- 10K Pizza Face Stuff – I’d be a gold medalist and then go pro. No steroids needed.
- The Middle Finger Point – Offend random audience members with a middle finger.
- Mrs. Doubtfire Dash – Contestants dress like elderly women. Whoever convinces dumb children that she is their nanny takes home the gold…also, gets arrested and deservedly so, freaks.
- The Bell Biv Devoe-off – Know that song “Poison?” Of course you don’t. Millennials are the worst. So it ends with, “That girl is poi-son…uh ah uh ah uh ah….whoever holds the “ah” the longest…GOLD!
- The Nap Off – Whoever sleeps the longest.
- The Gas Off – Self-explanatory. Judges rate expulsions from 1 to 10 based on sound, pitch, length of time, and aroma.
- Yodeling – The Swiss would nail this.
- Yodel Eating – I would nail this.
- The Blog Off – Contestants create a blog. First one to attract the attention of 3.5 readers wins.
- Cat Juggling – juggling….of cats!
- Extreme Wedgie-ing – First to pull the opponent’s underpants over his/her head and/or possibly use said undies as a slingshot to launch the opponent to the moon wins…the gold!
- Rubber Band Ball Making – he with the biggest balls wins (in the games and in life).
- Paper Air Plane Construction/Flight – Separate competitions for best plane and longest flight.
- Beer Pong – there isn’t enough beer in the Olympics.
What say you, 3.5 readers? Which rejected Olympic Games would you like to compete in?