Tag Archives: video games

Are Video Games Too Violent?

By: Video Game Rack Fighter, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Video Game Correspondent


Hey 3.5 readers, VGRF here.

Are video games too violent?  Are they messing with the brains of our youth and turning them into sick, twisted killing machines?

Here’s the video montage that was shown during a meeting President Trump held about violence in video games, provided by IGN:

So, to return to the question of are these games too violent?  The short version is, yes, probably.  But a longer answer is more complex.

Generation X, that often forgotten generation that came between 1965 and 1981, grew up on video games, first with the Atari in the 1970s and Nintendo in the 1980s.  Games then were relatively cute and comprised of little more than crude pixelized little characters.

It really wasn’t until the 1990s that games starting getting a little too real and a little too graphic.  And there’s the rub.  The baby boomers never got into adult gaming.  They bought video games for their kids but they saw games as kid stuff.

Gen X, on the other hand, carried on their love of games well into adulthood.  It isn’t unheard of for adults in their 30s, 40s, even 50s to kick back with a video game.

And thus the problem that arises is that adults will want video games with more sex and violence, and yet, there’s still a large segment of the adult population who don’t play video games and still see them as only kids toys.  Thus, if the kid asks for, say, Grand Theft Auto, the adult doesn’t know any better, assuming its a kids toy, and says sure here you go.

At least I assume that happens.  Worse, some adults might be negligent.  They say the mature rating on the package and say screw it and get it for the kid anyway.

Plus, kids will always find ways to cut the adults out of the picture and get a violent video game from a friend or something.

I love video games, the gorier the better but I admit, even watching some of these above scenes are rough.  Frankly, even the worst R rated movies don’t get that detailed with the violence, so perhaps the industry might consider scaling back.

On the other hand, I don’t support government involvement because we do have freedom of speech and these games are a form of speech.

Are they responsible for turning kids into violent little monsters?  It’s hard to say.  On the one hand, there are more incidents of kids turning to violence these days.  On the other hand, if video games really were that powerful, then like, everyone who played one would become whacked in the brain and the world would be filled with millions of violent video game crazed killing monsters.

I just think if we start censoring video games it leads to a slippery slope.  Allow the video game industry to crank out what it pleases, but also:

  • Most stores require a license to be shown to buy a mature rated game.  That should always be followed.
  • I don’t know if this exists, but if it doesn’t, here’s an idea.  Video game consoles can come with a code parents can put in that can be used to lock out the user from playing a violent video game.  Ergo, if little Timmy borrows a naughty game from little Billy at school, boom, blocked.
  • Government shouldn’t get involved where societal pressures can work.  Decades ago, it was pretty normal to walk into any business, restaurant, house, what have you and just get hit with a waff of smoke.  Over the years, smoking got relegated to being considered a terrible habit and if you are a smoker, you’ve got to hide on a corner and smoke in the rain.  I’m not saying to ostracize adults who play violent video games, but just make it socially unacceptable for parents to let their gets play violent video games.  If you let your kid play violent video games, then you aren’t cool, you’re a jerkface.

Admittedly, there will always be problems.  Games from the 1980s involved shooting, but it was like, a little pixelized pellet.  Today, games allow the user to peer through a scope, aim at a head and pop it open.  The more advanced the graphics get, the more problems, but ultimately, parents have to exercise some caution and if there are things the industry can do to help parents keep their kids from rotting their brains then they should help.

Bottomline.  I like violent video games, but I’m an adult.  These games are meant for adults, and not kids with mush brains who haven’t figured out right from wrong and fiction from fantasy yet.

