Category Archives: Movies

Movie Review – Murder On the Orient Express (2017)

God damn.  Hercule Poirot is one bad ass baller.  Kickin’ ass, takin’ names and givin’ free mustache rides.

BQB here with a review of “Murder on the Orient Express.”

New life has been breathed into Agatha Christie’s long lasting tale of murder most foul.

Have you ever been to a murder mystery party?  A series of interesting characters are introduced, someone is murdered, and a wise detective spells out how he cracked the case?

Well, you can thank Ole Aggie for that.  Here, the classic formula is revisited.  In the 1930s, internationally infamous detective/Frenchman/mustache enthusiast Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) boards a train, headed for his next case.

Alas, our mustachioed friend can’t catch a break.  Instead of catching some “Zzz’s” on his trip, he catches a case when of the passengers is murdered.  Yes, murder!  Murder, I say!

Poirot is a cursed genius – a genius because he can focus in on key details that most gloss over, but cursed because this makes life very hard for him.  Most people are able to set aside life’s little flaws whereas Poirot sees disorder and disarray wherever he goes, to the point where it makes him uncomfortable to see a disheveled tie.

Throughout the investigation, he puts the screws to a rogue’s gallery of potential murderers.  It’s a star studded cast with the some pretty big names – Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Dame Judy Dench, Willem Dafoe, Josh Gad, just to name a few.

Overall, it’s a fun walk back into time.  There are some social justice twists for the modern viewer.  The film largely takes place on the train so at times it feels like a play unfolding before your eyes.  Poirot is one of the more beloved characters in the mystery genre, perhaps even in literature, so Branagh has a big score in this role.

God, I remember having the hots for Michelle Pfeiffer when I was a kid, watching her play Catwoman in “Batman Returns.”  Now she likes Granny-ish, though honestly, she’s held up pretty good.  I’d still do her.  Call me, Michelle.

It’s fun, at times a bit dark and gloomy.  The story itself is a master class in how mystery stories are crafted so any aspiring writers out there should check it out.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Die Hard the Best Movie Ever?

Trick question.  It is.  Everyone knows that.

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Movie Review – Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

This movie was a trip…maybe even an acid trip for the eyes.

Grab your hammer, 3.5 readers.  It’s time to review “Thor: Ragnarok.”

Ragnarok.  If you’re an Asgardian, it’s a word that scares you shitless, i.e. the destruction of Asgard itself.

As it turns out, Thor has a long lost sister, Hela, (Cate Blanchett), an evil bitch on wheels who wants to fill the power vacuum post Odin (Anthony Hopkins.)

It’s up to Thor (Chris Hemsworth) to save the day, and he wants to but alas, he’s been marooned on Sicario, a messed up world of slaves bent to the will of the eccentric despot known as the Grand Master (Jeff Goldblum.)

The Grand Master holds gladiator style fights and Thor is forced to do battle with the toughest champion of all, yes – The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk’s better half, Bruce Banner.)

Rounding out the cast is Tessa Thompson as Valkryrie, an enemy the God of Thunder charms into an alliance.  Idris Elba and Thomas Hiddleston reprise their roles as Heimdall and Loki, while Karl Urban joins as Heimdall’s replacement, Skurge.

This movie is the best of all of the Thor films (a series that has been getting progressively better overall whereas I would argue, for example, the Iron Man trilogy starts out strong in 1 but sucks butt by 3.)

It’s a symphony for the senses, an awesome sound track, lots of colors and special effects and even the story line is good.

My one criticism – I wish it had been kept a secret that the Hulk was the Grandmaster’s champion.  I don’t think this is a spoiler because Marvel has advertised that pretty heavily for a long time now.  The trailer shows Thor about to fight an unknown enemy in combat and then he is pleasantly surprised when it turns out to be his ally, the Hulk.

It was a tough call for Marvel/Disney.  It would have been hysterical for me, the way its built up through the movie that Thor doesn’t stand a chance against the mysterious champion, only for it to turn out to be his old green buddy.

