Tag Archives: xmen

Movie Review – Dark Phoenix (2019)

She’s a phoenix.  She’s dark.

BQB here with a review of the latest X-Man movie.

The reviews have been calling this the crappiest X-Men movie to date, but here’s my take, 3.5 readers. If you view the movie as a stand alone, it’s pretty good.  Lots of good action, special effects and what have you.

If you view it as part of a long, drawn out, lengthy timeline saga that the studio has asked you to consider, then it all falls apart.

You’ve got the early 2000s movies with Jackman, Patrick Stewart and so on.  You’ve got the newer, younger yet older timeline based movies with the quote unquote “new class.”  To date, nerds have been happy to see the timelines work but it falls apart here.

I could go on and on with the timeline errors.  At this late point in the timeline (I believe this takes place in the 1990s though there aren’t any guideposts to show it), Magneto and Professor X should be played by Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart, rather than their younger counterparts, Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy.  There are other little nagging things that don’t make sense to a nerd who is paying attention and ultimately, the “older” version of Jean Gray from the 2006 “The Last Stand” film (Famke Janssen) already became the Dark Phoenix so if the X-Men in that film were surprised she went dark then it doesn’t make sense if she already did it in the past, which is this film, which OK, now my head is starting to spin and I realize I need a life.

At any rate, in the early 2000s, older people were more accepted in lead roles in movies.  By the 2010s, every hero had to be barely out of puberty.  The conundrum FOX had is that according to the X-Men source material, Professor X and Magneto were two old men who had recruited their bands of mutants to fight one another and well, we couldn’t have old farts on screen for any length of time anymore so to make sense, the studio came up with historical flicks where Prof. X and Magneto were young.

To everyone involved’s credit, the idea went off largely without a hitch and there was an effort to keep the timeline in order but caution on the timeline was thrown to the wind with this one.

It’s unfortunate because again, on a surface level watch, it’s not a bad movie.  It just falls apart if you consider it in connection with the rest of the franchise.  Unfortunate, because I believe this is the last X-Men flick, at least in this go-around and any future ones, I assume, will be part of a reboot.

Sophie Turner and friends do their best and Jessica Chastain is great as a villain/alien who wants the dark phoenix power for herself.  There’s an unnecessarily placed F-bomb, which, if it works, I’m not against but it seemed like it was just placed here for shock value and one wonders why since, by and large, these movies are for children.

I don’t know.  Sometimes I think these movies are great.  Sometimes I wonder why I spent so much time watching a bunch of blue assholes (Mystique, Nightcrawler, Beast, etc) run around like idiots for two hours.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy, but you do have to watch it as a normal person and not as a nerd who with an in-depth memory of the timeline.  Going forward, I think given Hollywood’s base hatred of anyone over 40 (or really, 35), they’re probably just going to have to deviate from the source material and have Prof. X and Magneto be a couple of 20 somethings leading other 20 somethings and everyone over 30 can go F themselves.  So in other words, the new flicks will mirror today’s world.

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Movie Review – Logan (2017)

Professor X dropping F bombs!  Logan beheading random bad dudes Wolvey berserker style.

BQB here with a review of Logan.


Twelve years into the future, the government has successfully hunted down and killed all mutant kind.  A senile, ninety-something Professor X (Sir Patrick Stewart) and Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) are hiding out in an old factory in Mexico with their albino houseboy Caliban (Stephen Merchant).

Things look grim for mutant kind but a young mutant girl Laura (Dafne Keen) may just be the key to mutant survival.  Thus, it’s up to Professor X and Logan to get her to safety.  I won’t get into the plot any deeper, but suffice it to say that the claws come in bigger, badder, nastier and often disgusting ways.

A lot has been made of the fact that this is Hugh Jackman’s last film in which he will play Wolverine.  I can’t believe it.  It feels like the X-Men movies just began yesterday.  The earlier 2000s ones were ahead of their time though they tend to get panned in light of the more recent superhero movie renaissance.  Perhaps some nerd out there can correct me but as far as I know, Hugh Jackman might just hold the trophy for the most years spent playing the same superhero.

Then again, Patrick Stewart may share that claim as he has been Professor X for as long as Jackman has played Wolverine.  And SirPatStew has said this will be the last time he plays Professor X.

It makes sense.  New life was breathed into the X-Men franchise when the timeline was tinkered with.  Younger actors were brought in to play the characters during the sixties, seventies, eighties etc.  Though I suppose that technically, Stewart and Jackman could play younger versions of themselves in those earlier timeline based movies, it would seem almost cheap as this particular film seemed like a perfect ending to the timeline that began with the early 2000s movies.

