My Online Auction Addiction and What Should I Do With My Punisher Helmet?

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

In recent weeks, I developed an addiction to an online auction site.  I don’t know why, just…so much fun memorabilia and while I’m not rich by any stretch I am finally at a point in my life where I can afford the very occasional frivolity.

Long story short, I bid on and won a Punisher football helmet signed by Jon Bernthal, the actor who plays the Punisher on the Netflix series.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.  In retrospect, I don’t like football.  I’m not a huge Jon Bernthal fan.  I think he’s ok. Honestly, I didn’t know his name and always referred to him as that actor who played Shane on The Walking Dead.  By the way, I always thought Shane sucked because his big gripe is that Rick was mad that he banged his wife like literally five minutes after Rick was presumed dead.  Although I guess if I thought Shane sucked then Jon Bernthal did his job.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t dislike Jon Bernthal….I just don’t worship the guy or anything either.

Long story short, I bought it with an eye toward putting it on a shelf that heretofore had nothing on it.  But when it arrived, it came in the helmet’s original box and inside, it was sealed in a plastic bag so….I guess now I’m worried about taking it out.

Will air, dust and fingerprints ruin the Jon Bernthal signature?  Should I just tuck it away in the closet somewhere?  Perhaps in ten years it would have a nice resale value?  In fact, maybe I could secretly root for Jon Bernthal to become an Academy Award winner so its value could increase.  Maybe Jon Bertnhal will score a role in the Toilet Gator movie!

Then again, I don’t know.  Maybe it would be fun to keep it on the shelf and look at it.  Perhaps I could get a glass case for it or something, or is a glass case overdoing it?

It is also signed by Ebon Moss-Bachrach, who plays The Punisher’s technical assistant Micro.  I gotta be honest, I only watched the first season so I didn’t know there was a Micro.  I had never heard of this actor before but I could root for him to be an Academy Award winner too.

Hell, if Bernthal and Moss-Bachrach win in the same year I could retire off this thing.

Sidenote- I gotta be honest, I originally wanted to win an Avengers football helmet signed by Stan Lee, but the bids on that were way too high for a humble blog proprietor to afford.

Double sidenote – This wasn’t totally silly because as a kid, I did like and read the Punisher comics.  I don’t know why, I just thought out of all the superheroes, he was the most believable.  He had no special abilities or powers.  He was just a vigilante who violated all norms of due process and criminal procedure law and just shot bad guys in the face.  Like honestly, I love Batman, but at least Batman would leave a bad guy hog tied so the cops could find him and arrest him and put him on trial.  The Punisher would just extrajudiciously decide that a dude was guilty and blow his head off with a bazooka.  As an adult, I do realize that this lack of due process is wrong though so Batman is probably the better vigilante.

In conclusion, should I leave the helmet sealed in the bag and inside the box and in a closet or should I take it out and put it on a shelf?

(Sidenote – I also bought a first issue, first edition GI Joe comic book that came sealed in a plastic case and a 1966 Superman Comic Book that did not come sealed in a plastic case and that after that, that was it.  OK it wasn’t it, I actually bid on a lot more things but thankfully, I lost all those auctions and then after that I stopped and quit cold turkey..)

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Movie Review – Ad Astra (2019)

Space.  There’s a lot of it.  BQB here with a review.

Similar to Interstellar, this film gives us a peak into the future of so-called “doable” space travel, i.e. there are no space operatic ships that fly at warp speed or laser sword battles or what have you.  Instead, it focuses on the idea that deep space travel is indeed possible if man is willing to invest the time and money.

Brad Pritt stars as Roy McBride, an astronaut who has been recruited for a sensitive mission – to find his long lost father (Tommy Lee Jones as Clifford) who, thirty years prior went on a mission to Neptune to search for alien life and then disappeared, never to be heard from again.

The first half of the film starts out strong, meditating on a number of blunders that humans would likely export from earth to outer space, namely America’s moon base has become commercialized with fast food joints on every corner and warring factions fighting over resources back home are fighting over moon resources as well.

The film is visually beautiful and inspiring, reminding us that, at least in terms of getting to the far reaches of the Milky Way, doing so doesn’t have to be the stuff of science fiction as long as we open our hearts, minds, wallets and are able to find people who are willing to spend long chunks of their lives on space travel.

