Movie Review – Breaking In (2018)

This is the best worst movie I’ve seen in awhile, 3.5 readers.  For more on that, you’re going to have to “break in” to this review.

Ha!  See what I did there?  Hilarious.

Gabrielle Union, who gave me a boner when I saw “Bad Boys II” oh so many years ago, is back and kicking ass as a fierce mama grizzly trying to save her kids from a crew of home invaders.

At a casual glance, the plot seems solid.  Nothing beats a mother’s love and mothers love their kids so much that they can gain all kinds of focus, strength and determination in order to rescue their babies.

The problem is that the script is full of plot holes and it really could have used a tune-up.

The crooks, led by Eddie (Billy Burke) are total incompetents who, despite there being four of them, broke into a house to steal the millions hidden inside (unknown to Gabby at first though, well, I won’t give too much away.)

After breaking in, they spend a way too large chunk of time debating and arguing with each other, where is the money, how will they find the money, how will they find the mom and the kids and it’s just like, holy shit, these crooks are the most incompetent bunch of thieves I have ever seen.  They make the “Sons of Anarchy” look like rocket scientists.

It’s a thriller and the Gabster flips the script on the ne’er-do-wells, hunting the hunted, performing all sorts of bad ass take downs along the way.

It’s a good premise that needed work.  Questions loom large.  I know many of these flicks come with a required “suspend disbelief” mindset, but mysteries/thrillers usually do require holes to be plugged (phrasing.)

On a more positive note, I try to be colorblind in all facets of my life, so perhaps its blase for me to point out issues of color here, but I’m doing so in what I hope is a positive way.  We need more movies like this.  I mean, with better plots but still, notice that the heroine is black.  The people in peril are a black family.  Mom is hardworking, nurturing mother.  Kids are typical – the boy crazy teenage girl always on her phone.  The bratty younger brother who lives to annoy his sister.

The bad guys are mostly white, with one stereotypical hispanic bad guy thrown in (covered in tats, accent, etc.)

But it’s not a racial story, or a black vs. white story.  It’s just a story of good versus evil, of a family going about their business only to be attacked by incompetent burglars.  Race doesn’t matter.  You root for the Mom to win.  You root for the kids to be safe.  You root for the baddies to pay.  Right is right and wrong is wrong, no matter the races of the parties involved.

Hollywood tends to make a lot of big budget feature films with black leads, but they are often historical in nature – i.e. stories about slavery, oppression, injustice.  All good ways of educating the public but sometimes black people need to take the lead in a good old fashioned popcorn movie.  At no point in this film is race ever discussed.  You go.  You chew your popcorn.  You watch Gabby defeat the bumbling crooks.  That’s about it.

I just feel Hollywood could repair some of the (self-inflicted) damage to its rep as of late by throwing a black actor/actress into popcorn movies like this one.

But then again, what do I know?  I only have a blog with 3.5 readers.

STATUS:  Shelf worthy, but only because it’s fun to make fun of how bad the plot is.  Seriously.  At one point, the crooks debate their plans so much you wonder if they are going to break at podiums and form a model UN.  But bonus points that Christa Miller, aka Drew Carey’s love interest on the “Drew Carey Show” which you have never heard of unless you’re 1,000 years old like me.  Gabby is still a source of boner inspiration, so maybe this will be her comeback.


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