REAL NAME: If he wanted you to know it, you’d know, pitiful human.
OFFICIAL TITLE: The Mighty Potentate
ALSO KNOWN AS: The Mightiest of Potentates, His Potentositude, His Potentosity, the Potent One
BIOGRAPHY: In the beginning, there was only the Vek.
HOW HE BECAME THE MIGHTY POTENTATE
They began as gray beings, approximately five feet tall, with skinny bodies, oversized heads, and large eyes.
Billions of years ago, on their home world of Vekto, this species rose from the primordial ooze and remained in a dark age period for countless millennia until one Vek discovered and developed a dastardly and devastating technology:
VAPORIZATION. The ability to turn a being into a misty cloud that eventually evaporates into nothingness.
Yes, with his vaporization cannon, this being declared himself the Supreme Overlord of Vekto. He did so with the best of intentions, demanding that all must abandon violence, greed, and corruption seek peace and prosperity lest they be vaporized.
It would become to be known as the “peace through vaporization” initiative.
Indeed, Vekto became very peaceful when that being vaporized everyone, becoming the last vek in existence.
After languishing alone for thousands of years, this being grew lonely and thus turned his attention to developing a new species – clones similar to the original vek, except he made them green and two feet taller so that he could easily kick their asses should they get out of line.
He called them “Vek 2.0” and made one very important improvement over those surly Vek 1.0 beings. He manipulated their genetic code to remove all genitalia and butts.
This being was a firm believer in the concept that sex had been the downfall of the Vek 1.0, that their constant wars were little more than chest puffery designed to attract quality mates. Remove genitalia and remove all violence.
Thus, as the only Vek left with a wang, he embraced his title, “The Potent One” or “The Mighty Potentate.”
He wasn’t wrong about his new creations. Without sex to confuse them, the Vek 2.0 embraced lives of education and higher learning, creating vast wonders unimaginable to the human brain.
They expanded past Vekto, contacting lesser species who, despite their primitive genitalia, were at least open minded and willing to learn the ways of peace and prosperity from the Vek 2.0.
Together, the Vek 2.0 and the new species they discovered united under the banner of “Rakan” a vek word that means “peace through vaporization.”
With over a hundred billion planets, citizens of the collective live highly productive lives, making new advancements in the arts and sciences daily, thanks to the fear that their ruler, the Mighty Potentate, will vaporize the shit out of them if they fail to do so.
But the Mighty Potentate is not without regrets. After vaporizing the Vek 1.0, he made a pact with himself that he’d never vaporize an entire species ever again, though he doesn’t let his subjects know that as he does not wish to lessen the power of his vaporization threats.
Still, this means that the Milky Way, Andromeda, and all points in close proximity thereto, are allowed to run wild, filled with the worse beings around, who do nothing but commit acts of violence and indecency all day long.
Referring to this section as “The Undesiredverse,” (i.e. the garbage planets he does not want), the Mighty Potentate does what he can to keep them contained and out of the Collective.
INVOLVEMENT WITH BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER
A fan of scripted media, the Mighty Potentate streams a lot of TV shows when he isn’t potentating. In the late 1990’s, he noticed a horrifying trend, that the humans were embracing reality television – programs in which morons are followed around by cameras that record them acting like morons.
The Potent One decided this could not stand and for years, searched for a human writer whose writing skills were such that he (or she) could be counted upon to produce a novel of such high quality that humans would be convinced to abandon reality TV altogether.
When he accidentally clicked on the Bookshelf Battle Blog, the Mighty Potentate declared Bookshelf Q. Battler to be the “Chosen One” and dispatched his emissary, Alien Jones, to assist BQB in his blogging efforts.
Since you’re not a citizen of the Rakan Collective, you’re not required to shout, “ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY POTENTATE” when you see the Potent One, but it could lessen your chances of getting vaporized.