An Ode to Robocop

robocop

Robocop!  Oh, Robocop.

You are the oft-forgotten,

Not nearly celebrated enough gem of 1980s times,

What with the way you defeated those who would dare to commit crimes.

In Old Detroit you patrolled,

While OCP used its mind control,

Though you could never let go of the man you used to be,

And that man was once named Murphy.

 

Yes, Murphy!  A beat cop with a kid and a wife,

A cop who came to the end of his life,

When he was shot to hell by that guy who went on to play Eric Foreman’s dad.

No, that experience was not very rad.

But thanks to OCP, your survival was a guaranteed lock.

They brought you back as a cyborg, a man-machine without a…penis.

Is life worth living without a ding dong?

At that point, it could become insufferably long.

 

Robocop, you were #MeToo before there was a Twitter.

The way you shot that rapist in the Johnson made my heart flitter.

You put an anti-violence against women message on the silver screen,

Nearly 40 years before the mass media had to come clean on Harvey Weinstein.

 

Robocop!  Anne Lewis was your number two.

Not that hot by today’s standards but in the Reagan era, she’d do,

Though it’s not like it would have mattered to you, for you did not have a bait and tackle anyway.

She was your friend and confidant and together you overcame many challenges to take down OCP and Eric Foreman’s old man.

Then peace and harmony erupted all over Old Detroit Land.

Until Robocop 2 and the Nuke drug crisis almost destroyed you.

Robocop 3 is when your franchise began to flounder.

Though honestly, I don’t think we can blame C.C.H. Pounder,

For an actress is only as good as the script she is given, for words are used like a smith uses a tool.

And your 2014 reboot is the only reboot that I ever found cool.

Will they ever make another?

I sincerely hope so my steel clad brother.

But in the future, I hope OCP gives you a robo-wang that will make the ladies hollar.

No doubt they will cry, “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

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