While I don’t want to give away spoilers, I’ll say that the second half of the film is riddled with gaping plot holes and though I’m but an amateur, I’ll just say there are parts where the science doesn’t add up and the doings are unlikely.  There are points where it feels like the writers pushed hard through most of the movie only to take a nap at the end.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Gets a little disappointing at the end.

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Is this Pug…

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…a cold pug who is being swaddled to warmth?

…a wise monk pug?

…a Jedi pug?

…a stoic pug?

…a pug who stole a towel?

…a pug who bought a towel?

…a pug who once was wet but now is dry?

…a member of an ancient order of pug assassins?

…a wise pug elder?

…a wizard pug?

…the keeper of ancient pug secrets?

What do you think this pug is?  Answer in the comments?

I Have No Topic

So please enjoy this photo of an adorable kitty:

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TV Review – Stranger Things Season 3 (1980)

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

It took me awhile but I finally got through Season 3 of Stranger Things.

These are probably bland observations but I’ll make them all the same.

#1 – The nostalgia factor for someone who grew up in the 80s is fun.  From the music choices to the overall feel, the Duffer brothers know that decade which is odd because I don’t think they spent a lot of time in it.

#2 – Often in movies about kids who save the day, the kids are usually presented as geniuses and the adults as bumbling idiots who get in the way  Here, not so much.  Hopper and Joyce are integral to the plot and aren’t treated like dummies getting in the kids’ way.  Also, the kids are kids.  They make kid mistakes and they need, or rather even seek out parental help because they know their limits whereas other films would show a kid genius who is just being slowed down by the adults.

#3 – Look away if you don’t want spoilers, but the final mall battle where the kids throw fireworks bombs at the monster is visually stunning and fun to watch.

#4 – Russians are the villains and kids and adults alike really dump on them throughout the season, calling them commies and deriding communism as evil and corrupt.  I didn’t think that was allowed anymore in today’s PC world, even in a period piece.

#5 – They do tend to work 80s era actors into the series.  Winona Ryder, aka Joyce was a popular kid actor in the 80s.  Sean Astin of Goonies fame has a brief role as her love interest in Season 2.  In Season 3, Cary Elwes of Princess Bride fame plays a villainous mayor.  Comedian Paul Reiser plays a scientist that experiments on the evil monsters.

#6 – I think the challenge for the show was trying to keep reinvent itself after an initial plotline that was cool at first but over time became somewhat limiting.  For example, after two seasons of battling evil monsters that inhabit the “upside-down” version of their town (basically, an evil parallel universe) one wonders why anyone still chooses to continue to live in Hawkins, Indiana.  Season 3 upped the game by bringing Russians conducting an evil experiment in the bowels of that 1980s staple, the shopping mall and it looks like (spoiler alert) Season 4 will likely involve a plot to rescue Hopper from the upside-down.

#7 – I’ve run out of observations but if you have any, leave them in the comments.  In the meantime, don’t click on the video below if you don’t want a spoiler.  Otherwise, enjoy the kids’ rendition of “The Neverending Story” theme song.

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BQB’s Friday the Thirteenth Inspired List of Mistakes People Make in Horror Movies

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, I’m a couple days late, but I hope you enjoyed (or at least, survived) Friday the Thirteenth.

Behold my list of horror movie character mistakes.

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Avengers Homecoming Dance Video

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.  Just wanted to share this video that’s been making the rounds.  A bunch of kids at an Arizona high school did an Avengers themed dance routine and I have to say, it’s pretty on point.  Everything is so detailed that they had to have spent a ton of time on this.  The songs are keyed into the characters, they do battles, there weren’t any screw ups as far as I can tell, I mean, these kids could go pro.

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What is this Bunny?

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Is this bunny…

…a magic bunny who can grant wishes?

…an adorable bunny who poops rainbows?

…a wise bunny who can tell you the secrets to the universe?

…a murderous bunny who will bite your face off if you come too close?

…a happy bunny who will spread joy throughout the land?

…a kitty that someone has glued big ears to?

…a bunny who identifies as a dog?

…the actual Easter bunny?

…the King of Bunnytopia?

…a carrot addict?

