Category Archives: Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – The Eclipse

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, you’ve heard it before, but don’t look at the eclipse.  You’ll go blind and then you won’t be able to read my fantastic blog.  I can’t afford to lose any readers so none of you are allowed to go blind.

Apparently this eclipse is a once in a lifetime thing yet I didn’t muster up enough interest to get a pair of special glasses or make some sort of device with a cardboard box or whatever the heck how that works.

Anyway, be careful.  Save your eyes so you can read this wonderful blog.

 

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Taylor Swift Gets $1 for Bum Grab

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

Taylor Swift has won a legal battle in court against a DJ who she alleges grabbed her heiney. A jury awarded her a dollar and one can assume it’s not that she needs the dollar but that she now has an official court ruling that the DJ is a bum grabber.

Sigh.  Meanwhile I’ve been offering my bum for ladies to grab for years and there are no takers.  They can even keep their dollars.

Discuss.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – The Infamous Google Memo

Hey 3.5 readers.

So…here’s something that happened that sounds like it could be an Onion article.  A Google employee wrote a memo that essentially says Google suppresses different opinions and could benefit from allowing different opinions.

For offering a different opinion, the dude was fired.

I’m worried to even dip my toe in this fray.  God knows it’s never good to get on the wrong side of the PC police.

But it’s just…if you actually read the guy’s memo, he’s actually a) recognizing that lack of women working in tech is a problem and b) offering possible solutions to help bring more women into the tech sector.

For example, he notes that more part-time jobs might help women get into tech.  Women often find themselves torn between career and family.  Part-time jobs could help mothers keep a foothold in the tech industry but still leave them with enough time to be with their children.  When their kids are older, women who worked part-time will have a much easier finding full time employment.

OK this is where you breathe fire on me and tell me “Blah blah blah why should women have to stay home with the kids?”  You know what?  If they don’t want to, then they shouldn’t.  I’m talking about women who actually, legit WANT to spend time with their children but still also work part time and also have a full time job when their kids are older and don’t need as much help anymore.

OK this is where you breathe fire on me and say, “Well why don’t the men stay home with the kids?”  Well, if they want to, they should be able to.  Problem is this.  The women’s rights movement has gone a long way into bringing more fairness as to what society “expects” from women.

If you’re a woman and you want to work, there are more people than ever who will not give you shit for that.  Also, if you’re a woman and you would rather stay home with your children because you think hugging those babies is what life is all about, people won’t give you shit either.  You’ve got options.

There has not been a corresponding shift in societal expectations of men.  If you are a man, you’d better work and be a good provider if you want a woman.  Your ability to attract a woman corresponds to how much money you make, as if you are a human ATM machine and your personality, your mind, etc matters little.  If you stay home with the kids, you’ll be considered a pussy.

But you know what?  More part time jobs might help men too.  Dads could take a part time job and keep their toe in tech while they take care of kids.  Maybe they could do that while their wives work part time.

And then the memo goes on to suggest that some, note, some women prefer cooperative over competitive environments.  Thus, the memo suggests there should be more group projects where workers help one another rather than solo projects where everyone climbs over each other to be number one.

Sounds like a nice environment, doesn’t it?  I’d rather work with someone than against someone.

Keep in mind the memo doesn’t say ALL women want to work part time, that they ALL want to choose kids over careers, that they ALL prefer cooperation over competition…what he’s saying is enough women do that a significant number stay out of tech and if they could receive some reasonable assistance, the number of women in tech would increase.

But all the PC police see is, “OMG!  He said men and women are different!  Get him!”

It just seems crazy to me.  So contradictory.

PC FOLKS:  We’re mad there aren’t more women in tech!

MEMO GUY:  Here are some ideas that might help get more women into tech.

PC FOLKS:  Rot in hell scumbag!

MEMO GUY:  OK I’ve been fired so I can’t suggest more ideas to help get more women into tech.

PC FOLKS:  Boo!  Why aren’t there more women in tech?

What say you 3.5 readers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Why James Bond Should Never Be Female

“It’s time for a female Bond,” according to Chris Hemsworth.

Sure, Thor.  As soon as you step aside from your cash cow and let give your hammer to a lady, we’ll talk.  Go lick a kangaroo butt, dummy.