On the other hand, Hulk being in the film is a selling point that Disney I’m sure wanted people to know about.  Ironically, there have been two standalone Hulk films since 2000.  Both more or less sucked, but this Avengers version of the Hulk with Ruffalo is solid enough that I wonder if a third standalone might be the trick.  Hulk himself gets some lines and some understanding on the screen here.

Overall, these movies keep building on themselves and the build up pays off.  If you haven’t seen the previous ones, you’ll still enjoy it but it does pay to invest in watching them all as there capitalize on each other.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

 

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Tremors (1990)

Man-eating, prehistoric snakes!

BQB here with a review of “Tremors.”

You know 3.5 readers, even in the early 1990s, people were complaining that movies stink, lack of originality and so on.  The sequel, reboot phase had yet to begin but as always in the horror genre, it seemed like it had all been done before.

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Then Tremors came along.  First, it was funny because the heroes weren’t experts at all.  They were two broke-ass dummy handymen who just happened to stumble across a situation where killer pre-historic worms of immense size were terrorizing a small, southwestern town.  That’d be Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward.

A little bit of knowledge comes to us from college student Rhonda (Finn Carter), there to study seismic abnormalities.  She has some basic theories about the monsters but the dimwitted townsfolk expert her to know everything and view her smarts as worthless since she can’t fully diagnose what the hell these things are, seeing as how no one has ever seen them before.

Like any good horror movie, there are rules.  Kill the zombies with a blow to the head.  Kill the vampire with a stake to the heart.

Here the rules are simple yet they make the movie.  The worms are underground.  They can sense when someone moves above ground.  If you walk on the bare sand they’ll pop out and eat you.  Ergo, the movie becomes quite clever as Kevin and Fred and Co. figure out new and inventive ways to move around without walking on the ground – i.e. pole vaulting across boulders, hiding out on rooftops, riding bulldozers etc.

Michael Gross and Reba McIntyre round out the film as a couple of crazy doomsday preppers.  They’re made fun of for their survivalist ways until an awesome, somewhat hilarious scene in which one of the snake monsters break into their house and the couple pulls off one gun after another off of their walls (more guns than anyone would normally have) and unloads into the beast until they finally destroy him.  Thus, they become the unlikely heroes of the movie as their prepper ways have finally paid off.

“You broke into the wrong rec room didn’t you ya bastard?!”

Gross really shines because up until this movie, he was best known as the mild-mannered, liberal/former Woodstock flower child turned father Steven Keaton on “Family Ties.”  That Gross was able to go from that laidback role to this one (i.e. gun toting survivalist) proved his acting skills.

Funny, I remember seeing this movie in the theater as a kid and I remember having a good time.  It seemed new and different and you know, I was like 11 at the time so to me it probably was.

They’ve made like 4 or more sequels, though the second one is the only one I’ve bothered to watch and I don’t remember much about it.  The rest I believe went straight to video.

It just goes to show that if you are a writer and you are tired of zombies and vampires, you can create your own monsters, just decide a) how they attack b) how the heroes are boxed in and c) how the heroes can fight back.

Fun fact – the girl who is terrorized by dinos in the original Jurassic Park plays a kid terrorized by giant worms here.  Someone decided this kid was only able to be in roles where she is terrorized by giant monsters.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

 

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Zombies and humor.

BQB here with a review of “Shaun of the Dead.”

It’s ironic that this film is a comedy as it has stood the test of time to become one of the must see flicks of the zompoc genre.  It’s probably lasted as long as it has due to the fact that is pairs great writing with humor and heart and overall, the characters are relatable and you really worry that they might become zombie lunch.

Simon Pegg, in the first role I remember seeing him in, plays Shaun, a 29-year-old loser who wants to turn his life around but can’t figure out how.  He’s stuck in a lousy electronics store job that’s meant for teenagers.  His girlfriend Liz (Kate Ashfield) is tired of being disappointed by Shaun’s loser-ness.  His flat-mate is fed up that Shaun keeps coddling Ed (Nick Frost) his buddy who came over for a party once several years ago and then just stayed without offering to pay any rent or even lifting a finger to help around the house.  His Mom loves him unconditionally but his step-dad thinks he’s an epic loser.

