Tag Archives: self publishing

Happy Sunday, 3.5 Readers

Below, inform me of your book projects, writing projects or barring that, projects you are working on so that you suck less in January 2020 than you do right now.

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A Rap About the $1.66 I Made From Selling My Books On Amazon

BQB Editorial Note: I made $1.66 on my Amazon books, which you might scoff at, but do keep in mind that this is the first time I’ve made over a dollar so…it can only go up from here.  Here is a rap about it.

rappa

Aw yeah.  Aw yeah.  Mic check…1…2….1…2…

Lay down the beat, here’s what we gonna do.

I’mma head out on the town, take out my baby boo.

I got a dollar sixty six in my pocket to buy some drinks for me and you.

Oh, wave your hands in the air, if you a true player,

Throwin’ down two thirds of two dollars without havin’ any care.

But just beware of the limelight.

Busters want yo dollar and change and they gonna start a fight.

Blak-kak-kak-kat goes the gun blast!

Down to ground goes my ass.

Blood in my eyes, much to my surprise.

Some fool got my buck and a half, he capped my ass and now am I gonna die?

No, cuz I look to the sun and I know there’s more to do.

Gotta make another buck sixty six for me and a buck sixty six for you.

Gonna party on a yacht full of fat ass bitches.

Use all my dollar sixty sixes to eighty six all the hatas and da snitches.

Cristal flowin’ like a river and the shoties show me love.

Someone upstairs lookin’ out for me, cuz’ this dolla sixty six came from up above.

Uhh.  Yeah.  Uhh.  Yeah.  Dolla sixty six y’all.  Y’all wish you had a dolla sixty six.

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Merry Christmas, 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

Merry Christmas.

I’ve been writing this blog since 2014.  Next March, it will be 5 years.  My Christmas wish is that next year this little enterprise will actually start turning a profit.  Toilet Gator will hopefully come out in 2019 and if a book about an alligator who eats people while they are pooping can’t make me a millionaire then I don’t know what will.

In the meantime, check out one of my books below and if you have a spare 99 cents, feel free to buy one.

What is your Christmas wish?  Discuss in the comments.

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Check Out Lee Hall’s The Teleporter

Hey 3.5 readers.  Please cast all 7 of your eyes on Lee Hall’s “The Teleporter” on Amazon:

Full disclosure, Lee wrote a nice review of the first episode of my series, “The Last Driver,” so I’m trying to return the favor here.  That being said, a book about a drunk with the power to teleport sounds like a funny premise to me.  I’m sober myself, but I’d love the power to teleport.  Wouldn’t it be great to go wherever you want, whenever you want and not have to get on a plane or get bogged down with all the traveling and pay all that money on plane tickets and so forth?

Check it out today and if you like it, give our British buddy a nice review!

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Great Musings of the Twenty-First Century -#426-450

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#426 – I’d bang my head against the wall but I don’t like pain.

#427 – I once defeated a Bandersnatch with nothing but my pinky finger, a jar of cake batter and my brute strength.

#428 – I don’t watch television.  Television watches me.

#429 – Is it possible to hustle and bustle at the same time?

#430 – Why doesn’t anyone ever build a snow woman?  Is it because people are sexist or because tacking on a pair of snow boobs seems inappropriate? OK, but then you could decide your snow woman is flat chested, but do you want to resign your snow woman to that cruel fate?  Always being the last one invited to the snow person dance?  Right, but who are you to say that being a flat chested snow woman is a cruel fate?  Maybe the flat chested snow woman has a keen wit and a charming personality that more than makes up for…and, screw it.  Let’s just make a snow man.

#431 – Everyone likes eggs over easy.  No one likes eggs under hard.

#432 – I may or may not be a shaman.

#433 – Kale is not delicious but it is nutritious.

#434 – It is my life’s goal to date a bimbo.  I don’t know that I want to marry one, but I’d like to take one to a movie and to get a pint of rocky road ice cream with.  Basically, I would like to study bimbos in their natural habitat and report my findings to the masses.  Who am I kidding?  I am a man so I would probably marry one if given the opportunity and then she would take half the profits from my book publishing enterprise.  Joke’s on her because she’ll spend a lot on lawyer’s fees just to get fifty cents.

#435 – When there’s a knock on your door, it could be anyone from the police, to a murderer, to a neighbor looking to borrow a cup of sugar, to a friend bringing you a box of cookies to the love of your life who you are about to meet for the very first time.  Some visitors will make you regret opening the door.  Others will make you elated you opened the door.  Sadly, you’ll never know if opening the door was a good or bad idea until you open it.  Then again, you could always ask who is at the door, though keep in mind the person could always lie.

