The Ballad of Dirk Smegma
Smegma! Dirk Smegma is his name!
Smegma! Crushing pussy is his game!
Of course, he does so in a consensual way!
For this dude is so handsome he can barely keep the ladies at bay!
Hey! Dirk Smegma! All the men want to be you.
Dirk Smegma! All the women want you too.
Isn’t it sad, you’re a CIA agent and thus a loner?
You can never get too close to the ladies who get your boner!
Oh! Dirk Smegma! The women you’ll seduce.
And in doing so, you’ll pull the world out of evil’s noose!
When the girlfriends of evil men succumb to your charms,
It’s game over for them, for you’ve put them into the path of harm.
Alarm! Dirk Smegma! Bad men you will erode.
You’ll get the girl and the nuclear launch codes.
That’s why so many average men want to be Dirk!
For in real life, most men are treated like jerks!
Smegma! How the babes you’ll wine and dine.
Get the crucial info and save the day before deadline.
Most men are henpecked, their lives wrecked,
Their wives will keep them in check!
But Smegma oh, Smegma there’s no telling what dame you’ll get in your bed next!
Smegma! This ballad is almost done.
And now, before the war is won.
It’s time, for silhouettes of hot naked women to swim across the screen!
While average men at home cry into their ice cream!