Bookshelf Battle

A few posts ago, I went on a tangent – asking why do I bother to work so hard on my writing when America is easily satisfied by a song that goes, and I quote, “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle wiggle!”

Well, I suppose this next song is not as bad, but J. Lo’s “First Love” also makes me wonder if music writers are trying as hard as they could be.

Check out these lyrics:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
Woah oh oh oh
I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
– First Love, Jennifer Lopez

So, what was left on the cutting room floor? How about:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second third or fourth love
Furthermore a fifth love would have been unlikely!
A sixth love would have been improbable!
A seventh, eighth, or ninth love would have been out of the question
And a tenth love would have been right out!
Don’t even get me started on the eleventh love
Yes, I can certainly count!

Yes, I even imagined how the sales pitch for this song went:

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: OK J Lo, pitch us your new song.

J LO: Ok, so this song, is essentially about time travel.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Whoa.

J LO: I’m singing to a guy who is currently my love.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Uh huh

J LO: And I’m explaining to him that had I met him first, I would not have dated three previous men.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: So, wait, what are you saying?

J LO: That if things happen differently then other things also happen differently

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Oh my God. Mind totally blown.

Seriously, all she does is count her loves. That’s it. All she does. I half-expect the Count from Sesame Street to come in on back up vocals. “One! One love! Ah ah ah!”