Category Archives: Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – Young Man vs. Old Man (on Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande)

IF I HAD HEARD ABOUT PETE DAVIDSON AND ARIANA GRANDE WHEN I WAS 20:

“Aw, awesome, Pete! Ariana is so hot man, and she’s famous and rich and whoa man that’s so cool, dawg, good for you, bro.  Man, you’re gonna be chillin in the best hotels, riding in the fanciest cars, doing all kinds of stuff, your life is gonna be awesome, bro.

BUT I HEARD ABOUT PETE DAVIDSON AND ARIANA GRANDE AS I APPROACH 40:

“Jesus Christ, Pete.  Are you sure about this?  God, she seems like she’s going to be a lot of work.  Yeah, no, I know she’s hot and rich and famous but holy shit, the amount of work you’re going to have to do to keep her happy and then there’s no telling if even then she’ll be happy.  Dude, she’s rich.  Famous.  Hot.  She has so many options dude and you know there’s going to be like 10,000 other dudes sniffing around that and she’s going to be all like, ‘Don’t be so possessive, they’re just my friends’ even though you know they’re all going to wanting to be hitting that and you totally know if you ever even look at another chick she’s going to be all up in your grill.  I don’t know, dawg.  It just seems like a lot of work to me.  You’ve got to me on your A game forever.  Forever, dawg.  Seriously, have you considered as less hot chick?  You know I saw this chubby girl with a lazy eye at the Burger King who would totally rock your world, bro and her last boyfriend was a meth head so like, SNL cast member is totally a step up for her, bro.  She’d be totes grateful.”

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Daily Discussion with BQB – “Thanks For Not Raping Us” Column in Washington Post

Ugh.

Check out this column.

You know, 3.5 readers, what passes as journalism these days is abysmal.

I don’t really want to debate the Kavanaugh situation with you 3.5 readers.  Either you realize it was a bag job or you’re too dumb to realize it was a bag job or…oops.  Yeesh.  Thank God only 3.5 readers read this blog.  Anyway, moving on…

I’ve seen so many dumb columns written by women who talk about their own rage and anger over Kavanaugh and how that somehow applies to the men in their lives and I realize I’m expected to weep for these women but I feel like becoming a male Harriet Tubman – freeing these poor men who have to undergo getting kicked in the proverbial nuts in a shoddy piece of writing so their significant others can have their 15 minutes of fame.

Anyway, here’s what Victoria Bissell Brown, an honest to God history professor wrote, along with my pithy commentary.

BROWN: I yelled at my husband last night. Not pick-up-your-socks yell. Not how-could-you-ignore-that-red-light yell. This was real yelling. This was 30 minutes of from-the-gut yelling. Triggered by a small, thoughtless, dismissive, annoyed, patronizing comment. Really small. A micro-wave that triggered a hurricane. I blew. Hard and fast. And it terrified me. I’m still terrified by what I felt and what I said. I am almost 70 years old.

BQB: Hey husband of this lady.  On the off chance that you’re one of my 3.5 readers, please, for the love of god, get up and go!  You’re 70, man.  You’ve put 50 years in with this lady only to get yelled at as some sort of stand in for a frigging judge she doesn’t like.  Sir, you have done your time. Now please, go to one of those brothels outside of Vegas and score some primo strange before you die.

Seriously, man.  You’re old.  You could croak any time.  Don’t let your last experience with a woman be getting yelled at because you are expected at 70 years of age to dawn a superhero cape and literally apprehend all rapists before they even commit rape.  Yes, you must also be psychic and predict when rapists are about to rape and then stop them.  It is not enough that you, yourself, have lived a good life and been a good husband and handled yourself in a moral manner.

BROWN: I am a grandmother. Yet in that roiling moment, screaming at my husband as if he represented every clueless male on the planet (and I every angry woman of 2018), I announced that I hate all men and wish all men were dead. If one of my grandchildren yelled something that ridiculous, I’d have to stifle a laugh.

BQB: Honestly, lady, I talked to my fellow men and we all admitted that women have gotten us to the point where we all wish we were dead too.  Please, by all means, keep yelling us into early graves so we don’t have to be blamed for things we didn’t do anymore.