Enter the zombie apocalypse.  England has become overrun with the undead.  Finally, here is Shaun’s big chance to save the day and prove to Liz that he is responsible, to prove to his parents and the world that he is worth something.  He takes charge, leading Liz, Ed and friends to safety, but, you know, because he’s an average guy of average strength and abilities, he screws up often and in hilarious ways.

That’s kind of the whole point of the film.  Throughout the movie, various people in the party shit on Shaun, telling him he’s a loser and his plans stink and he’s so dumb that he’s going to get everyone killed.  The situation is an allegory for life.  Some people at least get up and try and yes, they fail when they try.  People who never even try will happily point out when someone who tried failed.  That’s why it sucks to be Shaun.  He’s trying, really hard, and no one around him will try and yet they never pull a punch when it comes to telling him what a loser he is.

Also, awesome scene when Shaun goes up against zombies with an old Winchester rifle (and when the gang beats a particular tough zombie with pool cues to the tune of an old song.)

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Sleepers (1996)

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

BQB here with a review of “Sleepers.”

In the 1960s, four wayward boys growing up in Hell’s Kitchen end up in a reform school where they are abused in unspeakable ways.

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In the 1980s, after “sleeping” or lying in wait for years, they strike against the guards that abused them.  Shakes (Jason Patric), a newspaper clerk, serves as narrator/orchestrator of the grand plan while prosecutor Brad Pitt throws a case to get friends Tommy and John (Billy Crudup and Ron Eldard) off the hook for shooting the most abusive guard, Nokes (Kevin Bacon) in a restaurant in plain sight of multiple witnesses.

It’s a tale that weaves across several decades, proving that pain knows no time limit, nor the desire to settle the score.  While the plan to give the guards their comeuppance is masterful, it is somewhat sad to see that revenge, even when carried out to perfection, doesn’t always heal old wounds.

There is, of course, the moral debate.  Did the guards deserve their comeuppance?  Yes.  Did they deserve murder?  Debatable.  On the one hand, they were terrible people who did terrible things.  On the other hand, we do have a criminal justice system and perhaps the boys turned adults could have exposed their crimes instead.

Rounding out the cast is Robert DeNiro as the priest who stood by the boys in their youth and again in adulthood.  He must make a choice whether or not to lie under oath and it is clearly a choice he does not take lightly.

“The Count of Monte Cristo” features prominently in the story, the Count having once been a prisoner who lied in wait for years before finally getting his revenge.

One thing that struck me is this film has a number of actors who went on to do bigger things but played bit parts in this film.  I can’t think of their names but rather just their later characters.  Bunchy from Ray Donovan is a bully in the reform school, Roger Sterling from Mad Men is an English teach who introduces the boys to the Count of Monte Cristo, Michael from Burn Notice is one of the guards and Bunk from the Wire is a gangster that helps with the revenge plot.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – Desperate Measures (1997)

A sick kid!  A scary killer!  A daring escape attempt!

BQB here with a review of “Desperate Measures.”

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I always thought this film got short changed and deserved more play.  Personally, I think it’s one of the best roles Michael Keaton has ever had and as far as I know, it’s barely recognized.

Andy Garcia plays a cop whose son, Matt, requires a life-saving bone marrow transplant.  That’s right.  The kid will croak if he doesn’t get it.

Well, wouldn’t you know it?  The only person who is a match is none other than Peter McCabe (Michael Keaton) a psycho killer permanently locked up in solitary confinement because he’s proven to be ultra violent and essentially a Hannibal Lector type who can kill a man with his pinky finger unless he’s restrained at all times.

Garcia brokers a deal, getting McCabe to agree to donate his bone marrow in exchange for more prison benefits.  However, McCabe has other ideas.  The viewer watches as McCabe takes a number of mysterious steps and, as we quickly learn, he’s plotted a masterful escape.

From there, the action is intense as McCabe fights his way out of his hospital and later to a car chase.  All the while, Garcia’s goal is to capture McCabe alive, seeing as how his marrow will be no good to his son if he is dead.

Thus, Garcia must get between McCabe and Cassidy (Brian Cox) the cop charged with hunting McCabe down.  Cassidy and other police don’t really give a crap if McCabe lives or dies, they just want him stopped and thus Garcia must play both sides in order to get that marrow to his son.

