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Jan 23 2021
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Movies

Movie Review – Greenland (2020)

It’s the end of the world as he knows it and Gerard Butler isn’t feeling fine.

BQB here with a review of this disaster flick.

This a good movie and definitely worth a rental. Sad it was released in the COVID era as it most likely would have put butts in seats in movie theaters. The effects were made for the big screen and the twists and turns are perfect for munching popcorn to.

Butler stars as John Garrity, a structural engineer estranged from his wife, Allison (Morena Baccarin). Personally, I’d never let myself get estranged from that but Gerard Butler gonna do what Gerard Butler gonna do. The man’s like in his 50s and I can only assume still bagging mad babes.

But I digress.

A comet is on the way and about to crash in an extinction level event, similar to the one that killed the dinosaurs. Due to Garrity’s job as a structural engineer, he and his wife and son have been selected for relocation to an underground shelter, joining a collective of people with skills and training necessary to rebuild the world.

SIDENOTE – I wonder if I’ll get chosen to go to the shelter in the event of an incoming comet collision. Surely, the post apocalyptic world will need blogs that are only read by 3.5 readers, as well as the bloggers who blog them.

But I digress again.

Many disaster movies only tangentially touch upon the sheer panic that would ensue during a catastrophe. Here, the dark side of humanity that comes out in desperate times is put on full display, warts and all. John and Fam will have to navigate rioters, looters, crazies, weirdoes, murderers, double-crossers and so on just to get to safety.

Thus, this film gets an A from me for realism – as real as a movie like this can get, anyway. It’s a dog eat dog world even on a good day, so when the world is only given a precious few days left, all hell breaks loose and no one can be trusted. Seriously, stop trusting people. I found myself shouting this at John and Allison throughout the movie. “STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE!”

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Feb 13 2016
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Movies

Movie Review – Deadpool – (2016)

Swears, gratuitous violence and naked chicks in a superhero movie!

Whodathunkit?!

BQB here with a review of DEADPOOL!

SPOILERS!

Oh my God.  This movie was like a space shuttle launch.  So much had to happen before it could finally happen.

  1. Fans had to convince Hollywood that super hero movies are profitable by showing up en masse.
  2. A new generation had to grow up, become adults, and be cool with a super hero on screen who does and says horrible, horrible things.
  3. Hollywood had to be convinced that there was an adult audience for a raunchy R rated super hero movie, because films about heroes in spandex fighting evil are traditionally geared toward kids.
  4. And to top it all off, this movie was first teased in 2009 when Ryan Reynolds was in that horrible, godawful Wolverine movie!!!  (Remember the one with Will. I. Am?  God that was awful.)

And it’s here!  It’s finally here!  And it’s got sex, violence, ridiculous amounts of swearing.  Filthy jokes galore.  You get to see Morena Baccarin’s boobs for like a second (actually they might be stunt boobs – I can’t confirm.)

Come to think of it, that’s what surprised me the most.  A Marvel movie with boobs.  And not just Morena’s or her stunt boob double.  More naked chicks.  More boobs.  And a cooter.  That’s a scientific term.  A cooter in a Marvel movie.  Who knew it was possible?

The 50 cent tour if you’re not up to speed on Deadpool.  Wade Wilson (aka Ryan Reynolds) a mercenary with a sense of humor, is diagnosed with cancer.  His girlfriend, played by Morena, who is his match in the humor department (I hate to be cynical but only in the movies, either that or I’ve never met a woman with that kind of humor but I’m not sure she exists.)

So he volunteers for an experimental procedure and yadda yadda yadda…it does not work out as planned.  A villain gets involved, X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead pitch in, shit goes down.  It’s pretty epic.

I won’t spoil it anymore but on top of the firsts mentioned above (first R rated super hero movie, first Marvel movie with a cooter) it is, I think unless someone can correct me, the first movie of its kind to be crushing the box office on a Valentine’s Day Weekend.

What the shit.  There weren’t any women who would have wanted to go see a movie like Deadpool with me on Valentine’s Day weekend back when I was a Funky Hunk, I’ll tell you that.  And it wasn’t me.  Well, it was but it was mostly because chicks just weren’t into those kinds of movies.  Women have seriously mellowed out that some studio exec was convinced this would be a good Valentine’s weekend date movie and be correct.

Funny.  Lots of action.  Lots of heart.  My one complaint is the best jokes were spoiled by the trailers but it’s still great.

Ryan Reynolds really shines in this.  And as you know from my #OscarsSoPretty rants, you know I’m very biased against good looking people.  Don’t get me started or I’ll rant all day about pretty person privilege, how the attractive have life handed to them on a silver platter, etc. etc.

RR shows he’s more than a handsome face.  He’s got the charisma and sense of humor of a genuine ugly dude who needs to work for it and that’s a compliment straight from good ole BQB.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Come for the jokes.  Stay for the cooter.  Oh and stay for the credits.  There’s another Deadpool movie on the way, though Deadpool told me not to tell you.

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