Category Archives: Tomfoolery

In Case You Missed the Message from My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, my spokesperson delivered her message flawlessly and that message is way too important to remain buried under the blog roll.  Plus, I paid five bucks for it.

In case you missed it, here’s my spokesperson again, telling you all the reasons why my blog is so awesome:

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If you think the Oscars are too pretty…

…then tweet along with BQB on #OscarsSoPretty

Don’t forget to root for our fellow ugly person, Michael Shannon for Best Supporting Actor.

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Just a reminder…

…if I can get 3,500 WordPress followers to commemorate the love I have for my 3.5 readers by following my amazing blog, then I will celebrate by hiring this chainsaw juggling man to provide a celebratory chainsaw juggling video.

You people aren’t following fast enough.  Get your priorities straight.  It’s like you don’t even want to see a man juggle a chainsaw, for crying out loud.

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If I Get 3,500 WordPress Followers…

Hey 3.5 readers.

So it has come to my attention that it is possible to hire a dude on Fiverr who will literally record a video of himself juggling a chainsaw with the name of your website written on the saw.

God bless you, Internet.

At the time of this post, I have 2,068 WordPress followers.  When I get to 3,500 I will hire chainsaw man to make a video and post it here.

So…hit that follow button.  Tell your friends.  3,500 WordPress followers = super awesome chainsaw juggling video.

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And Now a Word From My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

You know, this March will mark the third year anniversary of this fine blog, and though I love you all,  I must admit that in all of this time I have been sitting back and wondering when one of you readers would get off your shiftless, lazy hides and record a video testimonial of my greatness.

Seeing no such incoming video testimonials, I turned to Fiverr and found this delightful spokesperson, who was happy to educate the masses of my astounding brilliance.

In conclusion, this was the best five dollars I have ever spent and had I known it was possible to get women to say nice things about me by paying them I would have started doing it a long time ago.

Thank you, spokesperson.  That was an awesome testimonial.  In all humility, I truly deserved all of those wonderful compliments.

Meanwhile, this was my first time using Fiverr and I recommend it.  There are all sorts of talented folks waiting there to help you do awesome things with your website, blog, business, etc. so check out Fiverr.com

And finally, my spokesperson did such a fantastic job that I’ll give her a plug.  If you have a gig you’d like to throw her way, you can check out Stayingvintage on Fiverr.com

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How to Get Rich Quick

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

People always ask me, “BQB, is there a way to get rich quick?”

I’m not sure why people ask me this.  I have holes in my underpants, for crying out loud, do I look like John D. Rockefeller or something?

Hard work.  Patience.  Sticking to your goals.  These are, in general, the often cited and well respected ways to get rich over a long, long period of time…usually such a long time that by the time you get your hands on that money you’re too old to enjoy it and you end up croaking and leaving it to your spoiled children who, let’s face it, won’t appreciate it.

But, ok.  I get it.  You want money now.  NOW!

So, I’ll level with you.  There is a way to get your hands on big time money at a young age, for doing very little work.  Zero risk.  Ultimate reward.

I’ll share this secret with you now, 3.5 readers.

If you want to learn how to get rich quick, click here.

 

 

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BQB is Back!

Wonderful news, 3.5 readers.

My special Valentine’s Day song moved Video Game Rack fighter so much that she took me back, allowed me to return to BQB HQ and has returned my glorious blog to me.  Also, she returned custody of you, my 3.5 readers.

Thank you for sticking with us during this tough time.  Every couple has their ups and downs, but it’s nothing but up from here on out.

Also, having to spoon with Leo McCoy in the Random Motel for warmth was truly a low point of my life.  Please don’t tell anyone.  This should be fine as only 3.5 people read this blog.

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Hello…Is It BQB You’re Looking For?

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Dear Video Game Rack Fighter,

Your old ex-boyfriend BQB here.  I know our divorce agreement called for me to be shot out of a cannon aimed directly at the sun if I ever post on this fine blog ever again, but it’s Valentine’s Day and I can’t help myself.

These past few weeks spent spooning with Leo McCoy in the Random Motel have really provided me some perspective, namely, that I love you and also that I won’t even pee in the toilet anymore so as to avoid causing a fight due to poor aim.  I will just pee outside with Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog from now on.

Anyway, I met Lionel Ritchie at the Random Motel.  He was staying there because, well, he doesn’t have much to do lately.  He helped me write this love song in your honor.  Hope you like it:

Hello…Is It BQB You’re Looking For?

I’ve been alone with you inside my HQ
And when Leo McCoy spoons me, I don’t know what to do.
I sometimes use the Yeti as my throw rug on the floor.
Hello, is it BQB you’re looking for?
I can see it in on the blog
I can see it in the web hits
You want to go back to your video games.
You don’t want none of this.
And I want to tell you so much, I love you.
I long to see you turn on your gaming system.
And watch you kick back with a game of Car Thief Mayhem.
But all I do now is tell Leo McCoy, “No!”
Hello!  I don’t want to spoon with him no mo!
Cause I wonder what Bookshelf Q Battle Dog is up to.
Is he being a good dog.Is he watching over you?
Tell me how to win back my blog, it would be a miraculous feat.
But let me start by saying…I’m sorry I peed on the toilet seat.
Hello
Is it BQB you’re looking for?
Cause I wonder about my 3.5 readers, and what is on their minds.
Are they still even reading this blog?  Are they tired of this grind?
Tell me how to win back my blog, oh that would be a miraculous feet
But let me start by saying I’m sorry I peed on the toilet seat.

P.S. Also I love you and so forth.

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Photo of an Adorable Guinea Pig

Hey 3.5 readers.

VGRF here.  Will you look at this photo of this adorable guinea pig?  What a cute wittle piggy wiggy!

Now I want to fill BQB HQ with a million guinea pigs.  Also, I want to turn this blog into a cornucopia of cute pet photos.

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What a Super Bowl

Hey 3.5 readers.

Video Game Rack Fighter here.  So, never turn off a Super Bowl thinking it is all over.  Lesson learned.

Not that I care anyway.  “Ooo.  Sports.  Yay, I sports better than you.  No, you sports better than me.  No, I’m the best at sports.”

Who cares?

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