#376 – Existing isn’t the same as living.
#378 – Grapes are small pieces of fruit.
#379 – Physically, we aren’t able to see what is behind us. Mentally, we are always looking at the past that’s unchangeable.
#380 – Birds of a feather flock together but kittens of a whisker don’t do much of anything interesting whatsoever. Sorry I mentioned it.
#381 – Every lacrosse team has at least one Chad.
#382 – I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not sure I ever knew in the first place.
#383 – Stars are nature’s glitter.
#384 – One day I would like to learn judo.
#385 – I’d like to make a banjo with nothing but a cigar box, a broom handle, fifteen rubber bands and the assistance of a professional banjo maker.
#386 – I once was lost but now am found. I was in the last place I thought to look for myself.
#387 – Ducks love bread.
#388 – How fast is a light second?
#389 – The other day I was in the dairy aisle of my local grocery store. I picked up a product labeled, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” I set the container down and moved on. Sorry, but if the manufacturer is unable to believe that the contents do not consist of butter then I don’t know why I’m supposed to.
#390 – I’m going to think of something ridiculously clever and insert it here later.
#391 – Broadband does not include broads and if it did, those broads would not join a band. Discuss.
#392 – Are mole people friendly? I’m talking about people with moles on their faces, not the people who live underground. We all know the latter are dicks.
#393 – I love my microwave. Frankly, whenever I think about how I own a device that can harness the power of the atom just to cook my frozen pizza, I get a little hard.
#394 – If Frankenstein has sex with a lady werewolf, would their baby be a Frankenwolf or a Wolfenstein? If it’s the last one, would they have to pay royalties to the people who made that video game?
#395 – I bought a dry erase board in the hopes that I would think of something clever to write on it. My first note on it? “Remember to return dry erase board.”
#396 – Right now, at this very moment, two horny penguins in Antarctica are getting their fuck on.
#397 – Why are people always offering poisoned people antidotes? People, it’s not that hard. Just don’t drink dotes in the first place.
#398 – Whatever happened to Mario Van Peebles?
#399 – Is it a violation to use sidewalk chalk on driveways?
#400 – I’d eat cake at every meal if I could.