I’m sorry, 3.5 readers but I feel strongly about this.  There should never be a female James Bond.

Why?

#1 – It’s So Easy for Women to Get the D that a Jane Bond Movie Would Be Over in Five Minutes

Ladies, be honest.  It’s not that hard for you to catch a D.  I mean, we can talk about the quality of the D’s all day but ultimately, even the ugliest, grossest, most snaggletoothed beast of a woman can go out this morning and catch five Ds before sundown, and that’s a conservative estimate.

Don’t believe me?  Start walking up to random men and ask them for the D.  Yes, some of the wiser members of our manly organization will utilize a brain cell or two.  They’ll assume this is too good to be true, that it is some sort of trap, that maybe a random woman asking for D has an unsavory venereal disease…hell, there might even be some good guys who think sex with a stranger is wrong or that they don’t want to cheat on a wife or girlfriend.

Aside from those chumps, many men will be all like, “Sure, I got the D right here.”  And it literally will not matter if you are hot…or if you look like refried poop in the form of Rosie O’Donnell.  There will be men who will be willing to give you the D.

(FYI this is just a rhetorical argument.  You know it’s right.  Please don’t actually go out and ask men for D.  If you do, you assume the risk and we here at the Bookshelf Battle Blog will not be held responsible.  Don’t do it.)

Meanwhile, men, do you know what will happen if you go around asking random women for V?  Tazing.  Lots of tazing.  Your balls will light up like Christmas ornaments.  Oh and also lots of arrests.  You’ll probably ask one woman and then spend the next 48 hours in lockup awaiting your bail hearing.  (So, yeah, don’t actually do it, this is just rhetoric and we won’t be held responsible if you do because…don’t do it, dummy.)

Literally, only a select few of lucky men are able to walk up to any woman they want and snag the V without putting any work into it.  James Bond is one of those men.  In fact, his ability to score any poon in the world is his superpower.  Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound, Wonder Woman has the lasso of truth and James Bond can convince any woman at all to give up the V.

This works to his advantage.  Every Bond film circles around Bond seducing the villain’s woman into giving up information on how to defeat the villain.  Only a man as suave, sophisticated, handsome and wealthy as Bond can fool a woman to give up the V…as well as the villain.

Do you know who can convince a man to give up information?  Literally any woman.  Your ugly stepsister, the fat lady at the DMV, your Aunt Doris, the cashier at Price Town with the hairy puss on her lip, literally any of these women could convince a Russian agent to give up the nuke codes because men will do anything for free pussy, and the pussy doesn’t even have to be high quality.

So, if it is high quality, say a hot actress playing Jane Bond, yeah, that movie is over in 5 minutes.  The hour long scene where James convinces the villain babe to give up the goods on the bad guy is replaced with a henchmen blasting his pants and handing over the codes to Jane before he cries himself to sleep over what a loser he is.

#2 – James Bond is the Ultimate Male Fantasy

He really is.  It isn’t easy being a man.  You have to work hard, pay the bills, help with the kids, take care of the house, do all the heavy lifting…if you’re lucky, your wife might tickle your pickle for five minutes a month if you beg her in a pathetic manner.

We live vicariously through Bond.  When Bond bangs any chick he wants with little effort, just because he’s awesome, and you know, the super hot woman usually feels really enriched from the banging and bangs him even though it means her betrayal means the villain will cause her to meet her certain doom…it’s like we get to live through Bond’s penis.

Seriously.  We can’t get our women to make us a sandwich without being read the collected works of Gloria Steinem.  Bond can convince women to die for his penis.  Please, please, please don’t take our Bond away.  Once every four years we get to experience via cinema what it is like to be a real man.  Don’t take that away from us.  It’s cruel.

#3 – You’re Basically Saying Women Aren’t Good Until They Become Men

The Bond concept is unique but can be copied to an extent.  There’s no reason another film couldn’t be made in which a female British intelligence agent seduces men with her vagina of doom.

However, by turning Bond into a woman, you’re saying women are no good unless they become men.  Bond must die and a woman must take his place.  I don’t agree.  There’s a good story about a female British spy out there.  It doesn’t require ruining Bond.

#4 – Would the Bond formula work with a black Bond?

