Batman vs. Superman.
The winner? My eyeballs.
BQB here with a review of Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.
SUPER SPOILERS AHEAD.
Have you seen this yet, 3.5 readers?
I want to avoid spoiling too much but this movie has brought to my mind a number ideas about comic movies, Marvel vs. DC, the direction DC is taking, etc. So I’ll probably come back in a week or two (once people have had a chance to see it) and get all spoilery.
For now, let me say this: I don’t think the critics and I saw the same movie.
The critics are up this movie’s butt. It’s too long. It’s got too much going on. It’s too confusing.
I’ll agree there is a lot going on and at times it was confusing…but come on, a lot of movies are. Half the time I go to movies and I’m like “I…uh…wait what just happened? I don’t know. Me shove popcorn into face now and enjoy pretty colors.”
The most efficient thing to do is to respond to the criticisms one by one:
THE PLOT ISN’T THAT HARD TO BELIEVE
We’re humans. We’re suspicious bastards who screw things up early and often due to our paranoia. It isn’t that far fetched to think that if someone like Superman showed up to save us, that we’d immediately suspect he was up to some shit and ruin everything by looking the ultimate gift horse in the mouth.
BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN
He was a worthy Batman. He’s an older, world weary, tired of the bullshit Batman in this one. Affleck allowed himself to be shown with a little touch of gray. That’s commitment for any pretty boy actor.
JESSE EISENBERG SUCKS
Jesse Eisenberg did not suck. He played the part he was hired to play and he did it well. His character was just incredibly annoying, so much so that you wonder why Batman or Superman don’t just bitch slap him into next Tuesday and be done with it.
Sadly, Hollywood has never been able to provide us with a good Lex Luthor. The comics do. In the comics, he’s big, strong, menacing his power comes from his cunning and cruelty.
Here, they basically just had Eisenberg take a spritz of the Mark Zuckerberg role that made him famous and then kick it up a notch. At times his voice is screechy and almost Joker-like, which is a bad idea, as this world already has a Joker.
IT IS TOO DARK
DC Comics are dark. Because…Batman, damn it. To paraphrase Ben Affleck from that other movie he was in (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back), Batman is one “morose motherf&*ker.”
Clearly, DC has seen the success that Marvel has had with The Avengers. There is an obvious market for movies in which beloved superheroes work together. Thus, DC is working its way toward making Justice League movies.
But this path has always been an uphill climb for DC. DC has been making comic book movies for a lot longer. The public knows their characters better. Marvel, on the other hand, had the opportunity to introduce each individual member of the Avengers to the public with their own movies, building up to the Avengers movie.
But we don’t really need another Batman origin movie. We get it. He saw his parents get shot in front of him and became a vigilante. (Hollywood finally gets that here…well, sort of…some suit still decided there needed to be a quick Wayne family massacre scene just in case there happened to be one jackass in the movie theater who didn’t understand why Batman became Batman.)
WONDER WOMAN WAS CROWBARRED IN
She really wasn’t. I found her to be a good addition to the movie and am looking forward to her movie.
TOO MANY TEASERS FOR UPCOMING DC MOVIES
What should they do instead? Make everyone wait until after the credits for a thirty second scene in which Nick Fury recruits someone new?
Although in keeping with my, “DC has the harder path than Marvel” argument…they’ve got a very big challenge in getting people to give a shit about Aqua Man.
“Hi we’re the Justice League. We’ve got an all powerful god man, a Bat ninja, a warrior princess and oh yeah….this shit head who can control fish.”
Holy Shit you suck, Aqua Man. If Jason Mamoa can make Aqua Man watchable he deserves an Oscar.
BATMAN AS PART OF A TEAM
He’s a loner, that’s for sure. And he’s always been out of place in the Justice League world.
We love Batman because out of all the superheroes, he is the most plausible. True, a mega rich buff dude who fights a crazy clown isn’t very realistic…but if you let your mind wander…it is easier to pretend to be Batman, whereas it is not as easy to pretend to be Superman, because being Superman is just totally impossible. If you’re not from Krypton, then you should just stop pretending to be Superman. You’ll never be Superman.
You’ll never be Batman either…but at least there’s a .00000001% chance that you could become Batman.
The Justice League fights aliens and monsters and other supernatural stuff. Batman’s forte as a “realistic” hero is fighting gangsters, mobsters, and psychopaths. That’s why we loved Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, right? Nolan did his best to provide a Batman that was plausible (again, as plausible as a story about a Bat vigilante can get.
But the comics have always addressed that by having Batman being suspicious of his super powered friends. He works with them, but he usually makes back up plans in case they get out of line.
You have to compartmentalize. There’s on his own Batman who uses his training, skills, and money to fight crime…and then there’s Justice League Batman who helps other heroes fight aliens and shit.
BATMAN SHOOTS GUNS
Yes. That was unfortunate. Batman isn’t a shooter. Although it has always been acceptable for him to blow the shit out of people with rockets and guns attached to the Batmobile, Batman has never packed a piece. Technically he doesn’t in this one either….but well, then at one point he does but…ahh just watch the movie.
THE PLOT TURNS TOO MUCH ON UH…TWO PEOPLE KNOWING THE SAME NAME
Shut up, stupid critics. That part was touching as shit.
It wasn’t perfect. But I did enjoy it. And I think it is the start of a promising line of Justice League movies. I can’t wait for Suicide Squad.