Holy Crap it must suck to live in Los Angeles.
At any given moment you could be burnt up in a wildfire, carjacked by hoodlums, or hell, you could be practicing your putt on the back nine when friggin’ Harrison Ford lands a damn antique World War II plane directly on your face.
On top of all that, earthquakes are always a constant danger for the west coast due to the San Andreas fault and thanks to big blockbuster special effects, audiences are given a front row seat to experience just how horrifying it would be to trapped in the middle of one.
“Shut your mouth and know your rule, you 9.0 on the Richter scale, jabroni! Can you smell what the Rock is cookin’?”
Because…you know…the Rock used to be a wrestler and he’d call his opponents jabronis and ask them if they can smell what he’s cooking?
Never mind, 3.5 readers. Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of this summer’s wide scale disaster film, San Andreas.
(I know. I’m disappointed that it wasn’t about the video game that took away a large chunk of my early to mid 2000’s.)
OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING
Trailer – San Andreas – Warner Brothers Pictures
I’m sorry. I forgot we have to refer to the lead actor as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. He’ll always be the Rock to me, but I don’t want to quibble with a guy who could rip my arm off and beat me with it. I don’t think he would, he seems like too nice of a guy, but the point is he totally could so why chance it?
Johnson stars as Ray, an LA Fire Department rescue chopper pilot. He’s in the process of a divorce with his wife Emma (Carla Gugino). Together, they scour the California coast in search of their daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario), braving a non-stop onslaught of falling buildings, debris, explosions, floods looters along the way.
Blake teams up with two British blokes, her love interest Ben (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) and Ben’s little brother Ollie (Art Parkinson) as they face all sorts of mayhem on their own.
Paul Giamatti lends his fine tuned character acting skills to bring us Lawrence, the Cal Tech professor who was able to predict the earthquake was coming but no one listened. Once the carnage ensues, people are all ears it’s it up to Lawrence to save as many lives as possible by getting across the message that more large scale seismic activity is on the way.
Overall, the film is more of a thrill ride on screen than a vehicle to deliver any sort of a plot, though it does have its dramatic flair moments. Ioan Gruffodd of the original Fantastic Four films plays the cowardly Daniel, the man Emma’s left Ray for only to instantly regret it once his true colors are shown.
(Between you and me, 3.5 readers, in a film about a man flying around in the middle of a major earthquake, the most far fetched concept is the idea that a woman would dump the Rock in the first place. I mean, I don’t know, I’m not a woman but I’d venture that few are able to resist the smell of what the Rock is cooking.)
If the movie serves any social purpose, it would be that once all of the CGI eye candy is digested, the very real danger of earthquakes and other devastating natural catastrophes are something that we should be preparing more for.
I’ll have to consult with Dr. Hugo because I honestly have no idea what kind of warning systems are in place and what evacuation procedures are available for Californians other than to run around with their arms flailing as the chunks of cement come flying overhead as illustrated in this film every two seconds.
As disaster flicks go, it wasn’t half-bad. Not the worst film I’ve ever seen but not the best either. It’s definitely something you’ll enjoy more on the big screen so it’s worth a trip to your local theater.
PS – Am I the only one who didn’t know that guy’s name is Ioan Gruffudd? I feel like I’ve seen him in a zillion movies/TV shows over the years but never did I once suspect he was packing a moniker like “Ioan Gruffudd.”
Kind of sounds like he could be the villain in the next Star Wars movie. “Quick! Use the force or Ioan Gruffudd will conquer the galaxy!”