BQB’s Zombie Apocalypse Survivor’s Journal – Day 5

October 5, 2015

The photo Aunt Gertie uses for her various social media accounts, driver's license, passport and annual Christmas card.

The photo Aunt Gertie uses for her various social media accounts, driver’s license, passport and annual Christmas card.

Books. They’re where I turn to for comfort. I use them to get lost and separate myself from the otherwise drab world, made that much drabber thanks to a zombie infestation.

Turns out, Price Town had a good selection of them.

“What are you reading?” VGRF asked.

“Swiss Family Robinson,” I replied. “It’s a classic. Aunt Gertie used to read it to me all the time.”

“Oh my God!” VGRF shouted. “That’s awful.”

“No,” I replied. “It’s really great. It’s got a shipwreck and a monkey and…”

“No,” VGRF said. “Us. We’re awful. We forgot to check on Aunt Gertie.”

Panicked, I reached for the space phone and dialed the old folks home where she resided.

“I can’t believe you,” VGRF said.

“You could have reminded me!”

“She’s your Aunt!”

“But she likes you more!”

After a few rings, I was connected to a recorded message.

“Hello. Thank you for calling the Decrepit Oaks Assisted Living Facility. Our residents put the ‘do’ in ‘can-do.’ No one is available to take your call right now, so please leave a message at the beep.”

What the hell. I gave it a shot.

“BEEP!”

“Hi. This is Bookshelf Q. Battler. My aunt Gertrude Scrambler is one of your can-do residents. I know you’re probably knee deep in the zombie apocalypse right now but if you get a moment, can someone there ask Gertie to give me a call? My number is…it’s uh…”

I looked at the screen. I didn’t recognize any of the alien symbols it was displaying.

“Some kind of triangular thing stabbing a rhombus and I think that might be a pitchfork…no. You know what? Just let her know I called and asked about her and I’ll try back later. Thanks.”

Alien Jones walked by.

“The latest news reports indicate that phone service is out all over town. In fact, it’s believed that it’s only a matter of time before we lose…”

Every light in the store switched off. It was so dark I could only make out the fluorescent glow of Alien Jones’ eyes.

“…power.”

“Jinx,” VGRF said. “BQB, will you give up on this survivalist crap and call the Marines already?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said. “But first, I need to call…another zombie author.

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4 thoughts on “BQB’s Zombie Apocalypse Survivor’s Journal – Day 5

  1. John Charet says:

    Hilarious all the way through 🙂 I especially loved the part where you say “she’s your aunt” and VGRF responds with “but she likes you more” Keep up the great work as always 🙂

  2. LOL I love Aunt Gertie! I’d bet she’s making all the Zombies march in line and clean their -very stinky- socks right now- in the city river/drain- and she’s on a Harley ’68! haha

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