Did any of that make any sense?  Probably not.  It will when you see the movie.  All I’m basically saying is that a timeline dating back to the 1960s to 2029 has been created by all the movies made thus far, and though they could continue making movies with the younger cast, they should leave this film as the point where it all ends in 2029.

Sigh.  Hugh Jackman seemed so cool when he burst on the scene in 2000 for the first time as Wolverine and now I’m older than he was at the time.  WTF life?  WTF indeed.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  Worth a trip to the theater.  A summer blockbuster in March.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Should Apocalypse Have Strangled Mystique?

Oh Monday. How you sneak up on me and my 3.5 readers.

The latest debate in the nerdosphere is whether or not Apocalypse should have strangled Mystique.

Read more about it in Variety.

So if you’re not a nerd, there’s a new X-Men movie out, X-Men: Apocalypse.

The plot is that the meanest mutant of all time has been lying dormant for thousands of years, but is back and ready to conquer the world.

To promote the film, Fox put out posters featuring Apocalypse strangling Mystique (the blue bodied, orange haired shapeshifter that dudes dig because she sort of walks around naked all the time except she doesn’t have nipples or a butt crack so it’s like Marvel found a loophole to have a naked chick walk around in their movies.)

Rose McGowan, who used to be on Charmed but I can’t think of anything she’s done lately, took offense, complaining on the Interwebs that this promoted violence against women.

Eh…here’s my two cents.

Could the studio have chosen a different image to promote the movie?


Did I notice a problem until Rose McGowan said something about it?


And you could say that maybe that means I’m oblivious to the plight of violence against women but rather, I’d say you women folk have done a fine job of training me like a dog to recognize women as equals.

I saw these ads around and it didn’t pop into my mind “Oh geez. Violence against a woman.”

Nope. All I really thought was  “Cool. New X-Men movie.” And if anything, I thought, “Wow. Looks like Mystique’s in a bit of a pickle with this new bad guy.”

In other words, I didn’t see the ad so much as portraying violence against a woman but rather, a superhero taking on a super villain, combined with the thought that this villain is the worst the X-Men have ever faced as even the powerful ninja shapeshifter Mystique is getting bested.

That’s what we want, right? We want Mystique to be considered just as big a bad ass as Cyclops or Wolverine, don’t we?

When I saw this ad I didn’t think “Damn it. A woman is getting abused.”

I thought, “Holy shit! Apocalypse is the scariest villain ever! If even the great and powerful Mystique can’t handle him then surely we are all fucked royally! Everyone run for your lives! Apocalypse is coming! Get me to this movie so I can see just how evil Apocalypse is and how fucked all the X-Men are, whether or not they have penises or vaginas, all X-Men are truly fucked when this monstrous villain comes along!”

I don’t mean to complain but in my opinion, there’s just never been a time like the present where men have no idea what to do to keep women happy.


  1.  It is sexist to show Mystique getting roughed up by a male villain.
  2. It would also be sexist to tell Mystique she needs to sit out the fight because she’s a fragile delicate woman who couldn’t possibly defeat a man.

So…what the heck do we do then?

Equality is great and all but I have to admit there have been some times when I fear that women, in their quest for equality, may have abandoned some things that actually made them better than men.

Case in point. Ronda Rousey.  Most popular female UFC fighter ever. Trained in martial arts. Can beat up the strongest dudes with her pinky finger.

Good for her and all but sometimes I’ll see female UFC fighters knocking the crap out of each other and wonder if maybe, just maybe, “knocking the crap out of each other” might have been one of those male concepts that women would have been better off had they not aspired to.

Yes, you women have the right to beat each other up in a UFC fight, but why do you want to?

I’m a man and I don’t even want to fight anyone.

But I also understand that not every man and/or woman is the same. Not every man and/or woman wants to be a fighter.

It just becomes hard for me to know what to say.  If women are clamoring for more female superheroes (“Rah rah, we can fight evil just like the men!”) then you can’t have it both ways.

You can’t demand more female superheroes, put those superheroes in a position where they have to fight evil, then cry foul or “Hey! You’re being mean to a woman!” if the big bad villain knocks the female superhero around.

