Monthly Archives: May 2015

Tomorrow on the Bookshelf Battle Blog…

BQB’s undercover mystery project begins.

Don't miss Hatcher's mysterious adventures on the Bookshelf Battle Blog

Don’t miss Hatcher’s mysterious adventures on the Bookshelf Battle Blog

Jake Hatcher.  Failed boxer.  World War II hero.  Honest cop later turned hardboiled private investigator.  He carries the baggage of three ex-wives and a lifetime of regret.

In 1955, Hatcher fell asleep in his LA office only to wake up in 2014.  He’s spent the last year trying to figure out what happened to no avail.  Even worse, he’s surrounded by a world he doesn’t recognize and technology he doesn’t understand.

A mysterious blond dame offers him the chance to find his way back home but of course, there’s a catch.  He’ll need to dust off his sleuthing skills and get to work.

Is his new acquaintance on the level or is she working him over?  Time will tell.

But one thing’s for sure:

Hatcher will need your help.

One critic had this to say:

It’s writing.  Words are arranged in an order that can be read.

– Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent

Best review this blogger has ever received.

Catch up on the promos.

Meanwhile, BQB and the Meaning of Life is taking a hiatus.  It’ll be back in a week or so.  Catch up on what you’ve missed here.

One thing’s for sure, on a blog that features a goofy nerd, a conceited alien, a smelly yeti, and a mad scientist, we’ll finally get a character around here who can class up the joint:

Suck in your guts, nerds!  There's a lady present!

Suck in your guts, nerds! There’s a lady present!

Copyright Bookshelf Q. Battler 2015.  All rights reserved.

Images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Ask the Alien – Halfway Through the One Post a Year Challenge

By:  Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent

"Carry the one, add in the denominator and, hey!  What do you know?  It all still adds up to 3.5!"

“Carry the one, add in the denominator and, hey! What do you know? It all still adds up to 3.5!”

Greetings Earth losers!  No one’s bothered to consult my genius alien brain lately but that’s ok.  I’ve been monitoring your news reports and what with everyone down there on your pitiful excuse for a planet shooting each other every five minutes, I’ve no doubt you’ve all got this shit locked down.  Why bother asking a supreme being for answers when you all know everything anyway?

Sorry.  I don’t speak with emotion so you may not have noticed the sarcasm.

Anyhow, tomorrow Bookshelf Q. Battler will reach the halfway mark of his one post a day for a year challenge.  Yes, you poor people have been subject to BQB’s daily blatherings without a break for an entire six months now.  Either you didn’t notice or you’ve grown numb to the stupidity.

Stupidity?  I meant to say BQB is a genius.  I have to because for some peculiar reason, my boss, the Mighty Potentate, sees potential in this nerd.  That means I have to see potential in him to.

Yes.  Just change his name to Bookshelf Q. Potentialer.

How’s BQB doing now that we’ve reached the point of no return?

Let’s take a look:

WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS:

Dec 2014 – 450 approx

Today = 1,069

TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 

Dec 2014 – 2000 approx

Today = 4,586

VIEWS:

As of Dec. 2014 = 4,658

Jan-May 31, 2015 =  12,335

VISITORS: 

As of Dec. 2014 = 3,263

Jan-May 31, 2015= 6,941

YETIS ACQUIRED: 

As of Dec. 2014 = 0 (Considered a good thing

Jan-May 31, 2015 = 1 (A terrible setback)

I’ll hand it to our illustrious blog host.  The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.  I’ve never understood why Earthlings say that though.  Is there some criminal out there who hides all of the evidence against him at the bottom of a gigantic vat of tapioca?

But I digress.  Daily blogging, interacting with readers, social media, etc. has helped BQB put his stats on the rise.  He’s not at the point where he can assure the Mighty Potentate that his writing will distract the masses from the reality television that he despises so much, but it would appear that increased daily improvements, no matter how small, add up over time.

Thank you for your continued support of BQB.  Though I could care less, I can’t really, for the Mightiest of Potentates, He Whose Ganderflazer Dwarves Mine in Comparison, requires me to care.

So care I shall.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Movie Review – Aloha (2015)

Recently, one of my noble 3.5 readers accused this blogger of mincing words.  I described San Andreas as “not the best film I’ve ever seen but not the best either.”

The aforementioned reader had a point.  As a reviewer, I need to take a side.

