Depression. It’s the pits. It’s even worse when you’re a werewolf.
I mean, if you’re just a guy, the world isn’t missing much if you lock yourself up and cry over anything.
But if you’re an awesome werewolf and allow those powers to fester over depression, that’s a waste.
Are you a werewolf? That’s cool. Please don’t eat me.
Are you a clinically depressed werewolf, like my blog’s columnist, “Clinically Depressed Werewolf?”
You won’t find out until you read this list. From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Warning Signs You Might Be a Clinically Depressed Werewolf:
#10 – You Must Be a Werewolf
If you’re not a werewolf but you’re sad all the time, then you are merely a clinically depressed human. Still, seek professional help, but all you need to worry about is the depression part, not the werewolf part.
#9 – You’ve Lost the Will to Howl at the Moon
Werewolves love to howl at the moon as if the moon will respond to them. Idiots. Still, if you’re not able to muster up even the briefest of “Arwoos!” then you need to consult a werewolf psychiatrist posthaste.
NOTE: This can either be a werewolf who doubles as a psychiatrist or a human who knows how to treat the mental illnesses of werewolves.
#8 – You Don’t Want to Eat People Anymore
I mean, you shouldn’t be doing that anyway but if you were eating people a lot and now you aren’t, that’s a bad sign.
#7 – Your Fur is Falling Out
It could just be werewolf pattern baldness but if you’re worrying about a lot of random stuff, then it could be a sign of werewolf depression.
#6 – You Spend All Your Time Listening to James Blunt’s “Your Beautiful” Song in Your Werewolf Lair
This song is the saddest song ever written. Personally, I think James Blunt consulted with the CIA to produce a song that makes people so sad they want to off themselves just to control the surplus population. My lawyer says I must stress I have no evidence or proof of this so as far as I know, James is just a good singer who apparently likes to use his vocal powers to make people sad as fuck.
Anyway, if you’re a werewolf, you should be enjoying your great strength and powers, using them to do badass shit and bang all that bomass werewolf pussy. So, if you’re just listening to James Blunt instead, them I’m sorry to inform you that you are a clinically depressed werewolf.
#5 – You Keep a Silver Bullet Around Just in Case
If there’s one thing a werewolf hates, it’s a mail man. If there are two things a werewolf hates, it’s a mail man and a silver bullet. Silver bullets are the only thing that can kill a werewolf, so if you’re a werewolf, you want to keep them far away from yourself as possible, unless, of course, you’re thinking about ending it all and you’re keeping that silver bullet for when you are ready.
Please, whether you are a human or a werewolf, if you are having suicidal thoughts, please seek professional help immediately. Suicide is never the answer.
#4 – You Cage Yourself During the Day
You’re only a danger to others at night, so that’s the only time you need to be caged to keep yourself from wolfing out and eating humans. If you’re caging yourself during the day, then you’re cutting yourself off from the world. So sad.
#3 – You’re Preoccupied with Death
We all have to go someday, but with a little luck and some hope, that day is a long, long time away. Don’t focus on it or you’ll think of nothing else, especially if you’re a werewolf, because you’re stronger than most. I mean, nothing can kill you but a silver bullet so, holy shit, just stay away from silver bullets and you’ll be fine, bitch. Stop worrying.
#2 – You Smell Worse Than Usual
Werewolves always smell bad, but if you smell worse than usual, you’ve let your hygiene go because…you are a clinically depressed werewolf.
#1 – You Think You Might Be Depressed
Holy shit dude, if you think you are depressed then you might be. Seek professional help.