Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Vampire

Vampir.  Children of the night.  Demonic bloodsuckers.


Call them what you will but if your girlfriend is one of them, she might just call you lunch…and not in a good way.

From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs that Your Girlfriend Might Be a Vampire.

10.  She’s the only girl you’ve ever dated who doesn’t spend a lot of time primping in front of the mirror.

9.  Awkwardly works the word “bleah” into regular conversation.

8.  Hypnotizes you through glamour techniques to get you to do her bidding.  (This could be inconclusive as most women do this anyway.)

7.  She totally sucks.  Insert joke here.

6.  You often wake up feeling woozy with two small holes in your neck.  Calling her on it will do nothing as she’ll just shrug her shoulders, channel Shaggy and say “wasn’t me.”

5.  Always has an excuse to get out of dates planned during the day.  Long walks in the park or on the beach are out.  Dive bars and rave clubs are in.

4.  Seems a little too old mentally for her physical age.  Swears she’s only twenty-five but get her drunk and she’ll tell you all about the dark ages.

3.  Sometimes she seems a little cold.  No, not emotionally cold.  Whenever you hold her hand it’s like a damn popsicle.

2.  Sleeps in a coffin.  Swears its just because she’s a goth but you’re not convinced.

  1.  Ran away when you told her you have wood.  You explain later you weren’t talking about stakes.  (Also inclusive as most women would also run away upon hearing this statement.
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4 thoughts on “Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Vampire

  1. 1 and 4… 😂😂😂

  2. 😂😂😂😂 nice.

  3. Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:

    Is your girlfriend sucking the life out of you?

    MEN: Yes.

    Sorry, poor phrasing. More than usual? If yes, then check this out, for she could be a vampire:

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