Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Rap I Wrote About the 77 Cents I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

Uh..yeah…mic check, here we go.

Cents!  It’s my dream to get to heaven, but to get there I’m gonna need some cents.

My bills piled high and I need to pay my rents, so gimmie the…cents!

File a bill of replevin and stop by the 7-11 just so I can get a number of pennies, the total of which is seventy-seven…cents!

One day I was just a normal guy, didn’t fly high and I never thought that I would ever touch the sky.

Then I looked into my bank account and thought perhaps I was dreaming or perhaps that I had died.

And then I thought I flew to the surly bonds up above.

Cuz when I saw all those cents in my possession, I surely fell in love with…cents!

Yeah, fly me to heaven on a Boeing 747, and pay for the ride with my seven and seven…cents!

My mama told me I lack common sense and my dad told me I was ever so dense but now I can buy sensitivity and density and just chill in the city and pay for it all with…my seventy seven cents!

What you got something that costs seventy cents, muthafucka?  Here, take ten dimes and keep the change, G.  Peace, I’m out.

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Happy Memorial Day Weekend, 3.5 Readers

Hey readers.  How are you?  I hope you enjoy your labor day weekend and take a rest from all your labors.

I know you have missed my bloggings on this fine blog, but rest assured, I’m putting my efforts into the Toilet Gator series, which will be the best books ever written about toilets, gators or toilet gators.

Unfortunately, that means I have a lot less time to blog but rest assured, the books will be worth it.

How are you, 3.5 readers?

Are all 3.5 of you still reading this fine blog?

I Have Not Updated This Fine Blog in Awhile

Hey 3.5 readers.

I have been busy writing Toilet Shocker, the sequel to Toilet Gator, getting ready for the inevitable day when Hollywood sends me a fat stack of cash.

What have you been up to, 3.5?

Get My Book for FREE!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

All this weekend, my book, The Last Driver – Episode 1 is free, totally free!

It’s set in a dystopian future where the government controls all, and in a world where all cars are self-driving, the last man who remembers what to do behind a wheel will be called on to save the day…or will he destroy it all?

Get it today, 3.5 readers.  Did I mention it is free?  I would appreciate it if you’d get a free copy and if it isn’t too much trouble, leave a review.

Thank you.

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Movie Review – Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019)

Grab your time travel machine, 3.5 readers.  It’s time to go back all the way to 1969.

BQB here with a review of Quentin Tarantino’s ninth film.

I’ve been a longtime Tarantino fan, 3.5 readers.  I suppose most Gen Xers are.  His films have always been known for 1) time jumps, i.e. starting at the end and working back to the beginning, so that the end of the movie becomes essentially how the whole mess started 2) long pieces of expository dialogue where characters drop key plot points by word of mouth in passing and 3) 1960s and 1970s pop culture references galore.

Remember Inglourious Bastards?  This film is another alternate history project.  Just as Tarantino rewrote WWII, so too does he give the infamously terrifying Manson family murder of actress Sharon Tate a rewrite.  The tale centers around down on his luck actor Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his trusty stuntman/errand boy Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt.)  Together, they are a pair of old Hollywood legends who once put out a popular 1950s cowboy show, only to fizzle in the middle of their lives.  Rick is having a tough time finding work, and if he can’t work then Cliff can stunt.

Long story short, Sharon Tate and her husband, director (later turned on the run pervert) Roman Polanski, are Rick’s neighbors, and I could tell you more but suffice to say, during their quest to restart their careers, Rick and Cliff get sucked into the Manson family madness in a big way.

Having studied Tarantino’s movies for a long time, I have to say this one is far different.  His 1960s pop culture references are there, but there a but more subtle, with the occasional hint toward what is being referred to for the millennial generation.  Tarantino’s adoration of the 1960s and 1970s was already a bit stale in the 1990s when he got his start, and I remember as a teenager, watching his films was the first time I learned of some of the 60s/70s references to which he was referring.  So, his work is cut out for him in trying to stay afloat in a sea that is now dominated by young adults who were in short pants at the turn of the century.

Somehow, he pulls it off.  And he also, much to my surprise, refrains from the heavy, heady dialogue that is his trademark.  True, his dialogues were often a joy to behold, but here, he focuses more on showing rather than telling.  Ironically, it’s almost like this grandmaster blew up all the writing rules in his youth, only to begin grabbing hold of them in his old age.