EDIT: You know, I watched the above video after I posted this and I thought I liked violent video games but I might take that back.  To me, a violent video game is, say, “Grand Theft Auto,” – violent, but almost cartoonish and silly, a parody of our base instincts.  When I see games above where you get to pretend to be a serial killer and chase down victims and axe them and put them on hooks I mean, yeah, you might want to ask yourself what’s going on inside you that you feel that kind of simulation is a fun way to spend your free time.  The “are games too violent” debate has been around since video games existed, every new generation of adults posing the question and I hate to say it but yeah, maybe there are some games that are crossing lines.  Still, I can’t abide by government intervention so it’s up to society to decide.

Tagged , ,

Movie Trailer – Rampage (Or, The Rock Saves Any Movie)


Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

When I was a kid, I loved the “Rampage” video game.  It was popular as an arcade game and later they made console versions.  You played as your choice of a giant ape, lizard, or werewolf and you made your character climb buildings, bash them, eat people, complete mayhem and destruction.  It was all very cartoonish with humor, i.e. you could eat people while they were sitting on the toilet.  Your character was usually a human that turned into a monster, so if you were injured, you’d turn into a human without clothes and slink away embarrassed.

With the occasional exception, video game based movies usually suck.  So, when I heard they were making a “Rampage” video game, I thought Hollywood was really scraping the bottom of the barrel.  I mean, the game was fun, but it was pretty mindless and devoid of any plot whatsoever.

Then I saw the trailer and I have to admit, it looks pretty awesome.  Partly because they went all out with the special effects, but mostly because of the Rock.  From GI Joe to Fast and Furious, The Rock saves all.

What say you, 3.5?


Tagged , , , , ,

Toilet Gator – Chapter 21


Although Buford Dufresne was in his late twenties, his hair was still stuck in the early 1990s. No one had informed him that the mullet had gone out of style long ago and no one was about to do so no. When it came to his hair, it was all business in the front and a party in the back.

Even so, he managed to squeeze into the least stained white shirt, pants, and tie combo available and roll into the dealership, where he would hide in his office all day, ignoring any and all customers while he played video games.

And boy, did he have an impressive rig. Two massive monitors attached to a Nantuzasaki Game Tower, complete with a top of the line graphics card, dual core memory, solid state drive, and enough RAM to choke a horse. All of this processing power allowed him to run over pixelized prostitutes with the greatest of ease as he played the most violent video game ever, Car Thief Mayhem.

Knock knock. The Mayor’s fist pounded on the door. “Son?”

Buford sipped from a straw stuck inside a gallon sized cup of convenience store diet cola. He threw a few potato chips into his pie hole for good measure, then returned his eyes to the screen. He clicked a few buttons, causing his character to get out of a stolen car, bonk the prostitute over the head with a lead pipe, then steal all of her hard earned trick money.

The Mayor knocked again. “Buford? You in there?”

The young man clicked more buttons. His character got back into his stolen car, ran over a few pedestrians, and then ended up in a high speed chase with the police.

“Buford!” the Mayor shouted. “You playin’ with yourself in there!”

Buford sighed. “No, Daddy!”

“Then open up the goddamn door, son! I need to talk to you!”

“I’m busy, Daddy,” Buford said. “Come back later.”

Buford clicked a few more buttons. His character drove his car off a cliff and crashed into a helicopter. It was a horrific, fiery explosion that won Buford 10,000 points. The young man celebrated by opening up his soda cup, dumping in the contents of an energy drink can, then closing up cup’s lid and sipping away.

“Buford Bartholomew Dufresne!” the Mayor shouted. “You will open the door for your Daddy this very instant! Don’t you think for one second you’re too big for me to take you over my knee!”

Buford sighed. He felt defeated. He knew his old man had the energy to knock on his door all day. He realized the sooner he got the lecture that was coming his way, the better. He paused his game, got up, and opened the door.
“Buford,” the Mayor said as he stepped into his son’s office. “I got to talk to you. I heard you…”

The Mayor pinched his nose. “Jumpin’ Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick! This room stinks! The last time I smelled a stench this bad I was digging a latrine in De Nang.”

The old man looked to the corner, where Buford’s trash can was overflowing with used fast food containers, some of them weeks old.