Luckily, Cameron Crowe’s romcom Aloha makes it easy for me to be clear:

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of one of the worst damn movies he’s ever seen in his entire life.

Aloha – Sony Pictures 

Some movies are entrees – served up with expert precision, arranged on your plate in such a beautiful manner that you almost don’t want to eat them out of fear that once you do, the experience will be over.

Then, some movies are like a five dollar all you can eat buffet.  You shove a little bit of everything in your cake hole and the only result is that you leave feeling bloated and gassy.

With several storylines that meander all over and never quite hit their mark, Aloha, I’m sad to say, is one of those buffet movies.

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

I’m sad to say it because it’s not the star studded cast’s fault.  Bradley Cooper (Gilcrest) is charming, Emma Stone (Captain Ng) is adorable, and Bill Murray (Welch) is his usual zany self, though he’s more reserved these days as an elder statesman of comedy.  Rachel McAdams (Tracy) aptly plays Gilcrest’s long lost love while John Krasinski provides one of the funnier (dare I say redeeming) scenes of the film as Woodside, Tracy’s husband who, despite his strong silent type demeanor is able to communicate all he needs to say to Gilcrest with a few looks and a shoulder grab.

Plot lines are tossed at the audience like they’re tennis balls stuffed into a serve-o-matic machine stuck on the automatic setting.

Gilcrest and Tracy have to deal with their baggage.  Woodside has to learn how to communicate with his wife with actual words.  Ng is all business and is a zealous defender of native Hawaiian culture, Gilcrest has to choose between his job or his new love interest.  Welch is trying to launch his own space weapon in the guise of a communications satellite and those are just the highlights.

Character development isn’t the film’s strong suit.  We’re shown a brief Afghanistan flashback scene where Gilcrest is so distraught over his life that he doesn’t care when he’s shot by (I guess they were terrorists?  It wasn’t really explained).  Welch lobs an accusation that Gilcrest took a hundred thousand dollar bribe during his time in Afghanistan and that enormous plot line is never fully resolved, thus putting me in the awkward position of being expected by Hollywood to hope that an alleged traitor to his country will overcome the obstacles standing between him and his new lady love in true sappily sweet romantic comedy fashion.

No thanks.

Sadly, the film has two important messages that get lost amidst all the tomfoolery:

1)  All those vacation brochures you drool over that make you wish you could be in Hawaii right now are all well and good, but America isn’t in it for the macademia nuts and pretty scenery.  Hawaii serves as the lynchpin of America’s sphere of influence in the Pacific.  Seeing as how the islands play a vital role when it comes to U.S. global interests, we could probably do more to help the native people who call it home, many of whom aren’t exactly thrilled that we’re there.

2)  Over the past several years, space exploration has moved from government to private business control, with the claim fed to the populace that this is somehow a great move, that the uber rich will be able to dump more money into space technology than governments can.  That may be true, but as this film warns, people like Welch might use that power for unsavory purposes, though a billionaire trying to launch his own weaponized satellite seems like it’s more fitting in a James Bond film than a romcom.

Overall, the movie isn’t so much a cooked to perfection filet mignon so much as it is a bubbling over gumbo where Crowe, as chef, just tossed everything in his kitchen into the pot.  Is this a story about one man’s attempt to find hope again after the world has put him through the ringer?  Is it about love?  Is it about the military industrial complex?

The best description I can give is that Crowe took his signature work, Jerry Maguire, mixed it up with one of Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan novels, then went heavy on the romantic comedy angle, shortchanged the seedy, dirty military contractor angle and left the audience thinking that sadly, the no plot action film starring the ex-wrestler in the theater next door might have been the better choice this weekend…

which isn’t saying a lot.

STATUS:  Not shelf worthy.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

True Nerd Heroes -James Corden – May 2015

Super Geeks.  Fabulous nerds.  Dynamite dweebs.  In search of the perfect poindexter, I’m scouring the globe to find dorks who have cast aside society’s inherent anti-nerd bias and made their way to the top.

Thus, my first “True Nerd Hero” is British comedian James Corden, who recently succeeded Craig Ferguson as host on CBS’ The Late Late Show.

The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS – Arnold and other celebs put James on the path to talk show host glory.

