Tag Archives: kevin james

Movie Review – Pixels (2015)

Hey parents!  Remember all those video games you loved as a kid?

Well, they’re so old that they’ve become quaint!

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of Adam Sandler’s action movie for kids, Pixels.

Even Pac-Man couldn’t gobble up the oncoming SPOILERS fast enough.

Movie Trailer – Pixels – Sony

Sometimes it’s hard to be Adam Sandler.

He wowed people in the 90’s with hits like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison.  Those are two films that are still quotable today.

(You’ve never told someone something they just said made no sense and everyone is now dumber for having heard it?)

But then he made a slew of lesser films that fell flat and now he’s the point where everyone expects his movies will suck.

To his credit, this one didn’t.

If you’re looking for highbrow entertainment, then you’ll probably think it does.

If you’re a parent looking for a movie to bring your kids to that won’t bore you to tears, then you’ll enjoy it.

As kids, Sandler (Brenner), Kevin James (Cooper), Josh Gad (Ludlow), and Peter Dinklage (Eddie) once competed in a 1980’s video game tournament.

Back in those days, the lads thought the world would one day be their oyster.  Alas, they find life pretty disappointing as adults.

Brenner, who once dreamed of becoming a tech genius works at a Best Buy-esque home TV installation company.  Ludlow has become a wacky conspiracy theorist who still lives with his grandma and Eddie?  I won’t spoil it for you.

The only one who had life go his way was Cooper, but I won’t spoil that for you either.

Needless to say, the buddies who once believed their video game skills were useless in the real world become the world’s only hope when aliens attack using video game warfare.

Turns out, aliens aren’t that bright.  (Don’t tell Alien Jones).

Footage of the video game tournament was sent to outer space as an example of Earth culture in the hopes that friendly aliens would discover it.  Alas, the aliens take it as a challenge and develop real life versions of 1980’s video games to attack Earth.

Completely silly I know, but you’ll enjoy the special effects as Brenner and friends take on Centipede, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong and so on.

There’s plenty of celebrity appearances.  Brian Cox plays a cranky American general and Sean Bean plays his British counterpart.  Michelle Monaghan plays Brenner’s love interest/Army inventor of anti-alien video game technology.

Josh Gad steals the show with his antics until Dinklage steals it from him with his obnoxious, egotistical character.

Q-Bert becomes the Jar Jar Binks of the film but that’s besides the point.

Will you, as once said to Happy Madison, be dumber for watching this movie?  Maybe.  But if you suspend disbelief and silence your inner critic, you’ll be entertained.

But if you can remember a time when arcades were fun and popular, then you might want to skip it because you’ll be left feeling old…unless you’re feeling nostalgic.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

It took the entertainment industry 32 years to get Luke Skywalker back on the big screen.  Paul Blart was back in 6.

Hollywood, we need to have a talk about your priorities.

Paul Blart:  Mall Cop 2 – S

I’m…I’m sorry everyone.

Let’s just put it all out there.  I’m sorry I lost 2 hours of my precious life on this movie.  You’re sorry you lost 5 minutes of yours reading this review.  We’re all sorry.  Let’s just try to get through this, ok?

For those who’ve never wasted their lives, Paul Blart is a mall cop played by Kevin James.  He takes his job seriously, maybe a bit too seriously.  That isn’t easy, as few, if any, have respect for the noble mall cop.

In the first film, Blart saved his mall from a group of highly trained criminals who took control of a shopping center in order to rob…um…the local branch bank.  Ummm….really?  For more criminal masterminds, wouldn’t robbing a mall branch bank be akin to knocking over a 7-11?  I mean, the idea that highly sophisticated ne’er-do-wells would put so much time and effort into…

Nope.  Nope.  Not going to question it.  Just going to sit back and watch.

This time Blart attends the security officer convention in Las Vegas, only to have his daughter kidnapped by art thieves who are really there mainly just as an excuse for Blart to crack the case with his patented “I’m incompetent but somehow I get things done anyway” style.

Here’s the hard part when it comes to busting on Paul Blart – the movie constantly busts on itself.  The folks behind the screen are fully aware they aren’t bringing you high-brow humor.

And it’s not like they tricked you into thinking you’re coming to see something sophisticated.  They didn’t package it as “Shakespeare’s Greatest Hits” to get you in the theater (would that have gotten you in the theater?) and then pull the rug from underneath you and show you Paul Blart.

It’s goofy.  It’s silly.  It isn’t raunchy, life a minute fun like the original Hangover.  When we’re talking about movies you can take the whole family to, Paul Blart is about as funny as it gets.

It has its moments.  Blart gets attacked by various animals.  Blart crosses between two casino rooftops on a zip line.

An attractive female hotel manager provides Blart with some assistance.  The dimwitted Blart mistakes this as a pass, and “shuts her down” with a longwinded speech about how he’s off the market.  She wasn’t buying in the first place, but as the movie progresses, the more he rejects her, the crazier about him she becomes until she’s madly in love with him.

I’m just going to throw it out there – I might try that trick myself.  Attention women of the world, I reject you.

It’s not the worst movie in the world.  It might be worth a rental.  I don’t think you need to rush out to see it at the theater.

Yeah.  I took that bullet for you.  I even wore a disguise so no one would recognize me coming out of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.  You’re welcome.

Status:  Unshelf worthy.  You might watch it once if you’ve got nothing better to do, but as the years go on, you won’t be feeling any sudden urges to return to the world of Blart.

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