Keaton is scary in this role.  Yet, there are occasional glimpses of humanity.  Briefly, he takes young Matt hostage and tells him, “I’d of done that for you if I could have, kid” and it’s somewhat convincing that he wishes he actually could have donated the marrow to the boy had his escape attempt not been more pressing to him.

Although, I mean, yeah at the same time the man’s an evil bastard so we can’t pat him on the back too much.  The plotting and execution of the escape attempt, all the details and planning that eventually fold out before our eyes – first, we wonder what is he doing and then it all becomes clear.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – The Wild Bunch (1969)

Guns, titties, and the most gruesome Wild West shootout to ever be caught on film.

BQB here with a review of “The Wild Bunch.”

The Old American West was a villain’s paradise.  There were trains to rob and banks to stick up but little to no law enforcement presence to get in the way.  The Feds just had not invested enough to bring law and order to a lawless land.

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By the early 1900s, that all changes.  The West has become more established.  The government has put up the money and built up enough infrastructure to keep hoodlums at bay.

That’s good news for the Godfearing folk but bad news for Pike (William Holden) and his sidekick Dutch (Ernest Borgnine) who head up a murderous band of cutthroat killers known as “The Wild Bunch.”

These aging gunslingers are relics.  Dinosaurs even by early 1900s standards.  Cars are replacing horses.  Railroads are given more protection and a gunslinger with a six-shooter is no match for an Army man with a machine gun.

In short, the black hat Old West villains are being put out of business but as Pike and Dutch hope, not before they make off with one last score.

These crooks have one in mind.  They hope to rob a train load of guns to sell to a corrupt Mexican general.  However, there are tensions between the gang and Mexican forces that look like they might turn bloody.

Meanwhile, Harrington, a railroad company boss, has sprung Pike’s ex-gang member Thornton (Robert Ryan) to lead a band of yahoos that have dispatched to hunt Pike and his cronies down.  The stakes are high for Thornton as he has been told in no uncertain terms that if he fails to catch or kill Pike, he’ll be sent back to prison.

I have to be honest, I’ve heard about this movie for years and finally found the time to watch it.  I didn’t like, not because it’s a poorly made film.  The action scenes are very well choreographed and the overall message is clear – this is a time when the gunslinger’s days were numbered.

It’s never quite said outright but it is said symbolically.  Pike is a coldblooded killer who lives only for money and is willing to murder to get it.  Gunslingers looked their victims in the eye and knew it was highly possible that their victims might get the drop on them, shooting them before they can get a shot off.

Meanwhile, as Pike and his boys rob a bank, there are a group of kids having a good laugh as they watch a scorpion being devoured by ants and later, they set a fire that burns the ants and the scorpion.  What’s the interpretation?  Men like Pike looked their victims in the eye and watched them die.  Hard but at least there was that buffer – i.e. a man had to be a real son of a bitch to be a killer so hopefully more moral minds would prevail to keep the whole word from erupting into chaos.

However, these bug burning kids would go on to become the World War II generation, inventing contraptions and weapons of mass murder that could be dropped with the flick of a button without having to look a victim in the eye.

When you have to look that victim in the eye, you must really want to kill them.  If you don’t have to look them in the eye, mass killing on an epic scale becomes easier and that’s no good for the fate of the world.

I lost my point.  So while the film carries that important message, I didn’t like it because the characters just were not likable at all.  Pike and Dutch are miserable pricks who’d kill their mother if she swallowed a nickel.  They’re old buzzards with no redeeming qualities and there’s nothing to hope for in them.  You can’t root for them because you know if they win  they aren’t going to become nice people.  They’ll just continue to be miserable, booze soaked, prostitute banging pricks.

Worse, the final scene is, as far as I know, considered to be the must violent in Western history, perhaps even in movie history.  In the midst of it all, Pike calls a woman a bitch and shoots her dead.  Dutch grabs a prostitute and uses her as a human shield, allowing her to take bullets meant for him.  Both men prove themselves to be utterly horrible and you just hope that the Mexican Army takes them out quick and puts them out of their misery.