He’s chubby.  He’s an infrequent shaver.  And no offense to this talented funny man but he kind of reminds you of that kid in high school who really shines in drama club but everyone feels the need to warn him to find another career because Hollywood doesn’t accept people who look like he does.

That’s less of a knock on normal, average looking people than it is on a movie industry that at some point decided that everyone in a film, from the main star to the extra waiter who’s on camera for five seconds to deliver the star a meal needs to look like a supermodel.

Alas,  the average person doesn’t have the time to work on their body 24/7 so to see a dude on TV who looks like he’d join us for a beer and some hot wings after the show is refreshing.

Corden is an inspiration to every nerd who, in his mind has said, “I want to sing!  I want to dance!  I want to act!” only to look in the mirror, sigh, and say, “But darn it, no one will want to see me do any of those things so I guess I’d better be an accountant.”

Hell, breaking into Hollywood isn’t easy for a Matt Damon look alike seeing as how there’s a limited number of paying acting gigs vs. an unlimited supply of perfect hair having, shiny teeth sporting, six pac ab having sons of bitches lined up to compete for them.

God bless you James, for clawing your way over all of them to become a true nerd hero.

Goddamn it man, you had a lead role in 2014’s Into the Woods, a movie where you sang opposite Emily Blunt and Anna Kendrick.  That’s true geek greatness.  You could have stopped right there and been a legendary geek but no, now you have your own TV show.

You hob nob with the uber rich and ultra successful and these people have accepted you as one of their own.  Moreover, you’ve fully embraced the concept of the late night talk show revolution, one where people care less about staying up late to watch some vapid celebrity drone on but rather engage them by performing some bit or game with them in an Internet clip we can watch whenever we want.

You’re a true nerd hero, James Corden.  You’ve convinced a new generation of nerds to follow their dreams.

Who should be BQB’s True Nerd Hero for June?  Nominate a nerd who has inspired you in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com or tweet it to @bookshelfbattle #truenerdheroes

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fake Book Review – A Dirge of Murder and Betrayal Series

A Dirge of Murder and Betrayal

A Six Part Book Series

AUTHOR:  Joel LL Torrow

PUBLISHER:  Drunken Elf Publishing Concern

YEARS OF PUBLICATION: 1985-Present

Character butcher.  Fantasy master.  Hat and vest enthusiast.  Santa Clause look alike.

Prolific writer Joel LL Torrow has been called these names and more, though “Fat Pay Cable Check Casher” would be more suitable if it weren’t for the fact that he refuses to allow his fame and fortune to go to his head, opting instead to live just a notch or two above an Amish person.

He still uses DOS.  He still utilizes an ancient blogging site.  And we’re fairly certain he churns his own butter, though we’venever seen him do it.

Joel LL Torrow, Author of the Dirge of Murder and Betrayal Series

Joel LL Torrow, Author of the Dirge of Murder and Betrayal Series

Where other writers have crumpled up their pages, declared their work to be too farfetched and thrown it into the trash can, Torrow was the man who boldly declared, “I’m going to pen an elaborately complicated series of fantasy books geared toward adults even though children are typically the fantasy genre’s target audience, AND it’s going to involve over 928 main characters AND I’m going to kill them all off constantly in weird unexpected ways.”

Yup.  He said all that.  I heard him.

Modest to a fault yet always good to his fans, Torrow recently held a Q and A session with his biggest fan, Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Queen Anara "Annie" Mistwake and her horse before it was transformed into a damn pegasus.

Queen Anara “Annie” Mistwake and her horse before it was transformed into a damn pegasus.

The following is the reading order of the series, along with a brief synopsis of each book:

Book 1 – A Match of Wits – All is well in the Kingdom of Wentzlendale.  The citizens prosper, the crops grow thick, and the various ruling clans get along famously.  Alas, peace is torn asunder when the dimwitted King Winkytiddles trips and falls down five hundred flights of stairs yet miraculously, manages to survive until he rolls out into a nearby pig farm and is eaten by ravenous swine, who leap on the chance for revenge against a Kingdom who has seen them as nothing but a source of bacon.

Weber and Sasha Prissypants, who respectively, hold the illustrious titles of Duke and Duchess of Shabadoo, believe their time has come.  Days before his passing, Winkytiddles drew up his last will and testament, which clearly states that the crown shall transfer to the Duke, since Winkytiddles had no heirs, as he had never married because all women found him hideous and weird and all the gold pieces in the royal treasury were not enough to compensate.

