Category Archives: Daily Discussion with BQB

4 Books in 1 Year

It’s adventurous and unlikely but I hope to self publish 4 books this year.

Part of the trick is I’m trying to convince myself to be less of a stickler for perfection and churn those books out.

I’ve got covers for BQB’s Writing Prompts, Zom Fu and Zomcation.  I have one more in mind though I’ll hold back at this time.

I probably should have finished the books before ordering the covers but oh well, it makes me happy.

Do you think it is possible 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Death and Children

Well…that’s kind of a scary title for a blog post but don’t worry, I’ll make sense of it in a minute.

A kid from my graduating class at East Randomtown High School died this week.  Late thirties.  I can’t say I was friends with him but there wasn’t any reason for that.  Our paths just didn’t cross that much.  I have memories of being a nice little kid and playing with him at recess and stuff but other than that, I didn’t know him as an adult or anything.

Makes me sad…a) because you never know how much time we have left and b) they guy was in better shape than I am so holy shit, I should probably skip the next donut.

Oh what the hell.  Give me the donut.

Video Game Rack Fighter and I don’t have children.  It saddens me.  Thought I would by this age.

Men apparently have biological clocks too.  I mean, sure, in theory, a seventy year old man can knock up a chick but that’s a) if you make it to 70 and b) it won’t be that much fun to be a dad because you’ll be too tired to play with the kid and c) really, only a select handful of men can pull off impregnating a younger woman.

Ahh, you forgot that part.  A 70 year old man can’t impregnate a 70 year old woman i.e. a woman in his league because her lady area is all dried up and filled with bats and spiders and so on.

Not that I’m knocking the older gals.  I’m sure old men probably just have a little flag that shoots out of their privates that reads, “Thanks for playing.  Try again.”

Anyway, only super rich 70 year olds can woo and knock up a younger woman.  Like our 45th POTUS, the Trumpster, for example.  He knocked up a younger woman when he was 60 and now he has a ten year old at 70.

Good for him, but I don’t own any skyscrapers that I can point to when I’m 70 and say, “Hey, younger women, I own this and I can give you a good life so please allow me to impregnate you and a good time will be had by all.”

That’s exactly how I’d say it too.  I’m such a romantic.

Just saddens me all around.

Because now I’m just thinking like, realistically, even now I’m pushing it and at best I have a couple years left to put a bun in the oven before I’m the oldest baker at the kid’s graduation.

Maybe I should just adopt a bunch of poor orphans and become their father.  I can fill BQB HQ with orphans and turn the place into an orphan sanctuary.

I just don’t want to be forgotten, 3.5 readers.

What say you?

 

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Daily Discussion with VGRF – Should VGRF Get Back Together With BQB and Return His Blog?

Hey 3.5 readers.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

Video Game Rack Fighter here.

Sigh.  I suppose BQB’s love song got to me.  All of a sudden I’m missing his neediness and feeling bad that I have left him with no other place to live other than a tiny motel room where he has to spoon with Leo McCoy, the Man Who Once Delivered a Sandwich to James Van Der Beek.

Then again, if I let him come back he’ll just pee on the toilet seat again.  Plus, I have come to enjoy being a blog proprietor.  And it has been a blast to have custody of you 3.5 readers.

Thoughts?  What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – How to Make Up After a Fight

Sad times at BQB HQ, 3.5.

Video Game Rack Fighter and I just had a big fight.  Terrible.  Awful.  I heard new swear words I had to look up in a dictionary.

I mean, I don’t want to cast blame but it was totally her fault.  I think it is ok to say that in a blog post because only 3.5 people read this blog.

Any ideas on how to make up with a woman who is mad at you?  Until then, I guess I’m sleeping in the Bookshelf Battle Basement with Bookshelf Q. Battledog and the Yeti.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – The Government Doesn’t Have a Space Alien in Captivity

Hey 3.5 readers.

So this post isn’t meant to be a referendum on Trump.  Complain about politics on your own time.

This is a post about aliens, or more specifically, whether or not that US government has one in captivity.