#436 – There is a skeleton in my closet.  His name is Fred.

#437 – It has been a long time since I went to a party that had a punch bowl.  Then again, it has been a long time since I’ve attended a party.  Come to think of it, have I ever been invited to a party? FML.

#438 –  I find these musings amusing.

#439 – If you always walk backwards, you’ll never move forwards…unless you move backward in the direction you wanted to go in the first place.

#440 – I wonder if there is an exact double of me out there somewhere.  Then again, there’s no way there could be two such sexy motherfuckers in this world.

#441 – I want to get out of town…or do I want the town to get out of me?

#442 – Watermelon is neither water nor a melon.  Discuss.

#443 – Ignorance is bliss.  If I could be 35% dumber, I’d be so much happier.

#444 – Waffles are better than pancakes.

#445 – I’ve never seen that Nutcracker play they are always putting on at Christmastime.  Ten years with my ex-wife was enough.

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Buy My Book!

Sorry, 3.5 readers.  Gotta keep the lights on.

Are you, like me, a conspiracy theorist who is constantly worried the government is going to descend into a dictatorship that will control ever aspect of your life?

First, get help.  Second, get a copy of the first episode of The Last Driver, now available on Amazon for 99 cents.

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Buy My Book!

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

I try not to overload you with this but occasionally I have to pitch my stuff, so please, if you are so inclined, stop on over Amazon and get a copy of my big book of badass writing prompts for 99 cents.

Here’s a spoiler.  You can use them as inspiration for your writing if you want, but it’s really just a vehicle for all my jokes that have kept you 3.5 readers captivated for so long now.

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Self-Publishing Seems Like an Uphill Battle

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

So here’s what surprised me about self-publishing.

I never thought my books would take off overnight and turn me into an instant millionaire.

I am surprised that there’s so little interest in them.

Call me naïve but I just figured, wow, the Internet, you know?  You put your book on Amazon and Amazon is checked by zillions of people so someone searching for a topic related to your book so just by pure chance there should be at least a hundred bucks worth of purchases right there.

100 purchases at .99 cents a piece?  Is that a lot?  I don’t know.  Is it a lot in comparison to the millions of people who go on to Amazon constantly?

It’s like being the guy that sells oranges on the side of the road.  At least 5 people out of the 1000 who drive past you will buy an orange.

I don’t know.  I’m just surprised because I haven’t made enough money to count on the fingers on my right hand yet.

Am I complaining or being a crybaby?  Yes, though that’s not the intention.  I guess I just thought Amazon was the ultimate tuna filled ocean and if I dipped my net into it, surely just by random luck I’d cash the occasional fish.

Do I need 100 bucks?  No.  Would 100 bucks change my life?  No.  I’m just surprised I’ve barely made a couple bucks.

During my recent giveaway, I did give out roughly 75 free books so I guess that’s cool.  I hope people liked them.

It’s a little frustrating and makes me wonder if it is worth it to continue but…who am I kidding?  I couldn’t stop writing if I tried.

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My Prices are Insane!

I’m Crazy BQB!  My prices are insane and I’m passing the savings on to you!

Seriously, 3.5 readers.  You just missed my free book promo giveaway, but it’s not too late to get one of my books for 99 cents.  That’s not even a dollar.  You’ll get to keep an entire penny.  What you do with that penny is your business. I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

So check out my Amazon author profile and get yourself a copy of one of my books today…or don’t.  That’s fine.  It’s a free country, so you don’t have to.

 

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Get The Last Driver – Episode 1 for Free!

 

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here to make a sales pitch…except it’s not really about sales because I’m asking you to get a FREE BOOK.  That’s right.  Totally free.

The Last Driver is set in the world of 2050, where self-driving cars are the norm and no one remembers how to drive anymore…except Frank Wylder, an old man who, in his youth (i.e. today) was a bank heist getaway driver for a criminal organization.

The years went on.  Frank retired from his life of crime and went legit.  In the meantime, oh, I don’t know, a freaking dystopian government that conquered the entire world was formed and know The One World order controls everything, literally everything.  They’ve set up the ultimate nanny state.  They make all your decisions for you.  Who are you going to marry?  What job will you have?  How much money can you make and Frank’s least favorite?  How many beers can you have in your fridge?

Yes, it’s the globalism vs. nationalism debate of today magnified times a thousand.  The globalists have one but the Nationalist Front seeks to overthrow the Order.  To that end, they kidnap Frank’s granddaughter and force him to drive for them on a series of anti-Order missions.

Don’t you just hate it when you’re stuck in the middle of two petty, bickering factions?

Get you FREE copy today!  Did I mention that it’s FREE?

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