“Who are you, Little Lord Fauntleroy?” the Mayor asked. “You too good to empty your own damn trash can?”

Buford sat back down and unappeased his game. “Sorry, Daddy. I just been busy.”

“Busy killin’ your brain cells on them shoot ‘em up video games!” Buford said. “I never should have bought you that stupid thing. When the hell are you gonna get up off your fat ass and get out on the floor and make a sale?”

A little bit of drool pour out of the right side of Buford’s mouth as his eyes remained fixated on the screen. “I’m working up to it, Daddy.”

The Mayor took off his cowboy hat and dabbed at the top of his bald head with a handkerchief, removing the excess sweat. “You’re working up to it? Shee-it. And I suppose the Lord Almighty is workin’ up to the rapture. That’ll come first before you start earnin’ your keep around here.”

“Come on, Daddy,” Buford said.

“Don’t you come on Daddy, me, you little sack of shit,” the Mayor said. “Look at me, son. I’m Sitwell’s pride and joy. I got a business that employs over a hundred people. I’m a beloved mayor who makes important decisions every day. And what the hell are you doing with the one and only life that God will ever give you? Running over computerized prostitutes instead of doing something, anything, literally anything at all to better yourself.”

Buford mashed the buttons on his controller. His character respawned in front of a hospital, then stole a truck and ran over a contingent of little old ladies, leaving behind a trail of blood and broken walkers in his wake.

“I blame myself,” the Mayor said.

“Aww, Daddy,” Buford said. “Don’t gimme that speech about how you blame yourself again.”

“I will give it to you, boy,” the mayor said. “Your old daddy wasn’t around enough when you were growin’ up. I was too busy wheelin’ and dealin,’ chasin’ that green that I never took the time to teach you how to be a man. Now you’re like a man-child, a little baby stuck in man’s body. You’re more confused than a horny alley cat trapped behind a spay and neuter clinic.”

Burford moved the sticks on his controller. His character performed a drive-by on a nun convention.

“I set your momma up right,” Buford said. “She never had to work a day in her life. I thought she’d be able to take care of ya, teach ya how to behave all proper like but I was foolin’ myself. Old Lurleene was just a simple minded stripper, dumber than a box of rocks and hooked on anything she could snort up her nose or shoot in her veins. Hell, given all that, I’m surprised you didn’t turn out worse.”

Buford took a sip of his soda. “It weren’t all that bad, Daddy.”

The Mayor put his cowboy hat back on. “Son, will you let me be there for you now?”

The young man paused the game and looked up at his father. “What’s that now, Daddy?”

“I know it’s awfully late,” the Mayor said. “I’m a tired old fart and you’re almost thirty. I doubt I got many good years left. Let me teach you how to be a man, how to take care of yourself. You got to learn, boy, because one day your old Daddy won’t be around to take care of you and then what are you gonna do?”

Buford sighed. “I just don’t think I’m cut out to sell cars, Daddy.”

The Mayor sneered at his son. “Look, I’ll tell you what. I’m a silent partner in a number of business I have invested in town. One of those businesses happens to be Big Ray’s House of Funbags, the classiest titty bar this side of Orlando. I’ll talk to Big Ray. He’ll give you a job as a manager. You can squire around the girls and polish their titties with titty wax before they get on stage. You’ll be on your own, independent, doing something with your life.”

Buford shoved some more chips into his mouth. “I don’t want to do that either, Daddy.”

“Are you serious?” The mayor asked.

“Sure am,” Buford replied.

“Son, that’s a primo offer,” the Mayor said. “Oh Lord, you’re not one of them gay fellas, are you?”

“No, Daddy,” Buford said.

“Because you know son, you can tell your Daddy if you’re gay,” the Mayor said. “I don’t approve of that, but all them Democrats tell me I’m legally obliged to still love you even if you’re gay so I reckon I still will.”

