Top Ten Signs Your Girlfriend Might be a Damn Zombie

shutterstock_142239178From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, the Top Ten Signs that Your Girlfriend Might be a Damn Zombie:

10.  She’s been nibbling on your ear a lot lately…but she never did that before.

9.  She wants you for your brains.  No, not the thoughts in your brains.  You don’t have any because you’re stupid. She wants your actual brains.

8.  She bumps into walls more than usual.

7.  You handed her your credit card and shouted, “Free shopping spree on me, baby!” She sniffed said card and upon determining that it wasn’t brains, chucked it her over her shoulder.

6.  She keeps trying to take selfies with other she-zombies but her lips keep falling off whenever she tries to do the duck face.

5.  She looks really mad at you.  You ask her why she’s mad at you and she’s all like, “Grr…argh…I think you know why…grr….”

4.  She asks if her butt looks big in the jeans she is wearing.  You note that her butt fell off weeks ago.

3.  Despite a lack of cognitive functions, she still has the ability to get mad at you about shit you did a long time ago.

EXAMPLE

YOU: Babe, stop trying to eat my brains.

HER: Grrr…argh…I bet you’d let that bitch you were staring at at the club in 2009 eat your brains…grrr…argh…brains…

2.  Also, despite the above mentioned lack of cognitive functions, she still holds you to the impossibly high standards set by Hollywood romance movies.

EXAMPLE

YOU:  Babe, your face is leaking puss.

HER:  Grr…argh…you should still love me anyway…grrr…and you should have better hair, bigger muscles, more money, and a cooler car…grrr…argh…brains!

  1.  Her boobs fell off but you’re pretty sure if you could just figure out how to sew them back on you could make this human/zombie romance work.
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15 thoughts on “Top Ten Signs Your Girlfriend Might be a Damn Zombie

  1. Ahdad says:

    Great signs. Do the same ones apply for the Wife?

  2. Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:

    And finally, the post that started it all. The Top Ten Warning Signs That Your Girlfriend Might Be a Damn Zombie.

    If your girlfriend is falling apart emotionally, it’s probably your fault for being a lousy ass boyfriend.

    But, if she’s falling apart literally and still moving around and/or trying to feast on your brains then she may very well be a damn zombie.

  3. PHS says:

    Reblogged this on Archer's Aim and commented:
    When I got off the floor from rolling and laughing so hard I could actually type this…

  4. Soooz says:

    Where have you been all my life … er … Death? Reblogged this on https://sooozburkeauthor.wordpress.com/ …when I stopped laughing.

  5. Soooz says:

    Reblogged this on Welcome to the World of Suzanne Burke. and commented:
    In honor of Halloween … One of the funniest posts I’ve read in a very long time.

  6. Jan Hawke says:

    Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated and commented:
    Best on the day Hallowe’en I’ve seen so far! 😀

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