this will be my first full length self published novel (I have published short stories but never a novel) so stay tuned.

Still a lot of work ahead but nice to have the first draft in the bag.

Sidenote – I was inspired to write this at the height of the pandemic, when I relied on grocery delivery and I would be shocked at how I could put down something like apple and get back all manner of ridiculous things where you’d have to stand on your head side ways and wonder how they thought that had anything to do with apples.

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This book is FREE the next couple days, so grab your FREE copy:

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Merry Christmas, 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal, BQB here.

Tis the season for looking back and reflecting and with my overall goal of becoming a super awesome big time fancy writer, I have to take stock of how far I advanced toward that goal.

This year, I published three books:

In January, I put out “The Second Death” about a fame seeking weirdo who seeks long lasting infamy, the kind that survives long after his demise.

In February, I published a collection of six short stories – “BQB’s Twisted Shorts: The Complete First Volume.” Werewolves, superheroes, sabotaged skydivers, wacky conspiracy theorists and more.

And finally, in March I published “The Phone Did It.” This one popped into my head at random and I felt it was inspired. It’s about a salesman with an unusual product, an automated cell phone that knows you so well, it just does whatever you would have done anyway. Ahh, but what if said salesman has demented thoughts that he would have never acted on without a soul-less mobile device willing to do the dirty deeds for him?

Funny, I published three books in the first three months of the year. I hoped I would keep it up and publish one book a month but unfortunately I stalled out by April. The key seems to be to publish very short books, approximately 100 pages or so. The longer the book, the longer it takes to publish. Even so, 3 books in a year is pretty good and here’s hoping I can add to my BQB Amazon catalog in 2022.

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How Many Free Books This Year So Far?


I just wanted to make a note of that so I wouldn’t have to add up the monthly totals again. Pretty cool, but I’m not sure how I only have 3.5 readers after giving away so many free books.

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I’m Number 1! I’m Number 1!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Just a fun note. Thanks to a Freebooksy feature, my short story, Freefall is as of this post:

1 in 90-Minute Literature & Fiction Short Reads

1 in 90-Minute Mystery, Thriller & Suspense Short Reads

2 in Single Authors Short Stories

Sorry, I didn’t know it would make the text that big when I cut and pasted it. Also, it is number 91 Free in the kindle store, which if my memory serves, I believe that is the first time I ever cracked the top 100 free.

In total, I was able to give away 1,055 free copies in one day of this fine book about a man who guys skydiving only to discover his primary and backup ripcords have been sabotaged.

As a bonus, 6 copies of my other books were sold. The proceeds were big enough that I can supersize my next taco. I know, sometimes it is frustrating…you give away 1,000 books and only sell 6…but I’ve noticed that when you do a promo like this, the reviews and ratings tend to trickle in over the next few months, which I assume means people grab up a free copy, then let it sit on their virtual shelf until they get around to reading it. At any rate, at least 1,000 copies are out there.

BTW, as some free self publishing advice, it really is all about the cover. I have done 2 freebooksy features for most of my books (a few I have only done 1). For all, I noticed a good return the first time, and a declining return the next time, which I assume a lot of people who use freebooksy grabbed it before and weren’t as interested the second time around (though the returns were still enough to make it worth buying a second feature.)

But this second go around for Freefall, the returns were still high, which tells me people see this poor schmuck holding his cut ripcord and want to find out what happens. Do you want to find out what happens? Grab your free copy!

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I’m Crazy BQB and my book prices are so low, I’m giving them away! Bah ha ha!

3.5 READERS: BQB, how low are your book prices?

BQB: I’m glad you asked. My book prices are lower than:

#1 – A crooked Congressman

#2 – A snake trying to win a limbo contest

#3 – That shawty in the Flo-Rida song with the apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur who got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low (while the whole club was looking at her.

In conclusion, get this free book?


Was there a low point in your life? (BTW the price of this book is lower than that.)

Maybe don’t feel too bad about that low point. Maybe that bad thing that happened turned out to be the best thing for the world.

Case in point. Evan Brooks has wasted his life pining for his ex, “the one that got away.” After some interference from a mysterious stranger, he learns their break-up was the best thing for the world, for by going their separate ways, they avoided having a son who becomes the world’s worst dictator. Now that he sees that world, Evan will have to figure out how to put the world above his own selfish needs.


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It’s official, 3.5 readers. Like a monk, I’ve taken a vow of poverty so I can pass on all the FREE BOOK savings to you.

When you download my book for FREE, what will you do with the savings?


#1 – Book a cruise. Meet the love of your live. Let your spouse down easy.

#2 – Buy a mansion. Hire a butler. Forget to tell your fam your new address.

#3 – Buy a major league baseball team. Learn about baseball so you can tell them how to play.

#4 – None of these things, because my book was only .99 cents to begin with, but with that extra almost-buck, you could put some extra cheese on your taco.

In conclusion, get my FREE BOOK FOR FREE with the awesome cost savings, you can put extra cheese on your taco:

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