“I’m not gay, Daddy,” Buford said. “I just don’t want to work in no titty bar.”

The Mayor took a deep breath. “Then son, what is it, pray tell, that you want to do with your life?”

Buford pressed some more buttons on his controller. His character drove a big rig through a department store.

“This,” the young man said.

“This?” the Mayor said.

“Uh huh,” Buford replied.

“You want to play video games?” the Mayor said.

“Until the day I die,” Buford said.

“Son,” the Mayor said. “How do you expect you’ll earn a living playing video games?”

Buford shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno. I’ll get real good I guess. Maybe I’ll compete in some video game competitions and earn some big money.”

The Mayor repeated half of what his son just said, just to make sure he was hearing correctly. “Compete in a video game competition and earn big money? Oh Lord, how I have failed you.”

“Daddy, I’m comin’ up to a real hard part, here,” Buford said.

“I made life too easy for you,” the Mayor said. “You never had to struggle. Never had to fend for yourself. Never had to fight for scraps. I gave you everything you wanted in the hopes that one day you’d outshine me and now look at yourself.”

“Blah, blah, blah, Daddy,” Buford said. “You gonna stand there and yap all day?”

The Mayor lost it. He picked up one of the monitors and heaved it against the wall, smashing it into hundreds of pieces.

“Daddy!” Buford shouted. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Get out!” the Mayor shouted. He grabbed the other monitor and hurled it against the wall. Then he picked up the game station, tossed it on the floor, and stomped on it with his cowboy boot.

Buford grabbed his soda, then ran out into the showroom. His father quickly followed.

“Get the hell off my lot, you no good lazy, loafing son of bitch!” the Mayor shouted.

All of the customers and salesmen turned around to watch the scene unfold.

“Daddy!” Buford shouted. “Why’d you go and break my video games for?”

“So you’ll grow up, you dumb shit!” the Mayor shouted. “No son of mine is going to waste his life the way do for you! Offices are for people who do work! You do one goddamn day of work in your life and you can have it back! Until then, get out and don’t you dare come back here until you do.”

Buford looked around, confused and embarrassed.

“OK I’m sorry Daddy,” Buford said. “Let’s just cool down and we’ll talk about this at home.”

“That’s MY home, boy!” the Mayor hollered. “Don’t you step one foot back there!”

“Daddy!” Buford shouted. “You’re kicking me outta the house?”

“You’re damn right I am,” the Mayor said. “You can either go live with your whore of a mother or you can be a man, earn a living, and find your own place, but I aint gonna coddle you into being a big giant man baby for one day longer, you hear me!”

Buford hanged his head down low and performed the long walk of shame towards the door. “Yes, Daddy.”

“I mean it, boy!” the Mayor said. “You won’t get one more paycheck from me. Not one more hand out, not one more dime until you learn how to become a man. I know there’s something wrong with you, boy. If you aint gay, then it’s something you aint telling me and if you don’t tell me then you’re going to have to sort it out on your own.”

Buford lost it. He threw his soda cup against the wall and it exploded, sending drops of diet cola all over the nearby customers. “I aint gay and there’s nothing wrong with me!”

“There damn sure is something wrong with you, boy!” the Mayor shouted. “You’re not right in the head and any two-bit, half-ass shrink could easily see that from a mile away! Fix yourself and do it pronto!”

Buford threw his father the middle finger. “Choke on a ten foot dick and die, Daddy!”

“Oh!” the Mayor said. “That’s real nice talk! I bet you learned that from your mother!”

“I’ll prove you wrong, Daddy!” Buford shouted. “I’ll be richer and famous-er than you ever were!”

“Good!” the Mayor said. “Then I won’t have to worry about your stupid ass, anymore!”

Buford gave his father two middle fingers. “Fuck you, Daddy!”

The Mayor returned both middle fingers. “Fuck you back, son!”

