Tag Archives: Movies

BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Training Day (2001)

King Kong ain’t got nothing on him, 3.5 readers.

BQB here with a review of the classic crime film, Training Day.

I caught this on Netflix the other day. I always thought it was a great movie but I don’t think I had seen it since it first came out years ago. It’s funny how movies can transport your mind to a certain time period, i.e. for me it brought me back to a time in my life when I was young and naive, not the old geezer who has been knocked around by the world and sees potential trouble lurking around every corner even where there isn’t any.

Such is the dynamic of the film. Ethan Hawke plays Jake Hoyt, a young rookie on the LAPD, only worked as a uniform officer for a year and a half. He’s been assigned to a special detective’s unit in South Central LA under the leadership of Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington). He views this as a chance to make a name for himself, to rise up in the police ranks and do a lot of good.

Ahh, but as the rookie goes out with Alonzo for his first “training day” he quickly learns that his youthful dreams don’t match with reality- a reality that battle hardened veteran of the streets Alonzo knows all about.

It’s funny, Denzel made a career of playing dashing heroes and nice guys with morals, yet the role he won the Oscar for and might be most remembered for is playing a character who is all about straddling the line between good and evil. As the day goes on, Alonzo pushes Jake to question and re-evaluate everything he ever thought he knew about police work.

With each passing hour, the training officer pushes Jake to cross more and more lines. Some examples? Alonzo opts to let a pair of rapists go. Rather than arrest them, he leaves them to the streets, confident that the victim’s street gangster cousin will find them, torture them and kill them. Jake is by the book and thinks they should be booked. Alonzo argues that way they’ll just be a drain on the system, costing the taxpayer money as they’re housed in jail for years only to be set loose and sent back to the street to commit more crimes.

There are more and more incidents like this throughout the day, ramping up the intensity as Alonzo pushes Jake to cross the line and break the law. Alonzo is quite convincing in his speeches. He comes across as the cop who knows it all, has seen it all, has been knocked around by the world and learned how to knock back. His rhetoric about how a teetotaling, by the book rule follower won’t last five minutes on the mean streets is convincing.

However, as the day wanes on, we begin to wonder how much of Alonzo’s rhetoric and how much of it is bullshit. Maybe Alonzo really is just a tough guy who is trying to toughen Jake up so he can become a bad ass street cop. Or, maybe Alonzo has more sinister intentions toward Jake.

Even worse yet, there are times Alonzo seems to believe in his own BS and isn’t sure where his lies end and reality begins.

So, as I re-watched this movie as an adult, I came to realize it’s all about perception vs. reality. When we are young, we have yet to get our asses kicked by the world. We are foolish and trusting. We get ideas in our head and think those ideas are going to work out perfectly, then when we get into that world we pursued, we find out that there’s a foot in every bush, looking to spring out and kick us in the ass. For example, Hoyt is a goody two shoes. He is a habitual rule follower. Hoyt should have stuck with being a uniformed officer, pulling over speeders and helping stranded motorists. Hoyt should have stayed off the mean streets. Hoyt was naive for thinking that he’d be able to go to war with gangsters and drug dealers all day and not have any blowback.

Those reading this, myself included – we’ll never experience anything as intense as Jake’s training day, but we have plenty of memories when life stuck us with the proverbial knife in the back. We trusted someone or something and it bit us. We lived through it. We have regrets over it. “If we had known” we keep repeating. If we had known this or that, we would have done things differently…but you don’t get to know until you do. Sad, because the lessons are all around us when we are young. Stories from older people who have been slapped around and even movies like this, though I’ll admit you just don’t get it when you’re young. You have to go through it. And yes, hopefully when we get through that experience that didn’t go as planned, we come out the other end stronger and wiser, determined to not make the same mistake twice.

Although I hate to admit it, I have been making the same mistakes over and over again for 20 years, though I suppose that’s a blog post for another time.

