By: Special Guest Pirate, One Eyed Dan
Aye, 3.5 readers. Lost me eye I did to a rambunctious thief in a Jamaican port when he tried to come between me and me gold. He got me peeper he sure did but I got his life when I ran him through the belly and left him in the street to die like the lowly dog that he was.
The locals tell me it took the scoundrel three days to bleed out and serves him right it did.
I hear ye be on a voyage. Allow me to translate so that ye can travel in style like a true pirate.
Which way is the gas station?
Avast ye wretched animal! Require provisions I do so point out a reputable mercantile at once or I’ll beat ye about the brow with yer own entrails.
It’s over there.
Land ho! Follow the North Star for it shines bright and it shines true! Raise the sail and onward ho for three settings of the sun stand between us and the next port!
Oh no. I have a flat tire.
YARRRR! Whoever be in charge of battening down the hatches, report to the poop deck and stick thine filthy head in a noose for you’ve failed your crew with your treachery and given us all a death sentence as this vessel shall surely take on water until we’re all no more!
Hey! You cut me off!
Ahoy ye nasty jackanape! These high seas be the territory of Capt. Deathbeard and Capt. Deathbeard alone! Ready the cannons, lads, and fill that scally wag’s ship full of more holes than Smelly Pants Jim’s under britches!