BROWN: My husband of 50 years did not have to stifle a laugh. He took it dead seriously. He did not defend his remark, he did not defend men. He sat, hunched and hurt, and he listened. For a moment, it occurred to me to be grateful that I’m married to a man who will listen to a woman. The winds calmed ever so slightly in that moment. And then the storm surge welled up in me as I realized the pathetic impotence of nice men’s plan to rebuild the wreckage by listening to women.

BQB: How did she know nice, non-raping men had a plan to defeat rape by listening to women?

It’s true. I’ve been to the man conventions and the man outdoor camping retreats where we sit around the campfire.  There, we roast marshmallows and say things like, “Hey fellas, just so we’re all on the same page, we’re against rape, right?”  And then the men would talk and then we’d be like, “Yeah, and when our wives want to yell at us as stand ins for judges they don’t like we should totally sit there and take it because to try to explain that we are not the judge they dislike seems like it would require a lot of effort.”

BROWN: I said the meanest thing I’ve ever said to him: Don’t you dare sit there and sympathetically promise to change. Don’t say you will stop yourself before you blurt out some impatient, annoyed, controlling remark. No, I said, you can’t change. You are unable to change. You don’t have the skills and you won’t do it. You, I said, are one of the good men. You respect women, you believe in women, you like women, you don’t hit women or rape women or in any way abuse women. You have applauded and funded feminism for a half-century. You are one of the good men. And you cannot change. You can listen all you want, but that will not create one iota of change.

BQB: Dude.  Seriously, husband, if you’re reading this, get the next flight to Vegas because it sounds like the only thing that will make your missus happy will be your balls in a mason jar.

BROWN: In the centuries of feminist movements that have washed up and away, good men have not once organized their own mass movement to change themselves and their sons or to attack the mean-spirited, teasing, punching thing that passes for male culture. Not once. Bastards. Don’t listen to me. Listen to each other. Talk to each other. Earn your power for once.

BQB: That’s pretty sexist, lady.  I’ll have you know my men’s club meets every Tuesday for a brunch of scones with lavender butter while we read feminist slam poetry and talk about how we all wish we could grow our own vaginas.

BROWN: Pay attention people: If we do not raise boys to walk humbly and care deeply, if we do not demand that men do more than just listen, we will all drown in the flood. And there is no patriarchal Noah to save us.

BQB: Is it me or did she just simultaneously diss the patriarchy and then also demand that the patriarchy do something?

She ends on that note.  Honestly, I have no idea what she was trying to say other than husbands who are kind and decent and loving to their wives and cater to all their needs and whims aren’t doing enough and somehow they must stop bad men from becoming rapists and somehow when men goof on each other and slap each other in the ass with towels and engage in bro speak and drink beers and do manly things this is somehow causing men to become rapists.

Is it me or if a man were to write a column about some famous woman who was alleged to have done something wrong and he wrote that he yelled at his wife for 30 minutes as a stand in for what the famous woman had been done, he’d probably have to lock himself in a cage to protect himself from all the angry protesters, am I right?

I have no idea what this column was trying to say other than apparently it isn’t enough for men to be good men themselves and somehow they must be in charge of all men and all I know is that I do my part as I hold weekly tea parties where I invite all the men I know to eat peppermint cookies and hold hands and sing songs about how we will be nice and share all our feelings and emotions because women love it when men tell their feelings and get emotional.

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – College Reform

Hey 3.5 readers.

College sucks.

Let’s discuss some key points.

  1. Never before has a college degree been more expensive in history.
  2. Never before has a college degree been less relevant in history.

You still need one to get into a variety of fields, but honestly, when I add up the cost of my education, I kind of wish that when I turned 18, I’d just gotten an electrician or plumber license and borrowed some money to buy a truck.

I’d be totes loaded now.

Anyway, when I hear courses like “Mating Habits of East Himalayan Tree Flies in 1030 A.D. I want to puke, because such drivel does not help one get a job.

Now, I do understand that colleges and universities are repositories of knowledge.  Thus, I don’t want to tell colleges to ban philosophy or gender studies or any number of majors that aren’t likely going to lead you to move off of mom and dad’s couch anytime soon.

But I feel like everyday I hear about a new, silly course.  And kids take them because they’re young and dumb and just want to party.  And parents pay for it because they assume the kid and the college knows what they are doing.