It’s in the showing where this movie excels.  We see Leo as Dalton sitting on a float in his backyard pool, reviewing his lines for a part in a movie that he needs to remain relevant in the acting game.  This shows us that Dalton is desperate.  He’s old but he isn’t ready to quit just yet, and wants to give it his all before his final curtain call.

We see Cliff Booth sitting alone in a dingy trailer, his only friend a big dumb dog.  His house is a mess, looking as though he never cleans.  He cooks a pot of mac and cheese, then sits down before the TV to eat it straight out of the pot.  He is a consummate bachelor.  Unlike Dalton, he is used to a shit life.  Aspirations of anything else don’t compute with him.

And finally, we see Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate.  So proud of herself for making it in the movie business is she that she goes to a cinema and takes in one of her films, in awe of her accomplishment.  It’s a sweet moment.

Overall, this is Tarantino’s love letter to his favorite flicks, genres, actors, directors…really, his kiss for that period of time in Hollywood history that formed the foundation of his work.

Ultimately, Rick and Cliff have to take everything they thought they knew about the movie business and turn it up on its ear to keep going in a world that’s changing, and Tarantino does that here as well.

After all, this is a movie that starts at the beginning and ends at the end.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Happy Sunday, 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

I don’t blog much these days as I’m focused on book writing.  And since Friday, I’ve been busy watching Orange is the New Black.  Actually, I can’t believe how bingeable that show is.  It has been my summer watching for years now.  I will miss it when it is over but I guess all good things must come to an end.

Anyway, what are you 3.5 readers up to?  Update me on your 3.5 doings in the comments.

The Cats Trailer (Or, Just Because We Can CGI Something, Doesn’t Mean We Should)

 

Hey 3.5 readers.

Cats.  It’s one of, and some might even say, Broadway’s greatest musical.  It’s two hours of performers dancing and singer in kitty costumes.  The extremely loose plot is that the cats assemble in a junkyard once a year to introduce themselves and plead, through song, why Old Deuteronomy, the head cat, should pick them to ascend into cat heaven, where they will be reborn as a younger cat.

SPOILER ALERT – the most memorable (pun) song is “Memory” sung by Grizelda, who in her youth, was a very glamorous cat but when she became a famous cat, she forgot all the little cats and now, she’s old, washed up, somehow involved in cat prostitution, how that works I don’t know but whatever.  At any rate, the plot, in addition to being about cats, is also how it sucks to get old and how your body breaks down and your poor health ruins your life and everyone starts to think you suck because you’re old and all you can think about is how happy you’d be if you could be young again.

OK.  Aside from all that.  CGI has done some miraculous things, but I don’t think it looks good here.  Grafting the faces of real actors and actresses onto these CGI cats just looks dumb.

First, see the size.  They’re as small as cats and the world is from a cat perspective, meaning regular household objects are bigger to them.  So…ok on Broadway the only way you can have a dancing cat is to put a human in a cat costume, but for the movie why not have singing CGI four legged cats?

Or do one of those Air Buddies type things where you record the cats until they do the shit you want and then record some voiceover.

OK that would be stupid.  Scratch that.

But here’s the big question.  Why not just get these actors to appear in makeup?  You know, there have been a number of sequels to the Wizard of Oz over the years, laden with CGI and yet for my money, nothing beats the 1930s original.  Nothing beats those elaborate costumes and makeup jobs.

So, couldn’t we just make up the stars and let them prance?

Or, how about this?  Just make an animated cartoon voiced by the stars.  Disney makes new cartoon characters all the time.  Why not animate some cats who walk and talk like humans and let the stars sing for them?

My guess is these are all such big names that they wanted their faces on the cats.

I don’t know.  Something about the faces on the cats just looks cheap to me.

I’m sure I’ll go see it anyway though.

What say you 3.5?

PS – I love Jennifer Hudson, like for real, love her, but why is she playing an elderly cat?  Just seems like more of Hollywood’s stance against the old.  If the character is an old lady cat, depressed at what time has taken from her, then why is a young woman playing her?  I mean, OK, she’ll belt that song out of the bark but still.

Last Day to Get a Free Book

Hey 3.5 readers.

All I do is give and give.

In keeping with that spirit, here’s a free book.  Today is the last day it is for FREE.

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Get My Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts FREE Through Sunday

It’s free, 3.5 readers.

That means all you have to do is go and get it…FOR FREE!

Click.  Download.  Get a free book.  Leave a review if you like though I know that’s asking a lot.  But anyway, it’s free, 3.5 readers.  You can’t go wrong.

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