Movie Review – Kidnap (2017)

Always keep an eye on your kids, 3.5 readers.  You never know when some weirdo might snatch them.

BQB here with a review of the thriller “Kidnap.”

Honestly, I didn’t want to see this movie.  I thought it looked stupid, like it was essentially an attempt to resurrect Halle Berry’s flatlined career.  Plus, the title.  Why not “Kidnapped?”  Kidnap in the present tense seems off to me.

The plot is weak, there isn’t much dialog but rather, Halle talks to herself a lot.  Key plot points are spoon fed to you.  There’s more tell than show.  At times, Halle over-acts in a dramatic fashion.

But somehow, the film grew on me.  Like that fungus on your bathmat, you’re not sure how it got stuck there, but it would be too much effort to throw it out and buy a new mat now.

Halle plays a divorced, single Mom who takes her kid to the park, looks away from her kid for a second and wham, her little boy Frankie has been kidnap…er kidnapped.  (Seriously, Hollywood, someone already owns the rights to “Kidnapped” is that it?)

Honestly.  Who takes their eye off a kid in this day and age?  #WorstMotherEver…then again, maybe not.  When Halle realizes her son has been kidnap…er napped…she morphs into a mama grizzly bear on PCP, a veritable T-1000 with tits, pursuing the kidnap…er kidnapper as the film becomes one great big long chase scene.

The chase makes up for it all.  It is intense and a mother’s love wins out over all.  Halle pushes her motherly mini van to the limit, pursuing the kidnappers relentlessly.  Car crashes and all types of danger do not slow her down.  At one point, her car breaks down so she just hops out and runs after the bad guys, her jumbo knockers jiggling to and fro under her shirt.

In short, she really is the T-1000 with tits.  These kidnap…er nappers messed with the wrong mother and she’s going to make them pay.

The plot holes are palpable.  Halle tears up the freeway, leaving a whirlwind of destruction in her path yet somehow the cops never catch up to her.  Also, I mean seriously, don’t take your eye off your kid.  Perverts and weirdos are everywhere, people.  Assume they are after your kids at all times.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  There is much about this film that sucks but the chase scenes make up for it and Halle’s hot pursuit is worthwhile.  Could this be the beginning of a Halle renaissance?

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