I always figured that if the government does have an alien, they’d probably show it to the president right away.  A new presidents first days are, I can only assume, filled with all sorts of lackies, henchmen, bureaucrats, operatives etc. coming up the the president and being all like, “OK sir, there are few people in the world who know this and we are now going to tell you and it is going to blow your mind.”

So anyway, if we do have an alien, I don’t think Trump would be able to hold back on that one.  He’d totally get on Twitter and be all like, “Just met Meepzorp and boy is that guy’s head yuge!  He’s a really classy extraterrestrial, let me tell you.  All of my intergalactic beings are fantastic.  Hillary didn’t even get to meet Meepzorp.  #sad.”

That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  As a nerd, I never knew if we had an alien or not, but if we did, it would not surprise me, but now I don’t think we do because Trump would have posted a photo of himself with the alien by now.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – I Hate Being Sick

I’m sick, 3.5 readers.  I know, all 3.5 of you admire and look up to me so much that it is difficult to comprehend me as a human being with human problems, but there you go.  It happens.

The weird part is that I would do anything for a glass of cold 7-Up right now.  Whenever I am sick, that’s what I desire the most.  I usually wait awhile until the coast is clear and it looks like I can drink some without shooting it out of my top and bottom like that little girl in the Exorcist.

However, I don’t have any, so when I feel better, I’ll have to haul my butt out to get some.  This reminds me of something I’ve always said during past bouts with the flu, namely, that I would create a stockpile of 7-Up in BQB HQ and have it at the ready in the event I get sick.

Easier said than done though because, come on, 7-Up is delicious and I would just drink up my theoretical stockpile even when I’m feeling good.

Maybe if I keep a bottle under glass and smash the glass only when I’m sick but really, who wants to clean up smashed glass?  Not me.  I’m sick.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Ringling Brothers Circus is Closing

Sad news 3.5 readers, as Ringling Brothers Circus, a longtime American institution, is closing.

Is the circus an old timey thing that just didn’t last in the modern age?  Some news reports say it was the cancellation of the performing elephant part of the show that hurt ticket sales.  That’s too bad but then again I guess I don’t want to see elephants suffer just for amusement purposes.

I don’t know.  Surely in this day of advanced tech, couldn’t they have come up with some other spectacle to keep the audience in their seats?

Will you miss the show, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Should Joseph Fiennes Have Been Cast to Play Michael Jackson?

Hey 3.5 readers.

As an aspiring comedy writer, I have to say that on the surface, a plot in which Liz Taylor, Michael Jackson and Marlon Brando driving in a car together from New York to California after planes were shut down in the aftermath of 9/11 sounds like gold.

I’m not talking about the 9/11 part, obviously.  But Elizabeth Taylor and all her husbands, Marlon Brando eating himself silly and talking gibberish in a depressed tone and Michael Jackson?  Well, I suppose we don’t need to rehash his problems.

Urban Myths is a British TV show that portrays myths circulating about famous people and the casting of Fiennes, a white man, as Jackson has been talked about for a long time.

When I first heard about the casting last year, my immediate reaction was, well, normally you should not have a white man play a black man but Michael was that rare case where his skin color turned white.  Thus, even though Michael was a black man it just wouldn’t make sense to have, say, Ving Rhames or Samuel L. Jackson play him.

But then I saw the result in this Inside Edition clip and, yeah, I am now going to backpedal and say the decision was terrible:

 

Michael Jackson, as a character on film, is a very difficult character to portray.  The man had so many plastic surgeries that by the end of his life he looked like some kind of humanoid space goblin.  Thus, it’s hard to make an actor look like Michael without adding some wacky prosthetics that, let’s face it, are just going to offend everyone.

They just didn’t do a good job here.  The way Fiennes is made up, he looks nothing like Jackson.  He just looks like a white guy with a messed up face.  Cue, “Mike also looked like a white guy with a messed up face” joke here, but whereas Michael looked like a space goblin, Fiennes just looks like a white guy who went a few rounds in a boxing match and lost.

If I were making a Michael Jackson movie like this, the best option I think would probably be to cast a white guy, put a Jackson wig on him or that hat he always wore, and then put those big sunglasses he used to wear and the black bandana thing he wore over his face.  He was a germophobe so it would make sense.  You might cast a light skinned black man but I mean, it’d have to be a really light skinned black man.

