Ladies and Gentlemen and assorted undead things, the following is an announcement from the management. The Holy Water being passed around is bad. Repeat…it is bad. The Holy Man who blessed it was ordained online from a fly by night church out of Barbados. Totally does not count. Any monster you throw it at will just laugh at you.
And now…ugh, why are you people still here? Haven’t you heard there’s a zombie apocalypse? Oh well, put whatever you’ve got left for Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian!
Hey there all you ghosts and goblins! It’s good to be here on bookshelfbattle.com – said no one, EVER!!! BUAH HA HA!
Seriously, Bookshelf Q. Battler’s audience is really small…
HOW SMALL IS IT?
Thank you, audience! Wow, that was about as spontaneous as my yearly proctologist appointment!
BQB’s audience is so small…a gremlin just called it shorty!
BQB’s audience is so small…even Frankenstein can count how many readers he has!
Yes, my friends, BQB’s audience is so small, WordPress prints his stat reports on…a postage stamp! (And they still have room left over).
But let’s not get hung up on BQB’s low readership when instead, we can thank the fine zombie authors who showed up last week:
Blood Memory, Z-Minus, Swiss Family RobinZOM – hell, this guy has killed more zombies on his pages than Rick Grimes and Michonne on a double date.
S.G. Lee and BQB compared zombie battling advice as well as toy collections. Yes, they are both grown men.
BQB asked the NOLA zombie series author how to become an alpha male. Jeeze, that’s like asking an engineer to teach a chimp how to build a nuclear reactor. In fact, the chimp have more success.
Joseph “Zombie” Zuko stopped by bookshelfbattle.com to help BQB get “apocalypse fit.” It lasted for five minutes and then BQB immediately reached for a box of ding dongs.
The HVZ: Humans vs. Zombies screenwriter stopped by to dispense writing advice to our resident poindexter. Will BQB ever get his act together and write a novel? I don’t know, but word has it that zombies will go on a no-brain diet first. Thanks for educating our resident nerd anyway, Devan.
Armand has written over 150 stories and puts out 2 podcasts. Last week, BQB feel asleep on his couch whilst eating a taco. Let’s hope some of the can-do attitude of these zombie scribes will rub off on our resident nerd.
WHO’S UP NEXT?
TODAY – Rachel Aukes of the Deadland Saga is going to counsel BQB through being stuck locked in a room with his ex-girlfriend.
TOMMORROW – Legendary zombie writer Joe McKinney will talk to BQB about striking a balance between work and writing life, the zombie craze, and why it’s important to stop and smell the roses.
This year, Michael’s a man on a mission. The Thirteen Roses author began 2015 with a challenge to publish 15 books (including works he’s written previously.) He’s been keeping a daily video log of his progress and will talk to BQB about how its going.
A busy mother of four and U.S. Air Force wife, Kate will tell BQB’s 3.5 readers all about her Broken World books. Her claim that she prefers “nerds over hunks” intrigues BQB, causing him to grill her over this claim extensively. Here’s hoping this interview is the victory over hunks that nerds have long waited for.
As BQB’s 3.5 readers are aware, he was once so wrapped up in finding the meaning of life, he actually went on an epic adventure to find it. Thus, he can relate to Peter Meredith, who worked in real estate, as an emergency room nurse, and finally as a lighting company CEO before embracing his true passion, writing. The Apocalypse Crusade author will advise us on finding the calling that brings joy to your life.
Zombies. Video games. Sure, we all love hits like Resident Evil and Dead Rising, but Saul “upped his game” by combining zombies and video games in his Gameland series, in which players actually control the undead and a group of hackers get trapped in the middle of the mayhem. Seen above in Peanuts form, Saul will also give BQB the 411 on how to improve his book blog.
Hey, BQB! Here’s a thought – review a book!
Jeremy Lazlo once attempted the traditional publishing approach, but when a publishing industry intern accidentally hit the “reply all” button and Jeremy received a snarky email in which said intern was joking about how he’d just batch rejected 600 authors, the fruitful self-publishing career of the Left Alive author was born. This marine will give me the lowdown on how to balance writing with everything else that happens in life (motivation that I sorely need) and will answer that age old question – Orcs vs. zombies? Who wins?
Don’t forget to check out BQB’s Zombie Apocalypse Survivor’s Journal, 3.5 readers! I hear this week BQB and the gang actually make it out of the East Randomtown Mall! Will they survive? Will they become zombie lunch? Who knows?