But the Cleric of Chutzington has something up his sleeve.  Tiddlywinks was, in secret, madly in love to a pillow he drew a face on, so much so that he pretended the pillow was his wife and even referred to three smaller throw pillows as their children.  The oldest, or rather, the pillow Windkytiddles had sewn first had a boy’s face drawn on it and thus, threw a series of backroom deals, the Cleric convinces the Holy Keepers of the Kingdom to declare pillows to be people, thus mandating by law that the crown passes to Prince Stuffy the First, the deceased King’s eldest pillow son.

BOOK 2 – In the Pillow King’s Name – Clan Prissypants declares this turn of events to be outrageous.  In a stirring speech, the Duke of Shabadoo declares, “It’s a f&*king pillow for f^%’s sake!”  Clans Sprankledank and Gibblegobble agree, and the three march toward Wentzenfort, the capital of Wentzlendale, prepared to sack the city and take control of the Kingdom.  They unite under a banner emblazoned with the motto that becomes the title of Book 3.

BOOK 3 – It’s a F&*KING PILLOW FOR F%*K’S SAKE! – Clans Dooradox, Schpratzenpatz and Donkenstein are all exceptionally religious, swearing undying loyalty to any proclamations made by the Holy Keepers, no matter how ridiculous, especially if they lead to a f%&king pillow being crowned King.  Their armies gather around Wentzenfort, prepared to protect the city at all costs.

BOOK 4 – A RAY OF SUN IN THE DARKNESS OF CLOUDS – Anara “Annie” Mistwake, abandoned in a gloomy forest as a child and raised by a band of drunken elves learns that she is the last member of Clan Zoovarin, the family who manufactured the pillow known as King Stuffy the First.  An interpretation of holy law suggests that the King Stuffy is therefore a descendant of the Zoovarin line and as the pillow’s elder sister, the crown is, by right, Annie’s.  The drunken elves are magical and use their powers to turn Annie’s horse into a damn pegasus.  Annie assembles a massive army of her drunken adopted elf relatives and prepares to march on Wentzenfort.

BOOK 5 – THE TOURNAMENT OF THE STAR QUARTER – The Pro and Anti King Stuffy sides agree to a momentary peace in the hopes that the question of who the crown belongs to can be solved in a tournament.  The Pro Stuffy side choose Burt Frederickson, a soldier revered for his bravery in battle.

The Anti Stuffy side selects Antagonizer Stabsmore, Legendary Stabsmith of the Stabsmore Isles, where the inhabitants are trained to be especially stabby from an early age.  Literally, all those people do is eat, drink and stab all day long.

In the tourney, Frederickson pummels Stabsmore within an inch of his life when the Duchess of Shabadoo breaks wind, thus distracting the would be champion and allowing Stabsmore to get the upper hand, which he uses to grind Frederickon’s face into a fine paste.

The Pro Stuffy side cry foul.  The Anti Stuffy side declare fair is fair.  All bets are off and the war carries on.

Book 6 – An End for Crying Out Loud Already – (coming soon this Fall) – Annie Mistwake flies over Wentzenfort, shouts, “Hey everybody!  Look over there!” and then watches as her drunken elves slaughter both sides, leaving her the throne, to the delight of her legions of loyal fans who buy Torrow’s books just to take in her adventures.

Surprisingly, Annie’s rule lasts less than five minutes.  Hungry from battle, she devours some expired cottage cheese and dies instantly.

King Stuffy the First is overthrown.  No seriously.  He is literally thrown into a trash can.  The peasants of the land abandon the monarchy form of government, install a democratic system and only proceed to elect rulers that make them yearn for King Winkytiddles.

Thanks to the magic bookshelf, a tiny version of Anara Mistwake has been known to fly around the BQB compound.  BQB has known her for years, yet she still insists on introducing herself and stating her multiple titles every time she sees him.

BQB’s attorney reminds readers this is a parody.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Movie Review – San Andreas (2015)

Holy Crap it must suck to live in Los Angeles.

At any given moment you could be burnt up in a wildfire, carjacked by hoodlums, or hell, you could be practicing your putt on the back nine when friggin’ Harrison Ford lands a damn antique World War II plane directly on your face.

