Daily Archives: October 12, 2018

Great Musings of The Twenty-First Century – 401 – 425

man-3391887_1280

#401 – When you want something to pour on your spaghetti, you can’t beat tomato sauce.

#402 – No one flambees anything anymore.

#403 – Help! I’m trapped in a metaphysical box and I can’t get out!

#404 – What time is it?

#405 – Yesterday may have happened yesterday, but today is happening right now.  How will you judge today’s actions when tomorrow arrives on time?

#406 – Do boomerangs really work?

#408 – Suffering is hard.

#409 – The cardinals never take my papal candidacy seriously.

#410 – Call me a bigot, but I’ll never support a marriage between a man, a woman, another man, another woman, a duck, a sheep, an alpaca, an emu, a bucket of rusty bolts, a cactus, three submarine sandwiches, a leopard, a door knob and a man named Oliver.  However, change just one of those variables and I’ll strongly consider supporting it.

#411 – The best day to fly a kite is a windy day.

#412 – Whenever I want to stop my car, I hit the brakes.

#413 – The path of least resistance offers the least resistance.  This is the best path to take.  You never hear anyone extolling the virtues of the path of most resistance, do you?

#414 – I haven’t cleaned out my desk drawers in awhile.

#415 –  Elderberries are neither old nor berries.  Discuss.

#416 – Activism sounds like a lot of work.

#417 – Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.  However, when it is time to do something, then it is not advisable to do nothing.

#418 – Any day I don’t crap my pants is a good day.

#419 – Today’s planted seed is tomorrow’s oak tree.

#420 – You don’t meet many women named Virginia anymore.

#421 – I’ll become an astronaut once space flight is as easy as air travel. Until then, I don’t have the right stuff.

#422 – I have writer’s block.

#423 – The ocean is the wettest thing I’ve ever seen.

#424 – Is there anything better than a fresh sarsaparilla?

#425 – I enjoy good musical stylings.

Advertisements
Tagged ,

Great Musings of the Twenty-First Century – #376 – 400

man-3391887_1280

#376 – Existing isn’t the same as living.

#378 – Grapes are small pieces of fruit.

#379 – Physically, we aren’t able to see what is behind us.  Mentally, we are always looking at the past that’s unchangeable.

#380 – Birds of a feather flock together but kittens of a whisker don’t do much of anything interesting whatsoever.  Sorry I mentioned it.

#381 – Every lacrosse team has at least one Chad.

#382 – I don’t know who I am anymore.  I’m not sure I ever knew in the first place.

#383 – Stars are nature’s glitter.

#384 – One day I would like to learn judo.

#385 – I’d like to make a banjo with nothing but a cigar box, a broom handle, fifteen rubber bands and the assistance of a professional banjo maker.

#386 – I once was lost but now am found. I was in the last place I thought to look for myself.

#387 – Ducks love bread.

#388 – How fast is a light second?

#389 – The other day I was in the dairy aisle of my local grocery store. I picked up a product labeled, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” I set the container down and moved on.  Sorry, but if the manufacturer is unable to believe that the contents do not consist of butter then I don’t know why I’m supposed to.

#390 – I’m going to think of something ridiculously clever and insert it here later.

#391 – Broadband does not include broads and if it did, those broads would not join a band. Discuss.

#392 – Are mole people friendly?  I’m talking about people with moles on their faces, not the people who live underground.  We all know the latter are dicks.

#393 – I love my microwave.  Frankly, whenever I think about how I own a device that can harness the power of the atom just to cook my frozen pizza, I get a little hard.

#394 – If Frankenstein has sex with a lady werewolf, would their baby be a Frankenwolf or a Wolfenstein?  If it’s the last one, would they have to pay royalties to the people who made that video game?

#395 – I bought a dry erase board in the hopes that I would think of something clever to write on it.  My first note on it? “Remember to return dry erase board.”

#396 – Right now, at this very moment, two horny penguins in Antarctica are getting their fuck on.

#397 – Why are people always offering poisoned people antidotes? People, it’s not that hard. Just don’t drink dotes in the first place.

#398 – Whatever happened to Mario Van Peebles?

#399 – Is it a violation to use sidewalk chalk on driveways?

#400 – I’d eat cake at every meal if I could.

Tagged , , , ,
Advertisements