The young man exited the building and slammed the door behind him. The Mayor looked around at all of the astonished customers. He straightened his tie.

“Sorry about that folks,” the Mayor said. “Tell you what? Ten percent off any car built during the Clinton administration for all your trouble!”

Tagged , , , ,

Video Game Rack Fighter – Mass Effect Andromeda

By: Video Game Rack Fighter, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Video Game Correspondent

Hey 3.5 readers.  VGRF here.

I just wanted to share the trailer for Mass Effect: Andromeda.  That’s right, the video game that redefined the whole RPG genre and turned it up on its butt is back in a big way.  Choose your own style, your gender, your team, your gear, your love interests, whether you are good or evil.  There are most likely plenty of blue lesbian space babes.  I know Bookshelf Q. Battler spent most of his 20s staring at the blue lesbian space babes, but he can’t do that anymore because he has a book to write.  Multiple books actually.  He really needs to get to work.

Did you play the original trilogy, 3.5?  I was very impressed with it.  It was groundbreaking for its time, the amount of choices you were allowed to make and how the tiniest deviation could create a whole different game experience.  Even more, the decisions you made in game one carried into two and three.

Impressive stuff.  I’m looking forward to it.  While BQB will be slaving away to entertain his 3.5 readers, I will be exploring the universe and boldly going where no woman has gone before, namely, a nerd’s bedroom.  Zing!

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Video Game Rack Fighter Lives!!! (Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.  The illustrious Video Game Rack Fighter has taken a rare break from playing Car Thief Mayhem to read one of my infamous top ten lists.  A big step for her to go public with a video for as you know, the inhabitants of Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters are usually much too busy fighting for truth, justice, against evil and for hilarious jokes or at the very least, jokes that I find funny because at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here’s Video Game Rack Fighter (and furry friend) to give you the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady:

3.5 READERS: BQB, that looks a lot like the spokesperson you hired last week to sing your blog’s praises.

That’s a ludicrous accusation, 3.5 readers.  Stayingvintage is way too busy fielding spokesperson requests on Fiverr.com to bother with my trivial tomfoolery.

Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady

#10 – Wherever she goes and whatever she sets out to do, she never fails to come home with an extra cat. Trip to the store for milk? New cat. Dentist appointment? New cat. Went to the movies? New cat. Westminster Dog Show? New cat.

#9 – No matter what you do in the house, you run the risk of a cat falling and landing on your head. Open the cupboard for your breakfast cereal? Cat lands on your head. Open the closet to change your shirt? Cat lands on your head. Open the desk drawer to find a pen? A cat jumps into the air then lands on your head.

#8 – You went to the doctor for a bad cough. X-rays indicate your lungs are 90% cat hair.

#7 – You buy those pet hair rollers with extra stickiness by the case.

#6- You’ve become skilled at the 10-K hairball barf dash. Whenever you hear a cat making barf sounds, you automatically pick it up and run it outside before it can puke all over the rug.

#5 – What am I saying? Your girlfriend is a crazy cat lady. You gave up on the rug years ago. That rug is 5% carpet fiber and 95% puke now.

#4 – You have enough litter boxes in the basement to create your own desert.

#3 – And for some reason, even though your girlfriend was the one who wanted all the cats in the first place, you’re the one who is always cleaning up the litter boxes because…I don’t know…women’s rights or something.

#2 – The cats take turns sleeping on your face. Your girlfriend says its because the cats love you but you’re pretty sure they’re just trying to use their pillow like bodies to smother you in their sleep.

#1 – You heard that President Trump was interested in grabbing pussies so you’re sitting by your phone, waiting for that call from the White House, hoping that he’ll stop by and grab all of yours…because you can’t stand living with so many cats anymore!

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

An Ode to My Vagina – An Original Poem By New Bookshelf Battle Blog Proprietor Video Game Rack Fighter


Dear 3.5 Readers,

Divorce is never easy, especially when you’re BQB and you learn that you were married due to a legal technicality.  Divorce is especially difficult on the children, or in your case, the readers.