I just think a lot of these silly courses should be more like extracurricular discussion groups.  You want to learn about ancient monk poetry?  Start a group and read ancient monk poetry together till your heart’s content.

Just don’t dupe kids into taking that shit.  Don’t dupe parents into paying that shit.  Don’t dupe kids into taking out loans for that shit.

Again, I don’t really want to say that unlikely to be profitable majors should be banned.  I do, however, think there should be more discussions with students early on about what they are going to do for work after college.

And, just going to throw it out there.  Jobs are fairly scarce so to graduate quicker doesn’t mean you’re likely to get to a job quicker.  Thus, maybe more colleges should go for the 5 year model where you study for two years, work in an entry level job or internship in your field for a year, then study for another two years.

What say you, 3.5?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – I Am the Last Sane, Smart Person on Earth

That’s the way I feel as I watch the news or gasp, even worse, read social media.

I know everyone enjoys the 5 minutes of fame that can come with being able to carry around a pocket sized broadcasting studio in their hand, but let’s exercise it responsibly, people.

Please, everyone just stop being stupid and start aspiring to be as wise and intelligent and smart as me, BQB.  Thank you.

Daily Discussion with BQB – Jim Carrey Drives Me Nuts

I love Jim Carrey.

I was a comedy nerd even when I was a kid and it was fun to see Jim’s unlikely success in the 1990s, an underdog story come to life.

In the pre-Internet days, your shot at becoming a major comedic actor was either get a gig on SNL or forget it.  Jim was turned down for SNL but managed to get on Fox’s In Living Color.  Fans of the show knew him as the white guy on In Living Color for a few years until he had a bunch of big movie roles right in a row – Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, The Mask, Batman (as the Riddler), Dumb and Dumber, the Truman Show.

Prior to all that, he grew up living poor in a van.  So it was cool to see him make it.  Made it seem like anyone can make it.

But sometimes it makes me sad when celebs do politics. He was on the Bill Maher show recently. I guess he has these strong opinions and he has a right to them, but here’s how I feel when I hear them:

JIM: We need to stop being afraid of the word, “socialism” we need to embrace it.

ME: Others who embraced the word socialism = the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) and the National Socialist Party of Germany (Nazis.)  More recently, it’s led to Venezuelans hunting zoo animals for zebra meat, but sure, let’s give it another try!

JIM:  We need to embrace socialism.

ME: You first, buddy.  Take your millions you made from talking out of your butt as Ace and cut a check to any one of many charities that help the poor.  How many poor kids could you send to college if you cash out your savings? And do you need that big mansion?  How many poor people can you take in?  How many refugees can we put you down for?

JIM:  We need to embrace socialism.

ME: Hey, you know what socialist countries aren’t known for? Paying millions of dollars to a man so he can talk through his butt cheeks in Ace Ventura.  In America, someone says, “Hey we can sell movies of a guy talking out of his butt!” In a socialist country, there is no job for a butt talker.  You just get to dig ditches for 12 hours and then wait in the toilet paper line for another 12 hours.  But hey you could entertain everyone else in line with your zany comedy, until you offend one of the commisars and get hauled off to the gulag because free speech?  Not really approved of in socialism.

ME AGAIN:  I get it.  People worry about the poor.  It’s a good thing to do.  Not knocking it.  And he’s right when he says that if you get sick, you shouldn’t lose your house.  And he was very poor once so he knows a thing or two about poverty…this isn’t the way though.  Socialism has never worked anywhere it has tried and it just depresses me that people still think it will work.  It’s like being that gambler who has been losing all night who by morning has liquidated the kids’ college fund, his 401k and sold his house but is still like “One more lucky roll!”

So I don’t know.  That’s it.  Jimbo has been driving me crazy lately.  Socialism is the “23” of economic systems.  The studios wouldn’t let Jim do another 23, but they’d let him do a thousand more sequels to Dumb and Dumber.  Stick with the hits.  Stick with what works.  Stick with capitalism.  Stop trying to do the same thing that’s failed a hundred times and see if it works again.

