#351 – Whenever I’m hungry, I talk to my two best friends: Al Dente and Al Fresco.
#352 – Do fish fart? How would you ever know?
#353 – Women love to fight over me. Actually, they fight over who gets me, as in, “You get him! No, I don’t want him, you get him!”
#354 – I’d become a CIA spy but it sounds like a lot of effort. Would I get any credit for being a CIA janitor?
#355 – I feel pretty and witty, but gay is a longer conversation.
#356 – Newspapers do not publish news nor are they printed on paper. Discuss.
#357 – When you’re smilin,’ the whole world smiles at you, not with you.
#358 – If I could change my name, I’d be Rod Halitosis.
#359 – Gold may be shiny but it’s hard to carry in your wallet.
#360 – I looked inside a turtle shell once. The little guy was running a sex disco in there. I was never same again.
#361 – Pencils have erasers so you can fix your mistake and fill the previously erroneous response with the correct answer. It’s as if the wrong answer never happened. Pens do not have erasers, so you must scratch out and obliterate the wrong answer and leave a massive scar on the paper. You might write in the answer but the memory of your failure will always be there. Are you a pen person or a pencil person? Decide.
#362 – I don’t know where I am.
#363 – If you don’t live life, life will live you.
#364 – Bulls are always horny.
#365 – I am against cuckery and all it stands for.
#366 – Everyone is ugly…except me.
#367 – I prefer jelly and peanut butter sandwiches to the alternative.
#368 – I don’t know what I don’t know. I don’t even know what I do know.
#369 – I was Zeus in a previous life.
#370 – A pillow is like a bed for your head.
#371 – Whenever I need to shrink my boner, I watch The View.
#372 – I keep raisins in my cookie jar and cookies in my salad crisper.
#373 – I would like to visit Guam.
#374 – A good potato never hurt anything.
#375 – Angry is the way of the gnome.