Funny, even the movie’s signature song, “Rock Superstar,” a highly playable tune that’s good for working out to (at least it was back in the days when I worked out) is all about perception vs. reality. Cypress Hill raps about people want to be rock superstars, thinking its all money and fun until they realize that they have to constantly churn out hits or become old news fast, kicked to the curb when another act copies their material and gets hired to do their routine for a lower price.

In conclusion, don’t be an undercover street detective or a rap superstar…or a blogger on a blog with 3.5 readers. I really thought my blog would have made me a millionaire by now, but all I do is just write to be read by 3.5 readers. See? Perception vs. reality.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy, and a rare Oscar film that’s watchable.

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Movie Review – Monster Hunter (2020)

Monster Hunter? More like Poop Hunter, because this movie stinks!

BQB here with a review of this turdburger with extra butt fries.

I don’t generally write bad reviews. I figure however bad a movie is, at least those people made a movie, and that’s more than I ever did.

But sometimes a movie just seems like such a waste of time, money and resources that it shouldn’t have happened – a big waste for all involved, from the people who made it all the way down to the schmucks like me who were convinced by the awesome trailer to waste 5.99 of my money and 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back on this thing.

At the outset, it’s a video game based movie, so that in and of itself should have been an early warning. Still, there’s a handful of VG movies that have lived up to their digital counterparts. I’ve never played the Monster Hunter game so I wouldn’t know, but I doubt it.

The first half is a lot of filler. Lt. Artemis (Mila Jovavich) is combing the desert in our world with her loyal unit. Somehow, they accidentally travel with a warp that lands them in a world overrun by monsters. If there’s an explanation as to why this world is overrun by monsters, I missed it, maybe because it was never given or maybe after ten minutes I said, “Ugh this movie sucks” and just left it on in the background while I checked my email, cleaned my house, took a crap, made tacos etc. Not gonna lie. I had to spread this movie out in 10 to 20 minute bits over two days because it was too mind numbing to get through in one sitting.

Sidenote – why are we humans so pre-programmed to not cut our losses when what we thought was a good idea turns out to be a bad one? We stay in bad marriages for life because holy crap, we paid how much money for that wedding reception and we eat crappy food because hey, it’s in front of us and we paid the bill, so…

Back to the review. To the film’s credit, the second half is a special effects bonanza and if you want my advice, you might just want to fast forward through the first half, then check out all the pretty colors at the end. If they’d just put a little more of this in the beginning, it might not have been a yawnfest. I think the producers probably assumed this would be released in theaters (it was if you were willing to brave the Covid) and I admit, some of the human vs. monster scenes at the end would have been cool to watch on the big screen, though whether it would be worth it to go out to the theater and sit there for an hour before something interesting happens, I don’t know.

Ron Perlman’s in it. He gets top billing though he’s barely in it, and frankly if he hadn’t been in it, it wouldn’t have changed the film that much. He gives a brief, fleeting explanation of how Artemis ended up in the world. I wasn’t making tacos during this part so I heard it.

Character development and backstory are lacking. I don’t know much about Artemis, who she is, what she’s been through, so it’s hard to connect with her. There are some mildly humorous scenes when she works through a language barrier to join sides with a monster hunter from this strange new world. (Tony Jaa)

STATUS: Not shelf-worthy. Sad part is, it builds up at the end like they’re going to make a second one and I can’t imagine their being enough fanfare to warrant a second one. If they wanted to erase this one and apologize for making it, refund everyone’s money and just pretend like it never happened, that would be more warranted. Sucks, because I do like Mila but Hollywood hasn’t found a good fit for her since her 5th Element days (with the possible exception of Ultraviolet.)

You might want to wait until it streams for free and then stream it ahead to the last half just to watch the special effects. Otherwise, let this one go and thank me for taking the hit for you.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The Getaway (1972)

Bank robbers! Shotguns! Double-crosses!

