REAL NAME: Gertrude Scrambler
NICKNAME: Aunt Gertie
BIOGRAPHY: As aunt/adoptive mother of Bookshelf Q. Battler, Gertie and her husband, Hardassimo, were polar opposites when it came to parenting. Uncle Hardass was tough and strict, whereas Gertie encouraged BQB to pursue his dreams. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing little BQB could not do, and she wasn’t just saying that.
After her husband’s untimely demise, Aunt Gertie quickly embraced a life where she had no one else to take care of. Despite written demands in Uncle Hardass’ Last Will and Testament that the home he shared with Gertie be burned to the ground before being turned over to his lazy, good for nothing nephew, she gave it to her little bubalah anyway.
She then rented an apartment at Decrepit Oaks, but she’s barely ever there. She mostly uses it as a place to keep her stuff while she’s out drinking, dancing, partying, getting baked off mad crazy blunts, riding motorcycles and having obscene flings backstage at rock and roll concerts.
In other words, she’s doing her best to cram in all of the stuff she wishes she’d done when she was young before the Grim Reaper comes her way.
She was once a dedicated reader of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, but now looks at it as mundane and pedestrian. Everyone’s a critic.
Luckily, BQB was able to replace her with a podiatrist from Idaho who commented, and this is a direct quote, “I guess this is a good blog to read to pass the time while I’m taking a dump.”
Though he may have lost her as a reader, BQB never lost her as a supporter and confidant. Once in awhile, she even comes to the rescue.