Hey 3.5 readers. BQB here.
Let’s face it. The more controversial your opinions are the more traction your blog will get.
Ergo, here are my most exceptionally controversial opinions:
- Ducks cause cancer.
- The Earth is neither round nor flat but square.
- Flavor Flav should be elected Pope.
- Ice cream is a superfood.
- Ferrets should rule the world and we should all bow down to our furry snake-like rodent masters.
- Batman is a menace to society and should be arrested by Commissioner Gordon immediately.
- Gay marriage should be banned, but not because I’m against gays getting married but because no one should get married. Also, marriage of all kinds should be banned.
- Alternatively, marriages should be treated as contracts with an option to renew after five years. If a football player can’t decide if he wants to be with his team forever, then if you work out and make a lot of money and become a better person in five years than you are today, you should get an option to find a new spouse, one who won’t fart a lot or spend too much or doesn’t leave dirty dishes and toe nail clippings all over. Someone who won’t have sex with random vagrants or post inappropriate comments about how ugly your genitals are on social media. Really, every five years, you should be able to take stock and decide if it’s still working enough to renew for another five years or if you’ve bettered yourself to the point where you can find someone who doesn’t drive you insane.
- Chimpanzees should be trained to become assassins.
- One day a week should be ugly day on TV. Only ugly people should be allowed on television. News networks will be required to find the ugliest people who just fetch the coffee and have them read the news.
- The Internet should be cancelled.
- You are not funny, witty or interesting.
- Also, your children are ugly and will grow up to be mediocre at best.
- Anyone who jaywalks should be strapped to a rocket and shot into outer space.
- Rocket launchers should be passed out like candy. Everyone will leave each other alone if they know the other person is packing a rocket launcher.
- College should be cancelled. When you are 18, you should be required to become a hobo and ride the rails in box cars you snuck into and live like a homeless person for four years. You will learn more.
- There should be one day a year where you are allowed to fart on anyone you don’t like without fear of legal reprisal.
Do you have a controversial opinion? Share it in the comments.