BQB here with a review of the 1972 crime movie The Getaway.

Steve McQueen was (still is posthumously?) the epitome of cool and though 1968’s Bullitt (come for the car chases, stay for the flute solos) will always be his top flick in my estimation, this one might be up there for his second, or perhaps third if you count The Great Escape.

McQueen stars as Doc, an armed robber serving ten years on a previous conviction. Fed up with prison life, he arranges, through his epically (to a fault) loyal wife, Carol (Ali MacGraw – still alive!) for corrupt tycoon Beynon (Ben Johnson – RIP) to pull some strings to get Doc paroled. In exchange, Doc will perpetrate a bank robbery that Beynon will sponsor and receive a major cut from.

Alas, mayhem ensues. Doc is double-crossed by henchman Rudy (Al Lettieri aka The Turk in The Godfather – RIP) and he and Carol go on the lam. Pursued by the police, dogged by con men and other criminals and even a blonde bimbo-tastic Sally Struthers (still alive though compare her today and in this movie and you will shake your fist at time and curse it in an impotent rage.)

Director Sam Peckinpah is known for his violent films which were probably considered way over the top back in the day (see The Wild Bunch for more, or don’t if you have a squeamish stomach.)

All in all, fun to watch though plot wise, it’s just basically husband and wife trying to make it to Mexico with their ill-gotten loot while fending off all comers. Doc packs a mean shotgun, but luckily only uses it to murder other bad guys. When it comes to the police, he only uses it to disable their cars. I assume in the 1970s this was one of those movies that made everyone think they were going to hell if they so much as watched it…yet ironically, bland when you compare to movies and video games of today (see Grand Theft Auto for more, or don’t if you have a squeamish…never mind.)

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. (Note it was remade in 1994 with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger and as I watched this I thought, “Huh this reminds me of this movie from the 1990s I can’t quite put my finger on…”

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Movie Review – I Care a Lot (2020)

Killer lawyers! Bilked old people!

BQB here with a review of Netflix’s latest movie, I Care A Lot.

Lately, I’ve had misgivings about Netflix. IMO, there’s a few good series and a lot of schlocky filler. They tend to do movies wrong, putting a lot of star power into flicks with scripts that sound like they were written in crayon by hobos on the back of an old piece of cardboard.

But this one was pretty good.

Rosamund Pike wowed us in Gone Girl, but has apparently been typecast as evil women now. Here, she stars as an evil lawyer with her own corrupt guardianship business. The court appoints her to run the lives of elderly people who have no one to look after them. To the casual observer, it appears she is doing a good deed by managing the assets of the elderly, using them to pay for their care in nursing homes and making tough decisions about their health care.

But she’s also profiting big time, seeing old folks as marks, even going so far as to have Jennifer Peterson, a robust old wealthy retired businesswoman who gets along just fine and has all of her wits about her, declared bonkers just so she can put the old woman’s moolah into her pocket.

Ahh, but while so many old folks have fallen victim to Marla’s scam before with no recourse available (she works with a corrupt nursing home to make sure her old charges are kept like prisoners, unable to complain to anyone about their ill treatment and/or that they are being robbed blind), Peterson’s son is a powerful gangster in the form of Peter Dinklage.

And thus, a war breaks out, with Pike and Dinklage trying to one up each other, going to extreme lengths to bring one another down, all in the name of ill gotten loot.

The movie is confusing in that it is hard to find a hero to root for and ultimately, there isn’t one. Pike’s character has a schtick about how people who play by the rules are suckers and getting rich means having to do bad things. That seems rather jaded and surely all rich people aren’t corrupt…right? Right? IDK. Perhaps it feels that way in the decade since Madoff and all the corporate scandals of the late 2000s that led to negative effects for the economy.

Personally, I found myself rooting for Dinklage. He does play a bad person who does bad for a living, but at the same time, it’s kind of glorious that after a lifetime spent bilking old folks out of their money, Marla messes with the wrong old person, someone with a loved one capable of messing back.