On top of all that, earthquakes are always a constant danger for the west coast due to the San Andreas fault and thanks to big blockbuster special effects, audiences are given a front row seat to experience just how horrifying it would be to trapped in the middle of one.

“Shut your mouth and know your rule, you 9.0 on the Richter scale, jabroni!  Can you smell what the Rock is cookin’?”

Because…you know…the Rock used to be a wrestler and he’d call his opponents jabronis and ask them if they can smell what he’s cooking?

Never mind, 3.5 readers.  Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of this summer’s wide scale disaster film, San Andreas.

(I know.  I’m disappointed that it wasn’t about the video game that took away a large chunk of my early  to mid 2000’s.)

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

Trailer – San Andreas – Warner Brothers Pictures

I’m sorry.  I forgot we have to refer to the lead actor as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  He’ll always be the Rock to me, but I don’t want to quibble with a guy who could rip my arm off and beat me with it.  I don’t think he would, he seems like too nice of a guy, but the point is he totally could so why chance it?

Johnson stars as Ray, an LA Fire Department rescue chopper pilot.  He’s in the process of a divorce with his wife Emma (Carla Gugino).  Together, they scour the California coast in search of their daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario), braving a non-stop onslaught of falling buildings, debris, explosions, floods looters along the way.

Blake teams up with two British blokes, her love interest Ben (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) and Ben’s little brother Ollie (Art Parkinson) as they face all sorts of mayhem on their own.

Paul Giamatti lends his fine tuned character acting skills to bring us Lawrence, the Cal Tech professor who was able to predict the earthquake was coming but no one listened.  Once the carnage ensues, people are all ears it’s it up to Lawrence to save as many lives as possible by getting across the message that more large scale seismic activity is on the way.

Overall, the film is more of a thrill ride on screen than a vehicle to deliver any sort of a plot, though it does have its dramatic flair moments.  Ioan Gruffodd of the original Fantastic Four films plays the cowardly Daniel, the man Emma’s left Ray for only to instantly regret it once his true colors are shown.

(Between you and me, 3.5 readers, in a film about a man flying around in the middle of a major earthquake, the most far fetched concept is the idea that a woman would dump the Rock in the first place.  I mean, I don’t know, I’m not a woman but I’d venture that few are able to resist the smell of what the Rock is cooking.)

If the movie serves any social purpose, it would be that once all of the CGI eye candy is digested, the very real danger of earthquakes and other devastating natural catastrophes are something that we should be preparing more for.

I’ll have to consult with Dr. Hugo because I honestly have no idea what kind of warning systems are in place and what evacuation procedures are available for Californians other than to run around with their arms flailing as the chunks of cement come flying overhead as illustrated in this film every two seconds.

As disaster flicks go, it wasn’t half-bad.  Not the worst film I’ve ever seen but not the best either.  It’s definitely something you’ll enjoy more on the big screen so it’s worth a trip to your local theater.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

PS – Am I the only one who didn’t know that guy’s name is Ioan Gruffudd?  I feel like I’ve seen him in a zillion movies/TV shows over the years but never did I once suspect he was packing a moniker like “Ioan Gruffudd.”

Kind of sounds like he could be the villain in the next Star Wars movie.  “Quick!  Use the force or Ioan Gruffudd will conquer the galaxy!”

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

And Now a Word from Our Sponsor…Beige Corp!

Beige

HOUSEWIFE HARRIET:  I want to wear a dress with a color that’s not too showy.

DR. PETE FOGELTREE, DENTIST: I want to paint my office a color that will soothe my patients and help them relax.

MURRAY SCHMETZ:  I need a pair of pants in a color that says, “Hey, I’m trying!” but “Whoa, not too hard!'”

ANNOUNCER:  Beige.

HARRIET, PETE, MURRAY:  Say what?!

ANNOUNCER: BEIGE!

(HARRIET, PETE AND MURRAY look dumbfounded)

ANNOUNCER:  Beige Corp!  The world’s foremost supplier of beige products and accessories!

MURRAY:  Tell us more!

ANNOUNCER:  Wear white after Labor Day and you’ll get a visit from the fashion police!  Black and you’ll

Operators are standing by at the Beige Corp Call Center.  Order your beige products and accessories today!

Operators are standing by at the Beige Corp Call Center. Order your beige products and accessories today!

be considered a gothic weirdo!  But beige?  Why, it’s the most non-threatening of all the drab colors!

