Ahh, the mustache. They were all the rage in the 1980s. Imagine the thought process. “Sure, I’ll shave my cheeks and chin but damn it, my upper lip must be clothed in manly hair!”
Nowadays you have a better chance finding a public pay phone than you do a dude with lip fur. That’s lame, says I. I’m bringing back the ‘stache. Who’s with me?
From Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters in Fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why You Need a Mustache:
#10 – You can be like Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck, or his alter ego Magnum, was never without poon. 1980s women digged hair so much they wanted to see it on their man’s lip while he was talking to them.
#9 – Keeps your lip warm. You want a frostbitten lip? Fine, then shave. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
#8 – “Free Mustache Rides!” I’ve never tried that line on a lady, but I have no reason to believe a lady would find that to be not amusing. (The Bookshelf Battle Blog is not responsible if you try this line on a lady who finds it not amusing.)
#7 – They make you look smarter. It’s like you spend so much time studying you don’t have time to shave your lip.
#6 – You can get a mustache comb, the greatest of all combs.
#5 – You can wax it. Who doesn’t want to wax their facial hair?
#4 – You can curl it at the ends. Just don’t tie a damsel in distress to the train tracks a la Snidely Whiplash. That is frowned upon. Also illegal and uncool, bro.
#3 – Your face is too cool to hide behind a beard, but your lip needs a little something.
#2 – Because you can grown one, so why not?
#1 – Nothing says, “I’M A MAN!” like a good mustache.