As long as he’s a handsome black man, yes.  Idris Elba is rich and British.  Idris Elba is handsome.  I would trade places with Idris Elba in a second.  He probably gets more poon in a day then my 3.5 readers and I could get in a thousand lifetimes.  The fantasy works.  I can yearn to be Daniel Craig, pulling in all that sweet, mysterious international tale just as easily as I can yearn to be Idris Elba banging all that dangerous, alluring booty.

However, it doesn’t work with a woman.

You think it does?  I mean, even James Bond has to work at it a little.  You know what Jane Bond has to do?

JANE BOND:  Hello.  I will give you vagina if you give me the codes.

MAN:  OK here are the codes.

That’s it.  I mean, even Bond usually has to like, pretend to be a mysterious businessman and win a round of poker and maybe kill a guy or something before he gets the right introduction to meet the woman he will seduce.

Jane Bond just needs to flash the titties.

#5 – But Women Like Bond and Want to Be Included!

Yes, you poor, poor cuckold of a man.  Your wife told you she likes Bond movies and you took that to mean if the next Bond is a lady that would make her feel special.

Idiot.  While you are fantasizing about being Bond, she is fantasizing about being drilled by Bond.  Your wife will make you do ten hours of chores before you even think about grabbing her by the pussy ala our esteemed POTUS.  Meanwhile, your wife would totally give up the launch codes (and her goodies) to Bond.

Thus, stupid, stupid man, if you pull a Hemsworth and try to be some kind of menstruating male feminist, she’ll hate you for ruining her getting nailed by Bond fantasies.

Conclusion

Stop.  Just stop.  The average man is lucky if he can get a woman to begrudgingly touch his sad little phallus once a month without a big long speech about how much his wife gave up to marry him.

Do not take away the one fantasy we get every four years where we can pretend to be a man who can save the world by getting hot ass spy bitches to go to town on his top secret spy junk.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Comedy Dying?

I caught a bit of “Airplane” (1980) this morning.  Such a funny movie.  Humor for the sake of humor.  Non-stop silly gags.  Things that obviously wouldn’t happen in real life but are there to make you laugh. That’s the whole.

Also, a lot of politically incorrect stuff..

I worry about the fate of comedy.  I feel like everywhere I go, people aren’t laughing anymore.  They are afraid of offending someone and yet there’s the rub.  Every person, every group, every occupation, every individual, every type – there’s humor to be mined out of everyone and everything.

True comedy lovers may get mad when a comedian makes a joke that makes fun of who they are – their particular group, type, etc.  But true comedy lovers will also let that go in order to laugh at the other jokes, jokes that don’t hit as close to home because they make fun of other individuals, groups they aren’t a part of.

America is the melting pot.  We are all simmering in the same stew.  Can we find some humor while we’re in there?  I think it all comes down to motive.  Is your joke meant to make people laugh and have a good time, or is it meant to belittle and make people unhappy?

I see it in what passes for comedy movies these day.  Safe, moderately silly premises that don’t probe, don’t challenge, don’t do anything.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – What if God Was One of Us?

Just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home?

I know it’s a Joan Osborne song from the 1990s but still, it’s a good daily discussion question, 3.5 readers.  What if God was one of us?  Do you think he’d be happy to be one of us or would he be sad?

Discuss.  By the way, if one of you is God, you have to tell me…and if we could talk that would be awesome.  I have questions.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – I May Have Screwed Up My Life

You know 3.5 readers, the one thing I realize as I get older is I regret not doing a lot of shit – shit I didn’t do when I was younger and now if I do it when I’m older, it just seems lame, like giving a participation ribbon to the kid who finished the race five hours after everyone else went home.

Is it possible to pack in a lot of stuff to overcome a regrettable life or is it too late and time to wallow in self-pity and remorse?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Marco Rubio’s Epic Ivanka Trump Hug Fail

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.  As you know, I avoid discussing politics on this fine blog, because whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, I think the most important thing everyone can do is to come together and buy my book and give my blog extra clicks so I can finally buy my long awaited beach house in Malibu and fill it full of women of ill repute and questionable moral character.

Anyway.  Regardless of your thoughts on POTUS 45, you’ve got to admit, the First Daughter is so hot that should could give a bad case of priapism to a eunuch.  (That’s when your little soldier stands at attention  for more than four hours.  Daytime TV commercials advise you to see a doctor at that point.)

