BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Tango and Cash (1989)

It’s so bad it’s good, 3.5 readers.

My corona movie marathon continues, focusing a lot on the 1980s as of late, and boy is this movie bad yet delicious, like an exquisite stinky cheese, you know it’s not good for you at all.  It’ll taste good going down, but it’ll leave your breath smelly later.

Ray Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Gabe Cash (Kurt Russell) are rivals on the LAPD, constantly vying for the position of Tinsel Town’s most popular police officer.  Cash is brash and carefree while Tango is slick, sophisticated, cool and rich.  Cash throws on whatever was left in his hamper, while Tango dresses sharp, like an investment banker.

The super thin plot?  Perennial movie villain Jack Palance is tired of these two coppers shutting down his various evil interests. He fears that outright killing the duo will put a police target on his back, so his next best idea is to frame them for a crime they didn’t commit, tarnishing them in the eyes of the city and leaving no one giving a crap what happens to them.

From there it’s a mad cap romp, from T and C breaking out of the joint to taking on Palance’s goons with the help of a high tech battle vehicle.

It’s obnoxious.  It’s silly.  There’s really no point to it.  The lines are epic level cheesy.  It is kind of interesting that Sly was able to convincingly act in a role of a character who was intelligent but otherwise, this movie is not your vegetables.  It is your big, sugary bowl of ice cream.  It’ll be great going down.  You’ll be sick in the morning.

Points to the movie that it is self aware. Stallone makes fun of himself, makes fun of his Rambo character, etc.

STATUS: Shelfworthy.  Bonus points because I forgot Teri Hatcher was in this movie.  She didn’t really hit it big until Lois and Clark and not gonna lie, she was high on my 1990s fap list.

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3 thoughts on “BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Tango and Cash (1989)

  1. Wow–the trailer just screamed pure 80s–brief flashes to sexy women, one or two bits of WTF moments, explosions, glib one liners, over enthusiastic fun-loving soundtrack…and punches. And no real clue what the hell the movie’s about.

    Oh, and Just curious, BQB–how’s Uncle Hardass handling this coronavirus thing? Is he doing self-quarantine in the salt mines?

    • Yes, it was one of the silliest 80s movies, right at the end in 1989, which was a good movie year.

      Wow, Uncle Hardass. I haven’t thought about him in awhile. Had to say it but I shifted my focus from blogging to book writing. That hasn’t quite born any fruit yet but it’s not like blogging was either.

      I would say Uncle H would very much enjoy all of this. He has practiced social distancing his entire life and made it his life’s work to be repellent to most people and living like a hermit so as it turns out, he wasn’t an angry old man but in fact, was just ahead of his time.

      Hmm, there’s probably a column there.

      • I figured he might be a perfectly preserved, petrified figure in the salt mines that historians will find in a thousand years. Can only imagine what the future folk would think of him.

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