…a carrot addict with such a serious problem that he steals from all the other bunnies just to feed his three bushel a day carrot habit?

Personally, I prefer to think this bunny is Dr. King’s dream come alive, for he is a perfect example of two colors working together to make something cute.  You didn’t think of that so you are probable a racist bastard.

But I forgive you because not everyone is as great as I am.  Anyway, let me know what you think this bunny is in the comments.

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Will You Play a Rousing Game of Ms. Monopoly?

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

So I saw that Hasbro has come out with “Ms. Monopoly,” which I guess is meant to celebrate women or something, though that’s odd because it’s not like the original game is limited to male or female players.

A key rule change in this version is that female players get $240 when passing go whereas men get a measly $200…because, um, I guess the best way to celebrate strong, independent women is to give them a headstart because they need it because men have all the advantages but also, they don’t need it because they’re so strong and independent and so on.

This is where someone woker than I will point out that this rule change is a commentary on the unfairness of society and that men on average make more than women so see if you men playing this game like it when the women make more for a change.

Then, this is where I would tell the person who pointed this out that they are comparing apples to oranges because sure, women on the whole make less than men on the whole, but that’s because many women often choose less profitable occupations, and amongst the non-college educated, men always have the opportunity to get into construction or roofing or contracting and many women tend to not be interested in such professions and if you are worried then the way to fix it isn’t by just shouting down the imaginary boogeyman that is lurking in the shadows, doling out extra money to men, but rather, to look at why many women don’t go into more lucrative fields and working on ways to break down those barriers.

Moving on…in light of this new game, here are some upcoming female based board games (and/or woke board games):

#1 – Ms. Clue – Without even opening the box, just assume all male players are automatically guilty and send them directly to jail with no concerns for constitutional due process.

#2 – Ms. Twister – Female players will have a rollicking fun time as they spin the wheel that tells them which brightly colored dots they must put their hands and feet on, contorting themselves into all manner of silly positions.  Male players will decline to play and will huddle in a corner, recording themselves on their cell phones, saying things like, “Look, I’m all the way over here!” and “Here are my hands!  Look at my hands!  I’m keeping my hands to myself and away from all of those dots!”  and pointing out that they are not anywhere near the women and that these recordings will hopefully bail them out of any legal proceedings.

#3 – Woke Operation – Though the patient is the one who decided to drink himself until his kidneys exploded, you’ll need to be overtaxed to pay for this operation.  Also, you must chop off the patient’s penis and attach a vagina without making the game buzz.

#4 – Woke Risk (Or Woke Stratego) – The player who plays as America must forfeit all turns and give up all territory and possessions to all other players to make up for past injustices.

#5 – Woke Scrabble – Same point awarding system as before, but if you try to use your tiles to spell out any pronouns, you must slap yourself in the ball sack with a ball peen hammer.

#6 – Woke Game of Life (Millennial Edition) – All players under 35 just fart into their webcams and become automatically millionaires.  Anyone born before Reagan was president can literally go fuck themselves.

#7 – Ms. Chutes and Ladders – All female players get to climb the ladders.  All male players get kicked down the chutes.

#8 – Ms. Pictionary – All drawing clues just require the players to give a middle finger to the patriarchy.

#9 – Ms. Trivial Pursuit – Female players are awarded an extra pie wedge everytime a male player mansplains the answer to a trivia question.

#10 – Ms. Hungry Hungry Hippos – The game begins when the male players throw all of the little balls into the ring.  All female players will then proclaim that their hippos are not hungry…but then they will nibble on the balls that the men are eating…more and more until the male players just wonder why the female players didn’t just order their own damn white balls but, ok, then the male players calm down and realize that the female players” hippos are under a lot of pressure to please society by looking hot so they’ll go along with the rouse and pretend like the women players’ hippos didn’t eat all the white balls and the male players’ hippos will go back into the box starving but they’ll do it because they know to order more white balls would be taken as an insult.

The male players’ hippos will then pick up the check even though the female players’ hippos have jobs and money and are empowered and shit.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Should Deodorant Come in Boysenberry Scents?

I’m tired of that chemical perfume smell.  I want to smell like lavender, vanilla, oranges, citrus, and creme de menthe.

Do you also want to smell like this?  If so, please invent such wonderful smells and put them into aerosol form.

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