Maybe this is just what celebs do as they get older, hoping to stay relevant.  Alysa Milano is on that bandwagon too.  I spent most of the 1990s either laughing at Jim Carrey or rubbing one out to Alysa Milano and now they want to turn America into a socialist craphole.  Very sad.  Very depressing.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – 9/11

It’s hard to believe this was so long ago.  Two, two term presidents have come and gone and a third has been elected already.

I’m not sure the young’uns out there really get it.  We older people look at history as pre and post 9/11.  Sometimes I watch old movies or just even think about the 1990s and think wow, what a happy go lucky time.

I was a tail end Gen X er.  I remember the big complaint of the older people at the time was that everything was too good and there were no wars to contend with so we had all gotten too soft…and the alternate rock of the day reflected that – i.e. we’re so depressed our generation doesn’t have any meaning unlike our parents who had Vietnam and our grandparents who had WWII.

And then 9/11 happened and I think looking back, it was silly that everyone thought that times being good was a bad thing.  Because now it looks like we’ll never see a peace time again, at least not in our lifetimes.

It was the beginning of a lot of this political division.  Reps and Dems came together in the aftermath, but in the years thereafter, they really disagreed on the war of terror and that led to disagreements elsewhere.

And I do think it had longterm bad effects on the economy.  Economic wise, the 1990s were pretty good.  Papa Bush showed off America’s muscle in a quick, get in get out Iraq War and then thereafter, the 1990s were mostly peaceful.

Imagine the economy today if we’d just had 30 years of peace?

Oh well.  I remember when it happened.  I was fresh out of college, sad my life didnt seem to be working out as planned and then, in retrospect, selfishly I said well, now it really won’t get better and it didn’t.

OK yes I know.  I just made 9/11 about me.  That wasn’t my intent.  Who knows what to say?  It sucked.

Thoughts?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Geoffrey Owens Working at Trader Joe’s

Hey 3.5 readers.

Unless you’re old like me, you probably don’t even know who he is.

And honestly, even if you’re my age, you probably didn’t know his name.  All these years, I just knew him as “The Guy Who Played Dr. Huxtable’s Son-in-Law” on The Cosby Show.

Recently, Owens was spotted working at a Trader Joe’s in New Jersey. A photo was snapped of him with a gray beard and a Trader Joe’s name tag and cue the media nonsense that he’s a loser because he once appeared on a TV show and now he’s bagging groceries.

My first reaction is this sucks.  What’s that old saying?  “The best laid plans of mice and men…”

In other words, you pursue your dreams, but you also have to take what life gives you.  Sometimes that’s a role on a popular TV show you’re young.  Sometimes that’s ringing up produce when you’re older.

Look at what often happens to young celebrities.  They’re on a hit TV show when they are young.  Then that show ends and they assume they’ve made it.  The roles will come in, the money will come in but then, boom, for whatever reason, nothing.

Often, all this means is that people loved that person in this one role, but another good role was never found.  These young celebs often end up turning to drugs and alcohol. The idea of finding a straight job ends up feeling like something to be ashamed of.  Worse, if you’re still hoping for more acting work, rumors that you’re working a menial job probably don’t help.

So it sounds like one big crazy cycle of crap.

I can’t think of their names, but the actors who played Chunk on the Goonies and Paul on the Wonder Years strike me as good examples of young actors who knew when to hold em and knew when to fold em.  Both got out of acting and became lawyers.  Both understood that success in one role didn’t mean a ticket to stardom.  Both found something else to do.

In short, there was nothing wrong with Owens bagging groceries.  Really, what’s wrong with it?

Just talking about all actors in general, if you find that acting work isn’t coming your way, why not get a regular job?  Maybe you saved a lot of money from your acting days.  So what?  Get a job at a supermarket because, dude, seriously, what else are you going to do?  Sit on the couch?

Maybe you didn’t save your money, maybe you didn’t make as much as the public thinks you did, or maybe you were very responsible and careful with your money but dude, come on, money made decades ago won’t last forever….whatever.  Who cares?  If you’ve got the time and the acting gods aren’t being kind, then there’s nothing wrong with doing something else.

I guess what I’m saying is be nice to celebrities who get day jobs.  If you go through the drive-thru one day and spot an actor from a TV show you liked years ago, just smile and move on.