Other than that, there’s just no real way to cast Jackson and/or make an actor look like Jackson without offending everyone.

Curious about the whole shebang, I searched for MJ impersonators on YouTube and found a whole variety of dudes of varying ethnic backgrounds who managed to pull it off far better than this show did…so it can be done.

It’s too bad.  Liz, Mike and Marlon in a car together sounds like a hysterical idea, but without handling it properly, the whole thing tanks.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

 

 

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Self-Publishing an Insult to the Written Word?

Ugh.  Publishing elitism.

Laurie Gough recently wrote in the Huffington Post:

“To get a book published in the traditional way, and for people to actually respect it and want to read it — you have to go through the gatekeepers of agents, publishers, editors, national and international reviewers. These gatekeepers are assessing whether or not your work is any good. Readers expect books to have passed through all the gates, to be vetted by professionals. This system doesn’t always work out perfectly, but it’s the best system we have.”

-Laurie Gough, “Self-Publishing: An Insult To the Written Word.” The Huffington Post.  December 29, 2016

I’ll let you read the article yourself but to sum it up, after claiming that she would rather “share a cabin on a Disney cruise with Donald Trump than self-publish” she goes on to explain that good writing takes years of rejection, that it is a self-imposed apprenticeship, that only by going through the gatekeepers is good writing achieved.

Ugh.  OK, on one hand she is correct.  Writing, like any other skill, takes time to develop.  The more you work on it, the better you’ll get.

However, let’s not pretend that “the gatekeepers” are really doing anything to actually help you get better at writing.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, when you submit a manuscript to an agent or a publisher, you’ll get a form letter stating something to the effect of, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

You won’t get a marked up manuscript showing all the mistakes you made so you can improve.

You won’t get a nice letter saying, “You got moxie, kid.  Just do this and this and that and you’re going places!”

You won’t get anyone offering to sit down with you and go over what you need to do to improve.

You’ll get a form rejection letter and that’s only if your submission doesn’t get lost in the zillions of other submissions the agents and publishers receive on a daily basis.

She’s not without a point.  If you do get into the traditional publishing system, there will editors, agents and pros that will help you improve yourself.

But that’s if you get into it.  And as I’ve always said, giving up on self-publishing in the hopes that a lucrative self-publishing contract is on the horizon is a lot like giving up a kiss from a woman that likes you because maybe, just maybe one day Scarlett Johansson might want to kiss you.

She’s correct about how good writing requires a lot of time and hard work.  And if traditional publishing is something you desire, then you should give it a try.

However, who has ten years to wait?  And let’s not pretend that they are a bevy of “gatekeepers” waiting in the wings to guide you.

The writing world sucks.  If you get into it at a young age, there are a handful of success stories where people hit it big early but for the rest, it’s a long, hard slog uphill where you make crap pay and work crap hours in the hopes that maybe, just maybe one of those gatekeepers will hook you up.

Self-publishing lets you make things happen on your own.

Yes, many people are lousy writers who have no filter or ability to comprehend they are crap writers.  They hit the publish button on a pile of crap and then drag down the whole self-publishing industry.

You can’t just whip something out in an afternoon, draw a cover with crayon, then slap it up there and expect to get anywhere.

It just seems like many critics of self-publishing, this author is painting all self-publishers with a broad brush.

And finally, can we just be honest and say that regardless of your personal politics, it would be fun to share a cabin with Donald Trump on a Disney cruise?  The man would probably buy you drinks and cigars and shit.  He’d fill the cabin with hot chicks.  It’d be a party every night.  Order whatever you want and the bill is on him.  He’d bring the family and Melania would wear a different supermodel outfit everyday and Ivanka would give you free fashion advice.  He’d write wacky tweets about Mickey Mouse.  You would surely walk away from the experience with some interesting stories to tell.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Why is January 2 the Saddest Day of the Year?

Because you not only realize that last year is gone but also one day into the New Year is already done.

Time needs to slow down.  Slow your roll, time.

Discuss.  What say you, 3.5 readers?

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