The film does give the viewer pause about the guardianship industry. On the one hand, surely not all guardians are corrupt…right? Right? IDK. Surely, many if not most are just good attorneys who manage the assets and affairs of people who can’t do it themselves. Even so, the system, any kind of system, sucks and be it the healthcare system, the legal system, the justice system, or what have you, it’s best to stay out of it for as long as you can because once you’re in it, you’re just a statistic that is passed around blindly, subjected to a vast sea of bureaucracy and rarely treated as an individual. Maybe it’s never too early to set up a plan and spell out legally who takes care of you when you can’t take care of yourself…and also eat your Wheaties because you’re the only one you can truly trust to take care of yourself.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – The Vanished (2020)

Keep an eye on your kids at all times, 3.5 readers.

BQB here with the new Netflix film, “The Vanished.”

It all starts out happily enough. Mom and Dad (Anne Heche and Thomas Jane, both a little long in the tooth to have a young kid but I assume they were big gets for Netflix so just go with it) pull into an RV park with their young daughter, ready for a fun vacation of camping and fishing.

Alas, Dad takes his eyes off his kid for one minute to oggle the wife half of the young couple in the RV parked next door and daughter goes missing.

Twists and turns ensue, and as Mom and Dad go nuts, they make the situation so much worse.

Jason Patric stars as the noble yet troubled sheriff, looking chubbier and unrecognizable from his Speed 2 days. Not knocking the guy. Happens to all of us.

Definitely a lot of random plot points stuffed in a blender, but the film rests on fakeouts – i.e. it introduces to a host of weirdoes, makes us think each weirdo did it, lets the weirdo off the hook, then moves on to the next weirdo. Even weirder, people who are seemingly norms will be discovered as weirdos and it just goes to show that you should suspect everyone of being weirdoes, whether they show outward signs of weirdo-ness or not.

BTW I always confuse Thomas Jane with Christopher Lambert of Highlander fame and always expect him to start speaking in that Lambertian French accent. He never does because he is not Chris Lambert, but I think there should be a movie about how they were twin brothers separated at birth.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The Living Daylights (1987)

Oh, oh ah oh…The Living Daylights!

BQB here with a review of this old Bond film.

Timothy Dalton did two Bond flicks in the 1980s and in my opinion, after watching one and a half of them, they are criminally underrated. When it comes to Bond movies, at least in the past few incarnations, I’ve found that there is at least one Bond film per actor that is absolutely stellar (i.e. Goldeneye for Pierce Brosnan or Skyfall for Daniel Craig) and then the others are acceptable or subpar (i.e. Tomorrow Never Dies for Brosnan or Quantum of Solace for Craig – really, the villain is stealing water?)

Dalton only did two Bond flicks and while I haven’t finished the second as of this post, both seem pretty solid, so I think he should have gotten at least a third. Oh well. Can’t have it all. (Coming this Summer – James Bond in “You Can’t Have It All.”

“The Living Daylights” captures the Cold War paranoia of the 80s but doesn’t go all out in silly 80s pageantry. Aha does the cool theme song (I think a rare case where a man sings it instead of a woman but I could be wrong) but there aren’t any real “OMG this movie is so 80s” moments ala “You’ve got the touch! You’ve got the power!”

Moving on. Bond has been dispatched to help Soviet general Koskov defect to the West, bringing all his secrets with him. After a silly, unlikely yet sort of ingenious escape plan is hatched, Bond cozies up with cellist Kara (Maryam D’abo) looking for answers as to why a clueless, non-professional was trying to kill the general.

Twists, turns and double-crosses ensue, all culminating in a showdown at a Soviet era base in Afghanistan (wow various countries have been at war with Afghanistan for a long time now). There’s a very cool scene at the end where Bond and a henchman fight while clinging to a large sack of opium bags dangling out the back of a military plane. (The sack contains a bomb about to explode, upping the ante.) It’s worth watching for that scene alone.