And hell, the economy isn’t what it used to be.  There just aren’t enough resources for everyone’s dreams and goals to pan out.  That guy who went to law school and is now bringing you your pancakes doesn’t need your disdain.  That dude who was a multimillionaire stock broker and is now cleaning your toilet doesn’t need your scoffery.

People have to make livings.  People have to keep their time occupied with productive work.  High levels of success aren’t always sustainable so don’t give people crap for doing what they have to do to keep bills paid.

Really, the only time you’ve lost is if you’re capable of doing work and yet you lay down, give up, crack open the bottle, and let all the naysayers keep you down.

And the good news is that Owens got a part in a Tyler Perry TV show though, I mean, just throwing it out there, it is a Tyler Perry TV show so, not gonna lie, a career at Trader Joe’s probably has longer lasting prospects.

Zing! Sorry. Can’t help myself.  No wonder this blog only has 3.5 readers.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – My Crazy Dream

I had the weirdest dream last night.  It was weird both in content and also how the brain can make up these weird stories.  I don’t understand how the brain is basically able to write, cast and produce a movie in your head that it plays inside your brain while you are sleeping.

So here’s the dream.  There was a woman in my neighborhood, she was never given a name, but my brain cast Australian rapper Iggy Azalea to play her in my mind.  Keep in mind this wasn’t Iggy playing herself as a cameo or anything.  It was just a nameless woman.

There is a party at my house.  Why? I don’t know.  In reality, I’ve never had enough people who like me enough to all congregate at my house at one time for the purpose of enjoying my company.  Hell, I don’t even want to enjoy my company.

By the way, none of the people at the party I recognized.  My brain just filled the background with randos.

At the party, the woman played by Iggy cries.  She explains she is under a lot of pressure because her husband has gone missing and the media is doing  sensational stories that imply that she whacked him.  The TV is on and talking about how she probably did him in.  Weirdly, the brain fills in gaps…like I can’t remember what the TV said or who on the TV said it, just a general sense that the woman was being accused on TV.

I go to the kitchen and the woman follows me.  She asks if she can see my bed.  Sigh. Even in my dreams I have zero confidence and so I assume that a woman asking to see my bed has an ulterior motive.

I tell her no but the woman starts crying and gets upset.  She tells me she really wants to see my bed.  I keep saying no.

At this point, I’m not sure if my brain is a hack writer, but either everyone at the party has left or they just disappear.  The woman is getting upset.  She really wants to see my bed.

Perplexed, I go to my bed.  She does not come with me. What could she have wanted to see?

I look around the surface of the bed.  Nothing.

I look around the room.  Nothing.

I lift up the bed.  Her husband’s dead body is wrapped up in a sheet under my bed!

I confront the woman and ask her if she killed her husband and put his body under my bed.  She says no.  I don’t believe her.  I am scared of her now.  I tell her I’m calling 911 and she asks me not to.  I grab a frying pan and somehow I am able to keep her at bay with it.  I just hold the frying pan at arm’s length and this keeps her from coming near me.

I tell the 911 operator the whole story, how my neighbor is a woman accused on TV of killing her husband and that she kept asking to see my bed and so I went to the bed and found her dead husband underneath.  As I do so, the woman keeps asking me to stop talking to 911 because she didn’t do it.

The police come and take the body away.  For the rest of the dream, I start defending myself on a TV news show, I never see the host, just myself on the screen, and apparently my brain has made an assumption that people are accusing me of helping the wife hide the body.

The host asks me didn’t I ever smell the body and I say no I never did.  This is probably again my brain being a hack writer.

The host asks why do I think people are accusing me of being in on it and I tell the host well, I’m a really ugly looking person and so people automatically assume that ugly people are bad, but I wasn’t in on the husband murder or the cover up and honestly, if I was, why would I have called the police to tell them about the body under my bed?

Sigh.  Even in my dream I’m aware how ugly I am and the biases people have against me as an ugly person.

At that point I wake up and that’s the end of the dream.  My brain did leave some plot holes, but still, it’s crazy how in a dream, the mind can come up with an elaborate story.  What was the point of all that?  Why did my brain make that story happen?  What series of brain cells start firing to make this little inner brain movie happen?

Also, why couldn’t it have been a happier dream?  Why couldn’t the woman played by Iggy Azalea have just come over to bang me and live happily ever after?  Why did there have to be a dead husband?  Why did I have to be falsely accused?