Murray:  Golly!  People won’t think I’m trying to make some kind of statement if I wear beige will I?

ANNOUNCER:  Absolutely not!  Beige says nothing about you as a person at all!

MURRAY:  Thank God.  I’m tired of trying to act like I have a personality.

ANNOUNCER:  Beige clothing!  Beige accessories!  Beige appliances!  Beige cars, houses, pencils, pens, refrigerators, couches, computers, airplanes, hockey pucks and hats!  We won’t stop until the entire world is beige!

HARRIET:  Thanks Beige Corp.  Now I can cover myself up in public and not get accused of being a show off.

ANNOUNCER:  As if you have anything to show off anyway!  Call us with your orders now.  Our diligent and highly productive employees are standing by.

Beige Corp…a proud sponsor of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life!

Beige and sleepy call center lady images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

BQB and The Meaning of Life on Wattpad

Are you a nerd?

BQB's editor, Capt. Bananas

BQB’s editor, Mr. Bananas

Do you like reading about nerd-ventures?

Do you have nothing else better to do?

If you prefer the on-the-go wattpad experience, BQB has been slowly but surely adding his epic journey to Wattpad.

Check it out here.

You’ll miss out on the funny photos and BQB is not as fast at loading the story posts over there, but it does load up in an e-reader type format for your phone, tablet, etc.

Tagged , , , ,

Fit Nerd Trains the Yeti – Promo 2

THE TRAINEE:  The Yeti

OCCUPATION:  International War Criminal, Fuzzy Snow Monster, BQB’s Mortal Enemy, Currently Detained for Crimes Against BQB HQ

HEIGHT: 10’0″

CURRENT WEIGHT: 1,000 lbs.

HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR A TEN FOOT TALL YETI: 800 lbs (verified by Dr. Hugo Von Science, Distinguished Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University)

WEIGHT LOSS GOAL: 200 lbs.  Fit nerd will consult Dr. Hugo as to what a healthy time frame would be for a Yeti to lose that much weight.  Obviously losing too much too fast would be unwise.  He may need to even bring Alien Jones in on this.

ROAR!  I demand tacos!  ROAR!

ROAR! I demand tacos! ROAR!

THE TRAINER: Fit Nerd

WHO IS HE:  Once topping the scales at a point where he was just one stop through the Drive-Thru away from spending the rest of his life on a Little Rascal scooter, Orville Kerplotsky changed his life by dedicating himself to a healthy diet and regular exercise.  He wrote a book about his experience and called it, Fit Nerd.  In it, he outlines his journey back to good health and how he made exercise easier by streaming Dr. Who while walking on a treadmill.

ARE WE DEALING WITH THE ACTUAL FIT NERD? – No.  The real Orville is chilling in Malibu in a hot tub in Malibu with a bunch of supermodels who pretend to love listening to him babble about his theories vis a vis the good doctor.  Concerned about the Yeti’s health, BQB purchased a copy of Fit Nerd’s book, put it on his magic shelf and the tiny version of Orson that popped out has agreed to train the Yeti.

WHY DOES BQB CARE? – He blames himself for introducing the Yeti to a Western diet.  The Yeti used to live on leaf rations in his Siberian village but has since been on a steady diet of cheese stuffed crust pizza and bacon infused cola ever since coming stateside.

FIT NERD!

FIT NERD!

BQB’s Attorney advises:  This new feature will be a fun discussion about health but should you rely on and or take advice from a fictional nerd?  No.  He’s a fictional nerd for crying out loud.  Consult your doctor as to what health/fitness strategies would work best for you.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Three Days Till Hatcher

Mark your calendars, 3.5 readers.

Jake Hatcher, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Eye

Jake Hatcher, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Eye

Project X gets a name and begins Monday, June 1.  Hardboiled 1950’s era detective Jake Hatcher will become a guest contributor for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, which should be interesting seeing as how computers aren’t exactly his strong suit.

He is 95 years old, after all.  Looks good for his age, doesn’t he?

Past meets present and our illustrious gumshoe will need your assistance.

BQB will explain what this new feature is all about on June 1 and then Jake will take it away June 2.

BQB and the Meaning of Life will be on hiatus for awhile, but will return later in June after Jake’s first adventure.

In the meantime, you can catch up on your BQB and the Meaning of Life reading or check out some of the Project X promos.

Detective image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,