MEANWHILE AT BOOKSHELF BATTLE HEADQUARTERS…
Bookshelf Q. Battledog, Head of Security for BQB HQ
Woof. Woof woof. Woof.
TRANSLATION: Should I live to be a thousand years old I shall never and hopefully will never experience another happenstance as horrid as the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse. The dead arising from the grave, evil beasts in the form of once trusted humans now engaging in that most repulsive activities, namely, the most brutal consumption of human brains. Oh ye wicked cannibals, may you never know the wickedness of your heinous deeds lest ye weep until the end of time and forever more upon the grim realization of the atrocities you have committed as the result of your zombified condition most foul.
Woof woof. Woof woof. Woof! Woof? Woof woof woof woof woof.
TRANSLATION: Truly, an unenviable task is my charge, that of course being the safety and security of the Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, the menacing structure which houses a) BQB’s blogging operations b) his action figure collection and c) most importantly, his magic bookshelf. The latter item provides the most difficult challenge, as surely there are many unscrupulous individuals in the world who yearn to get their unclean hands on a bookshelf that contains great power. ‘Tis a burden I would not wish on my greatest enemy, a lowly cat, let alone myself.
WOOF!
TRANSLATION: Outside, hideous zombies claw at the walls, trying to gain entry into BQB HQ. As a layperson or rather, a laydog, I am uncertain of the science of it all. If a zombie should bite me, will I become a zombie dog? If a zombie bites Video Game Rack Fighter Cat, will he become a zombie cat? If a zombie bites another zombie, does that zombie become a zombie zombie? Fi, oh mine miserable mind, thou surely produceth questions of the utmost import and yet they go unanswered. Despair, thy name is Bookshelf Q. Battledog and yet I must retain my composure and project forth a demeanor of intrepid fortitude for if those who call BQB HQ home learn that even their noble Head of Security is in doubt, then morale shall suffer greatly and all shall be lost.
Nay zombies, move on I say, move on! For as the great Winston Churchill said, “We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them in the air, we shall fight them in the streets, we shall never give up, we shall never surrender!” and while those wise words were made in relation to the Nazi scourge I for one argue that they are equally germane to the zombie menace lurking outside these fortified walls.
Woof.
TRANSLATION: And thus, I must bring this post to an end, for parting is such sweet sorrow. Bookshelf Q. Battler fear not, for thy HQ is in good paws – paws of a canine who pledge to do all within his power to protect your compound and especially your magic bookshelf from the zombified masses.
Godspeed, good sir, for it is now time for you to contact another zombie author.
Woof woof.
TRANSLATION: P.S. I pooped on your bed.
Bookshelf Battle 