Clearly, my brain knows my life is shit.  Ergo, if my brain puts a hot chick at my party, she can only be there as part of an elaborate rouse to frame me for murder and not just because like she wants my junk.  My unconscious brain is literally able to do the calculations in my sleep necessary to conclude that the woman would never be there just to like me and shit.

Oh brain.  What little esteem you hold me in.

Feel free to discuss what you think my brain was trying to tell me in the comments.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Coke or Pepsi?

My take:

Diet Pepsi is better than Diet Coke.

However, regular Coke is better than regular Pepsi.

Neither should be drunk, nor should any soda, because it’s all a form of legal yet highly poison…but that’s besides the point of which is better.

Discuss.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Should Ruby Rose Play Batwoman?

Hey 3.5 readers.

Sigh.  Another ginned up social media controversy.

First, tweeters were angry that Jack Whitehall was cast as a gay character in Disney’s upcoming Jungle Cruise because he isn’t gay.

Now tweeters are mad about the idea of Ruby Rose being cast as Batwoman because she isn’t gay enough.

Whitehall is a straight fan and like yours truly, is a fan of snootch.

Ruby Rose is bi, so to borrow a line from that famous commercial – “Sometimes she feels like having some nuts….and sometimes she doesn’t.”

Crickets.

First, I’d argue that women looking to be empowered shouldn’t look to female superhero sidekicks, which is what Supergirl and Batwoman, formerly Batgirl, are.  Female versions of popular superheroes have always been cash grabs, ways for comic book companies to make more money by rehashing a popular character.  “Oh, you like Batman?  Well, what if Batman has a vag.”

Think about it.  How many Batgirl or Batwoman fans do you know?  The most popular female superheroes stand out on there own, i.e. Wonder Woman.  And no, no one has ever yearned to see a Wonder Man.

Second, I get why they wanted to changed Batgirl’s name to Batwoman, but I preferred Batgirl’s backstory.  Batgirl was Commissioner Gordon’s daughter and a librarian who dons a batsuit to fight crime.  Seems like a way to appeal to book nerds.

Batwoman is a policewoman by day and caped crimefighter by night.  Cool idea but seems redundant.  Seems like she could just work free overtime and leave the mask at home since she has the badge already.

Also, Batwoman is gay which is an interesting development and I, for one, support her right to fight crime and penis.

Crickets.

Third and most importantly, I wonder if people have ever heard of the concept of “acting.”  Yes, acting – that old art form where people get up and pretend to be people that they aren’t.

Have we retired that concept now?  Does every actor have to be exactly what a character is?  Ruby Rose likes vags and peens but she can’t play a woman who only likes vags?  Seems silly.

If we’re going that route, then fire Adam Driver because he can’t really use the Force to make objects fly around the room.  Fire Hugh Jackman because he really isn’t the Wolverine and steel claws don’t pop out of his knuckles in real life.  Fire Robert Downey Jr. because he doesn’t own an actual iron suit that he can use to fly and shoot missiles out of his hands.

I get some of the point.  There are gay actors and actresses who feel discriminated against and for all I know, they are.

However, sometimes moviemakers are privy to the ideas they have in mind and sometimes we don’t see the method to their madness until their work hits the big screen.

Examples?  The public at first widely rejected the idea of Heath Ledger as the Joker.  He was a serious, almost stuck up dramatic actor and surely a comedian was needed to play the clown prince of crime.  However, he had a vision of the Joker in mind and the people who cast him were aware of that and when the movie came out he was the best Joker ever.

People didn’t like the idea of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine either.  He was a Broadway show tune singer.  Surely, he was too happy go lucky to play such an angry man…but he nailed it.

How did a serious man play a funny man?  How did a happy man play an angry man?

ACTING!

In other words, I don’t think, at least in the case of Jungle Cruise and Batwoman, that studio execs are actively trying to discriminate against gay actors.  I think they have a vision of the role and have put in some work behind the scenes to see what certain actors or actresses can do and perhaps know more than we do about how those actors and actresses can fit that vision.

Neil Patrick Harris is gay.  He played one of the greatest womanizers of all time on “How I Met Your Mother.”  Acting, people.  It’s all about acting.

Discuss.

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