I’ll be back when I’m done watching “License to Kill” but suffice to say, I think Dalton deserves more Bond cred.

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Movie Review – Honest Thief (2020)

He’s a thief…who is honest!

BQB here with a review of Liam Neeson’s latest attempt to reclaim his Taken glory days.

The plot is unlikely. For the past ten years, Tom Carter (Neeson) has been robbing banks and getting away with it. He has amassed a fortune of 9 million dollars, and his meticulous ability to get in and out of bank vaults without being caught has earned him the nickname, the In and Out Bandit.

When Carter falls in love with Annie (Kate Walsh), he decides to go legit. He doesn’t just swear off robbing banks. No, he calls the FBI to turn himself in. He loves Annie so much that he doesn’t want to hide any secrets from her, so he wants to come clean, do his time, and resume his relationship as an honest man.

Would an undetected bank robber actually turn himself in? Probably not, but hey, it’s a movie.

The plan goes awry when corrupt FBI agents (Jai Courtenay and Anthony Ramos) decide to abscond with the cash for themselves and frame Carter for the murder of their boss (Robert Patrick), Carter goes on the run, hunted as a wanton fugitive while trying to clear himself of false charges, dodging the efforts of a tiny dog loving FBI agent (Jeffrey Donovan) who will stop at nothing to bring Carter in.

Overall, it’s a cookie cutter mystery/thriller, kind of slapped together to keep Liam Neeon’s tough guy image going. You have to suspend disbelief at moments but it’s worth a watch.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – Greenland (2020)

It’s the end of the world as he knows it and Gerard Butler isn’t feeling fine.

BQB here with a review of this disaster flick.

This a good movie and definitely worth a rental. Sad it was released in the COVID era as it most likely would have put butts in seats in movie theaters. The effects were made for the big screen and the twists and turns are perfect for munching popcorn to.

Butler stars as John Garrity, a structural engineer estranged from his wife, Allison (Morena Baccarin). Personally, I’d never let myself get estranged from that but Gerard Butler gonna do what Gerard Butler gonna do. The man’s like in his 50s and I can only assume still bagging mad babes.

But I digress.

A comet is on the way and about to crash in an extinction level event, similar to the one that killed the dinosaurs. Due to Garrity’s job as a structural engineer, he and his wife and son have been selected for relocation to an underground shelter, joining a collective of people with skills and training necessary to rebuild the world.

SIDENOTE – I wonder if I’ll get chosen to go to the shelter in the event of an incoming comet collision. Surely, the post apocalyptic world will need blogs that are only read by 3.5 readers, as well as the bloggers who blog them.

But I digress again.

Many disaster movies only tangentially touch upon the sheer panic that would ensue during a catastrophe. Here, the dark side of humanity that comes out in desperate times is put on full display, warts and all. John and Fam will have to navigate rioters, looters, crazies, weirdoes, murderers, double-crossers and so on just to get to safety.

Thus, this film gets an A from me for realism – as real as a movie like this can get, anyway. It’s a dog eat dog world even on a good day, so when the world is only given a precious few days left, all hell breaks loose and no one can be trusted. Seriously, stop trusting people. I found myself shouting this at John and Allison throughout the movie. “STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE!”

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – News of the World (2020)

News…of the World!

BQB here with a review.

Of all the jobs in the Old West, Captain Jefferson Kyle Kidd (Tom Hanks) has the coolest. He is the world’s first social media platform/news aggregating service. In other words, he wanders from town to town, reading articles from newspapers to townsfolk in exchange for their donations. In these pre-Netflix days, assembling to listen to a man read from a newspaper was apparently the height of entertainment.

During his travels, Kidd comes across a busted up wagon. An African American soldier has been attacked and hanged. His charge left to fend for herself? Johanna, a young white girl in Native American garb. She had been raised by the natives who attacked and killed her family. She speaks no English and her native family is the only family she has ever known.

