Daily Archives: September 14, 2018

The Last Driver Garage!

Hey 3.5 readers.

You didn’t get to be this site’s first 3.5 readers. That’s fine.  Few recognize genius in its early stages.

Toilet Gator: The Blog! already has 3 readers.  It’s not too late to become the .5th reader of that fine site.

Meanwhile, check out The Last Driver Garage

You can be the first 3.5 readers of that site.  It’s to promote my upcoming serial.  For the near future, I don’t expect to do much on either of the new blogs, but I think it will be good to establish a little web presence.

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Toilet Gator: The Blog!

You probably missed out on the chance to become the first followers of bookshelfbattle.com

That’s on you.  You’ll never get over that epic fail.  I understand.

Don’t make the same mistake twice.  Be among the first to follow Toilet Gator: The Blog!

Burt Reynolds Retrospective

Burt_Reynolds_1991_portrait_crop

“What I wouldn’t have given to smell his finger.” – Noted Blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler on the crushing loss of the notorious ladies’ man, Burt Reynolds.

Hey 3.5 readers.

As all 3.5 of you know, I am in a funk most of the time.  But one of the things that legitimately has me bummed lately is the death of noted tough guy actor and legendary poonsmith Burt Reynolds, tragically dead too young at the age of 81.  Oh, what more great movies he could have made.  Oh, what more foxy ladies he could have pleasured.  Why God, why?  Surely he deserved to live to be 100.

Now, I don’t know the exact figures, but here are some rough estimates of some BR related figures:

Number of Ladies He Pleasured: 9,091 (that’s just with his mustache when he gave free stache rides.  Most mathematicians are in agreement that the amount of vag he got busy with is incalculable by modern metrics.)

Number of Honest to God Legit Roles That Could Have Gotten Him An Oscar That He Turned Down to Do More Car Race Movies – 10,025.  Well, probably not that many.  OK, that’s a little high.  I only know of one.  He turned down the Jack Nicholson role to do “Stroker Ace” about a NASCAR driver and Jack went on to win the Oscar but damn it, Burt loved him some car chase movies.

Number of Car Chase Movies He Made – Roughly 40 million.

Anyway, like most artists, you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone and damn it, Burt was a macho, manly son of a bitch that you just don’t see around anymore, thank you, feminists.  Thanks a lot.  Shit. I’m going to grow out a feather duster on my lip right now in protest of Amazonian masterhood.

Whenever I get a chance, I’m going to wow you with some Burt posts and when I have some free time to relax, I’m going to watch some of Burt’s greatest hits and review them for you, because, and listen men, I really men this, we have got to get our balls out of the mason jars that the womenfolk have put them in and be manly men again.

Do you have a favorite Burt movie?  Discuss in the comments.

PHOTO CREDIT: Alan Light, used via Creative Commons.

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