Daily Archives: August 27, 2016

BQB’s Favorite YouTubers – QPark

Hey 3.5 readers.

I don’t think this guy has a lot of heat on him yet compared to the other YouTubers I’ve been talking about, but he deserves some.

Very short videos that deliver maximum funny punch for the masses with short attention spans, perfect for tweeting out, sharing on Facebook or what have you.

For example, “When You Look Up Your Symptoms Online.”

Yup.  I’ve been known to suffer a mild affliction only to look it up online and become convinced I have Ebola too.  Good one, QPark.

But what if someone invades your personal space?

Or worse, what if a dude completely violates years of firmly established dude law and uses the urinal directly next to you when there are many other urinals available?

Or how about when someone asks you how your diet is going and you lie and tell them its going great even when you’ve been shoving all kinds of junk food down your pie hole?

It took me a second to figure out what he was doing with the powder and the credit card until I finally realized he was snorting Kool Aid mix as if it were cocaine.  Sigh.  We’ve all chased that fruity flavored dragon before, haven’t we 3.5 readers?

Plus, the juxtaposition of the song from 2000’s Requiem for a Dream (a Darren Aronofsky directed film about drug addiction) with a scene of QPark injecting himself with chocolate sauce tells me this guy knows his pop culture.

Finally, out of all of QPark’s vids, this last one is the one that left me in tears.

Have you ever pooped in a public toilet, had the water splash your butt, and then have that little alarm go off in your head where you start to worry about all the germs that just touched your butt?

I have.  I can’t say that I’ve ever asked a friend to put on goggles and go at my butt with a blowtorch, but public toilet water splashes are still a concern that the media never talks about.

Thanks for raising awareness, QPark.

Keep an eye on this dude, 3.5 readers. He’s going places.

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I Regret Not Starting a Blog Earlier

1371251154I have to say, since I started this blog in 2014, it has been one of few activities I have participated in where the more I work at it, the more I get out of it.

Every week I get more followers.  Those followers stack up over time.  I still don’t get as many views and/or visitors as I’d like, though those figures have increased each year though, leaving me hopeful that they’ll actually reach a high point.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

I don’t recall when I first heard of the term “blogging.”

Had to have been somewhere in the mid-2000s.

It just seemed dumb.

I figured that publications that had a large print following would essentially use their money to take over online.

And to an extent they did but I never realized what opportunities there were for writers to go it alone.

Ergo, I often wonder had I got into blogging say, a decade ago, perhaps I’d have 300,500 readers instead of 3.5 readers.

Oh well.  “If I could turn back time” as Cher has been known to sing in her leather underpants.

Honestly though, and there are more seasoned experts who can correct me but, I’m not sure any of this really became that viable until social media came about, allowing bloggers to post links to their blogs using hashtags of subjects they are interested in or that their posts pertain to.

I hate to admit it because unfortunately I’m one of those people who feels the need to view myself as having the biggest brain in the room, but I never really imagined that social media was going to turn into anything important when it came out.

“Huh” I thought when I first got onto Facebook.  A site that lets everyone discuss their thoughts…and everyone I know has very dumb thoughts…and they all insist on sharing them 24/7.

“I picked my nose!”  #nosecandy

“I ate a tuna fish sandwich for lunch!” #straightuptunason

“My political views are ultimately superior to yours, moron!” #politickinglikeamofo

Long story short, I didn’t get into any of this until 2014.

Would that I could take Doc’s DeLorean to say, I dunno, 2006?  That’s the year Twitter started.  And when YouTube started I believe.  Had I been up to this for ten years I like to think I’d actually be somewhere that involves getting paid for blogging but…oh well, then again, I don’t like to think about things I can’t change.

Don’t even get me started on YouTube.  Being able to buy everything you need to start your own web show at Best Buy?

Sorry, I dated myself.  Being able to buy everything you need to start your own web show on Amazon?

(You whippersnappers still use Amazon, right? )

In summation, budding young artists, creatives, writers, actors, comedians, singers, musicians or what have you literally have no idea, no idea whatsoever how lucky they have it to have all this technology at their fingertips.

Build your audience, 3.5 readers.  Because when I was your age, if you wanted to make it in a creative field, you had to walk twenty miles up a hill just to kiss the ass of the guy who knows the guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy whose cousin’s sister’s uncle’s cousin’s neighbor’s boyfriend’s cat trainer’s donkey pharmacist might, just might know a guy who could introduce you to the guy whose ass you need to kiss just to get an interview with the guy who might be able to help you get your foot in the door.

That’s a whole lot of ass kissing.  A proud man like me just isn’t down for it.

Enjoy the new world, 3.5.  There’s never been a better time to be a creative person.

Except for maybe the Renaissance.  If you lived in Europe you were able to paint pictures of chubby chicks…but even then only 3.5 people ever saw those paintings.

Whoa. I’ve come full circle.

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Search Engine Optimized Poet – Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

:::Bongo Drum Beats:::

Hey there all you hep cats and hep kittens. Come on down to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where the poets always stink and the cups are never clean.

Next on the mic is the one and only Search Engine Optimized Poet…the only rhyme-smith whose beats bring in the Googler’s feets, ya dig?

Chicken! Whoa, chicken!

Why oh why did you cross the road?

Was it to get to the other side?

Or was it to carry a load…

…of eggs.  Your tiny chicken kids.

Soft drink cups come with plastic lids.up-korora-beatnik-800px

Bids.  Its what eBay takes.

Whether you want to bid on old custom cars or a pile of used rakes.

Fakes? Most celebrities are.

I think I’ll head out to the nearest sports bar.

I’m going to order a burrito, a mojito and avoid getting bitten by a mosquito, duh!

Because after all, the zika virus is in Florida.

Home of Disneyworld.

This blog is my outlet to let my poetry go unfurled.

Can it ever be re-furled?

I prefer my cheese to be curled.

Cheese! It is my very favorite snack.

I carry a fifty pound sack of it on my back.

For cheddar in my diet is a staple that I lack.

Crack? Its in your butt or the sidewalk.

What is the chicken doing now?

I don’t know.

That feathery schmuck won’t talk.

 

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