Kidd takes it upon himself to go on a long trek to return the girl to finish the soldier’s mission and return her to her last known relatives, though it is a harrowing journey for sure. Kidd must fight his way through a vast assortment of Old West a-holes, from a pseudo-warlord trying to carve out a slice of Reconstruction era America for himself, where he serves as a type of cruel king, to a band of vile perverts who want to kidnap Johanna and sell her into a life of forced prostitution.

The captain, old, tired, and feeling as though he wasted his life and missed out on time with his wife to fight for the Confederacy during the Civil War, would prefer to live his remaining years in solitude, doing most of his talking during his rousing news readings, only to reflect quietly when he is alone on his failed goals and lost dreams, his wish for a family of his own that never came to fruition.

He’d rather remain stuck in his rut, but he is the only one in this harsh world who cares enough to see the child gets to safety, and the skills needed to do so. His greatest adversary in all of this? Johanna herself, who is trapped between two worlds, unable to trust anyone, often running away, leaving her old caretaker with no choice but to chase after her.

Overall, the movie is Oscar bait. A history piece with some insight into the Reconstruction Era South. The Union Army weren’t fans of the Southerners they were sent to keep watch on. The Southerners felt likewise. In short, everyone was quite angry, yet against this backdrop, Kidd yearns for a sense of personal peace.

The plot is more or less just Kidd has to get the kid to safety, but has to fight a collection of a-holes to do so. Tom Hanks, Hollywood’s Mr. Nice Guy, carries the film, as Kidd is a character guided by morality. He could have pawned the kid off on any number of lawmen, church folk, etc. but knows he will be unable to live with himself until he completes the mission.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Pretend I’ve been whipped with the lasso of truth, 3.5 readers, for this will be an honest review.

Some preliminary thoughts, in no particular order:

  1. It’s been so long since I’ve seen a movie theater quality movie that it was nice.
  2. I get why some reviews are calling it bad.
  3. It’s not as good as the first one…
  4. …but that is, largely in part, due to the fact that the first one was so good.

If we back up a few years, DC had totally botched its rollout of a DC Universe of movies that we hoped would rival what Marvel had done over the past decade. Instead, we got the horror show that was Batman vs. Superman and the Suicide Squad movie (I was the only one who liked it though even I admit it could have been better.)

In those days, we realized that DC wasn’t going for perfection, or anything near it. Instead, they were going for the quick cash grab, trying to rake in a big haul before the comic book movie bubble burst. (I’m not sure why they thought it would. If anything, there’s a hole to fill in the wake of the end of Marvel’s Avengers saga that DC could be stepping in to fill nicely had it taken its time to work on some good stories.)

At any rate, there was a lot of pressure on the first Wonder Woman film. BVS and SS were considered total failures and if WW had tanked, that would have been the end of DC movies for the foreseeable future.

Ahh, but then our favorite lasso wielding lady came in and stole the show, as well as our hearts. Her origin story, as an Amazon warrior princess who leaves the safety of her homeland to save the world from the destruction of World War I was quite harrowing indeed, and frankly, her presence saved the mediocre Justice League movie.

In DC’s defense, they had a bigger challenge. Marvel’s cast of characters were largely unknown to the movie going public, and so they were able to roll out each character with an origin story of their own, followed by flicks that tied the heroes together.

Meanwhile, we’ve already seen Baby Superman’s space capsule crash in Mr. and Mrs. Kent’s backyard 100 times on screen. We’ve seen Young Batman watch his parents get shot after a night at the theatre too many times too. We didn’t need any more origin stories for them and yet, we would have benefitted from stand alone adventures that introduced us to these versions of the well known characters.

Don’t even get me started on the drek that was Birds of Prey. DC should just pay to have all the copies recalled.

