Daily Discussion with BQB – Hamster Marriage

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3.5 readers, a very important discussion today.

Should hamsters be allowed to marry?

Specifically…should hamsters have the right…

  • to marry other hamsters?
  • to marry people?
  • to marry cats?
  • to marry dogs?
  • to marry frogs?
  • to marry gophers?
  • to marry chimpanzees?
  • to marry platypi?
  • to have straight hamster marriage?
  • to have gay hamster marriage?
  • for three hamsters to get married?

This is truly the great question of our age.  And I don’t ask it lightly.  Frankly, I dont know where all the hamsters in the pet store are coming from, but I can only assume that all those hamsters are the result of some very hardcore hamster fucking and I am tired of these hamsters living in sin, having all kinds of freaky hamster sex without exchanging vows and making it all official in the eyes of God.

Further, and please, stop being a bigot, folks, OK?  It’s 2018, so I really think that if we are going to let straight hamsters get married then we should let gay hamsters get married to.  It’s time, folks.  OK?  It’s time.

If hamsters want to marry outside of their species, I’m fine with it.  If a hamster wants to marry a duck or a mongoose or something, that’s fine.  Who am I to tell a hamster that he or she can’t love a penguin?

And I’m not going to tell a hamster that he or she can’t love an inanimate object either, so if a hamster wants to marry a deck of playing cards or a bag of chips or a tasteful rendering of Wayne Newton, bare chested and riding a unicorn into outer space, who am I to say no?

Now, you might wonder, how could a hamster fuck an elephant or a goat or a donkey or a bucket of extra crispy fried chicken or a roll of wet paper towels.  While I applaud your inquisitive mind, I remind you that this is none of your business.  You don’t need to know.  Hamsters aren’t taking notes about your sexual habits so you don’t need to take notes about theirs, OK?  Sheesh. 2018 people.

Anyway, please let me know your thoughts on the important issue of hamster sex and/or more importantly, hamster marriage and whether or not you support hamster matrimony.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Should our currency be changed from dollar bills to ripe pomegranites?


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The Third Draft of Toilet Gator Begins Today!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Hold onto your butts.  I’m so proud to announce that the third draft of Toilet Gator, the best novel ever written about an alligator who eats people while they are pooping, begins today.  I hope this will be the last draft needed and then I’ll be able to get it to the editor later this summer.

I just hope I will be able to remain humble when the literary awards start coming my way.



BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The Dictator (2012)

“Ahh, America.  The birthplace of AIDS.”


BQB here with a review of “The Dictator.”

You have to admit, in the abstract, dictators are funny.  They often wear ridiculous clothing, absurd hats, uniforms with 10,000 medals pinned to them, live in golden palaces while their people starve, assassinate anyone who offends them in the slightest way…the list goes on.

In reality, they aren’t funny at all, especially for those who live under their cruel regimes.

Call it comedic chops, call it good satirical writing but somehow, Sacha Baron Cohen managed to make me laugh non-stop in 2012 when he donned the guise of Admiral General Aladeen, the Supreme Leader of the fictional country of Wadiya.

He executes henchmen who get the prize in the cereal box.  He has a Wii that allows him to practice murdering Jews.  He gets pissed when his nuclear missiles aren’t pointy and although he hates the West, he can’t get enough of the best that the West has to offer…sports cars, material possessions, and famous women (Megan Fox in a cameo as herself.)

On paper, this all sounds horrible.  Nothing to laugh at.  But in Cohen’s hands, he morphs it into a tour de farce where you laugh, not at the people who suffer under dictatorships, but at the sheer insanity that occurs in countries where the people are subjected to the whims of a maniacal lunatic.

In other words, while civilized nations deal with dictators with military action or sanctions, Cohen lambastes, making them look like fools, making it clear that men like Aladeen are mere boys in men’s clothing, squandering their country’s resources on expensive toys and grudges.

I’m not sure why this movie popped into my head.  It has been out for six years, and I rented it at the time.  On a whim, I rented it this weekend and laughed and laughed, though I’m not sure the humor holds up today.

Aladeen is savage in his insults of anything he deems too liberal, perhaps a not so subtle attempt to argue that America’s far right and the Middle East’s far right aren’t too far from one another.  Fear not, for there is a part where it’s shown that America’s far left isn’t much to write home about either.  Pretty much anyone on the extreme side of politics is lampooned through the vile Supreme Leader, as the jokes make us wonder whether or not we might have some wannabe Supreme Leaders in waiting right here in America.  Personally, I think pundits on TV take it too far when they compare American politicians to dictators because, hey, let’s be honest, America isn’t perfect but it’s 100,000,000 times better than, say, well, a country like Wadiya.

Lost in America when his right hand man (Ben Kingsley) double crosses him, it’s up to Aladeen to expose an impostor and…ironically…save his country from becoming a democracy, and strangely, Cohen is able to get us to suspend disbelief long enough to root for this scumbag even though in the back of our minds we know he deserves all manner of punishment and at the very least, to be brought before an international war crimes tribunal.

Along the way, Aladeen falls in love with (what a twist) the crunchy granola chomping hipster/organic food collective manager Zoe (Anna Farris.)  Weapons grade political incorrectness ensues as Aladeen insults Zoe’s hippy appearance regularly, from her unshaven pits to her boy hair cut to her small boobs.  Not sure that humor stands up in today’s highly PC climate, but six years ago, people were able to get the context, i.e. that men like Aladeen are scumbags who have no ability to see women as anything but objects for their pleasure and yet are too stupid to not realize why they are so lonely.

STATUS:  Worth a rental.  Funny highlights include Aladeen discussing with his science advisor the intricacies of applying cartoon logic to nuclear bomb making; Aladeen laughing through public promises to not use his nuclear program to blow up Israel; female guards who break boards in half with their boobs.

