Tag Archives: controversy

Feb 23 2018
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BQB Gets Controversial

BQB Gets Controversial #1

Manufactured controversies designed to increase traffic to this fine blog:

#1 – Bunnies eat salad.  Ergo, if you eat bunnies, it’s like you are eating salad.  A cup of bunny stew a day keeps the doctor away.  The logic here is unassailable.

#2 – Everyone who disagrees with me should be loaded into a rocket and shot into outer space.

#3 – Every person in the entire world should be issued one nuclear warhead.  No one will ever be mean to anyone out of fear that the person who is treated poorly will detonate his or her warhead.  Thus, everyone will be nice and a new day of kindness will envelope the world.

#4 – Everyone who is ugly should be put on one island.  Everyone good looking on another.  Everyone will then be happy.  All the ugly people won’t be hassled by the uggos and all the uggos will accept their ugly status and not burden themselves with crazy thoughts like, “But I could improve myself and get someone hot!”  No, you won’t.  You’re ugly.

#5 – Children’s lemonade states should be inspected for all required permits.  I’m tired of pint sized scofflaws circumventing the system.

#6 – “Ninja Certification” should be offered as a valid career path and/or major at every reputable university.

#7 – The “Star Wars” series should end with the smash revelation that Chewbacca is now the Emperor of the Galaxy and that he was just a reincarnated version of uber flamboyant 1960s piano play Liberace with faux fur glued to him the entire time.  After this revelation, no more “Star Wars” movies should be made.

#8 – Military units should be dispatched to track the end of any and all rainbows.  Any leprechauns found should be captured and brought in for questioning.  All pots of gold should be confiscated and the proceeds put towards bringing down the national deficit.

#9 – Flavor Flav should be named Secretary General of the United Nations.  Vanilla Ice should be pope.  From now on, all important world leader positions should be filled by 1990s rappers.

#10 – Prior to marriage, all prospective couples should be required to submit one nude photo of the other, preferably in a hilarious yet embarrassing position, possibly involving funny hats, balloons, and clown makeup, to an impartial arbitrator.  When the prospect of divorce is raised, both parties will be given 24 hours to submit to a reasonable settlement.  Otherwise, the photos will be blasted on social media.  If they submit within the time limit, the photos will be destroyed.

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Jan 21 2018
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Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – I Need to Get More Controversial

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

Let’s face it.  The more controversial your opinions are the more traction your blog will get.

Ergo, here are my most exceptionally controversial opinions:

  • Ducks cause cancer.
  • The Earth is neither round nor flat but square.
  • Flavor Flav should be elected Pope.
  • Ice cream is a superfood.
  • Ferrets should rule the world and we should all bow down to our furry snake-like rodent masters.
  • Batman is a menace to society and should be arrested by Commissioner Gordon immediately.
  • Gay marriage should be banned, but not because I’m against gays getting married but because no one should get married.  Also, marriage of all kinds should be banned.
  • Alternatively, marriages should be treated as contracts with an option to renew after five years.  If a football player can’t decide if he wants to be with his team forever, then if you work out and make a lot of money and become a better person in five years than you are today, you should get an option to find a new spouse, one who won’t fart a lot or spend too much or doesn’t leave dirty dishes and toe nail clippings all over.  Someone who won’t have sex with random vagrants or post inappropriate comments about how ugly your genitals are on social media.  Really, every five years, you should be able to take stock and decide if it’s still working enough to renew for another five years or if you’ve bettered yourself to the point where you can find someone who doesn’t drive you insane.
  • Chimpanzees should be trained to become assassins.
  • One day a week should be ugly day on TV.  Only ugly people should be allowed on television.  News networks will be required to find the ugliest people who just fetch the coffee and have them read the news.
  • The Internet should be cancelled.
  • You are not funny, witty or interesting.
  • Also, your children are ugly and will grow up to be mediocre at best.
  • Anyone who jaywalks should be strapped to a rocket and shot into outer space.
  • Rocket launchers should be passed out like candy.  Everyone will leave each other alone if they know the other person is packing a rocket launcher.
  • College should be cancelled.  When you are 18, you should be required to become a hobo and ride the rails in box cars you snuck into and live like a homeless person for four years.  You will learn more.
  • There should be one day a year where you are allowed to fart on anyone you don’t like without fear of legal reprisal.

Do you have a controversial opinion?  Share it in the comments.

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