Bookshelf Battle

Hyperion Bay. Malostet’s most picturesque tourist spot. Fireworks erupted in bursts every color of the rainbow overhead as I popped open the hatch. I climbed up onto the roof of the rickety old ship, watching my footing carefully.

Sourcemind soared across the city skyline. His hostage remained passed out over Ninety-Five’s shoulder, secured only by a metal hand. My pilot kept pace, staying a safe distance behind.

“What the hell is this thing?” I asked Jones through my Sen Pen relay as I stared at a metal bolt with a flat, round disc at the end. It was attached to a long length of cable that ran down the hatch and into the ship.

“An amantonov magnet,” Jones answered. “Strongest in the Known Universe.”

I loaded it into my harpoon gun. I always travel with one. You never know when you might spot a wild kamaratox dragon. Their hides fetch…

Jones was at ease in the pilot’s seat, monitoring an array of buttons, lights, and knobs. 

“Why would Sourcemind kidnap a female for?”  he asked.  “He doesn’t even have a…”

“That’s what I said.”

Good ole Jonesy.  A better friend you’ll never find though don’t tell him I said that.  It’ll go right to his head.  Speaking of, his was typical of the Vek species.  It was big, bulbous and sat atop a skinny, green, three foot tall body, which was rarely, if ever, covered.  He wasn’t big on clothing and didn’t need to be, because he was asexual.

In layman’s terms, he had no junk to speak of.  Even so, it wouldn’t have killed him to put on pants, but I’ve learned to pick my battles.

Izok’s head sat on the control panel, his eyes still open, it was almost as…

Alien Jones to the rescue.

I ran out onto the roof top.  Casinos.  Hotels.  Strip clubs.  They all lit up the night sky with illuminated billboards, each more tacky than the next.  The only lights I wanted to see were attached to my ride. 

They were nowhere to be seen.

“You’re fired,”  I said.

“Oh good,”  Jones said into my ear.  “Now I can sue you for all that backpay you owe me.”

“I ask you to do one thing!”

“Relax,”  Jones said.

A dozen shai warriors poured out of the door.  Serious players, decked out in battle suits, packing some serious heat.

“So boys,”  I said as I threw up my hands, “Don’t suppose there’s anyway we could talk about this?”

“Yes, Mr. Voss,”  a voice called up from the stairwell.  “Let us talk about this.”

“Jonesy, I’m coming in hot!!!”

“What?”  my trusty pilot asked.

“GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!!!”

“Gadzooks, what did you do?”

I stormed into the harem.  Hanging from the ceiling by a steel rod was an ancient tapestry of the noted shai philosopher, Sufros.  I ripped it down, tore the rod off and shoved it between the door handles. 

Just in time.  The second goon wave banged on the door, shaking it furiously.  The prostitutes, er, I mean ladies, were aghast. 

“Which way out?”  I asked.

No answer.  They were all either too loyal to or too scared of their employers to say anything…except for one.  She was a lovely, turquoise skinned zeltu who either robbed a basketball store or was incredibly endowed.  A ruby was embedded in her forehead which unfortunately for her, was a symbol in her culture that…

Six against one.  The odds were against me.  I held my hands up.  The goon squad drew their hand cannons and approached.

“Screw it,”  I thought. “I’d rather be dead than surrender.”

Bounty hunting.  If you’re looking for work, I don’t recommend it.  God knows I wish I’d of gotten into a nice vocational training program but I’m stuck with my career choice now, and if I can’t talk you out of it, you’d better get your own arsenal.

Don’t just get one.  Carry it with you.  I did.  Unlucky for me, it was all neatly stored within my duster sitting on the couch on the opposite side of the room.

I was going to have to do this bare handed.

“OK boys,”  I said as I clasped my hands behind my neck.  “Let’s get this over with.”

They…

“You humans have an odd way of saying thank you,”  Sourcemind said.

“‘Thank you?!’”  I said as I stood up.  “I had him right where I wanted him!”

“From my vantage point it appeared you had a 97.8 % chance of survival,”  Sourcemind explained.  “You came to collect Tau’s head, did you not?”

“Not literally,”  I said.  “I’d of gotten more had I brought him in alive.”

“Semantics.”

“You’ve cost me my glory in the great beyond,”  I said.

“You ridiculous organics and your superstitions,”  Sourcemind said.  “The only thing that happens when you die is that you cease to be.  There is no alternate state to look forward to.” 

Izok was bald so I had no choice but to pick his knogin up by the beard.  Disgusted by the mess, I instantly dropped it.

“Yeesh,”  I…

I removed my duster and laid it across a fluffy white couch.  I felt naked without it, even in my black shirt. 

Izok took off his robe to reveal a six pack.  Damn show off.  Made me wish I’d worked out more.

The kubazi spear.  The most deadly of all the ancient, pre-gunpowder weapons.  Two jagged ends, each so sharp they leave you feeling like they’ll slice you to ribbons just by looking at them.  The middle disconnects to form a chain, leaving the weapon to be wielded like a pair of nunchaku or more accurately, a giant flail.  The chain can even be retracted and the weapon broken apart entirely to allow the the user to wield each end as a pair of dual blades.

Long before they discovered space travel, the shai warlords of old reigned supreme over their world with…

Izok’s crib was magnificent.  Trophies and treasures crafted from the finest rare metals adorned his walls.  His floor was pure sacamora, a black marble like substance.  He sat on a jewel encrusted throne he’d made himself, surrounded by females of all various species, each more alluring than the next.  They fanned him and fed him berries.

A coarse furred banji beast rested its head at Izok’s feet.  It was majestic.  Quite a site indeed.  The pink eyes, the massive fangs protruding out of its mouth, I’m surprised Izok was able to find one.  They’re virtually extinct.

“Roman!”  Izok shouted across the enormous room, his echo reverberating in my ears.

“Hello Izok,”  as I said when I reached him.  “Your stock certainly has risen.”

“Do you like it?”  Izok asked as he outstretched his hands and looked around his digs.

“It’s…

Two suit sporting goons stopped on our approach to the elevator. They both wore shades though it seemed pointless. Shai eyes don’t give anything away, after all.

“I’m an old friend of your boss,” I said.

“And this thing?” one of the goons asked as he pointed to Ninety-five.

“Some discount military hardware I’d like to unload on Izok,” I replied. “Let’s just say he fell off the back of a delivery ship.”

Ninety-five looked at me. “I am not stolen merchandise I am…”

I patted him on his metal back.

“Shut your interface hole and speak when spoken to, robot,” I said.

The head goon relayed my arrival to Izok. After a moment, he nodded to me. “He’ll see you.”

Another goon tried to scan me with his Sen Pen but was stopped.

“It’s ok,” the head goon said. “The boss says they’re cool.”

We were shown into the elevator…

Unfortunately, I have no other graphics to offer except various photos of Alien Jones, who is stripped of his Esteemed Brainy One powers at some point before 2999.

Narrated by Roman Voss

Rizzle Juice goes right through me.  I was relieving myself at the trough in the unisex bathroom when the door opened and closed all by itself.

“Weird.  Was that the wind?”

The door locked by itself too.  It was not the wind.

Heavy footsteps approached.  I zipped up and turned around to see a feint, flickering shimmer turn into seven foot tall killing machine.  Flawless, gleaming chrome you could see your reflection in.  Red eyes affixed in their sockets.  Stenciled across its chassis was the number, “95.”

It darted a metal hand towards me, caught my throat in its impenetrable grip, and lifted me off my feet into the air.