Over the top gross out jokes ensue though, including a rather deranged running gag involving a severed human head so, yeah, not for the squeamish, or now that I think of it, for even the most semi-respectable of citizens.

Top Ten TV Dads of All Time

Happy Father’s Day, 3.5 readers. If you missed it, here’s my list of Top TV Dads.

Bookshelf Battle


Happy Father’s Day, 3.5 readers.  Today’s the day to grab the family patriarch a cigar, a beer, and a steak and treat him like a king, to make up for the other 364 days a year where you walk all over him.  Come on.  You know you do.

In honor of this illustrious day, from BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten TV Dads of All Time:

#10 – Ward Cleaver (Hugh Beaumont) “Leave it to Beaver”

The man worked hard and he rested hard.  Came home every day to a clean house and a nice home cooked meal.  June would have his slippers and newspaper waiting for him so he could chill by the fireplace.  He’d dispense some words of wisdom to his sons, Wally and the Beaver, but then June would take care of all the washing their clothes and cleaning behind their ears bullshit…

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Movie Review – Tag (2018)

Tag, you’re it, 3.5 readers.

BQB here with a review of “Tag.”

I love it when a movie pleasantly surprises me.  Going into this, I expected a fairly standard to possibly mediocre comedy.   I didn’t expect anything great or terrible, just something to pass the time.

I was wrong.  This movie is a laugh riot and who knew that Jeremy Renner had comedy chops.  Not this guy.  That’s who.

Renner, Jon Hamm, Ed Helms, Hannibal Buress and Jake Johnson star as a group of friends who have been playing the same game of tag every May since childhood.  While they were kids, simply running around the neighborhood whilst slapping each other was fine, but now that they are adults and men of means, they resort all kinds of tricks, schemes, antics and shenanigans to trick each other into getting tagged.  From wacky costumes, to elaborate set-ups and even downright lies, nothing is sacred as these pals try to one up each other.

Renner plays the king of the tag game, having never, ever once been tagged.  To tag him is the holy grail of the game, and as his wedding approaches, the tag posse see an opportunity, not to be there for their best bud on his big day….but to give him the tagging he so richly deserves.

Isla Fisher stars as Helms’ foul-mouthed wife who takes the game more seriously than her hubby, pushing her man to engage in all kinds of hi-jinx to tag their long time adversary.

Meanwhile, Annabelle Wallis stars as Rebecca, a Wall Street Journal reporter who is so taken aback by the silliness that she follows the group in order to report on their taggings.

Interestingly enough, the movie is actually based on a Wall Street Journal article about a real life group of friends who kept a game of tag going from youth well into adulthood.

The movie’s motto is “You don’t stop playing when you get old, you get old when you stop playing,” and ironically, the game gives the friends, who all live in different parts of the US, to drop what they are doing every May and seek one another out.  How sad that friendships blossom in youth only to require an excuse to continue in adulthood, but alas, that’s the way life goes.

Very funny.  Made me bust a gut several times.  Renner is hilarious as he takes down his would be tag assailants with expert precision and extreme prejudice.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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I’m Failing this Fine Blog

Hey 3.5 readers.

I don’t know.  Been busy lately.  Been down in the dumps.  Haven’t found time or energy to entertain you.  Further, the little time and energy I get I try to put in my book writing endeavors.

Hoping to get first part of Last Driver and Toilet Gator out this year.  I guess if I do that it will be progress.  I’m not sure I have the patience for this writing game.

Daily Discussion with BQB – Why is the Star Wars Franchise in the Dumper?

Hey, 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

“Solo” did poorly at the box office, though strangely, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Meanwhile, the latest saga films, “Force Awakens” and “The Last Jedi” were commercial successes, but the fans aren’t happy.

“Rogue One” did well commercially and in my opinion, is the best of the four new films.

I do believe this is partly “Star Wars fatigue.”  Absence makes the heart grow fonder and when 10-20 years passed between sequels, you really got excited to see a new film.  I was 20 when “The Phantom Menace” came out and while today, I think that movie does not hold up, at the time, I was just so excited to see light sabers being whirled around on screen again.

Say what you will about the prequels, but they did, absent an occasional hiccup, at least attempt to follow the pre-established rules of the universe.  Plus, the characters were put into peril, so the stakes were high.

Sure, you know faves like Yoda or Obi Wan weren’t going to buy the farm, but faves like Mace Windu or Qui Gon Jinn were kicking the bucket so the peril made you grip the edge of your seat.

Cliffhangers and new threads meant something.  When new questions popped up, you’d get answers.  Maybe not answers you wanted but you got something.

Here in the new saga films, there’s a lot of jerking us around.  Too clever by half writers saying, “Ha!  Fooled you!” and not realizing that if there’s no payoff we are losing interest.

So, if we’re getting a new film once a year, plus the films aren’t paying off for the super fans, I don’t know, this doesn’t bode well for the franchise.

I think either they should have cast new actors to play Han, Luke and Leia (younger actors) and start a new three part saga right after the end of “Return of the Jedi.”

Either that, or they should have put it far into the future and just wracked their brains to create all new characters, perhaps some older aliens who live longer coming in from the old films, but a whole new setup with heroes and villains.

Instead, they tried, just as King Solomon once did, to split the proverbial baby and as we all know, babies don’t split well, they are much better off intact in one piece.  A future that was just an homage to the past didn’t bode well.

My two cents.  What say you, 3.5 Jedis?

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Have a nice day, 3.5 readers.

That’s all.  Have a nice day.

What’s up, 3.5 readers?

I got nothing.  Enjoy your day.