Thus, I personally feel for Florida Senator Marco Rubio when he delivered this awkward hug to Ivanka:

Sure, your first instinct might be to think that Senator Rubio is a dope for not just going all in like a man on that hug (Lord knows Bookshelf Q. Battler has never been one to leave a lady unsatisfied in the hug department) but then consider:

  1. He’s a married man.  He probably didn’t want to linger too long and piss off his wife.  “What, dear?  No, I got zero enjoyment out of hugging one of the most beautiful women in the world.  Didn’t you see the photo?  I barely touched her.
  2. She’s a married woman.  You don’t want to get on the Kush’s bad side.
  3. He’s a politician.  Had he lingered too long the media would say he must be warm for Ivanka’s form.
  4. She’s hot so like every second of contact adds another second to the bad case of priapism I assume anyone gets when they come into contact with her – which is fine, under normal circumstances, but in the Senator’s case, he probably had important Senatorial shit to do after that meeting so it’s not like he can walk around all day with a bout of Ivanka inspired priapism.
  5. Ivanka kind of seems so hot that like, the average hug just bounces off her.  Like, you need to be more than just a Senator in order to land your hug because an invisible force field will just bounce your hug right off.  You have to be like the Emperor of Jupiter or an equally sized planet for your hug to go through.  Only hugs from ridiculously impressive men will land.

Later, Rubio lampooned the coverage, joking in a series of tweets that he was “investigating” the awkward hug allegations and Ivanka tweeted “Fake news! Marco Rubio is an excellent hugger.

Anyway, I don’t intend to start a whole political back and forth with this post.  I just thought the photo was funny and I could picture myself in Rubio’s situation, having no idea what to do and feeling like any move is going to get me lambasted so, oh well, here goes the awkward hug.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Rock Band “The Slants”

Hey 3.5 readers.  BQB here.

Interesting story on FOX news today – there’s an all Asian-American rock band calling themselves “The Slants.”  They attempted to trademark their name but were denied by the government on a claim that the term was offensive, racially insensitive etc.

They took their case to the Supreme Court and won.  SCOTUS struck down “the disparagement clause” which keeps offensive terms from being trademarked.

(Sidenote: I’m not here to debate whether or not the term “slant” when used in reference to an Asian is offensive.  A) it is but B) the issue isn’t whether or not the term is or isn’t but whether or not the government can tell a band they aren’t allowed to name themselves that.)

I’m a free speech purist, so I side with “The Slants” on this.  In theory, it may sound great to give the government the power to censor “offensive speech” but offense is in the eye of the offended and once you give the government an inch of power they’ll take a mile of it. Today they’re censoring inappropriate rock band names, tomorrow they will censor political speech as offensive – i.e. “I think Candidate X is wrong on such and such issue” might be deemed offensive and you’d be tossed in the hoosegow for voicing your political beliefs.

Thus, when it comes to free speech purism, you have to rely on the “marketplace of ideas” to sort things out.  “The Slants” may have come up with a clever marketing gimmick to get themselves some play in the short term.  Hell, even I’m not really a fan of using the term “slant” – maybe I’ll have to start calling them “That Asian-American Rock Band” or something.  At any rate, if they want any long lasting staying power, they will have to churn out some super catchy tunes or else the people will vote with their ears.

That’s how this all works, people.  That dude on the street corner wearing a sandwich board that reads “Hitler is My BFF” and ringing a bell gets to do that under the law and that’s the price we all pay to be able to speak our own minds.

Don’t worry about that hypothetical guy with the sandwich board.  The free marketplace of ideas will be regulate him.  He won’t be invited to any fancy dinner parties or getting any positions of power anytime soon.  Let the people decide what speech gets you where, but don’t let the government start picking and choosing who gets to say what.  In the short term, it may spare your ears from having to hear things you don’t want to hear but in the long run, it will eventually lead to you not being able to say what you want to say.

Sidenote – I’d be curious if “NWA” ever had any trademark issues or did they solve the issue by just calling themselves “NWA” and leaving it to the public to figure out what that stood for?  (FYI millenials, I’m not telling you what it stands for.)

Discuss.

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