Thus, it’s hard for me to knock Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot is beautiful and charming and overall, this character and Gadot’s portrayal pulled DC’s bacon out of the fire. WW is now carrying the whole DC universe on her back and its sad, because if they’d put more thought into creating a cohesive cinematic world, then it would never have had to be that way.

Back to this movie.

We want it all and we want it now. We’ve felt that way for quite some time and the 1980s is arguably the decade where that sentiment began. Get rich. Get famous. Get this. Get that. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie and give it to me today, not tommorrow.

This is evident from the opening said, where WW saves numerous citizens from, well…their own self-obsession. Idiots impressed with their fast car don’t noticed a jogger. A groom holds up his bride too close to a railing over a steep drop to get the best photo while dopey teenagers run from a store with their shoplifted goods. A pack of imbecile crooks who’d rather cause mayhem in a shopping mall than get caught and do the time attached to their crime. There’s an ongoing theme – everyone is obsessed with their own personal gain and only Wonder Woman can save them from…themselves.

Enter villain Maxwell Lord (Pedro Pascal aka Mando), a typical 1980s self-help type guru who promises his fans big riches if they buy into his BS. We quickly learn is schtick is but a mere pawnsi scheme, but when he gets his hands on a wishing stone that has wreaked havoc on past civilizations, he gets it all, but to a disastrous effect.

You see, 3.5 readers, at the start of the film, a young WW learns the hard way, back on Amazon Island (whatever it’s called) that nothing good in life is free and if we want something, we must put in the time and the effort. We must slug our way through to the end and drag our weary butts across the finish line. We can’t do things half-assed. We can’t take shortcuts. We can’t cheat our way to success and expect to grab a long lasting success that actually matters.

Referring to “The Monkey’s Paw Effect” (which assumes viewers have read the Monkey’s Paw or seen one of its many TV parodies), WW and company learn that wishing upon the stone comes with a terrible cost. When something is given, something else is taken away. In the Monkey’s Paw tale, an elderly couple wishes on a simian hand. They get, but they also lose…big time.

In reality, magical comeuppances are rare, but to cheat usually brings shame upon yourself. It damages your reputation. Makes people less inclined to trust you. To want to work with you. Ultimately, any ill gotten gain isn’t worth it. You would have been better off slugging away in the trenches of your profession, building yourself up than say, sleeping with your boss to get ahead, or slandering a rival or engaging in corporate espionage or what have you.

Comeuppances in exchange for wishes are bigger and bolder in this film, and that’s where it starts to fall apart. You see, Lord wishes to become the wishing stone, the granter of wishes, and thus, when he grants a wish, he decides what he wants to take from the wisher, and does so in order to fill his needs. Wishes beget more wishes, comeuppances beget more comeuppances, somehow this all escalates into global turmoil as world leaders enter the fray, wishing for madness and getting madness in return.

Ultimately, the movie is more of a lecture on the dangers of consumerism and the need to walk the straight path. If you want to be X, you need to get in line, wait your turn, and check off all the boxes that come with becoming X. Great lesson but, you know, we’d all prefer to see less lecturing and more of WW beating dudes senseless with her whip.

It was cool to see comedienne Kristin Wiig get her day in the sun. She’s that underdog you root for. Talented. Funny. Got to shine in Bridesmaids and then was never given another major vehicle until now. My main complaint is that she is WW’s nemesis, Cheetah, yet we see very little of Cheetah.

STAUS: Shelf-worthy. Overall, it’s a good movie and if you miss the theater experience as much as I do, you’ll enjoy this. It doesn’t beat the first, though it’s rare for a sequel to do so. Wonder Woman continues to be the best that DC/Warner Bros have to offer and if recent forays like Birds of Prey are any indication, poor Ms. Prince will be carrying the DC universe on her back for years to come…so if she wasn’t all you hoped and dreamed for this time around that a) you missed the movie’s point and b) give her a break. She’s doing a lot of work.

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