Because honestly, it would be easy to start getting a little old school on this.  I’d rather not see women get beaten up on screen, so if women don’t want that to happen, then we can just start a movement for women to no longer be superheroes. (I’m just trying to prove a point. I don’t want women to stop being superheroes.)

Then again, I also realize this is all fantasy.  Men don’t have superpowers either. But these films are make believe.  We’re expected to suspend disbelief and assume these men and women have superpowers.  We shouldn’t look at the men or the women as being mere fragile humans but rather superheroes with great abilities.

It’s playing pretend. These films let us fantasize about how great life would be for us if we had special powers and since these movies are open to everyone, the fantasy is easier to indulge in when each movie goer sees someone who they can relate to. Men can fantasize about being male heroes. Women can fantasize about female superheroes and so on.

Eh. I can see all the points on this. Perhaps that didn’t need to be the image they put out everywhere.

Otherwise, I don’t know women.  Yes, they are many douchey men out there who get off on violence against women.

On the other hand, the majority of average, trying to do the right thing men will probably do whatever you want, because let’s face it, that’s what we do anyway.

You want us to treat you as fragile and keep you out of the superhero fights? We will. (I say we like I’m some kind of studio exec that can make this happen.)

But if you want to be superheroes and fight evil villains alongside male superheroes then that’s great too.

Just keep in mind villains like Apocalypse don’t believe in chivalry.  Apocalypse isn’t going to think, “Huh. Mystique’s a woman so maybe I ought to go easier on her.”

No. Apocalypse is going to think, “This is a do-gooder superhero who is trying to get between me and my plans for world domination so I better stop her.”

Look, I don’t want to get carried away, it’s just that at the end of the day, Mystique getting strangled by Apocalypse means she’s been accepted in the world of superheroes.

Wolverine, Cyclops, Gambit, Professor X, Nightcrawler – shit. Ask any of them and they’ll tell you that getting strangled by a villain is just a hazard of the job.

You could argue it would have been sexist for Mystique to not have been strangled by Apocalypse.

Apocalypse beats up all the male heroes and then pats Mystique on the head and says, “Take a break honey?”

Please. Had that happened I would have contacted a civil rights lawyer immediately to help me voice my anti-sexism concerns.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Movie Review – X-Men Apocalypse (2016)

X-Men in the 80’s.  So many special powers. So much Tab.

And so many SPOILERS below.

BQB here with a review of X-Men: Apocalypse.

You know 3.5 readers, as I sat in the movie theater tonight it dawned on me that it has been exactly 10 damn years since the critically panned X-Men: The Last Stand came out in May of 2006.

I only remember that because it was a happy time for me and so I remember some happy doings occurring in my life around the time I went to see it.

Then it all sank into a giant crap storm not long after that and to my surprise, an entire decade has gone by.  The Bush Presidency came to an end. The Obama Presidency is wrapping up.

Yet it seems like it was just 2006. Where does the time go?

Oh sorry. You wanted a movie review, not a BQB life lamentation.

Back on track.

The series takes a detour from the usual Professor X vs. Magneto (it’s so sad we’re mortal enemies because deep down we’re such good friends) schtick (although it is still present in this movie).

Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac), a mutant dating back to the dawn of mankind, can absorb the powers of other mutants and enhance them.  There’s nothing he can’t do so in effect, he’s a God.

Once worshipped in Ancient Egypt, Apocalypse returns to the 1980s and sets out to conquer the world. From Star Wars references to Pac Man, the producers definitely don’t want you to forget what decade you’re in.

Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Psylocke (not as much gratuitous booty as I hoped), Angel and a young Storm drink the anti-human Kool Aid that Apocalypse is preaching and become his lackies.

Meanwhile, Professor X, Mystique and the rest of the gang stand up for the humans as usual.

Lots of action, suspense, special effects.  A few origin stories for some of the X-Men jammed in (Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, etc.)

Sophie Turner (as Jean Grey) and Rose Byrne (as Agent Moira Mactaggert) drop their British accents and to my surprise, pass for Americans.

It scared me a little. Frankly, it reinforced my fear that double agents walk amongst us, plotting to take America back in the name of the Queen.

Aside from that, Sophie does well in her first big role outside of Game of Thrones.

I give the film credit because it does stay true the film series.  The first three films were so long ago it is hard for me to remember but there were some points in this film that had me vaguely recollecting points in the early 2000 films.

Keep the super hero flicks coming, Hollywood.  Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why I am wasting precious hours of my life watching costumed assholes fight each other, but then I remember there’s nothing else I’d like to watch more than costumes assholes fight each other.

