REAL NAME: H’awa’lekquar Zalazalazalazalazaladimmadimaballa Koveenomix Tromphilogate Scriblero 17.5 Twanny Twim Twally Bolorolax Bek ZsaZsaGabor Heeka heeka heeka heeka AWOLLAGAX!
NAME HE LETS YOU USE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T PRONOUNCE THAT SHIT: Alien Jones
OFFICIAL TITLE: The Esteemed Brainy One
NICKNAMES: AJ (used by Bookshelf Q. Battler and friends around the turn of the second millennium. Jonesy (used by the bounty hunter he will work with towards the end of the second millennium.)
BIOGRAPHY: After proving his bravery on the battle field, in outer space exploration, and in multiple scientific disciplines, Alien Jones was appointed to the Mighty Potentate’s advisory board, better known as “The Council of Esteemed Ones.” Though the Mighty Potentate has the final say in all matters, they provided the Potent One with the information he requires to make a decision.
Each member of the council is an expert in a particular field. There’s the Esteemed Financial One, who oversees the Rakan Collective’s economy, the Esteemed Medical One, who serves as Surgeon General and then there’s The Esteemed Brainy One, or the being that is so knowledgable that the Mighty Potentate can rely upon him to provide advice on anything.
That position belongs to Alien Jones, and thus he is essentially the second most powerful being in the Known Universe.
Understandably then, the Esteemed Brainy One was none too pleased when he was assigned in 2015 to help BQB advance his writing career. So important was it to the Mighty Potentate that BQB write a novel so fantastic that it would inspire Earthlings to abandon reality television that he only trusted Alien Jones with this sensitive mission.
Internally, Jones disagrees with this mission and views it as beneath him. Often, he views BQB wasting time eating cookies and dancing in his underpants when he should be writing, leading him to question the Mighty Potentate’s claim that BQB is indeed the chosen one.
But he keeps a lid on his doubts because, as we all know, questioning the Mightiest of Potentates is a good way to get vaporized.
Jones has a lot on his plate. In addition to serving as the Esteemed Brainy One and as BQB’s advisor, he’s also a diplomat, explorer, and military operative, leaving him with many responsibilities to juggle.
On top of all that, he’s the author of “Ask the Alien,” a semi-regular column in which he uses his esteemed brain to answer any and all questions posed by BQB’s 3.5 readers.
If you have a question for Alien Jones, leave it in the comments on this site or tweet them to @bookshelfbattle
At this time, Jones has many supernatural powers, such as mind reading and the ability to cast force fields. However, the Mighty Potentate has foreseen that Jones will, at one point in the distant future, anger him so greatly that he will strip the Esteemed Brainy One of these powers, leaving him to earn his keep as a pilot for a down and out bounty hunter.
But that’s not something we early second millennium folks have to worry about.