I do think that was the point of director Sam Peckinpah.  If the early 1900s meant the end of the gunslinger era, then the late 1960s meant the end of the whitewashed, happy go lucky cowboy films of the 1950s.  No more John Wayne saying “Howdy pilgrim.”  No more Gene Autry singing songs and playing the guitar.  No more shoot-outs were everyone misses because here, shots cause bodies to gush blood.  The Old West villains were bad people who took advantage of a bad situation to do bad things and Peckinpah is showing them in all of their terrible glory, warts and all.  They were not to be revered but rather, to be reviled.

Also, and perhaps this is a spoiler but so be it, throughout the film, the idea of a final showdown between Thornton and Pike, i.e. a grudge match between two ex-gang members, is built up and then it never happens.  Seems kind of lame.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy because it shows the grittier side of the Old West.  Technically not shelf-worthy because I didn’t like the main characters although I believe that was the director’s point.

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BQB’s Classic Movie Reviews – 48 Hours (1982)

Guns!  Violence!  Cringeworthy racial slurs!

BQB here with a review of “48 Hours.”

When I was growing up, this movie was a cable TV staple.  Seemed like every so often it was on the TV in the background.  After watching it as an adult, I have different thoughts about it than I did as a kid.

Come to think about it, I’m not sure why Aunt Gertie even let me watch this movie.  Every two seconds someone is either getting shot or there’s a pair of titties jiggling around.  Guns and titties.  Guns and titties.  The first?  Not so much fun.  The second?  Lots of fun.

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But I digress.  Nick Nolte plays the gruff and grizzled drunk San Francisco detective Jack Cates.  Hooked on booze and permanently pissed off, he’s a walking stereotype of a broken down cop.

Two criminals on the run, Ganz and Billy Bear (James Remar and Sonny Landham) have murdered Detective Algren (Jonathan Banks.)  If some of these names sound familiar, it’s because Remar would later go on to play the ghost of Dexter’s father Harry on Showtime’s “Dexter” while Banks would go on to play the great role of his career as cop turned fixer Mike Ehrmantrout on “Breaking Bad” and “Better Call Saul.”

With nothing to go on, Nolte springs fast talking convict Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) from prison, arranging to take the crook onto the streets for 48 hours.  The premise is a little thin though as we learn, Hammond once ran with these bad hombres only to be cheated out of money and turned into the police by them, so he has motivation to want to help Nolte take these bad dudes down.

Cates appears miserable throughout the film.  Reggie appears generally happy and easygoing.  Cates is series.  Reggie jokes.  Together, they are a regular odd couple, hating each other in the beginning, becoming fast friends by the end.

The film has cringeworthy parts when they are witnessed through modern eyes.  Throughout the film, Cates calls Reggie terrible, racially divisive names like “watermelon” and “spearchucker” and “boy.”

At first, I thought these words seemed rough even for a 1980s picture.  I mean, the 1980s were no picnic for race relations but I do recall the general idea of racial harmony and people should get along despite racial differences was in existence.

But then again, with each racial slur, Reggie gives Jack his comeuppance.  At one point, Jack comes right out and calls Reggie an n-word and in my mind I’m thinking, “Ungh this is too much” and then bam, Reggie responds by punching Jack in the face.  Later, Reggie even has the opportunity to break up a bar full of racist rednecks.

Thus, the racial language is hard to hear but there was sort of a method to the madness.  Perhaps the message wasn’t to say this language is good but to show that people who use these words will suffer for it – i.e., call a black guy an n-word, don’t be surprised if you get a deserved punch in the face.

By the end of the film, Cates and Hammond have become fast friends.  Over a drink, Cates tells Hammond he’s sorry for calling him all of these nasty names and adds that he didn’t mean them, that he just said them because he’s a cop and it was his job to “keep Reggie down” i.e. make sure he knew that he was the boss and Reggie was the convict under his supervision.

Reggie accepts the apology but points out, “that wasn’t all part of your job.”  In other words, Reggie is saying he’s willing to make amends but is pointing out that Cates has some racial biases inside of him that he needs to work on and rid himself of to become a better person.  Cates nods in agreement as if to say he realizes – that “it was the job” was an excuse for him not coming to terms that he’s a racist prick.

