IF I HAD HEARD ABOUT PETE DAVIDSON AND ARIANA GRANDE WHEN I WAS 20:
“Aw, awesome, Pete! Ariana is so hot man, and she’s famous and rich and whoa man that’s so cool, dawg, good for you, bro. Man, you’re gonna be chillin in the best hotels, riding in the fanciest cars, doing all kinds of stuff, your life is gonna be awesome, bro.
BUT I HEARD ABOUT PETE DAVIDSON AND ARIANA GRANDE AS I APPROACH 40:
“Jesus Christ, Pete. Are you sure about this? God, she seems like she’s going to be a lot of work. Yeah, no, I know she’s hot and rich and famous but holy shit, the amount of work you’re going to have to do to keep her happy and then there’s no telling if even then she’ll be happy. Dude, she’s rich. Famous. Hot. She has so many options dude and you know there’s going to be like 10,000 other dudes sniffing around that and she’s going to be all like, ‘Don’t be so possessive, they’re just my friends’ even though you know they’re all going to wanting to be hitting that and you totally know if you ever even look at another chick she’s going to be all up in your grill. I don’t know, dawg. It just seems like a lot of work to me. You’ve got to me on your A game forever. Forever, dawg. Seriously, have you considered as less hot chick? You know I saw this chubby girl with a lazy eye at the Burger King who would totally rock your world, bro and her last boyfriend was a meth head so like, SNL cast member is totally a step up for her, bro. She’d be totes grateful.”