I know all 3.5 of you must feel some sort of loyalty to BQB but don’t, for he is an epic douche who peed on the toilet seat one too many times without dropping to his knees to apologize and beg for mercy, and he now he must suffer for the rest of his life as penance.  Really, it’s only fair.

I mean, I regularly took time away from my passion of playing Car Thief Mayhem to help BQB run his stupid blog, his stupid BQB HQ, and to even walk Bookshelf Q. Battledog and the Yeti.  So when you think about it, I really deserve to take everything and BQB deserves to live in a seedy motel for the rest of his days with Leo McKoy.

I feel like I was pretty generous in the settlement negotiation process.  Not only did I let Attorney Donnelly talk me into not calling for BQB’s genitals to be slammed in a steel door for the rest of his life, but I also let BQB retain custody of the Yeti.  So really, when you think about it, I’m the good guy here.

Things are finally going to be run differently around here.  I don’t know what exactly inspired me to cast BQB into a life of misery so I could fully recognize my full womanly potential.  I’m not going to lie though, I felt motivated as soon as I watched Ashley Judd give her deranged poem on the National Mall.

As Ashley ranted and raved about the blood stains on her bedsheets that weren’t her choice, I found myself shouting at the TV, “Yes!  Yes!  I don’t need a man! Bookshelf Q. Battler is the source of all my problems!”

Listen, don’t worry.  This blog has been missing a woman’s touch for far too long.  It will still be totally awesome.  Don’t listen to all that nonsense BQB spouted that under my watch, this blog will turn into a collection of daisy photos and vagina poems.

In conclusion, please enjoy this photo of a daisy…


…and also this original poem I wrote about my vagina.

An Ode to My Vagina

An Original Poem By New Bookshelf Battle Blog Proprietor, Video Game Rack Fighter, May BQB Never Sully This Website With His Inability to Put Urine Into the Toilet Ever Again

Vagina!  Whoa, my vagina!

Giver of life and of mirth.

Is it the source of my inner-self?

Should it be the sum total of my self-worth?

Colin Firth.  Bridget Jones could do so much better.

Won’t someone write my vagina an appreciative letter?

Eddie Vedder.  Lead singer of Pearl Jam and to him

And any other man after my vagina I say, “Scram!”

Isn’t that the plan?  A world conquered by vaginas!

An end to rule by man.  Oh, vagina!

Sing me a song!

Give me respite from the days that are so long.

Dong!  Destroy anyone who has one.

And when that happens, my vagina will have won.

Tagged , , , ,

Bookshelf Battle Blog Under New Management


Good Day, 3.5 readers.

Lead Counsel for Mr. Battler, Delilah K. Donnelly here.

It is my unfortunate duty to inform all 3.5 of you that Mr. Battler and his longtime girlfriend, one Miss Video Game Rack Fighter, have split up over irreconcilable differences.

Although terrible news, this normally would not be a matter of legal concern.  However, as it turns out, Ms. Fighter was an incredible legal researcher and was able to convince a court of law that by virtue of East Randomtownian Law, she and Mr. Battler had established a common law marriage by living together in sin for so long.

After an intense, seventy-eight hour negotiation session, a divorce agreement was reached and the property of the Bookshelf Battle Blog shall be divided as follows:

  • BQB HQ – Goes entirely to Ms. Fighter in recognition of the two years she lived there, even though Mr. Battler lived his entire life there and it was gifted to him by his beloved Aunt Gertie.
  • The Magic Bookshelf – Goes to Mr. Battler as Ms. Fighter views it and the characters who live it as little more than a nuisance.
  • Ms. Fighter’s Video Game Rack – Entirely to Ms. Fighter, though Mr. Battler may borrow her copy of Car Thief Mayhem once a month but only if she is not playing it.
  • Mr. Battler’s Action Figure Collection – Entirely to Ms. Fighter, not because it has any monetary value but because Mr. Battler believes that he will not be able to attract anyone with a vagina if he retains it.
  • Mr. Battler’s Collection of Used Whoopie Cushions and Rubber Chickens – To Mr. Battler in an effort by Ms. Fighter to show that she is not a total monster.
  • Mr. Battler’s Vintage 1990s Pornographic Magazine Collection – Sold at public auction and distributed evenly between the parties.  Now the property of ex-mayoral candidate Leo McKoy, who has been known to enjoy photos of half-naked women wearing nothing but flannel lumberjack shirts and hair-dos reminiscent of Rachel from Friends.  Mr. McKoy’s only public comment on the matter was, “I’ll be there for you…ugh.”
  • Alimony – Ms. Fighter retains the right to garnish 99.99% of Mr. Battler’s earnings as an assistant to the assistant of the vice-president for corporate assistance at Beige Corp., the world’s premiere producer of beige products and accessories.
  • Bookshelf Q. Battledog – Full legal custody with Ms. Fighter.  Court supervised visits for Mr. Battler every third leap year.
  • The Yeti – Full legal and physical custody to Mr. Battler.  Ms. Fighter will be within her rights to sue for mental pain and suffering if Yeti visitations are attempted.
  • Alien Jones – Retains his position as Mr. Battler’s intergalactic advisor.  Will continue to nag Mr. Battler until he writes a novel that inspires the masses to abandon reality television so that the Mighty Potentate will not conquer the planet.
  • Dr. Hugo Von Science, Uncle Hardass, Vinny Baggadouchio, Search Engine Optimized Poet, Nerdstradamus and Other Assorted Bookshelf Battle Blog Columnists – Will now be employees of Ms. Fighter.
  • The Bookshelf Battle Blog – Full ownership goes to Ms. Fighter.  Mr. Battler will no longer be allowed to post on penalty of being shot into the sun via a high velocity cannon.  Ms. Fighter will be able to post whatever she wants.
  • Mr. Battler’s 3.5 Readers – Now the property of Ms. Fighter.  They are not allowed to read anything written by Mr. Battler under court order.


This is indeed a horrendous development, 3.5 readers.  Mr. Battler did so enjoy posting for your enjoyment, and even when you did not enjoy it, which by my understanding was most of the time.

I understand that you know me as one of the finest attorneys in the land and therefore you may wonder how Ms. Fighter was able to reach such a one-sided settlement.  All I can say is, she started high and sold low.  The alternative to this agreement was that Mr. Battler would have been required to slam his genitalia in a steel loading dock door from now until the end of his life and record every slam and post the footage on YouTube.

All things considered, I’d say Mr. Battler got off easy.

As for Detective Dashing and myself, Ms. Battler has issued no decrees as to whether or not she will utilize our services at this time.  As far as I am concerned, I shall remain Mr. Battler’s attorney until further notice and will continue to advise him as he begins his new life in the roach infested Random Motel, East Randomtown’s premiere pay-by-the-hour lodging resort.

Mr. Battler thanks you for being his 3.5 readers and asks that you do not weep for him, for, as he bravely put it, “It was better to have had 3.5 readers and lost them than to never have had 3.5 readers at all.  Also, Video Game Rack Fighter Sucks Yeti Butt.”

His words, not mine.  I do not say such vulgarities.

Enjoy the rest of your day, 3.5 readers.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Movie Review – Assassin’s Creed (2016)

By: Special Guest Reviewer Video Game Rack Fighter

I’m just going to say it.  It’s unfair that I only get to review video game based films because nine times out of ten they suck so bad even Vinny Baggadouchio can’t cure them.

Ha.  Inside humor.

Video Game Rack Fighter here with a review of Assassin’s Creed.