So honestly, I was torn by it.  To modern ears, these racial slurs are tough to hear.  And from a modern standpoint, these words aren’t used as willy nilly as they used to be (though still more than they should be).

On the other hand, they’re used to show that Cates is a racist prick and that a friendship with a black man causes him to rethink his racist ways.

Sometimes you have to give a movie a chance.  At first, I thought these slurs were just being tossed out frivolously but by the end I realized the movie had a point about holding people to account for their racism.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – It (2017)

Kids, I can’t stress this enough.  Do not talk to sewer clowns.  There’s no good reason for a clown to be in a sewer. Really, it’s just common sense.

BQB here with a review of “It.”

3.5 readers, if you’ve been following the movie news, it was a bummer summer for the box office.  Audiences found Hollywood’s offerings to be little more than a pile of poop and the box office haul was way down.  Maybe it’s because so many entertainment options are available for free or a low price via your smart phone, but maybe it’s also Hollywood just can’t offer anything original anymore.

Ironically, “It” is a reboot of an old TV mini-series based on a book by Stephen King but it feels as original as ever.  It’s well done.  Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t even get a seat last week during opening weekend.  People went in droves to see this movie.

The plot?  A malevolent, demonic spirit has taken up residence in a New Hampshire town for centuries.  Every twenty-seven years, “It” surfaces and causes death, destruction, and murder most foul, terrorizing children and feeding off of their fear.

In the summer of 1989, it’s up to a group of young Generation Xers to summon up enough courage to face their fears and destroy “It.”  That won’t be easy as “It” takes on many ghastly forms, most notably the terrifying visage of Pennywise the Dancing Clown.

“It” knows how to get into the heads of these kids – playing on all of their individual fears, seeking to drive them into madness before killing them.

Oddly enough, the story is butt puckeringly scary.  I’m an adult man yet I’m still feeling chills over the movie a day later.  This is literally the scariest film I have seen I think in, perhaps all of the 2000s.  It’s not just blood and gore scary, though there is plenty of that.  It is also psychologically scary.

At times it is also touching.  It’s a mashup of “Stand by Me” meets “The Nightmare on Elm Street.”

Perhaps King has figured out a formula for when people find themselves facing their worst fears.  At age 13, roughly the ages of all the kids in the movie, a youngster must begin shaking off youth.  They must enjoy being a kid but they must also come to grips that they will be adults soon and can no longer retreat to their parents’ arms as though they are babies every time the world does them wrong.

27 years later, they’re 40 and they face a new fear, namely, that of realizing they are too old to change many of their mistakes, yet young enough that they might still find a little happiness should they see a need to turn things around.  It’s a short window but it’s not impossible.

Not to spoil it but this movie is Chapter 1, which means there will most likely be a Chapter 2 where the adults return to New Hampshire to fight “It” again.  At least that’s what happened in the old mini-series starring Tim Curry as Pennywise and the late, great John Ritter of “Three’s Company” fame as the adult version of the chubby kid.

I can tell you something that scared the piss out of me more so than the killer clown was that this film takes place in 1989.  These kids are just a little bit older than me.  I would have been 10 at the time, perhaps one of their younger brothers.

As the home schooled kid Mike rides his bicycle past a movie theater that lists “Batman” and “Lethal Weapon 2” on the marquee, I was terrified to think how much time had passed.  1989 was such a good summer for movies, those two listed being my faves.  And keep in mind that in the original mini-series/book, I believe the kids were all 1960s kids.

There’s legit terror in this movie but when we walk away and the dust settles on the scary images, we are asked to look at the span of time, how short life is, how hard it is to fix past mistakes, how we really have to try to do things right the first time.

Shit, had I been Pennywise I’d scare these kids just by telling them all that by the time they are 40 and ready to accept a big, well paying job as a reward for their life’s work, it will be yanked out from under them from some snot nosed 20 something millennial who started a multi-million dollar app business on his cell phone.

I know I’d of screamed enough to feel “It’s” fear hunger meter for sure had someone told me that in the summer of 1989.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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