Bookshelf Battle

ANNOUNCER: This Fall, there’s a new duo of law men in town:

BQB:  Yeti!  Where did you put the evidence from the Coopatelli Murder investigation?

YETI:  Um, you mean I wasn’t supposed to eat it?

BQB: (Arms folded in a stern manner)  Yeti!

(Cue canned laughtrack)

ANNOUNCER:  You’ve heard of good cop, bad cop?  Try bad cop, hairy cop!

BQB:  Start squealing, stool pigeon, or we’ll run ya’ in downtown, see?

SUSPECT:  I’ll talk!  I’ll talk!  :::Sneezes uncontrollably:::  Just get that big white dog man away from me!  He’s shedding like crazy and I feel like every breathe I take I’m consuming 5 pounds of hair!

YETI:  10 pounds, but who’s counting, comrade?

ANNOUNCER:  They threw out the rule book a long time ago.  These two play by their own set of rules.

CAPTAIN:  (pounds fist on desk) – Damn it, BQB and the Yeti!  Ever since that stunt you two idiots pulled, the Mayor’s been so far up my ass I had to cancel my colonoscopy!  What do you morons have to say for yourselves?

BQB:  I hate Yetis?

YETI:  This bores me.  I must watch more Olga.

ANNOUNCER:  They always get their man…

BQB:  Any last words, punk?

SUSPECT:  It was just a lousy tag on a mattress!  It was itchy!  I’ll sew it back on if it’s such a big deal!

BQB:  Sew this, creep!

(Yeti roundhouse kicks the bad guy upside the cranium).

ANNOUNCER:  And they always get their women…

KATEE SACKHOFF:  Hi.  I’m perennial nerd fantasy Katee Sackhoff and I’m pretending to have the hots for BQB because the network paid me.

SHE-YETI:  And I’m a random extra the network covered with a bunch of sewn together mops and paid me five bucks for the day to pretend to be a she-yeti.

BQB:  That’s some impressive acting, ladies!

YETI:  Neither of you are worthy of licking Olga’s boots!

ANNOUNCER:  Action!  Drama!  Explosions!  Car chases!  Romance!  And a big ass hairy snow beast that just won’t go away!  Coming to your TV this Fall…BQB AND THE YETI: BUDDY COPS!