While we’re on the subject of films that suck, is it me or did this whole holiday season lineup kind of blow turds?  Other than Rogue One and Passengers, Hollywood shit the bed this year.

Anyway, this video game based film didn’t suck as much as you might expect, though there was a certain amount of suckage.  Maybe 60 non-suck and 40 suck if I’m feeling generous.

Why do video game movies usually suck?  Because video games are usually written with a player in mind, not a viewer.

Case in point – in Assassin’s Creedyou, the player, are put into a machine that allows you, through advances in DNA science, to travel back in time in your mind and control the actions of your ancestor who shares the same DNA.


In other words, as a video game player, you might relate more to controlling a 15th century assassin than you would actually being a 15th century assassin.  After all, what do you know about being a 15th century assassin?  (Then again, what do you know about controlling one?)

It’s an idea that works well in the game, but not so much in the film.  The story keeps switching between present day Cal (Michael Fassbender), a convict under the thumb of Sofia (Marion Cotillard) and Aguilar, Cal’s 15th century assassin ancestor (also played by Michael Fassbender).

Ultimately, there are two worlds and two plots, neither of which were fully explored within the movie’s timeframe.  In fact, I dare say they spent too much time on the present day stuff and not enough time on the past stuff, where the best action in the game occurs.  (The present day controlling your ancestor bit is basically just something that moves the game along).

The effects are great, the ancient fight scenes are awesome, but as video games so often do, it left me feeling “meh.”

If they ever do a sequel, and sadly given the ending it looks like they will, they’d be well-informed to know that the ancient assassin being controlled is the main attraction and the person doing the controlling is just a side show.  I came for Michael Fassbender in a murdering people in a cloak.  I got a little bit of that and a lot of Michael Fassbender being moody and grunting angrily, as he does in most of his films.

Funny, when this game came out years ago, I was excited for it as it promised to be Splinter Cell in ancient times.  If you’ve never played Splinter Cell, you play as a secret agent who doesn’t win by shooting but by stealth.  You have to sneak into a building, crawl around on the ceiling, through vents, up elevator shafts and subdue enemies without any one knowing.

Alas, the original Assassin’s Creed, wasn’t that well-developed.  Missions called for you to be sneaky but the program was a little too sensitive as you’d inevitably be discovered and have to go on a stabbing spree just to get away.

The games did get better over the years, with games taking place on pirate ships and during the American Revolutionary War.

STATUS:  Moderately shelf-worthy.  Not worth seeing in the theater.  Worth a rental.


Tagged , , ,

Where to Find Halloween Wizard Kitty Google Doodle Game? (Halloween 2016 Google Doodle)

By: Video Game Rack Fighter, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Video Game Correspondent


Hey 3.5 readers.

Halloween may be long over, but I have yet to stop playing the Google Doodle game featuring that adorable wizard cat.

Did you miss it?

So it’s Halloween.  A wizard cat is studying with his wizard friends. Ghosts break in and steal all the friends and then the wizard cat must save the day.

Each ghost has a symbol over its head. To defeat the ghost, you must draw the symbol.

As the game progresses, the symbols get harder and you get less time to draw them.

I love it.

If you’d like to play it, look for the Halloween Wizard Cat Google Doodle here.

(If you’re doing a web search instead, the official name is “Halloween 2016 Google Doodle.”)

Sorry is has been awhile since I have posted a video game review.  What games are you 3.5 readers playing and which ones are you looking forward to?

Currently, I have my eye on Gears of War 4 and Battlefield 1.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

#31Zombie Authors Rewind – Day 16 – Saul Tanpepper – Zombified Video Gaming

With Your Host: Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian



They’re uncontrollable…or are they?

If you could control a real, live (undead) zombie with a controller, would you, 3.5 readers?

Last year Saul Tanpepper took a moment to talk to BQB to discuss his Gameland series.

Check out that interview here.

And don’t forget to check out Saul’s Gameland series and other books on Amazon.

Tagged , , , , ,