Great Musings of the Twenty-First Century – #451-475


#451 – Why do boys get to do all the scouting?  Why isn’t there an organization for Man Scouts?  Look, nothing against boy scouts, but if I ever need some serious scouting to be done, I’m going to call on some grown ass men to do it.

#452 – If European, then I’mmapoopin.’

#453 – There are countless alternative versions of ourselves spread out across an infinite number of competing timelines.  Ergo, it stands to reason that someone, somewhere, found this book funny.

#454 – If the piano man has to sing us a song, does the singer man have to play the piano?

#455 – Who is the idiot choosing to use a sponge over paper towels?  Do you have any idea how many germs collect in sponges?  Yeah, I said it and I don’t care what the sponge industry thinks.

#456 – I need to clone myself so I have someone to talk to.  Another me is the only one who would ever understand me.

#457 – Groupthink is nothing to worry about.  At least, that’s what the members of my “Everyone in My Demographic/Age Range/Sex/Gender/Religion/Occupation Club/Geographic Location/Political Party Club” told me during our recent ice cream social.

#458 – Like a bear, I eat a lot out of concern I may not be able to find good food later.  Unlike a bear, I neglect to do the part where I just sleep through the entire winter and decline to eat anything.  In conclusion, I’m fatter than a bear and not as intelligent.

#459 – When it comes to bodily hygiene, I’m for it.

#460 – I told my doctor he’s a quack, but he called fowl.

#461 – Don’t patronize me unless I start a business.  Then patronize my business.

#462 – Frozen yogurt is just trans-ice cream.  Discuss.

#463 – So much ennui, so little time.

#464 – I didn’t enjoy my tour in Vietnam.  Remind me to fire my travel agent.

#465 – I’m such a Samantha.

#466 – I wish time had stopped forever in 1999.

#467 – I tried once. I didn’t enjoy it.

#468 – I’d like to become a falconer.  Does anyone know where I can find a reasonably priced falcon?

#469 – I don’t even know where to start.  Do you?

#470 – Vacations make me want to take a vacation.

#471 – I’m not made of musings, you know.

#472 – Will there ever be a rap version of Amazing Grace?

#473 – Donuts are neither dough nor nuts.  Discuss.

#474 – The waiting room is next to the doing room.

#475 – A stadium full of puppies would be adorable, but where would one acquire so many puppies?










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