#451 – Why do boys get to do all the scouting? Why isn’t there an organization for Man Scouts? Look, nothing against boy scouts, but if I ever need some serious scouting to be done, I’m going to call on some grown ass men to do it.
#452 – If European, then I’mmapoopin.’
#453 – There are countless alternative versions of ourselves spread out across an infinite number of competing timelines. Ergo, it stands to reason that someone, somewhere, found this book funny.
#454 – If the piano man has to sing us a song, does the singer man have to play the piano?
#455 – Who is the idiot choosing to use a sponge over paper towels? Do you have any idea how many germs collect in sponges? Yeah, I said it and I don’t care what the sponge industry thinks.
#456 – I need to clone myself so I have someone to talk to. Another me is the only one who would ever understand me.
#457 – Groupthink is nothing to worry about. At least, that’s what the members of my “Everyone in My Demographic/Age Range/Sex/Gender/Religion/Occupation Club/Geographic Location/Political Party Club” told me during our recent ice cream social.
#458 – Like a bear, I eat a lot out of concern I may not be able to find good food later. Unlike a bear, I neglect to do the part where I just sleep through the entire winter and decline to eat anything. In conclusion, I’m fatter than a bear and not as intelligent.
#459 – When it comes to bodily hygiene, I’m for it.
#460 – I told my doctor he’s a quack, but he called fowl.
#461 – Don’t patronize me unless I start a business. Then patronize my business.
#462 – Frozen yogurt is just trans-ice cream. Discuss.
#463 – So much ennui, so little time.
#464 – I didn’t enjoy my tour in Vietnam. Remind me to fire my travel agent.
#465 – I’m such a Samantha.
#466 – I wish time had stopped forever in 1999.
#467 – I tried once. I didn’t enjoy it.
#468 – I’d like to become a falconer. Does anyone know where I can find a reasonably priced falcon?
#469 – I don’t even know where to start. Do you?
#470 – Vacations make me want to take a vacation.
#471 – I’m not made of musings, you know.
#472 – Will there ever be a rap version of Amazing Grace?
#473 – Donuts are neither dough nor nuts. Discuss.
#474 – The waiting room is next to the doing room.
#475 – A stadium full of puppies would be adorable, but where would one acquire so many puppies?