Will the X-Men ever team up with the Avengers? Probably not seeing as how they’re owned by separate companies, although Fox was willing to let Disney have a Spider-Man appearance in the latest Captain America movie so I suppose anything is possible.

They say the next X-Men movie will take place in the 1990s. Shit. If I have to watch costumed assholes fight each other with Bill Clinton blabbing about not inhaling on TV in the background and Greenday playing on the radio then I’m going to feel like an old ass bastard.

Even more so than I already do.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Who is Your Favorite X-Man?

X-Men: Apocalypse is coming out soon.

So I’ll pose this question to my 3.5 readers – who is your favorite X-Man?

I think I have to go with Psylocke and all that gratuitous booty.

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Movie Review – Deadpool – (2016)

Swears, gratuitous violence and naked chicks in a superhero movie!


BQB here with a review of DEADPOOL!


Oh my God.  This movie was like a space shuttle launch.  So much had to happen before it could finally happen.

  1. Fans had to convince Hollywood that super hero movies are profitable by showing up en masse.
  2. A new generation had to grow up, become adults, and be cool with a super hero on screen who does and says horrible, horrible things.
  3. Hollywood had to be convinced that there was an adult audience for a raunchy R rated super hero movie, because films about heroes in spandex fighting evil are traditionally geared toward kids.
  4. And to top it all off, this movie was first teased in 2009 when Ryan Reynolds was in that horrible, godawful Wolverine movie!!!  (Remember the one with Will. I. Am?  God that was awful.)

And it’s here!  It’s finally here!  And it’s got sex, violence, ridiculous amounts of swearing.  Filthy jokes galore.  You get to see Morena Baccarin’s boobs for like a second (actually they might be stunt boobs – I can’t confirm.)

Come to think of it, that’s what surprised me the most.  A Marvel movie with boobs.  And not just Morena’s or her stunt boob double.  More naked chicks.  More boobs.  And a cooter.  That’s a scientific term.  A cooter in a Marvel movie.  Who knew it was possible?

The 50 cent tour if you’re not up to speed on Deadpool.  Wade Wilson (aka Ryan Reynolds) a mercenary with a sense of humor, is diagnosed with cancer.  His girlfriend, played by Morena, who is his match in the humor department (I hate to be cynical but only in the movies, either that or I’ve never met a woman with that kind of humor but I’m not sure she exists.)

So he volunteers for an experimental procedure and yadda yadda yadda…it does not work out as planned.  A villain gets involved, X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead pitch in, shit goes down.  It’s pretty epic.

I won’t spoil it anymore but on top of the firsts mentioned above (first R rated super hero movie, first Marvel movie with a cooter) it is, I think unless someone can correct me, the first movie of its kind to be crushing the box office on a Valentine’s Day Weekend.

What the shit.  There weren’t any women who would have wanted to go see a movie like Deadpool with me on Valentine’s Day weekend back when I was a Funky Hunk, I’ll tell you that.  And it wasn’t me.  Well, it was but it was mostly because chicks just weren’t into those kinds of movies.  Women have seriously mellowed out that some studio exec was convinced this would be a good Valentine’s weekend date movie and be correct.

Funny.  Lots of action.  Lots of heart.  My one complaint is the best jokes were spoiled by the trailers but it’s still great.

Ryan Reynolds really shines in this.  And as you know from my #OscarsSoPretty rants, you know I’m very biased against good looking people.  Don’t get me started or I’ll rant all day about pretty person privilege, how the attractive have life handed to them on a silver platter, etc. etc.

RR shows he’s more than a handsome face.  He’s got the charisma and sense of humor of a genuine ugly dude who needs to work for it and that’s a compliment straight from good ole BQB.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Come for the jokes.  Stay for the cooter.  Oh and stay for the credits.  There’s another Deadpool movie on the way, though Deadpool told me not to tell you.

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Looking Forward to Deadpool this Friday

Hello 3.5 readers,

BQB here.  I’m looking forward to the upcoming Deadpool movie.  For those of you who have lives and like do things other than watch TV and movies, Deadpool is a different kind of super hero.

He’s the “Merc with a Mouth” meaning he spouts off terrible off-color jokes on a non-stop basis and swears constantly.  He also engages in all sorts of awful violence.

And if you have a bizarre sense of humor, it’s all pretty funny.  Watch out for this trailer though.  It’s R rated so…as mentioned above, lots of gratuitous swearing and violence.


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